He didn’t hate it at first. In fact, he didn’t care too much about it, and he never thought it would be an issue. His mother was always trying to marry him off into a wealthy family so that they can uphold their image. Lucky for her, she was able to find a mother just as eager as herself. The girl’s name was Minah, and Kyungsoo was set to marry her as soon as they both turned 20.

When he was first told that his spouse had already been chosen for him—someone he had never met before—his only reaction was to shrug and continue on with studying for his biology exam. He was 16 at the time, and much too absorbed in his studies to think about dating. He didn’t care about that or marriage, and he’d do anything to get his mother off his back about the whole thing. If this arranged marriage would keep her from nagging him and sending him on endless blind dates, then he would gladly go through with it.

And things were good at first. They met when he turned 17 and hit it off pretty well. They had more in common than he thought, yet they also had a difference in personality which made things less boring. Minah was louder than Kyungsoo, but she also had moments where she could be serious. And both had an interest in cooking, however Minah preferred desserts while Kyungsoo preferred simple everyday meals. So when they turned 20 and it came time for their wedding (which their mothers had been planning since they both were still in the womb), they were in a good place. And they continued to be in that place for years.

However, Kyungsoo couldn’t help but feel strangely… empty… That feeling was small at first. So small that he barely felt it when he watched her walk down the aisle with a timid smile and her makeup set to emphasis her beauty. But over time that feeling grew until soon he couldn’t ignore it anymore. He was missing something, and in turn, it was making it harder for him to be happy.





It’s a typical Sunday afternoon in the city; the streets are filled with people exploring the city, and the smell of food graces the air, bringing nothing but happiness to the noses of those in the area. It’s the fancy, smaller part of town—a small area known for its fine dining and high-end dessert shops—that sits only walking distance from corporate headquarters and banks.

Kyungsoo enters the small French pastry shop that Minah often frequents on her way to work. It’s her birthday today. Even though she had said she didn’t feel like celebrating, Kyungsoo thought it a husband’s duty to still give her a gift that’ll make her smile.

The place is empty, save for a man leaning at the counter with a book in hand. The first thing that hits is the smell of delicious pastries in the air. Kyungsoo had never been to this shop before. He wasn’t as into French pastries as Minah was, and he could barely recall the name of her favorite dessert.

“Excuse me,” Kyungsoo voices, startling the man who was too wrapped up in reading what looked like a… comic book? He shakes the weirdness of it off and puts a small smile on his face to greet—wow. To say that his appearance didn’t cause a sudden jump in Kyungsoo’s chest would be a lie (brown eyes, cute lips, and a gaze that makes his breath hitch), but he chooses to ignore it.

The man clears his throat as he slides his comic away. “How can I help you?” He greets with a smile of his own, and wow. Did he mention that this guy is actually handsome?

Kyungsoo once again shoves the thought away. “I need a box of a dozen French macarons.” The man—Jongin, according to his name tag—goes to pull out a box to set the pastries in. “The purple ones,” Kyungsoo adds. He doesn’t know the flavor; he can only recall the color, and is met with a snicker from Jongin, which only causes confusion.

“The purple ones?” Jongin asks in a tone that suggests mockery, amusement clear in his eyes and with the way his eyebrow is raised. Kyungsoo nods in response and there’s a sudden wave of embarrassment washing over him. Jongin gestures to the display of macarons with that same amusement in his expression. “Which purple ones?” Kyungsoo looks, only to see that there are in fact multiple purple colored French macarons. He silently curses himself for not knowing what flavors his own wife likes. This is for her, dammit.

He doesn’t say anything and only points at the ones that resembled what Minah would sometimes bring home. Jongin (who is beginning to piss Kyungsoo off), smirks. “Alright, I’ll get the ‘purple ones’ for you.” Kyungsoo is quick to scowl at the smug expression and outright mocking tone, all previous embarrassment now gone.

Jongin’s attitude doesn’t cease when the hands him the box with a; “Here’s your blueberry and lime macarons.” That same judgmental smile on his face. Kyungsoo pulls out his wallet to pay, ready to just take his food and return to his wife who is unaware of her gift, when Jongin adds; “You know, I’ve never had a customer who doesn’t know anything about macaron flavors before.”

“I don’t eat French macarons,” Kyungsoo says as he swipes his card. This seems to pique Jongin’s interest. He rests his head in his hands, elbows on the counter as he stares up at Kyungsoo with curious eyes.

“Oh, so is this your first time trying them?”

“They’re for my wife.” He punches in his code and waits for Jongin to hand him his receipt and box.

“Ah, I didn’t take you for a married man.” Jongin’s eyes glance towards the ring on Kyungsoo’s finger as he hands the receipt over. “I guess I didn’t notice the ring. You should try the macarons. I’ll have you know that these are the best French macarons in all of Seoul,” he states proudly.

