“HE LOOKED AT HER THE WAY ALL WOMEN WANT TO BE LOOKED BY A MAN.”

 

He is new. The library is a paradise, her paradise. It’s the escape at three in the morning when she can’t stand to be in the same bed as someone she doesn’t love. She picks up the remains of her tattered life, picks up the red gown, the stained jewelry, and slips on heels that she doesn’t need. There is no turning back. She runs into the wilderness of the city, leaves her sins with the man who won’t remember her name, and hides in the yellowed pages of literature.

 

Except, she has never seen him before. The library is abandoned at three. The librarians see her and they know her as the morning-after, the morning that has yet to come. She dons her most beautiful self and the workers sneer at the smears of her lipstick, the smudged eyeliner, and the bra straps that continue to fall. It’s their favorite game, she presumes. But when she tries to find The Great Gatsby, she finds him. A man who leans against the shelves as though he owns the world. There’s a crown on his head. He doesn’t want to be mistaken as prince. His suit is untucked, his white shirt hangs over his slacks, his tie is loose, and his hair resembles clothes flung around at night.

 

He looks up from the book he’s reading, Siddhartha, and looks at her. The look on his face resembles the one that the women at the counter would give her any night. The dark eyes judge her sinful ways, inspect the damage on her body, and return to reading. He has an opinion about a woman he has never spoken to. It’s typical.

 

Her fingers touch the spines of each and every book until it reaches to Fitzgerald. There is still a lipstick swatch inside. She opens it. The markings on the side still the same. Eyeliner annotations and lipstick highlighters. Her vandalism isn’t new. The library is practically hers. She hides her black heels in the nonfiction section, and finds a spot in the international fiction to read about the green light and the extravagant parties that Gatsby holds in his chateau.

 

Every now and then, the king sneaks glances in her direction. She’s the single green light and he has nothing more to do than to watch it beat on in the night. (Whenever she looks up, he has the same smile she imagines Jay to have in the story.)

 

The clock strikes five and before the sun rises, she puts away her makeup smeared book, throws away her heels and disappears. The man disappears at seven, trails behind the red gown, trails behind the print on the book that he has yet to read.

 

 

 

“Generous, I’m sure,” she speaks. Her voice is a lullaby. People of the other side enjoy the superficial compliments she spills. They love watching her laugh whenever a joke she’s heard is used incorrectly. They fill her glass to the brim with champagne. She dilutes it with water. A drunk heiress isn’t becoming.

 

They ask if she has married yet (no, not yet, but would you like to do the honors), if she has found a business to partner with (ah, my father wouldn’t want to hear such nonsense at an event like this), or if she knows she’s as beautiful as the rumors say (and how trite it is). What she lacks is intelligence and practicality. At twenty-six, she would be better off with a man. A man who could raise her company to new heights is what they want. It’s demanding. She tugs on her pearl necklace and pretends she doesn’t know what the world is expecting from her.

 

“Ah, Miss Im, would you accompany me?” she hears. She spins away from her conversation to see Lee Donghae smiling at her. It’s not the first time she will be following him into the dark. His gold wrist cuffs shine under the chandeliers and she smiles with her wretched red lips. She wraps her hands around his arms, and follow him upstairs. (She hears the giggles from the others, but she doesn’t care. Lee Donghae has had no better woman than herself.)

 

He kisses her, tells her he loves her, and continues the chain of nonchalant exchanges. At first, he is kind and soft with everything he does. A touch of warmth as he s her dress, leaves his lips on her shoulder blades. This is what love feels like. He doesn’t unclasp her necklace. He takes everything else off: the champagne dress, a pair of lace gloves, her glittering heels, and the lipstick she applied so carefully.

 

“Make love with me tonight, Yoona,” he whispers when he gently places her onto the bed. He is gentlemanly, kind, and everything she’d want in a lover. They have . She wakes up at two to get rid of his stench. The water strips away the filth. She finds herself vulnerable because Lee Donghae is a light sleeper and there have been times before where he takes her hand forces her back on the bed. He tells her to stay. But tonight, he had too much to drink, tonight he wears himself out, and she puts on her champagne gown without any kind of urgency.

 

 

 

It is her escape. She runs away into the library again. The person at the counter smiles softly at her. Her sophisticated bun has turned into a waterfall that softly cascades past her shoulders. The labyrinth of her facades waste away and she finds herself in search of  The Great Gatsby once again.

