chapter five

of prevailing doubts & fascination
April 15th, 2016

In times of trouble Saeron always relied on the hearts of the two people that accepted her unconditionally – Chaeyeon and Sejeong, perhaps the only individuals that understood her.

“What was the point of participating in survival show if these were his intentions?” Sejeong ranted over a hot bowl of jjajangmyeon, “What was the point of sending you to yet another survival show if he didn’t want you to end up in the group it was to create? You don’t deserve this kind of treatment. It’s not fair.”

Chaeyeon, the girl Saeron slowly came to adore from the very first day she laid her eyes on her, was also discontent over the unpredictable occurrences, “You might no longer be part of I.O.I, but you’ll always be its center. We all love you too much.”

Sejeong agreed, “Somi is a great replacement, but that’s all she will ever be. You’re our original center and energy pill, never forget that, Ronnie.”

The younger girl could do nothing but let out a soft laugh as if it was her coping mechanism. The sadder she is, the happier she seems, “It’s okay. Park Jin Young did what he considered right. I can’t hold such thing against him.”

“I just can’t accept that –” Sejeong stopped herself from talking as she noticed the gloomy expression on Saeron’s face. “Okay, no, that's –“ Sejeong rubbed her temples, “I'm supposed to say that you’ll find a company that will want you wholeheartedly, which will happen. I can’t imagine I.O.I without you, kiddo. You were that wobbly pillar that enjoyed showing everyone the best in them, I don’t know who is going to make us feel special, loved and safe without you around.”

A soft smile took over Saeron’s features as she listened to Sejeong’s heartfelt words, “I.O.I will have two managers they’ll make you feel safe. For the special and loved part, you don’t need anyone to do so because that’s what you are. You are loved, and you’re 100% special.”

Chaeyeon pointed her finger at Saeron and scoffed. “See that, right there? Your complete obliviousness of how amazing and lovable you are is one of the 101,000 reasons why everyone loves you.”

“Kim Sejeong and Jung Chaeyeon, I’ll still be in Seoul or at least in South Korea.” Saeron spoke, “More than I would if I became a part of I.O.I.”

Chaeyeon shook her head  “Sure. And we'll make a lot of plans. Breakfast every Friday or Wednesday. And then schedules get in the way because that’s the price of being famous. And what if we only see you on birthdays and holidays? And sometimes not even that?”

“I won't let that happen,” Saeron reassured her. “Never.”

Sejeong her lower lip “Okay. You better not, because we know where to find you. We know where your house is. Don’t move out to avoid us.”

With her eyes wide open, Saeron stuttered, “I would never do that.”

“We know,” Chaeyeon said, “This is was an attempt of lifting the mood up.”

Produce 101, the show that changed the lives of many, the show that conquered the dreams of eleven girls that became I.O.I and the show that callously shattered the hopes of the remainder.

Kim Saeron, ‘The White Hearted Child,’ was one of the eleven girls that luckily enchanted the hearts of the program’s viewers as she became I.O.I’s official center, being the only trainee to ever reach 1 million votes.

Conversely, Saeron saw her castle crumbling from the inside as her dreams were yanked from her without a previous warning.

And such occurrence was not hidden from the outside world.

By the dawn, several articles surrounding Saeron and her forced departure from JYP Entertainment were revealed to the public.

‘Due to creative clashes, I.O.I’s center, Skye, is forced to leave JYP.’

‘Skye unwillingly parts ways with JYP.’

‘Skye is replaced by Somi as I.O.I’s center as she leaves JYP.’

‘The forced farewell from Skye with JYP indicates favoritism towards certain trainees.’

‘Skye is looking for a new agency after leaving JYP and I.O.I.’

‘MNET issues an apology to fans after Skye’s unexpected departure.’

Without knowledge, the company that allowed her to flourish in an industry filled with thorns planted weeds in her garden in the attempt of dimming her exquisiteness. Such effort was successful as the wildflowers kept growing, the rose she had cherished was erased as were her dreams of ever standing on stage alongside the 10 girls she had come to love.

For voicing the infatuation Park Jin Young had towards Somi, and Twice, Saeron was deceived by those closest to her and nothing hurt her more than having those who she would sacrifice her life for throwing her into a wolf pack. A wolf pack that had started living inside her brain and had no intentions of leaving.

Her judgment had become impaired, and the possibility of a bright future drifted as every chance offered to her became nothing more than a mere burden that offered her sleepless nights that blurred her vision.