“If you made them, I doubt that they are.” Kyungsoo’s still irritated from being made fun of, and seeing the way Jongin’s proud smile falters brings out Kyungsoo’s own smug expression.

“Actually, it was my mother who made them. Don’t tell me you’re upset about earlier.” Jongin examines the still-present-scowl on Kyungsoo’s face. “I was only teasing.”

“Are you going to tease all your customers like this?” Kyungsoo asks with a raised eyebrow, macarons and his plans of going home momentarily forgotten.

“Only the cute, married ones,” is Jongin’s response. Kyungsoo pauses as the words processes in his mind and irritation quickly builds up.

“I am not cute.” His scowl returns and he quickly takes his box to leave.

“Whatever you say!” Jongin shouts after Kyungsoo who is already halfway out the door. He ignores the comment in favor of continuing home.





Kyungsoo returns home with the macarons and sets them on the kitchen table. His hands move to loosen his tie, and he shrugs out of his jacket. “Minah!” He calls as he hangs his suit jacket on the back of a chair. She’s off work today, something about renovations and working from home. He can’t remember, having been too busy trying to make sure that his kimchi sauce was just right during the time of her explanation. (He has a precise way of cooking.) He heads towards their shared room with her gift and finds Minah in bed with her laptop in her lap, and her fingers tapping at the keyboard. “Minah,” he tries again.

She glances up from her work and smiles. “Kyungsoo, you’re home.” She sets aside her laptop and pats the bed.

“I got you a gift,” he says as he hands her the box of macarons he had brought from the kitchen. She stares down at it, the cursive grey words standing out from the white box. She squeals excitedly, eyes shining in glee as she opens the box and starts at the macarons. She thanks him over a mouthful of them, making him laugh.

He settles beside her under the covers. “Thank you, honey.” It’s a joke. They would always joke like this at the beginning of their marriage. They’d call each other ‘honey’ and would use playful skinship only to laugh it off. But this time the word felt strange. He didn’t like it. But he doesn’t let it show, and instead smiles and steals a macaron for himself. Jongin’s words of how they’re the “best in all of Seoul” runs through his mind before he takes a bite.

Okay. Maybe they are pretty good. But it was his first time trying and—

Minah hitting his arm causes him to drop the pastry as he moves to grip the assaulted area. She complains about him eating her gift, and in turn he complains about her hitting him until they are laughing at how they really haven’t changed much in the 8 years that they’ve known each other. In the end, Minah returns to her work and Kyungsoo heads to start on dinner before they retire in bed, following the same routine just like always.





Work the next day is the same as always, except this time he is dragged to lunch with his co-workers Chanyeol and Jongdae. “Did you hear?” is the first thing Jongdae asks him when they sit at a table. They’re in a restaurant just next to their workplace. “Yixing’s getting married,” he continues. Chanyeol makes a noise of excitement as he says something about loving weddings and how it’s about time Yixing puts a ring on his girlfriend of nearly 10 years.

“Married?” Kyungsoo asks with surprise in his tone. “Since when?” Jongdae looks deep in thought as he tries to remember, before explaining.

“It happened last week. We were all out for drinks and his girlfriend came along, and that’s when he proposed. It was sweet actually-” The rest of the story doesn’t register in Kyungsoo’s mind. He’s happy for Yixing, or at least he should be.

Everyone knows about Yixing and his girlfriend, how they met their first year of high school and have been dating since. They were inseparable, embarrassingly sweet, and nothing short of vanilla in their interactions and cavity-inducing pet names. Now they’re finally engaged, thus adding onto their straight-out-of-a-romance-movie relationship.

Somehow, deep within Kyungsoo, he felt strange. He felt envious. He couldn’t help but want what they have; that love they found at such a young age. An age where he was shoved into a marriage and spent his evenings reading textbooks in need of an A, because that’s what his parents wanted. Because he only cared about what they needed him to be.

“Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol pokes his friend’s shoulder with a look of confusion and concern. Kyungsoo snaps out of it and smiles. He’s happy for Yixing.

Before either could inquire about his mood, the waitress comes to take their order. They spend the rest of their Lunch talking about the newly engaged couple and the upcoming company meeting before heading back to work.

Kyungsoo sighs when he returns to his office, a feeling of relief settling at finally escaping the news. His eyes catch sight of the picture frame beside his computer—Minah’s eyes are closed, her lips in a duck-face pose, and her fingers in the form of a peace sign by her eyes. It was her gift to him as soon as he became CEO.

“For the days when you miss me,” she had said in a joking manner. Kyungsoo had only laughed and thanked her before giving her a picture of his own a few weeks afterwards.