 

The king from before holds it as a septer. He thumbs through the caked pages. At four, she finds him once again. He smears her eyeliner notes and she’s dumbfounded when he looks at her. The same judgemental eyes she was used to when she enters her own heaven. Angels are still as sinful as humans on Earth. He opens his mouth, but she disappears, hides herself with books that are stories that she has yet to remember. She picks up Siddhartha and starts highlighting passages with her beige lipstick.

 

The king reminds her of Siddhartha. A man who has no true faults, no real worries, a man who has nothing more than religion that he faults in. A person who yearns for a spirituality that has yet to complete him. It’s too bad that Hesse didn’t follow the rules of Buddhism. She finds herself more distracted by the man, who falls into the river and revives again.

 

(She highlights one passage and only one passage that night: I have always thirsted for knowledge, I have always been full of questions.)

 

He eyes her pearl necklace. It leaves an indent in her skin.

 

 

 

“Miss Im, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

 

Her eyes widen when she approaches a man who will potentially own half of her own company. He’s tall and fair. He has a face that others would be proud of. A man of his physique would make all the women quiver. They shake hands and she can feel the electricity run through her spine. He is no ordinary man. It makes her tremble. It’s the smile that keeps her guard up. (It reminds her too much of greed and wealth.)

 

“I’m Ok Taecyeon. I’m sure you’ve met my business partners.”

 

She’s never been skillful at reading between the lines, but she knows with that look of lust, he’s heard of the prowess she is. A good woman at is a goddess of some sort. He is a demigod and she has no desire to be around someone lesser than her. Her breathing quickens whenever he touches her. The rumors that spread in such a business never ceases to amazes her.

 

“Mr. Ok, what a surprise! I’ve heard such great things about you,” she compliments. Her artificial smile is a dead giveaway that she rather not place her fear in him, but Taecyeon is as intelligent as the lot of them. Reading has never been a favorite pastime for their kind. They exchange formalities. In hushed tones, she can hear the growl in his voice. The names he lists are familiar to her. (Kim Kibum, a man who was married yet left purple on her collarbones, Nichkhun, a boy so sweet in love yet so passionate with , and Lee Donghae, a man she used to love.) It’s obvious that he knows what kind of person he wants. However, she is not a person of his needs. The force around her wrist is enough for her to give up on her facade.  

 

“Mr. Ok, if you would like to discuss our business matters, please plan to do so after this party. I don’t intend to be speaking about our merge when you are a half-drunken fool,” she firmly states. (The tipsy bubbles have long sobered and she is no fool.) He breaks her gold bracelet and spits his apologies. It’s revolting, but she rather surrender thousands than to be at his side. This makes her vomit more than any of the other men she has slept with.

 

 

 

The woman is there earlier than expected. The librarians are surprised when she appears with her head held high. Her makeup is still in glitters and gleams. Her black dress is still in one piece and her white heels aren’t thrown off into the international fiction section. There is no morning after in her walk or in her speech, she greets the librarians with her charming personality and continues to stride among the books. He appears once more. Siddhartha gives her a surprised look. At midnight, he is the only one to appear. But she swings her arms behind the man, searching for Lord of the Flies. His hands are still wrapped around her copy of The Great Gatsby. It frustrates her only a bit.

 

“You have some fairly interesting annotations.”

 

She doesn’t say a word, instead, walks away with her head in pages that he’ll never read. Boys, who decide to kill the beasts instead of killing the instincts inside them. It applies to real life. A conch that disappears into the ravine, and he finds her interests in words more intriguing than her disdain for him.

 

Her handwriting in the novel is beautiful for something that is easily so illegible. Each one is paired up with a motif he has yet to understand or comprehend. There are names he recognizes when she points arrows to certain characters. He looks away from it and stares at her. She’s a Daisy of some sorts, but when she looks at him, there’s nothing more than a child’s savagity in them. It’s a look that no one gives him. Hidden behind an ocean of books, he watches her and how delicately amazing she may be.

 

Something churns in him.

 

 

 

She is surprisingly not the one they speak about tonight. In her white gown, she hears about something else. Ok Taecyeon runs off with Kwon Yuri and decides that they will be merging their companies together. Eyes after eyes look at her. They whisper in case Mr. Ok’s partners are searching for new gossip to tell him. Her eyes glaze over Miss Yuri’s great smile as she playfully hits Taecyeon’s arms.