And tonight was one of them, a sleepless night filled with thoughts.

With glazed eyes she looked down at the desk, invitations from various agencies – SM, Pledis, FNC, Starship, Stardom, YG – laid on top of it, however, it was as if they were invisible, as if how the flowers wither, they had disappeared from Saeron’s eyes.

“You should sleep,” a soft male voice whispered, “It’s late, and you have to rest to think clearly and spread your happiness to those who seek it.”

Saeron looked over her shoulder, spotting her father’s figure standing at her bedroom’s doorstep, “I can’t,” she let out a long sigh, “I have to pick an agency. It’s been a week since I parted my ways with JYP, people have been asking about me, I don’t like it. The question they always ask when looking for me, ‘What is she going to do with her life?’ I don’t like it.”

Her father approached her, “The question you dislike, and perhaps you’re interpreting the wrong way is a question people ask when they are worried about someone. People are concerned about you, that’s all.”

“I understand it loud and clear,” she stated, “People are obviously insinuating that without JYP, I’m a nobody who won’t make it far.” She stopped for a while, brushing her fingers on some of the loose sheets of paper, “And perhaps they are right.”

Unwillingly, her father scoffed, “Those who excel in what they do continuously doubt themselves.” Slowly he sat down next to her, “I know you’re trying to prevent any mistakes, but sometimes you have to jump as high as you can and take the risk of falling instead of landing on your feet.”

And that’s precisely what she did.

Instead of accepting the invitation of the many companies that contacted her, Saeron sought for those who hadn’t and ended up landing a spot in Shinhwa Company.

During the initial stages of her stay at Shinhwa Company, a formal contract was signed. Hence, Saeron could appear in various variety shows, dramas, and record commercial films but couldn’t, on the other hand, record music or become an official singer under Shinhwa’s Company as an exclusive contract hadn’t been signed as she no longer felt the fiery passion for music she once had.

Innisfree, Etude House, TONYMOLY, SPAO, and many others had her as their favorite face, everyone had their eyes on her, inspecting every move she made. Ultimately, she agreed on becoming Innisfree’s new face, consequently replacing the great Lim YoonA who had been their trademark model since 2009.

High Cut, Ceci, W Korea, InStyle, Sure, and Elle, both in Korea and China, were some of the magazines she modeled for. She was considered the perfect girlfriend, threatening to steal YoonA’s ‘CF Queen’ title and Suzy’s ‘Nation’s first love.'

Hello Counselor, Happy Together, Running Man, 2 Days 1 Night, Please Take Care Of My Refrigerator, Radio Star, Knowing Bros and The Return Of Superman, were some of the variety shows she appeared and got a lot of recognition from.

But this sea of roses wasn’t as pretty as it seemed to be to its viewers.

It would be an unashamed white lie to claim that her chaotic schedule wasn’t the main reason behind her many sleepless nights that were gradually taking a toll on her health, both mental and physical. The smile that many claimed to be capable of melting the coldest heart had disappeared. Her jawline became more prominent due to the constant skipping of meals, as she barely had time to breath much less eat, and now adding to the equation two fan signs per day, all in different locations. The thought of wanting to give up or rebel against her CEOs continuously knocked on her cranium, incapacitating her of showing any sign of happiness towards people passing by on the streets, or even people she told her secrets to.

However, everything changed on the 10th of May. She finally signed an exclusive contract with Shinhwa Company, as Taeyong alongside Sejeong and Chaeyeon convinced her to do so. Throughout the days, she was told that they were set to on debuting a girl group which name was Ethereal, commonsensically, she presumed she would debuting as a solo artist.

Little did she know she was about to become Ethereal’s fifth member.

may  22nd, 2016

In times of trouble Saeron always relied on the hearts of the two people that accepted her unconditionally – Chaeyeon and Sejeong, perhaps the only individuals that understood her.

As she was being pushed forward by Shinhwa’s Company CEO Eric Mun, all Saeron wanted to do was run as fast as she could from that practice room but most notably, from the looks, she was receiving from the four original Ethereal members, more specifically, Jangmi and Himawari.

A faint whine came out of once Minwoo started pronouncing the words she didn’t want to hear as they were bittersweet for she would be becoming a singer but at the cost of the postponed debut of four other girls, “Kim Saeron’s Ethereal’s fifth member.”

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