He stares at it for some time, that envious feeling returning. The words “to my husband” are scribbled in the corner which only causes the envy and emptiness to grow. He’s not happy, even if he wants to be. Minah is great, Minah is amazing. Minah is funny, and sweet, and smart. She’s everything a guy should feel lucky to have, but she’s not who Kyungsoo wants.

He takes his mind off the thought with work. Thinking too much will only have negative consequences that he can’t afford.





The next day, Kyungsoo decides to eat out for lunch alone. He’d rather escape the constant talks of weddings and love that Jongdae and Chanyeol seem to enjoy discussing.

On his way to the nearby Italian restaurant, the familiar smell of baked goods has him stopping to examine the shop in front of him. He remembers the last time he had visited; the taste of the macarons Minah loves, and how Jongin had embarrassed him for his lack of macaron knowledge. His face comes to mind, along with the memory of his smile that for some reason Kyungsoo hasn’t been able to forget.

He hesitates for a moment, wondering if maybe he should take a look. Not because of Jongin. No, definitely not. It’s because of the macarons that Jongin had been right about. Wait, no. Not Jongin. Not because of him.

He peeks inside anyway, only to find it full of customers and with said person nowhere in sight. Kyungsoo decides against going inside, and is about to leave when he bumps into someone. “Oh,” is the surprised sound a familiar voice makes. Kyungsoo looks up and is met with the same face he had saw less than a few days ago.

“Oh,” Kyungsoo echoes. He avoids Jongin’s eyes, still a bit irritated at Jongin’s shameless flirting and condescending attitude. He’s prepared to leave when Jongin suddenly stops him with a hand on his shoulder, causing Kyungsoo to raise a brow in both interest and confusion.

“Did you want to go in? It’s pretty busy right now, but there are macarons in the back. I can get you a few if you want.” Kyungsoo continues to stare in confusion, unsure as to why Jongin—a stranger­—would do that for him. He opens his mouth to reject Jongin’s offer but is once again interrupted. “If you’re still mad about last time, I’m sorry for making fun of you.”

“Why would you do that for me?” Kyungsoo finally asks.

“Because I was rude to you last time, and I don’t want you bad mouthing the place to everyone. So I want to make it up to you.” Kyungsoo’s still skeptical, but finds himself giving in anyways.

“Fine,” is Kyungsoo’s response. Jongin smiles, a warm smile that actually looks kind of good on him.

“Come,” Jongin says as he tugs on Kyungsoo’s suit jacket, “let me teach you the art of French macarons.”





And that’s how Kyungsoo finds himself following Jongin past the line of people and the chatter of the seating area, towards the back where the stove and supplies lie. He figured he could entertain the guy, and it’s not as if the food is terrible.

Kyungsoo stands at a counter while Jongin searches for a plate of pastries to give. When he returns, he sets it in front of Kyungsoo—a plate of multi-colored macarons adorning it in a picture-worthy position. Kyungsoo stares at the variety of flavors, unsure as to what any of them were. “This,” Jongin says as he points to a yellow one, “is lemon flavored.” He picks it up and hands it to Kyungsoo to taste.

Even now, the skepticism hasn’t faded. Jongin seems to sense this as he sighs and takes a bite of the pastry before handing it back to a surprised Kyungsoo. “It’s not poisoned,” he states. “I’m not trying to kill you, I swear.” Kyungsoo releases a sigh of his own and tastes it, only to be once again met with pleasure in his mouth. He can definitely see why Minah likes the place. “By the way,” Jongin says as he leans against the counter to look up at Kyungsoo, “what’s your name?”

“Kyungsoo,” he answers carefully. Jongin’s face doesn’t change like he expected it to, and instead he continues to stare with a fond smile only to grab a new pastry—this time a pink one—and lift it towards Kyungsoo’s mouth.

“Taste this one, Kyungsoo.” Jongin, against Kyungsoo’s will, feeds him the treat with that same fond smile. “It’s strawberry with cream cheese filling.”

The action feels strange. It’s a kind of strange that he doesn’t understand because he’s not a kid. Jongin—someone who is most definitely not his wife, and is still, in fact, a stranger—feeding him shouldn’t make him feel that way. But he ignores it and takes the pastry to feed himself rather than allow Jongin to do so. Jongin doesn’t mention it, but he’s got that same dumb smile on him and it’s really starting to annoy Kyungsoo.





They spend a few hours eating nothing but pastries. Perhaps it’s unhealthy to do so, but they were good and the two were able to hold a conversation that lasted quite a while.