 

“What happened when he was with you, Miss Im?”

 

Ok Taecyeon forces a smile on his face as Miss Yuri continues to tease and laugh. This is how she's always been. This is how people love her.

 

“You know how these men work. I said no.”

 

The females around Miss Im start to surround her. They ask how she could resist such a handsome devil (Ok Taecyeon looks at Miss Yuri as though she's a child), and they continue to talk as though he's a god worth worshipping. (He looks in her direction. The look of desperation replaces his look of want from a week ago.)

 

“He's worth billions.”

 

Wealth has always run high in these games. It’s not news to her. They objectify people as things with price tags. Mr. Ok seems to be begging with his eyes for her help. As sadistic as Miss Im may be, she is no villain waiting for his fall.

 

“And my company is worth eight trillion. Your point is?”

 

They quiet down. Her silver heels make a confident noise as she struts towards Ok Taecyeon. She wraps her arms around his muscular arms and grins as Miss Yuri brightens up. The man does the same.

 

“Yoona! I knew you were right about Taecyeon. I shouldn't have doubted you. Thank you so much,” she thanks with a smile. His grin disappears almost immediately as he hears what Miss Yuri utters.

 

“As long as your company are still partners with mine, there really is no need for thanks. The two companies only complemented each other,” she smiles. She can feel his muscles tighten around her grip.

 

“I own 17% of your company now,” she whispers into his ears. The color drains from his face. It’s benign fun. The other woman takes her hand and they disappear into the night, a bounty full of drunken laughter and humor.

 

“He's a bloody fool!” Yuri cries out loud when undos her bun for long curls. “Almost a day after the social, he comes to my company and asks for such an agreement! Ah, these heirs are such es,” she continues.

 

The woman laughs out loud. It’s empty and hollow, but it's a laugh nonetheless. Being friends with Yuri is looking through a mirror. She's just like her. They're twins, but Yuri is innocent while she is indifferent. Yuri comes to life while she kills the others when she feels the need to. The gasps and exclamations are too much for her soul. She refills her champagne glass. The empty laughter fills the air once again. It’s brutish and possibly tiring. For once, Yuri doesn’t seem as innocent as she looks.

 

They exchange looks and the thought formulates. As though it’s second nature, she comforts her. The laughs become louder and more obvious as the night progresses into dawn. (Yuri’s cries have long been disguised.)

 

Yuri falls asleep around two. She stays instead of leaving a piece of herself behind. Sometimes, it’s painful to be the person she is. Whenever she looks at Yuri, her sweet smile still on her face, she has to wonder if this is the path she has to take.

 

 

 

“I’m Shim Changmin.”

 

He becomes a familiar face after consistent weeks of invading her library sanctuary. There is no validation or sound that leaves her lips. She disappears before he can even finish the last letter of his name. It’s only the mere act of breathing that indicates she even heard him.

 

He continues to read the annotations in her copy while she picks up the last copy of Julius Caesar. It’s marked up from someone else’s writing. Scrawled handwriting runs on the side of each page. It highlights favorite monologues, it circles obscure words that most people do not know, adds a definition and scribbles more into each line.

 

Names become characters of the story, each one familiar to her. She looks up from her play to see those dark eyes look at her once more. It intrigues her. Someone that is a part of that world  yet has no interest in it. What secrets could be hidden? She scratches out who Brutus is and replaces it with his name. Then replaces Caesar’s name with her own. Instead of putting the book away, she leaves it in plain sight. When she goes home for the night, he realizes this is the only symbol he’ll ever truly comprehend.

 

 

 

“Miss Im Yoona? She’s perhaps the only one who consistently shows up to these parties. I’m surprised your lonesome self decided to appear,” a colleague explains. He finds the names of familiar people there. They all laugh politely. They all look around for someone who could be better or raise their reputation. He remembers the relationship charts she writes in her books. It’s almost amazing to see how well they fit.

 

Shim Changmin knows it is unusual for him to engage in these social events. Standing alone, he is worth trillions. However, there is one who is indisputably richer than him. His eyes roam toward the woman in indigo. There’s a proud grin on her lips as she talks to Kim Jaejoong about their prior engagements. The man touches her, and she laughs as kindly as she can. It sounds like broken glass, but it’s a laugh he’s used to. The rich often can’t differentiate fools’ gold from real gold.

