I bawled. I bawled my eyes out when I finally got home.
I screamed. I screamed my lungs out.
I cried. I sobbed until I couldn’t breathe anymore.

My knees buckled and my legs finally gave in. My lips were trembling along with the sobs that escaped my mouth. My make-up was running down my face along with the tears. My hands were shaking. My entire body was shivering. It was difficult to breathe.

It hurts.
It hurts.
It ing hurts.

One year ago I thought he was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. He was the man I had planned on marrying. Now I wasn’t even sure anymore if I was ever going to see him again.

I had always supported his decision to chase his dreams and I always wanted the best for him, but for the first time I thought that maybe it would’ve been better if he had never accepted his company’s offer. That way he would’ve never left and he would’ve been right here with me, safe and sound. Nothing would’ve changed and we would be living our life happily.

I shook my head. I could never be that selfish.

I wasn’t even sure of how things went wrong in the first place. Had he changed? Was I the one who was different? Did we both change? Maybe we weren’t meant to be together after all…

I looked around the apartment from my spot in the living room. Almost all of his belongings were gone now. I could barely remember the sound of his voice as it echoed through our apartment. I couldn’t even remember what it felt like to have his arms around me anymore. The apartment was so empty. It felt like he had never been here at all.

Maybe I was too naïve to notice the signs. I should’ve known right from the moment he stopped answering my text messages and phone calls. I should’ve known when he decided to skip our dates for dance practices or all-nighters in the studio.

I still remember the day he was talking about his future. He probably didn’t mean to hurt me. He was simply talking about his dreams and aspirations in life and when he didn’t mention me, I should’ve known that his life didn’t involve me anymore.

I should’ve known. Maybe I should’ve fought harder to keep us together, but people are bound to change and it’s only a matter of time before you find out whether you guys will grow apart of closer through it all. I guess Jooheon and I weren’t able to make it.

I didn’t receive a single text message or phone call that night. I felt so forgotten. I had never felt so lonely before.

Jooheon’s POV

I still sat there in shock even though she was long gone now. I held the ring in the palm of my hand.

Moments went by when I finally realized that I had let the love of my life walk away from me. I was an idiot.

I ran my hand through my hair in frustration. Why couldn’t I say anything? Why didn’t I scream for her not to leave? Why didn’t I run after her and hold her so she wouldn’t be able to move any further away from me? Why didn’t I put up a fight?

I loathed myself for messing up our relationship. I knew all of it was my fault. Because of my selfish desires to chase my dreams, I had started to neglect the one person I truly loved and cared for. She had always been there for me and I simply had to take it for granted. I thought she was always going to stay here with me no matter what. I was a fool for believing that.

It wasn’t until this moment that I finally realized how much pain I had been putting her through. Day after day she waited for me to come back home, but I never showed up.

She had loved me unconditionally and for some stupid reason I had to go and do her wrong by having feelings for someone else. I never knew it was possible to be so disappointed in myself.

I looked up at the sky and the stars still twinkled like they always did, but somehow it felt different. The sky had never looked so lonely before.

The tears slowly ran down my face when the pain and loss finally hit me.

I couldn’t believe that it took this much for me to finally realize how much she had meant to me. I had lost something that could never be replaced.

I sighed as I sat down on one of the chairs in the recording studio. Sojung and I were busy writing lyrics for a new song that we were going to release together. Even though I had been really excited about this at first, now it just made me feel weird on the inside and not in a good way.

‘Jooheon.’

How was Y/N going to react when she listened to the song? Was she even going to listen to it at all?

‘Jooheon!’ Sojung yelled and I jumped. She chuckled softly. ‘Were you lost in your own thoughts once again?’ she teased.

I forced a small smile. ‘I’m sorry. What were you saying?’ I asked. ‘I was wondering if you wanted to go eat something. I think we’re done for today. You seem to be out of it too, so it might be a good idea to wrap things up,’ she said. I nodded my head. ‘Alright, let’s get out of here,’ I replied as I stood up and put on my jacket. Sojung followed suit and I turned off the lights in the studio as we left.

We decided to settle for a quiet restaurant near the studio. There was no need for unwanted attention.

We ate our dinner in comfortable silence with a couple words passed between us now and then. Sojung had been fairly quiet this evening. Her gaze was downcast and she had an empty look on in her eyes. She was usually quite talkative, so part of me was wondering if something was on her mind.

‘What are you thinking about?’ I asked out of curiosity. She quickly looked up at me, surprised I had caught her off guard. ‘Oh… nothing important. Don’t worry about it,’ she said with a small smile. I shook my head. ‘Doesn’t seem to be nothing. Come on, you know you can tell me anything,’ I reassured.

‘I just don’t think it’s a good idea to talk about this… especially after everything that has happened lately,’ she tried to reason. ‘What do you mean?’ I raised an eyebrow. ‘You know… the breakup,’ she said cautiously. ‘It’s supposed to be just a break, but I don’t even know what’s going on anymore,’ I said as I ran a hand through my hair.

‘Do you think everything’s going to be fine?’ she wondered. I sighed out of frustration and exhaustion. ‘I don’t know.’

We both stayed silent for a while.

I shook my head so I wouldn’t get lost in my own thoughts. I leaned forward slightly, remembering what we were talking about moments ago. ‘Just tell me what’s on your mind, Sojung. It’s okay,’ I nodded my head in reassurance.

She was avoiding any eye contact, trying to escape my gaze. She started rocking from side to side on her chair. Was she nervous?

‘Just promise me that no matter what happens, you will still treat me the same,’ she requested.

I nodded my head, slightly cautious, but I decided to go along with it. I wanted to hear what she had to say.

She heaved a sigh and took a couple moments to muster all the courage inside her little body.

‘I don’t know what else to do and I feel like it’s unfair to keep lying to you. All of this, us pretending to be a couple and what not, all of the things I’ve said and done for you were never a lie. Jooheon, I’m in love with you. I know that this is probably the worst timing, but I can’t keep it to myself anymore.’

Her lips were trembling slightly. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the cold temperature in the room or because of the nerves that were surging through her body, but it made her look extremely vulnerable. A rare sight. My gaze softened.

‘Sojung, you know I really care about you. That will never change. If I have to be honest with you, then yes, for a moment I did think that I might have been in love with you as well. However, when Y/N left me I realized how much I actually loved her and that no one would be able to replace her. I’m sorry, but I can’t return your feelings,’ I said softly, trying not to hurt her.

She nodded her head. ‘It’s okay. I already knew you were going to say that, but I just wanted to get it off my chest,’ she laughed nervously. I could tell she was trying to hold it all together.

She kicked me softly underneath the table. ‘What are you still doing here? Go find her, Jooheon. Find her and never let her go again,’ she tried to encourage me with a smile on her face. She was trying her hardest to support me no matter what and I felt extremely grateful towards her. ‘Are you sure it’s okay?’ I asked. ‘Yes! Go!’ she reassured. I stood up and left enough money on the table to pay for both of our meals. I gently ruffled her hair. ‘Thank you, Sojung.’

She nodded her head and I took that as my cue to leave. It was time to fix what should have never been broken in the first place.

And it was finally safe for Sojung to let go of all the tears she had kept inside as she watched the man she loved, chase after another woman.