Kyungsoo was able to meet Jongin’s sister, Sooyoung, and his mother who owned the shop. He had learned that Jongin sometimes watches the pastry shop when his parents are out, and that he lived in France when he was young, which was where his mother developed her love of French pastries. They spent a good amount of time talking and learning about each other. There wasn’t much Kyungsoo had said about himself. He preferred listening, and he even got Jongin to speak French; “tu es mignon.” Of course, upon translation from Jongin’s sister, Kyungsoo ended up hitting Jongin as punishment. Jongin only laughed in response and eventually so did Kyungsoo.

In the midst of Jongin showing Kyungsoo just how difficult it is to make French macarons, they’re interrupted by Jongin’s mother. “Jongin,” she starts, an expression of frustration and annoyance clear on her face. “If you’re not helping then don’t ask me for money to buy comic books,” she says. Jongin’s face tints a shade of pink that has Kyungsoo laughing. “Your poor mother has been running the store all day by herself and you haven’t helped at all.” Jongin counters with complaints about being treated like a kid and never having been asked to help, to which she responds with her own counter arguments. Kyungsoo watches the argument with amusement, kind of enjoying how much Jongin really did resemble a kid.

He’s pulled away from the scene by his phone’s vibrations, eyes widening at the words that read Honey. He steps aside to answer his phone, and is met with Minah’s worried shouts.

“Kyungsoo, where are you?! I got a call from Chanyeol saying he hasn’t seen you since lunch! He tried calling you, but ended up calling me after the fourth attempt. Do you have any idea how worried everyone is?! They thought something happened, and—”

Kyungsoo checks his missed calls to see that Chanyeol had in fact tried to call. “Ah,” Kyungsoo interrupts. “Sorry Minah. I didn’t realize it had gotten so late.”

“How can you be taking this lightly?! Did you forget that you had to see a client today? Chanyeol had to lie for you in order to keep from losing him!” Kyungsoo winces at the memory, knowing that Chanyeol won’t be too happy when he returns. “Are you okay Kyungsoo? It isn’t like you to forget something as important as this.” Kyungsoo looks back towards Jongin who is now clad in an apron and is pulling out ingredients.

“I’m okay Minah. Sorry to make you worry, I’m on my way now. I’ll talk to Chanyeol. Oh, and I’ll bring you those macarons that you love.” He makes sure to mention her favorite dessert, hoping that she would forget about questioning his well-being. His plan is a success when Minah starts going on about Kyungsoo being the “ideal husband” and how he knows her so well, to which he laughs in response. Only, his eyes are too busy watching Jongin pour flour into a bowl to really pay attention to her words.

They hang up and Kyungsoo approaches Jongin. “Sorry, I have to go, Jongin.” The way the cup of flour almost falls from Jongin’s hands is amusing. He turns towards Kyungsoo with an almost-pout. “I think you had it wrong, Jongin.” He gives a confused look and Kyungsoo continues. “You’re the cute one,” he says with a smirk.

Jongin stares for a moment before laughing and telling Kyungsoo to go before he “starts using aegyo.” Kyungsoo takes the warning and leaves with a goodbye and a thank you to Jongin and his family. He also makes sure to grab Minah a box of (free, courtesy of Jongin’s mom) purple macarons. Blueberry and lime flavored, he remembers.





He returns to work where an angry and concerned Chanyeol sits outside his office. Kyungsoo doesn’t give an excuse for his tardiness, he only apologizes and enters his office space where nothing but work and a schedule awaits him. Chanyeol sighs and enters after him. “You know Kyungsoo, I may be your friend but I’m also your secretary. If you don’t follow the schedule and skip out on important meetings, what am I supposed to do?”

“It won’t happen again, Chanyeol.” He turns towards Chanyeol, and before the taller can ask any questions, he adds; “and I’m okay. You don’t need to worry.” Chanyeol shuts his mouth, and Kyungsoo can tell that he’s still angry. But Chanyeol doesn’t comment on the situation further, and only informs Kyungsoo of the new schedule and appointments. He’ll find a way to make it up to Chanyeol some other time.





Kyungsoo goes a few weeks without visiting the pastry shop. Work was keeping him busy, which also meant that he would get home late. On those nights, Minah would already be in bed softly sleeping. Kyungsoo would then change clothes and pass out beside her, much too tired to climb beneath the covers. In the morning, Minah would have already left for work (her building had finally finished their renovations and she was back working from the office).

Yet, it wasn’t her sleepy smile or goodbye hugs that he’d miss during the time spent working. Instead, he finds himself missing that shop, convinced that it’s because of the pastries and most definitely not because of a certain brunet who sometimes works behind the counters, happens to speak French, and also has a strange love for comic books and puppies. Whichever way he thinks about it, it doesn’t make sense. So instead of trying to decipher his brain’s strange behavior, he chooses to distract himself with work.