 

“Miss Im Yoona?” he asks. She spins delicately on her heels to face him. When he finds her in the library, she seems tamed and beautiful. In that moment, she’s as wild as any heiress should be. Her smile continues to be a potential mistake at any given moment.

 

“Mr. Shim Changmin?” she asks. It’s as though the nights in the library become nothing to her when she slips into the world of make believe. Her tone has an inkling of curiosity, but more importantly, her voice is light and carefully constructed as she speaks. “I see you decided to attend for once,” she finishes. She smirks before grabbing onto Kim Jaejoong’s arms.

 

“Do you know Changmin?” Jaejoong asks. Looking back at the smirking young man, she nods her head.

 

“He’s worth a few trillion. Most of his work goes unnoticed. He’s well bred and well read,” she smiles. There is silence. How does she know such things? “Ah, don’t be such a downer, Mr. Shim! It’s a party, at least pretend you enjoy it,” she finishes. His intense gaze doesn’t scare her. It becomes habit to stare at him. His eyes that leave nothing to hide. Im Yoona has a world to hide.

 

Jaejoong s her then, tells her not to worry because he’ll take care of everything, and she almost bursts in laughter at the thought of it. Kim Jaejoong can barely run his company. He could barely take care of her own needs and wants. She doesn’t wait for him to fall asleep to disappear at midnight. Instead, she giggles. The hilarity that Jaejoong believes she’d choose him is almost embarrassing. The company is bound to go bankrupt and she wouldn’t be the one to steal it all. She’s a chooser and never a beggar.

 

“You’ll love it in my mansion,” he promises.

 

She has to stop herself from laughing. Jaejoong is blind.

 

 

 

Changmin stares at her as she enters the library, throws her heels into the nonfiction section and wanders aimlessly in the literature section. She picks up Lord of the Flies once again. Her indigo gown still appears regal on her lithe body. Her hair cascades once again.

 

“Kill the pig. Cut . Spill her blood,” Yoona recites. It’s the first true words he ever hears from her lips. Unlike the champagne induced smiles and the rabid words she uses, her voice is hard and cold. There is no emotion behind her voice. She laughs heartlessly as Changmin continues to gaze at her. “Cut ,” she repeats. Im Yoona carries herself with a regal demeanor. When the eyes of the forgotten judge her, she continues to beat without rest. A judgement is nothing more than an empty opinion without evidence. The first few words he ever hears from her lips are those of murder. However, he isn’t terrified.

 

 

 

 

In the coming of weeks, Kim Jaejoong loses all his money. It’s bought by the one and only Im Co. She doesn’t steal the company, Kim Jaejoong burns it to the ground and Miss Im picks it up. The look she gives Changmin when he appears at the next gala is almost frightening. It’s a visual “I-told-you-so.” (She cut the pig’s throat.) But as quickly as the glance appears, it disappears. He tries to speak to her once again, but she waves him away for Lee Donghae.

 

(It’s the first time he’s ever seen her smile so brightly before.)

 

Apparently, Lee Donghae is engaged to Jung Sooyeon. Yoona exclaims as she hears the news. Her face lights up. Donghae tells her he’d rather have her than Sooyeon. He tries to coax her into breaking off the engagement.

 

“I love you, Yoona,” he whispers in the bedroom. It reeks of and sorrow. “Didn’t you love me once?” he asks when he s her once more. Donghae’s desperation almost makes her swoon. His bright eyes and sweet lips bring themselves onto her. She moans as he leaves his marks on her body. This part has never been theirs.

 

“When I was worth only millions, you would never love me,” she whispers. “How the tables have turned,” she scoffs. She kisses his disbelief away. She forgets she has ever seen the tears on his face. She hears the cries of a fool then. In her own way, this was how she said I love you. He realizes too late that he loves her.

 

The girl loses her smile and when he wakes up in the morning, he understands why she never stays with him.

 

(Changmin watches as she adds Donghae’s name underneath Brutus’s.)

