Once More

It was the first day of Rena’s graduation concert. Jurina had known for months that eventually, the Nagoya princess would inevitably leave the group, but had refused to acknowledge it. The two had been a pair for seven years―almost half of Jurina’s life―and yet, that still wasn't enough. 

She had tried her best to keep her tears to herself. Although it was painfully obvious that the young ace was wounded by the Rena-shaped hole in SKE, nobody dared to confront Jurina about it. Not even Churi, in all her kindness, had the heart to force the girl to cry. It was just a fact of life that Jurina hated crying in front of others―she hated being weak.

Jurina had only cried once after hearing Rena’s graduation announcement from the radio. Only when everyone had left the set for a short break before the filming of a Rena’s last music video with the group did she allow herself the luxury of revealing her emotions. She had stayed behind by herself, determined to finish decorating the set, and struck by the goodbye messages everyone had prepared, finally broke down. 

Jurina wept silently, desperately stifling her sniffling. Salty tears burned her eyes and slipped down her cheeks, forming a constellation of dots on the banner below her. Her left hand gripped a roll of streamers tightly, leaving nail marks on the tissue paper. The streamers were a cheerful pink, but joy was the last thing on Jurina’s mind.

Hearing footsteps approaching her from behind, she fiercely wiped her eyes, smudging her mascara and leaving it on the back of her sleeve. Through her peripheral vision, she saw Furuhata Nao gently embracing her.

“Jurina-san,” she murmured. “You don’t have to bottle everything up.” Nao started rubbing the young girl’s back in slow circles, hoping she would calm down. Bending forward to get a clearer view of Jurina’s face, she felt the girl shift and avoid her gaze. Frowning, Nao stepped in front of her and chided softly, “Please look at me, Jurina-san. You’re a pillar for SKE, but you don’t have to be alone in that. I too will bear this with you.”

Jurina sighed. It wasn’t like she was trying to refuse everyone’s (much needed) support, she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Accepting help meant talking things out, and talking things out meant showing weakness. And showing weakness was the one thing she would never allow herself to do. The group was going to lose a leader in a short matter of time, and the last thing they needed was a fragile leader.

“Nao, I’m fine.” She let out a tired smile, though she could tell that she wasn’t fooling anybody.

“No, you’re not,” came the prompt reply. Jurina shot the other girl an annoyed look. She appreciated the effort, but couldn't Nao read the mood?

“Don’t give me that,” Nao pressed firmly. “Anybody can see that you’re suffering.”

“Leave me alone,” Jurina replied. She stiffened and turned away.

“Sorry. Listen, Rena is going to graduate in a matter of weeks and I can tell that the two of you have been awkwardly distant from each other since she announced it.” Nao paused, checking to see if Jurina was paying attention. The girl’s back was to her, but she had stopped all activity when Nao began speaking.

“You probably have a lot you want to say to her,” she continued, “but the only way to do that is to actually confront her about it. Nothing will happen if you continue to avoid the subject. You only have a few weeks left with her, Jurina-san. I advise that you make them count.”

Nao finished her little speech and found Jurina staring at her stoically. She gestured at the dressing room, indicating her wish for the younger girl to find Rena. The two glared at each other for a few minutes before Jurina finally relented and set down the streamers. As she watched the girl’s back recede into the studio, Nao sighed with relief. The silence had almost become unbearable.

“Oh, and Jurina-san?” She waited for SKE’s unshakable ace to turn and face her before resuming. “If you have something you want to tell her, better do it soon. She might get taken after she graduates!”

A smirk flicked across her face as she watched Jurina’s face flush and her jaw drop.

“H-how did you know?” The girl stammered.

Nao smiled sweetly. “Trust me,” she laughed. “Everybody knows.”

Jurina had promised herself that she would confess to Rena before graduation, but never managed to muck up the courage to do so. Now, with the concert in a couple hours, she was feeling forlorn about ever getting to tell the older Matsui.

She sighed and shook her head. A walk was sounded welcoming right now.

Three hours later, she found herself staring at the rippling sea of neon green light sticks. Twenty-thousand fans were screaming “Rena!” repeatedly and waving the the lights in unison. Closing her eyes and drawing in a deep breath, Jurina resigned herself to the stadium lights and focused herself on the concert.

The second day of the concert passed similarly like the first one. After two days of consecutive performing, Jurina was exhausted. As soon as she got off the stage, she made a beeline to the shower room. Her sore muscle deserved a rest. She spent half an hour cleaning up and getting dressed, taking note of the gloomy atmosphere in the dressing room. As she made her way out to the parking lot, she noticed Rena standing a few yards in front of her. The older girl was about to step into taxi and leave the world of SKE permanently.

It took Jurina a split second to make up her mind.

“Rena!” She shouted. “I love you!” The freshly graduated member whipped her head around so quickly that Jurina winced at imagining the possible whiplash caused. The girl’s eyes were saucers and bored right through Jurina.

“Say that again.” Rena’s tremulous voice rose above the street noise.

“What?”

“Repeat what you just said.”

“I love you?” A brilliant smile emerged upon the exhausted features of the Nagoya princess. Jurina’s heart skipped a beat at the sight.

Rena stepped forward and cupped her palm around the younger girl’s cheek, the smile now a little melancholy. “Jurina,” she whispered. “I love you too. Don’t forget me, okay?” Retreating into the taxi, the older Matsui pulled the car door shut and sped off into the night. Jurina could only nod and stare after her.

The yellow cab had long since disappeared from sight, but Jurina’s feet only began to move after a length of time had already passed. Waving over another taxi, Jurina repeated the same three words again.

“I love you.”