Of course, work is never a good enough distraction. Especially when that picture of Minah is staring at Kyungsoo in a way that makes him feel a bit guilty. He sighs and rests his head on his desk, preferring to nap. The lack of sleep is starting to catch up to him, and coffee isn’t helping whatsoever.

“Kyungsoo!” Chanyeol barges in without so much as knocking—typical. “You better not be sleeping.” He glares with his arms folded (he still hasn’t forgiven Kyungsoo for his stunt weeks ago), but Kyungsoo only lets out a frustrated sigh at the accusation.

“Go away, I’m tired.” Chanyeol shakes his head in disapproval and takes a seat on Kyungsoo’s desk. How it isn’t breaking underneath that tree’s weight is a mystery to him. He ignores the action, preferring to not waste his energy.

“It’s almost break time. I came to invite you out to lunch. Yixing’s going to be there and—” Kyungsoo tunes everything out after that. The envy he felt before is slowly coming back at the name.

“I’d rather not sit through you and Jongdae cooing over Yixing’s engagement.” He sits up and glares at Chanyeol who is confused by the sudden annoyance towards Yixing’s wedding.

“Is everything alright with Minah? You’ve been pissy towards Yixing ever since Jongdae mentioned the engagement.”

“Minah is fine. We are fine. I just don’t care.” Maybe it was a little mean to say he doesn’t care. Yixing is a friend of his too, and he should care somewhat about the engagement. He should be supportive, happy for him, but he’s not. He hates it. “I have work to do Chanyeol. Go before I fire you or something.” Chanyeol gasps with a hand over his chest in mock hurt.

“You wouldn’t,” he challenges. Kyungsoo’s expression reads ‘don’t test me’ and Chanyeol only sighs before leaving. “Okay Kyungsoo, I get it,” he says before exiting. Kyungsoo’s eyes return to that same picture of Minah, that guilt returning.





If there is one out of the hundreds of things Minah likes, it’s surprises. Kyungsoo remembers this as he stares at the assortment of jewelry. It’s a Saturday, a day that he chooses to spend his free time looking at the different nearby jewelry stores for a gift for Minah. He’s been at it for two hours now, only to find nothing that Minah would love. She has a love for accessories and cute things, yet none of the items fit that.

He leaves the store and continues on his quest. It’s not often that Kyungsoo gets time off, and the stress of trying to find something Minah will appreciate is getting to him. He doesn’t realize how far he’s walked, or that he has somehow found his way in front of the one place he’s been missing for the past few weeks.

“Kyunggie!” Kyungsoo turns around at the call, eyes wide when he sees Jongin standing at the entrance of the French pastry shop.

“What did you call me?” He asks when Jongin is closer. Jongin’s smile is bright when he repeats the name, and it kind of pisses Kyungsoo off. Maybe not, but the way it makes him feel is definitely pissing him off. “When did we start going by nicknames?” He avoids Jongin’s eyes, suddenly feeling shy with the way Jongin is still smiling at him, the effects of his new nickname present.

“Don’t be that way. I thought we were friends.” Kyungsoo doesn’t have to look to see the pout Jongin’s wearing. He can hear it in the almost whining tone. “It’s been awhile since you’ve stopped by.” And maybe Kyungsoo was hoping for Jongin to add in an ‘I missed you,’ or maybe the lack of sleep is making him delusional.

There’s a question within Jongin’s statement, one he didn’t need to ask for Kyungsoo to know. He wants to know where he’s been.

“I’ve been busy.” Jongin examines him in a way that’s starting to make Kyungsoo uncomfortable, before smiling once again and taking his wrist to pull him inside. And of course, there’s no struggle as Kyungsoo follows. In fact, he thinks he kinda likes it when Jongin leads him like this—No. Kyungsoo decides that he doesn’t like it when Jongin leads him, because that would be weird, wouldn’t it? Weird and… He’s run out of excuses to make, but thankfully Jongin’s voice pulls him away from spiraling into insanity. All this confusion is driving him crazy.

“Stay here, I’m going to tell Sooyoung to take my place. Then, you and I are going to get some food. You look dead.”

“Dead? Not cute?” Kyungsoo asks as he sits down in one of the many chairs.

“You’re always cute, but right now you’re dead and cute.” For some weird reason, the statement makes Kyungsoo’s lips twitch. He almost smiled. Almost.

“I’m not cute,” he defends. He thinks the adjective is growing on him, but quickly decides against that thought. Jongin doesn’t respond and only smiles before leaving him to head towards the back.

It’s kind of funny when he thinks about it. How he keeps running into Jongin only to be dragged off somewhere. But he doesn’t mind, and this is a thought that he accepts. It’s one he likes because Jongin is kind of fun to be around. Kind of. Maybe. Only a little.