 

 

The rumors are true though. Im Yoona loved Lee Donghae when she first appeared to be making millions. (Caesar once trusted his life to Brutus.) As the tale is being recited, her smile never leaves her lips. Instead, she bites her thumb at Changmin. Lee Donghae takes her soul for a bit, each and every night, they would disappear into the dark. (Brutus is at war with himself.) She’d quietly tell him of her love for him. Yoona laughs at a joke that Choi Siwon tells. (Brutus decides to kill Caesar.) Donghae tells her that he’s to be engaged with someone else and if they were ever to meet again, she’d have to merge with his company. Siwon invites Changmin into the circle. (Caesar’s spirit haunts him.) She doesn’t and finds herself owning two percent of Donghae’s company then twenty-three in almost two months. Donghae stops coming to the parties.

 

“You two would make a lovely couple,” Siwon comments. Changmin’s eyes flicker towards Yoona’s. She only hides her laugh behind her hands and slaps Siwon. Changmin isn’t opposed to it. Yoona shakes her head.  

 

“Though, I would be happier if you were my husband,” Yoona jokes. It burns . It’s a terrible lie and only Changmin seems to be able to decipher the truth from the lies. Everyone around them laughs at it. Though Siwon is interested in such an engagement. It’s only important to write the words. It’s up to the reader to infer what else there could be.

 

“Ah, besides, Im Yoona is too beautiful for someone plainly as me.”

 

“What a compliment, the most handsome and eligible bachelor believes that I’m too beautiful for him?”

 

“It’s only the truth. Why don’t believe me?”

 

The heiress turns quiet at the comment, but she smiles fakely. The others around them don’t seem to notice the exchanges they have. When Siwon asks her to accompany him, she finds herself following him out of disbelief. The truth is more painful than she’d like to admit. Changmin catches her lie.

 

 

 

 

“The best thing a girl can be is a fool, a beautiful little fool.”

 

“You’re awfully more intelligent than any of the new heiresses around these parts.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Changmin seems confused that she could ever respond to him cordially. It’s the fourth phrase he has ever heard from her. The bubbliness of her character disappears and in return, she is a Gatsby to be worried about. She has no lies to hide. Her sins are hushed whispers whenever she enters the room. The decision to even speak without precision seems out of character, but she looks at him, and he realizes this would be the only time she would be complimented for her intelligence.

 

“Have you met a potential marriage partner?” he continues to ask. Yoona has yet to pick up a book when he asks her that and without a distraction, she utters a no. “Do you plan on marrying?” he continues. He follows behind her as she tries to find a piece of literature to read. She carefully picks up The Good Earth. She shakes her head. He can’t manage to get anything else out of her because she sits down and reads.

 

Changmin believes Yoona looks the most beautiful when reading. Her hair cascades. The light hits her at the right spots, her breathing, (exhales and inhales), rock the to rhythm of her interest. Her eyes soften only when she reads, and the stars have yet to find anyone more beautiful to compare to. She takes his breath away and she doesn’t seem to notice. She leaves another book for Changmin before fumbling with the pearl necklace and the cash in her wallet.

 

 

Several of the heirs go bankrupt when he comes to the next event. There has been talk that it’s Yoona’s doing and while others quiver in fear, Changmin places a hand on her shoulders and she smiles at his company. The others seem to see the knife that he has in his grasps, but Im Yoona doesn’t really care. Instead, she pokes fun at Changmin’s bad investments and he laughs whenever she tells him a story about people she used to know.

 

“I told you.”

 

“But this wasn’t your fault.”

 

“True, but men go greedy.”

 

It’s a roll of the eyes. Her sharp tongue and her glares are often what accompanies her when they appear in the library. She counts the number of heirs that suddenly disappear from the parties. It’s not her fault. Bad investments, stocks fall, and people lie. Deceit is a game that they all play and some are better at it than others. Logically, this doesn’t matter to Yoona. Emotionally, it’s all gone now. Yet somehow, she accepts Changmin into her sanctuary and forgets about the knife.

 

 

 

“Im Yoona is notorious for being the last known heiress with those men. Due to the fact that her mother rose to the top the same way. She slept her way with a heir then another. An idiot really, she didn’t have much intelligence, but when she found out that she was pregnant with Mr. Im’s child, she rose there and kept her place there.”

 

Changmin stares at Im Yoona, who knows everything and anything there is about owning a company. (She was taught by the best.) While others laugh at her in secrecy, she carefully decides who to let go and who to keep. Most of her stocks are in female ran companies. The few that are not are with Kim Kibum, Horvejkul Nichkhun, Lee Donghae, Choi Siwon, and somehow, Shim Changmin from the very beginning. When he learns of this knowledge, he tries to question her, but she only shrugs her shoulders, telling him that it was her father’s advice. (Im Yoona surpassed her father by the time she turned twenty.)

