A week went by when the news finally broke out. The company had set up fake dates to make it look like they were a real couple. Of course, curiosity got the best of me, so I had to take a look at the pictures. I sure wish I hadn’t.

There he was, my long term boyfriend walking hand in hand with another woman. They both had content smiles on their faces. Sojung was definitely pretty. Apparently she was also a rapper, so that was a big thing that Jooheon and her had in common. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought they were a real couple. They looked so happy to be with each other. Their CEO was right. They did look good together, even though I hated to admit it.

I felt a heavy weight on my chest, but I tried my hardest to push the feeling away. ‘They’re just faking it. He’s not really in love with her,’ I tried to convince myself.

Jooheon and some of the other members had sent me messages, asking if I was doing alright. I told them I was fine. I didn’t want to worry them. There was nothing they could do after all. It was impossible for them to go against the CEO’s orders.

Days went by and I tried to endure it the best I could. I couldn’t help but wonder what people thought about them, so I decided to read some of the comments. As expected, a lot of people shared the same thoughts. They looked good together and had a lot in common. I always felt bad for not being able to help Jooheon with his music. It was a big part of his life after all. Exy however, was someone he could share his thoughts with. She was someone he could go to for help.

I didn’t know why my mind was suddenly making up all sorts of reasons why they would be a good couple together. Was I really that insecure? I mean, she was definitely prettier than me and she was someone he could actually discuss his work with. I was not someone who could fulfill that role in his life, no matter how hard I tried.

Weeks went by and more and more pictures got released as their ‘relationship’ progressed. First they were captured holding hands, later on Jooheon was captured with his hand around her waist. Small touches gradually turned into affectionate hugs. I had to watch all of this happen right in front of my own eyes and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. It got harder and harder for me to pretend none of this was affecting me. He was supposed to be in a relationship with me, but it sure didn’t feel like that anymore.

He had been so immersed in his career and this publicity stunt, that he didn’t have any time left for me anymore. The text messages stopped. He no longer asked how I was dealing with all of this. It felt like he had forgotten about me.

The hardest part was watching Jooheon on Radio Star after their dating news. The hosts wanted to know every little juicy detail about their relationship and lies spilled from Jooheon’s mouth like I had never seen before. Why was this fake relationship starting to look more and more real to me? Maybe it was the way he was able to effortlessly talk about their relationship as if all of it had actually happened. Who knows? Maybe it had.

I wasn’t sure what to think at this point. If Jooheon was taking things too far, then the members would have definitely tried to stop him or they would’ve told me about it. Right?

I could myself starting to panic. The room suddenly felt so suffocating. I needed some fresh air. I had to get away. I slammed my laptop shut and stood up from my seat. I walked towards the living room to grab my phone and keys that were lying on the table. I quickly put on my shoes and jacket and made my way towards the front door to leave.

Once I made it outside I felt like I could finally breathe a little. My feet started moving on their own. I wasn’t sure of where I was heading, but it felt like my feet knew exactly where they were going. My steps started getting faster and faster. Faster until I was running and felt the cold wind biting at my cheeks. My breath was leaving my lungs in short gasps.

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed when a familiar sight finally entered my view, but I felt like the agonizing pain in my legs and lungs was way better than the pain in my heart. I made my way towards the middle of the wide grass field where Jooheon and I used to go all the time. I sat down to catch my breath.

Only now did I notice the many missed phone calls and text messages. Most of them were from Jooheon. Had I been wandering around for that long?

‘I came over to the apartment, but you weren’t home.’

‘Where are you?’

‘You’re getting me worried now.’

‘Are you okay?’

‘Please answer.’

Part of me felt guilty for making him worry like that, but another part of me was happy that he hadn’t forgotten about me.

‘I’m alright. I just went for a walk. Did you need me for something?’ I quickly replied. I guess wasn’t exactly lying.

I didn’t get any other messages from Jooheon, so I laid down on my back, waiting for a reply. Seconds passed, minutes passed, but I had yet to hear from Jooheon. What was he doing?

Right when I was wondering that, I heard a sound from afar. It started coming closer and closer. When I finally realized it was the sounds of footsteps, I quickly sat up with a jolt to see if it was anyone suspicious.

