2013. April. Seoul.

Even though it’s not his first time in another country. It’s definitely his first time being alone in country that he know so little of.

Before he was really excited to come here but now that he’s here, there’s this empty and lonely feeling inside. Will he adapt here quickly? Will he learn the language quickly? He was both scared and nervous.

Just a year ago he was in China, practicing for upcoming National fencing tournament. After participating 2012 London Olympic as National Representative, winning bronze for the first time, the burden increased tenfold. Everyone was saying he was born for this, complimenting him. Even how much he likes compliments it wasn’t making him happy.

All his classmates were complimenting him. His teachers were complimenting. His parents were happy and proud. But why does it feel like it’s hard to breathe? It felt like he wasn’t going in the right way. And after realizing you had crush on your best friend wasn’t the brightest thing to realize. Plus all his classmates had dreams. For example,

“I’m going to study literature and one day I will release my book. Everyone will know me, I will be famous writer.” his best friend said after he asked what he was going to do now that they had year to graduate.

His other friend said “I’m going to be lawyer. Call me if you need me!” He called him bluff but all his friends had dream. His whole classmate had something they wanted to be. And he didn’t had any. He just had something he had to do.

It was burdensome. After the Olympic he thought he will be free from his family pride, but he was wrong, his father gotten stricter on him. It took toll on him. It wasn’t the way he wanted things to turn out to be. He wasn’t satisfied nor his father.

He had to find something else to make living other than being athlete. If things go on like this he will forever be trapped in expectations his parents had in him.

All his life he tried to live up to those expectations. Just because his parents were athlete he had to learn all different kind of sports, trained himself, practiced day and night. He thought life would go like this. But it was wrong. Like light shining on him who’s in the dark, he had hope now.

Now he’s here on his own, in Korea were he seek freedom for. He pleaded his parents day and night to study in Korea, saying he no longer wanted to be athlete. Even rebelled against them and putting up fight. After all those arguments and fights they gave up on him, saying you’re on your own. Like he was being disowned. But it was okay. Things between them will get better after some time. Even though he may not look like it he realized he was very bright. After having private tutor for month to pass the summer test for the first time he learned he didn't really in those subjects. He caught on very fast. It was fun actually to have free time and just do homework. Not going over to exercise all the time. After realizing he was doing very good job on his studies. He gathered my courage, took test he prepared a lot for and applied for Seoul University. His life was depended on it. He realized for the first time he had talent in other than being an athlete. He was very brilliant from words teachers said. It encouraged him and he wanted to be free from his parents grasp on him. He wanted freedom. He wanted to be himself. He couldn’t handle more. Everyday felt like living in closet. He wanted to come out.

That’s what he was planning. He wanted to come out. Like like come out. Because what he heard from the girls in his class Korean guys were all cute and pretty and handsome. And most of them were gay. He heard from them personally!!!

But what is this? There’s no such person that’s very cute and pretty or handsome or gay!!! Everyone looked straight just like in China!!! And no one’s pretty nor handsome nor very cute. They all had undefined jaw!!! And ugly face!!!! Where’s the guys he watched from the TV? Every drama and variety program he watched in need to learn the language had handsome charismatic guys who had perfect face! Perfect jaw!!! But then what is this why everyone he met from the airport were ugly? This is not fair! He was totally swindled by those crazy Kpop girl fans from his class!! If it was like this he should’ve chosen Thailand!!! At least there were people like him! Who was GAY! At least. He’s deprived. Totally deprived!! 20 year old! He never dated a guys. He did dated two or three girls on purpose, not wanting to disappoint his demanding yet kind father, nor his mother who was already going through health problems. But he wanted to be out! The more he tried to be straight, it felt like he was lying to himself. He felt suffocating. And he didn’t want his crush with his girlfriend anymore.

And here he was. A guy. Who had looks. Youth who had so much to release on. 20 years is long time. All he wanted was to come out in this country, have boyfriends, he was not a cheater but he wanted to date someone before he become exclusive to someone. And most of all he wanted to know what he wanted to do. He wanted to get education from here and get to know himself without feeling burdens from his family nor nation anymore. It was too burdensome.

‘I’m sorry my father for disappointing you. But I don’t want to bear the responsibility of the Nation!’

He didn’t want to just workout and practice all day. He wanted to study, explore, find himself, have fun, mature and most of all he wanted love life. At least he hoped he finds someone who he loves and received love.

Right from the Airport to the school campus, on taxi ride he looked around the way. It was beautiful. His heart felt scared for the outcome he will face but at the same time he was excited. He greeted everyone energetically he met on the way. But they seemed freaked out by his closeness, keeping distance.

"Hey what’s up? I’m new here!" he greeted in English to this first guy who he met on the way, who was busy reading until he bumped into him. He had glass on and ‘oh my god even though he had glasses on he was handsome! Even handsome was understatement! He was y!!! And I would be glad to be bottom for him.’ Jackson thought. But then again he had fierce gaze like he was going to kill him. ‘I think I did something wrong. Someone save me!!’

"So what? Get out of the way" he said rudely and passed by without saying anything more.

‘Phew. Now I feel like living. Don’t ever mess with that guy. Ever again!’ he warned himself. Even though he was the first handsome guy he ever met! He should be happy!! There were guys who were handsome!!! Wang Jackson, You still had more to go!

So who should he ask! Everyone seemed stern! His Korean wasn’t the brightest. ‘Oh my god my life is mess! What did I even think about doing here?’ There were little people who knew English. Or are they just plain avoiding him?

"I have no hope! Where is my room anyway? It said A building! 317 room. But where was this A building. Only people he met were all guys, if it were girls it would be easy to ask for help. There were all guys." He whined still talking to himself in English and Chinese.

"You seemed lost. How may I help you?" Someone asks him in Korean, tapping on his shoulders to get his attention.

‘Oh my god. He’s the second handsome guy he met! And he’s different from that jerk. Oh my god, his smile is so cute’ he thought as he takes in the guy’s appearance which made his head go white. Then this guy lets out a laugh.

‘Oh no did I just blurt that out?’ he said or thought. Totally shocked and embarrassed

“Yeah you’ve been doing that” The guy said in English, chuckling.

“Oh mm yes, sorry” he mumbled as he cleared his throat, looking somewhere else. Oh my god so embarrassing!

“Anyways are you lost? Can you speak Korean?” the nice guy asked. He likes him more and more.

“Yes, little.” He said smiling. ‘It wasn’t the time to be shy Jackson. Get your head together!’ he thought as goes on asking “A building. Where is it?”

“oh what coincidence. I was heading there. What room are you staying?”

“317” he said in English

“Wow. So we’re roommates then. I’m staying in A building too. My name’s Park Jinyoung. What’s yours?” Jackson really wanted to compliment the other’s smile but he held in as he smiled and answered to him

“Wang Jackson”

“Oh that’s king then. What a nice surname”

And that’s how he met Park Jinyoung. A guy he first fall in love with. Once he had dreams that included him