 

“How can she be so carefree about this? One wrong step, and she’ll lose everything.”

 

He hears the whispers every time he comes into the room.

 

“I heard she slept with Siwon, the other night. That little is just like her mother.”

 

Yet Yoona’s charms never seem to turn people away. It’s as though they all want to know of her secrets.

 

“Just because she slept with Kim Jaejoong doesn’t mean it was the reason why his business just collapsed.”

 

Her empire keeps growing, swallowing the losses of other humans for her own gain. It never appears as though she cares though. Her eyes are still stuck on books that tell tales others have yet to look upon. As she grips her fingers around another page, the eyeshadow highlighter becomes a regular routine. Disposing her heels into the nonfiction section is a norm, and when he looks at him, he finds some kind of peace.

 

 

 

 

She doesn’t show up to the next party and so he disappears into the library. He finds her in a t-shirt and a messy bun, rereading pages of his annotated copy of Siddhartha. He finds her adding notes with a silver pen and adding points to his own notes. It’s quiet as he approaches behind her. His hands on her shoulder and she turns to face him.

 

There’s a smile on his kingly face. It’s the first time she’s actually taken the time to take in his features. A nice nose bridge, dark eyes that resemble tired work days and lacking entertainment in life. His suit seems so out of place compared to the t-shirt and shorts she wears. He’s attractive in the conventional sense.

 

“You didn’t go to the party?”

 

Yoona shakes her head. It’s almost cute. He sits in front of her and she continues to read the pages of the book he writes in first. She takes the utmost care to preserve his scribbles and adds more to the side.

 

“You knew it was me the whole time, didn’t you?”

 

She nods. “For someone who has always been invited to these parties, you’d never show up. I invested my money in your company due to the fact that you didn’t find those parties to be beneficial.” It’s silent as she finishes scrawling her notes and she looks at him once again. The Siddhartha smiles at her, almost reaches for his book when she finds her copy of Romeo and Juliet in his grasps. It’s smeared in eye shadow, eyeliner, and lipstick swatches. The dogeared pages are starting to tear. There’s nothing of much use in there. Two lovers die for each other and it’s terrible. She isn’t sure why she took the time to read that.

 

“It’s a juvenile story.”

 

Changmin nods.

 

“Which is why your annotations are quite humorous.”

Yoona laughs out loud for the first time he meets her. There is a joy upon her eyes and on her lips. It’s almost incredible for him to watch. For someone who is as beautiful as she is, her smile is a rarity and it would burn others if they ever knew of it. It disappears in an instant and she leaves into the night as well. Changmin is smitten by the way she lets herself defenseless.

 

She appears at the next party, Changmin in tow. Their eyes meet and this time, he looks at her differently. A woman should never trust a man. She should never trust the way he chuckles under his breath when they exchange cordial greetings. She should never trust a man who steals her books and tries to figure out how she ever functions. It becomes easier for Changmin to chat with others. He exchanges business cards the same way he glances at her. It’s quite strange, she admits. A man who towers over anyone he approaches acts as though he needs permission from her. Yet, it’s somewhat endearing as well, watching a beginner at these parties always seems to be too much fun.

She watches as he disappears with a woman in hand. He sleeps with someone for the first time. Her heart doesn’t break or fall apart. She just watches from the sidelines. The lottery falls into her hands. The knife is already in her back. There has been forty others, it’s not as though she’s not used to it. And it’s not as though she doesn’t know who it is. Kwon Yuri, her other half, holds onto him at the party, he escorts her to the hotel. (She knows that he’s hers and even another woman can’t tear him from her.)

Brutus stabs Caesar. There’s a reason why his name was written in red lipstick than in black eyeliner.

 

“Was that supposed to make me jealous?” she asks when he enters the library. Her hands are wrapped around Julius Caesar again. It’s not out of anger or rage. It’s only curiosity. Her voice doesn’t quiver or boil. It only plainly states.

He smirks. “You saw right past me. Of course it was,” he answers, fixing his tie and sitting at the table, across from her once again. “I thought your heart would stumble if it ever heard that I looked at someone else.” (He only stared at her as he left the building. He was with someone else and yet he still only thought of her, how sappy.) She fixes his tie.