Yeah, Kyungsoo thinks. Only a little bit fun.

Jongin returns with that stupid smile still on his face. “Alright Kyunggie, let’s go.”

Nope. His heart did not just do some weird jumping trick at the name. Kyungsoo almost wants to punch the teasing smile off Jongin’s face. The knows what he’s doing.





The café isn’t far from the pastry shop. It’s a short walking distance, one that Kyungsoo and Jongin travels in short conversations and comfortable silence. When they arrive, Jongin orders Kyungsoo an Americano to “bring some life back into your eyes,” and a bagel with extra cream cheese. Kyungsoo argues that he can order for himself because he is an adult and that’s what adults do, but Jongin ignores it to order for himself (a glass of water and a muffin because he “hates coffee.”).

They take their food and sit together over by the creamers and sugar packets where it’s quiet. “If you eat all your food I’ll feed you more macarons for dessert.” Kyungsoo glares and kicks Jongin’s shin from under the table.

“I’m not a kid, you .” Jongin rubs at the assaulted area with puppy eyes aimed towards Kyungsoo. He really wants to punch his face. But then Jongin’s laughing lightly and looking down at his water as he begins to stir his straw around.

“Are you sure? Because I think adults would be better at taking care of themselves. You look like you haven’t slept or ate properly in days.” He looks up into Kyungsoo’s surprised eyes. There’s no sign of teasing in Jongin’s eyes, but there’s something close to worry. It makes Kyungsoo feel warm. Jongin cares about his health.

“I told you I’ve been busy.” Kyungsoo’s the first to break eye contact as he looks down at his untouched bagel. Jongin’s lips are pursed in thought, he can see it from the corner of his eye.

“Is work stressing you out?”

He wonders if it’s okay to tell Jongin. This is their third time meeting, but for a reason unknown to himself, he wouldn’t mind it if this wasn’t their last. He wants to meet again, and then again, and then some more. He wants them to continue meeting each other, to talk to Jongin, to listen to Jongin for a while, and to—he’s getting ahead of himself. Kyungsoo shakes off the thoughts before returning his eyes back to the person before him.

“A little,” he confesses. He never liked admitting when he needs help, but right now he doesn’t mind it. He feels a naïve sense of trust with Jongin. Naïve because they’re still technically strangers, even if he doesn’t want to be. “A lot,” he corrects. “I haven’t been able to sleep well in weeks. I wake up early for work, I get home too late for dinner, and spend the rest of the day either working from home or I pass out. It’s the same routine, and it gets old sometimes.” He shrugs, trying to make it all seem less like a big deal.

And maybe it isn’t a big deal. Maybe he’s just being lazy, complaining about his job despite the fact that it pays extremely well and he’s living comfortably in a house many can’t afford.

“Do you like your job?” Jongin asks. Kyungsoo hesitates for a moment, thinking about whether or not he should respond to the simple question. It’s simple, the answer is simple, but he doesn’t want to say it aloud. Because that’s when he remembers everything; how hard he worked to get to his position, what he sacrificed to be where he is. He answers truthfully anyways.

“No. I hate it.” He was expecting Jongin’s question before he could even ask.

“Then why bother? If you don’t like what you’re doing, why not do something else? Why not do what you love?” Kyungsoo chuckles at how child-like Jongin is. It’s what he likes about Jongin. It’s what makes him so different from Minah. While she can be playful and hyper and fun, she can be serious and a workaholic. Kyungsoo likes that Jongin is different, that he still has this innocent look on the world, that he’s more playful than serious. All this, Kyungsoo can read just from being around Jongin. It took one day of listening to him talk and whine and laugh to notice. Jongin is a breath of fresh air for him.

“It’s not that easy,” he says. “I can’t quit just because I don’t like the job. I have people who are counting on me to take this company somewhere. I have a responsibility.” Jongin’s thinking again, his face scrunched up in thought. His ice is melting and his water hasn’t been touched either.

“Okay,” Jongin says as he leans forward. “If you weren’t doing whatever it is that you do, what would you want to be?” He doesn’t need to think on the question to know the answer.

“When I was twelve,” he begins. “I wanted to be a singer. I had auditioned for this music program, but it was only for fun. My chorus teacher said I had a good voice and that she wanted me to try out, so I did. They were accepting kids of all ages to audition and if they got in, they got to go to this fancy performing arts school. It’s the one that a lot of celebrities go to. They have all kinds of connections to companies and shows. They can make anyone who attends a star.”

Jongin’s listening closely now. He’s quiet and patient as he pays attention, something Kyungsoo appreciates. But he still finds the attention weird. He’s not used to talking about himself like this. “So I auditioned, and I got in. I didn’t think I would, but I was told that I was the best they’ve seen all day.” He stops there, a grimace now present as he remembers.