The moonlight illuminated their figure. I could see them jogging towards me and when I was finally able to see their face, I realized it was Jooheon. ‘Y/N, I’ve been looking everywhere for you!’ he yelled across the field. When he finally reached me, he knelt down beside me with a worried expression on his face. ‘Are you okay? Why weren’t you replying to my messages?’ he asked. ‘But I did reply. Didn’t you read it?’ I wondered. He frowned as he reached towards his pocket to grab his phone. One unread message. ‘I guess I was too busy worrying about you to notice,’ he said slightly breathless. ‘I’m sorry. I was kind of lost in my own thoughts,’ I apologized.

‘How did you know I was here?’ I asked curiously. ‘I didn’t. I just went around looking for you at places where you would often go. I felt so stupid when I finally realized that you would probably be here,’ he said while shaking his head. He finally sat down next to me.

I looked at him. I finally got to take a good look at him for the first time in forever. I could tell he had lost a lot of weight. He had bags under his eyes. His cheekbones and jawline were more defined and his collarbones were showing more than they used to. I couldn’t help but be worried about him.

‘How have you been?’ I asked out of genuine concern. He nodded his head. ‘I’ve been fine. Busy, but fine. What about you? What are you doing out here?’ he wondered. ‘I was thinking about you. I miss you,’ I said honestly. He averted his gaze. ‘I’m sorry,’ he apologized. We both knew what he was referring to.

‘Jooheon, did you miss me too?’ I questioned.

‘Of course I did,’ he replied.

‘I miss you when I see something that reminds me of you. I miss you when I see pictures of you in articles. I miss you when you can’t reply to my messages or when you can’t pick up my calls. Do you miss me like I miss you?

He stayed silent for a couple seconds.

‘I would be lying if I said I miss you as much as you miss me.’

I didn’t say anything. He reached for my hand across the grass. I pulled my hand away while shaking my head.

He heaved a sigh. ‘You know I have a lot on my mind. Don’t be unfair to me, Y/N,’ he pleaded.

I chuckled, but there was not a hint of humor found in it. ‘Unfair? Me? You’re not the one who has to look at his girlfriend being with another guy. You don’t have to look at your girlfriend smiling and laughing with some other guy.’

‘You know it’s not like that,’ he mumbled.

‘Oh really? Then tell why you always look so happy whenever you’re with her. Explain to me why there’s always this huge grin on your face whenever you talk about her. Is it really not like that, Jooheon?!’ I yelled in anger.

‘Two months, Jooheon. I waited two months for you to reach out to me, but you were too busy being someone else’s boyfriend,’ I said in frustration. I felt tears pricking my eyes.

‘Y/N, you know I love you. I’m just struggling to adjust to everything that’s been happening lately,’ he tried to explain.

I clenched my fists. ‘It’s not hard to send me a message saying good morning and good night. I wasn’t expecting you to talk to me like we used to. All I wanted was for you to let me know that you were alive and doing well,’ I reasoned.

‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered. He was at a loss for words. He didn’t know what to say, because he knew I was right.

‘Jooheon, are you in love with her?’ I asked without beating around the bush.

Once again he stayed silent as he mulled over the situation.

‘I… I don’t know,’ he finally answered.

‘You’re not denying it,’ I stated.

My heart just felt numb at this moment. For weeks on end I had been wondering about his feelings and now that the truth had finally been revealed, I wasn’t sure how to react or how to feel.

‘Jooheon… are you cheating on me?,’ I whispered, scared of his answer.

‘What?! No, I would never want to hurt you like that, Y/N,’ he gasped in shock.

‘Then how would you explain this to me? This was only supposed to be a publicity stunt, Jooheon.’

‘A lot has been happening lately, okay? Dance practices have been wearing me down and I’ve been struggling with writing lyrics. I’ve been so busy that I haven’t had the time to see you and Sojung just happened to be there at the right time. She has been there for me through it all,’ he explained.

‘What… You don’t think I would’ve wanted to help you? You didn’t even try to talk to me about it!’ I said annoyed.

‘That’s because there are certain things that you would never understand!’ he yelled at me.

I looked at him in shock. He had never raised his voice like that. For the first time I looked at him and felt like I was looking at a stranger.