“Lee Donghae did the same with me. Do you honestly believe I would fall for a trick like that again?”  

It’s the only vulnerable thing she ever says to him. She trembles a bit as she recalls the bloody trick he pulls on her. The first dagger that is ever put in her chest is his. He’s plain and simple. He used her for money, told her everything she ever wanted just so she would fork it over. It’s a quiet kind of misery and Changmin finds himself shaken up. He dug that dagger in so hard that she screamed for oxygen, changed into a new being, and never found the things the same.

Changmin doesn’t heal pieces of her. Changmin plants another dagger, but she expects it. His name is written in scarlet letters. He stares as she recovers from her downfall. Her short quivers become composed again and she shoots a smile in his direction, fake and beautiful.

(He’s out of breath when he realizes what happens in front of him.)

There is no coming back from this one.

 

Yoona sits with Changmin at the beginning of galas, but finds herself in someone else’s arms. It’s a game of avoiding at this point. How many boys can she play around before her eight trillion becomes ten trillion? Changmin still appears in her sanctuary and she reverts back to a person without a soul. It’s tiring to continue, the toss and turn of their relationship. The tides have never been her favorite motif.

He becomes jealous of the lovers she takes. Men who own nothing yet she still finds them more amazing than him. Her fake smiles start to blur as reality as he tries to figure out her intentions. Her off guard compliments seem too real to him.

If she doesn’t love him, then why does she always return to the library? If she isn’t meant to be his, why does she continue to reread his annotations? There are times when he forces himself to stop himself because if he doesn’t stop, she’ll shun him. A weak man is worse than a man without any kind of money.

“You’re a lot like Siddhartha,” Yoona comments when she sees him in the library, late. He looks like a different person, a man who has turned into another pawn of wealth and lust. His tired eyes light up at the mention of a compliment. He smiles a little too freely and whenever she looks at him, he yearns for something more. It’s like watching a building fall apart and waiting for it to be rebuilt. Pitiful.

“What?”

It’s his own book and he doesn’t even know what she’s alluding to. It seems as these parties have taken his brain cells. Sadly, this is her fault and what used to stand as a king is now a plebeian. A lowly extra voice for another Shakespearean play. She’s disappointed to say the least. She doesn’t speak anymore, leaves the copy on the table and leaves earlier than five. (She has to make it to Donghae’s wedding and she can’t afford running on two hours of sleep.)

 

When she appears at Donghae’s wedding, she gives him a big hug. She tells him that she’s happy for him and promises that she’ll visit often. The look on his face is a bit crestfallen, but he sees Sooyeon look at him and he shakes it off again. Im Yoona notices the way he looks at her. He looks at Sooyeon as though she’s just a friend. The arranged marriage isn’t something he expects or cares for, but when he realizes that Sooyeon knows Yoona and knows the ins and outs of her, he smiles.

He kisses her hand and she forgives him for the years they could have been together. She wipes away his tears and tells him that this was how it was meant to be. He fell for her too hard.

“I’m sorry for not understanding.”

“I love you too.”

The smile on Donghae’s face is nothing like she has ever seen before. Yoona gives her first love to a woman she has always trusted. Sooyeon tells her she’ll take good care of him and the man stares blankly at her. Yoona’s stocks go up, Donghae’s company expands, and she smiles from afar, popping the first confetti popper when they kiss. (It’ll never be the same as their kisses, but Donghae will have to settle.)

 

Yoona watches with Yuri as they discuss Changmin’s stocks fall as of late. Yuri thinks of selling her stocks first, Yoona watches him. He seems so tired and exhausted from these games. If he takes any more steps, he might collapse. His company seems to be steady, but he’s been losing millions since he slept with Yuri. His bright smile only confuses the lot of them. They all don’t know where the stoic young man is, instead, there’s a shell of him. It’s like watching a beggar for money, pathetic.

“Should I sell them now?”

Yoona lifts her champagne flute as Changmin catches her staring. He smiles again, and she finds herself wanting to vomit.

“Yes. Do it now.”

It’s almost sickening to see him look at her like that.

“You’re going to fix him, right?”

Would he please just look away?

“He has to drown first.”