“And then?” Jongin asks, knowing that there’s a reason Kyungsoo’s telling the story. And there is. There is, but he doesn’t think he’s ready to talk about it. Even if it’s been years, the memory still weighs heavily on his heart.

“I didn’t get to go.” There. It’s done, it’s out there. He doesn’t say more, and he doesn’t want to say more. Maybe Jongin understands that, what with the way he’s looking right through Kyungsoo.

“That’s it?” Kyungsoo nods despite that being a lie. That’s not it. It doesn’t matter, it’s a childish dream anyways. “I didn’t take you for a liar.” Jongin sits back in his chair with that same look, like he’s reading Kyungsoo. Like he can see through every word, every move, every look.


“And what about you?” Jongin doesn’t react when he changes the subject, he just goes with it. And Kyungsoo’s thankful for that, because finally, finally, Jongin understands how hard the topic is for him. Kyungsoo finally makes for his coffee and begins to sip on it, only to choke when Jongin answers.

“I used to do ballet.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes are wide with disbelief. “You? Ballet?”

Jongin glares. “Don’t judge me, okay? And don’t laugh either, boys can do ballet. It’s not weird.”

“I wasn’t! I swear!” The glare disappears from Jongin’s face, and he smiles shyly. Kyungsoo thinks that maybe he’s the first person Jongin has told this to. Or maybe he’s embarrassed by the fact. Either way, with the way Jongin avoids looking at him when he continues, it seems personal.

“I used to do ballet,” he repeats. “I wanted to be a dancer. And no, I didn’t have any kind of traumatic injury that kept me from dancing. But in France, things were easier. My dad was working his way up the ladder and my mother was planning to open her own pastry shop. I was in different dance classes, but my favorite was ballet. It was just… It was a different feeling. But then we had to move.”

Kyungsoo watches the way Jongin’s lips turn downward into a frown. “My dad was transferred here, but not many people were kind when they found out I did ballet. They were mean but I didn’t care because it was something I loved. But then my dad got fired, and he struggled to find a job. My mom wasn’t able to afford opening up a shop. So we were broke. My sister had to drop out of her private school, and I had to stop taking dance classes. To make a long story short, things eventually got better for us and my dad found work again even though it didn’t pay as well, and my mom opened up her pastry shop.”

Jongin’s smiling again, a warm one that reaches his eyes. Kyungsoo definitely likes it.

“Why didn’t you go back?” He asks as Jongin finally takes a sip of his water. “When things got better, why didn’t you go back to ballet?”

“Dreams die.” Kyungsoo’s taken aback by the response, not expecting for Jongin to be the one to say something like that. Maybe he misread Jongin. Maybe his outlook on life isn’t as innocent as he thought. “Things got better, but it wasn’t until recently that the shop started becoming popular. Other things got in the way as well, and as I got older I realized that it was a stupid dream. I realized that my mom needed me, and so I let it die.”

Things are silent for some time, but it’s not unpleasant. There’s nothing left to say anyway.

Kyungsoo’s phone suddenly vibrates and when he picks it up, he remembers that he’s supposed to be looking for a gift for Minah. There’s a text from her asking what time he’ll be home for work, and he quickly stands to return to his original goal. This isn’t like him. Forgetting tasks—important tasks—isn’t like him.

“Where are you going?” His lack of sleep must really be getting to him, because it almost sounds like Jongin’s disappointed.

“I have to go.” One look at Jongin’s face has him confirming his initial thought. He’s definitely disappointed.

“Can I—” Jongin stops himself before he finishes the sentence, which only worsens the expression he wears. “Can we stay in touch?” Jongin finally asks. By the look in Jongin’s eyes, that’s not what he originally wanted to ask, but Kyungsoo lets it go and only nods with a smile.

They exchange numbers, Jongin smiling mischievously as he tries (and fails) to be inconspicuous. “What are you doing?” Kyungsoo asks as he tries to get close enough to see.

Jongin moves his phone closer to his chest. “Nothing,” he says, but sniggers. Kyungsoo grows even more curious and tries to take the phone from an unwilling Jongin, who only continues to move it out of reach. In the end, Kyungsoo has Jongin’s phone in his hand, Jongin whining about personal space in the background as Kyungsoo stares at the words on the screen.

He punches Jongin’s shoulder and hands back the phone. “‘Cutie’? Seriously?” Jongin’s grin would be irritating if it wasn’t for the fact that Kyungsoo slips up, and admits to himself that he kind of likes the name Jongin’s saved him under. But then he catches himself—he almost let it show, almost gave in to Jongin’s teasing. “And what’s with all the heart emojis?” he asks, punching Jongin again only this time it’s weaker. He hopes Jongin didn’t notice.