Yoona doesn’t sleep with anyone that night. She enjoys her conversation with Yuri, tells her that she’s a lovely human being and that the man who loves her is actually luckier than they would ever know. Yuri swallows it all up and she finds herself enjoying the company. Her laughs aren’t shallow and she gets the biggest laugh when she tries to joke around with her. Yuri forces the lighthearted side out of her. Yuri is beyond the looking glass and pulls her in.

Changmin stares when she laughs, but then finds himself being whisked away with a lady he has forgotten the name of.

 

“Aren’t you tired of these games?” he asks when he finds her falling asleep. He holds the same book in his hands, and she has to roll her eyes. Romeo and Juliet is still a terrible play. There is nothing more tragic than someone falling in love with another and sacrificing themselves for it.

“Aren’t you tired of playing a part that you have no experience in playing?” she questions back. “You look terrible,” she finishes. He’s an overgrown child in those clothes. His hair is a mess from the last girl he sleeps with. He buttoned his shirt incorrectly. His tie is loose and she rolls her eyes. She takes his hand, leads him out of the library, and into the real world.

It rains. Yoona forgets an umbrella. Changmin didn’t catch the forecast. They wander aimlessly. Their figures getting wet from the pouring rain. He speaks of nothing and she doesn’t utter anything. The big city is lit up with lights from the insides. Jazz music plays in bars that she has no intention entering. Yoona holds onto his fingers that wrap so carefully around hers. Her fingers are calloused and scarred, cuts remain on her wrists and he still has soft hands.

The noises are their companions tonight and she reveals all the secrets that he has yet to see in the world. The alleyways are fiend to the unknown, but Yoona has become friends with the other side. Her smile is mischief for those who see it. Changmin doesn’t seem to notice the way he’s out of breath whenever they enter, he starts to rebutton his shirt.

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and all the marrow out of life.”

Changmin hates Walden. Yoona doesn’t like it either, but she smiles when she recites the line, and it’s the third time he ever gets to see Yoona’s smile. He counts.

They don’t go to her house or his house. They return to the library after an hour when she calls a taxi and leaves him empty. Im Yoona doesn’t give him an answer, but she gives him a path to explore. The gazes she exchanged with him then, scared him. It was as though he was just another poor person. It was as though she pitied him, and there was nothing more he hated than pity. He hated how she gazed at him.

He fixes his tie. He slowly walks home, trying to understand why she runs around the city at four when the world wakes up at nine.

 

Changmin is different when he comes to the next party. His eyes harden. His figure is back to its original confident posture and when he talks to others, they are terrified of him. It’s a rebirth. Yoona watches from afar, smiling softly as he regains his composure. Yuri giggles that Yoona fixed him up all good.

The peasant finds his crown once again and she swears she has nothing to do with it. When he looks back at her, he grins a conceited grin. He saunters towards her.

“No.”

It’s a firm answer. Before he even opens his mouth, she already knows what he might speak of. The teasing smile is as fake as he remembers it to be. His grin is still evident on his face.

“It’s my last party before I decide what to do with my company. It seems as though as I get richer, men get stupider. People around here are too dumb to stay sane with. I’m sorry but any sort of affairs you’d like will have to be arranged after this party,”  she finishes. The grin on her face still frustrates the king like before. She fixes her pastel pink gown, adjusts her side hairstyle and leaves the party. She leaves him speechless, but she always does that.

 

 

It’s the last toss of her white heels in the nonfiction aisle. It’s the last search for a novel that will be covered in her makeup and scribbles. She picks To Kill a Mockingbird. As she tries to read the book, her fingers find themselves fumbling with the ever tight pearl necklace that her mother once gave before. She feels a pair of hands unclasping the petty thing around her neck. As she looks up, Changmin grins at her.

“Do you really believe I’d let you get away with such an act?” he asks. Im Yoona rolls her eyes, but he throws the necklace to the ground, and kisses her lips. It’s not romantic. He’s at an awkward position and she has to crane her neck to just see him. Beginners were always quite tedious to teach.

“To think I used to believe you were a king. You really are awful at all of this.”

She gets up from her spot and kisses his lips. She tugs at the bottom of them, his arms roam, trying to figure out every curve of her lithe body. She leaves him breathless. As she pulls away, she realizes that this is the look that Nick Carraway talks of in The Great Gatsby. A man who looks at her with adoration, leaving chills down her spine, and craving more.