Kyungsoo thinks that he may be growing soft—that Jongin has gotten under his skin in a matter of 3 meetings, but in a way that he wants to remain forever.

No. He didn’t just admit that.

Another vibration from Kyungsoo’s phone has him once again remembering his task. He says goodbye, Jongin telling him to call him sometime, and goes back to hunting for a gift for Minah.





He ends up not finding a gift for her. He’s exhausted all the stores trying to find something that fit Minah, but nothing did, and that was partially because his mind kept on wandering. Every time he examined a display of jewelry, he would remember the smile Jongin would flash or the sound of his laugh. He hates it.

A “J” on a necklace, and he would think of Jongin. A “K” on a necklace, and he would remember the nickname Jongin gave him, which lead to thinking about Jongin. So he calls it a day and returns to his office, only to let his frustrations out on poor Jongdae who simply asked if Kyungsoo happened to have a black-ink pen since he lost his. He doesn’t really deserve a 30-minute-long lecture on why Jongdae needs to get his “ together” and to “stop being an irresponsible brat.” And he may have been in the wrong for adding on a, “Do your job or I’ll find somebody who can.” Jongdae only gave him a stunned look before remembering that he left his pen in his back pocket, and eventually left, sending Kyungsoo strange looks for the rest of the day.

It doesn’t help when later that day, Jongin, who Kyungsoo is most definitely not thinking about in that exact moment, texts him with a ‘hey’ and a smiling emoji after it. It’s close to 10, and Kyungsoo has locked himself away in his study to, as usual, do work. He turns towards the screen of his laptop where the cursor blinks at him, telling him to focus on work and not on texting back Jongin who always seems to be a distraction.

Judging by the way he gets so absorbed in texting Jongin until 12 a.m., he was right. He didn’t get a single thing done.

I’m sleepy, sing me a lullaby

go to bed, he replies.

ur not cute at all. I’m changing ur name to

I’m taking the hearts away too. u’ll have a bunch of angry emojis instead >:(

A knock on the door keeps Kyungsoo from responding to the message. Without him saying so, Minah enters, but he doesn’t mind. She looks worried and drained, most likely for the same reason as Kyungsoo—work. “Are you still working?” she asks, and oh. He forgot all about that.

“I was just finishing up,” he lies, although he likes to think of it as being only half of one. He was going to bed soon anyway.

Minah is lonely. Kyungsoo can tell by the way she lingers there for a few minutes before smiling softly and announcing that she’s going back to bed. Kyungsoo feels bad because he should go with her. He should want to do everything in his power to make her not feel lonely. He should be caring for her.

His phone vibrates, flashing Jongin’s name.

u’re always so cold to me ;(

Kyungsoo doesn’t respond to the text, and instead goes to lie down beside Minah. They never sleep too close, only ever keeping enough distance for a third body to lie between them. But tonight Minah is in that space, an arm thrown around Kyungsoo’s waist and he can feel her smile against his shirt. “Goodnight,” she says before drifting into sleep. Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything, and ignores the discomfort he feels in her arms.





“Are you thinking of buying that bracelet?”

Kyungsoo screams when Jongin suddenly appears close to him. Jongin laughs at Kyungsoo’s reaction, which is in no way funny.

“Where did you come from?” Kyungsoo asks instead of cursing his friend. Is it okay to call him that? Jongin’s smiling brightly as always, and Kyungsoo’s gotten used to the way it warms his insides.

“Over there,” Jongin says as he points to the Zara store on the other side of the mall. “I was looking for something to get Sooyoung for her birthday.” Kyungsoo nods in understanding and turns back towards the display of jewelry in front of him, eyes instantly catching the silver item he had been considering. It’s a charm bracelet, one with charms that scream nothing but cute and Minah. Kyungsoo thinks he’s finally found the one. “So,” Jongin says as he leans in close, too close, to Kyungsoo to look over him. “Is it for your wife?” There’s a little smirk on his face like he just knows.

“How do we keep running into each other?” Kyungsoo mutters. He turns to Jongin now. “I was thinking about it. Minah—”

“Minah,” Jongin repeats the name, not caring that he’s interrupted Kyungsoo. “Her name is Minah? She sounds cute.”

“Do you call everyone cute?” For some reason, Kyungsoo feels as though he wouldn’t like it if Jongin said yes. Not that he’ll ever admit that. Rather than waiting for a response, Kyungsoo switches the subject. “I was only thinking about it. I’ve been working a lot lately, so I wanted to get Minah something to make up for making her feel lonely.”

“Well aren’t you a good husband,” Jongin responds. Kyungsoo shrugs, not really sure if he agrees with that statement. He hasn’t been a good husband these days. A good husband wouldn’t leave her feeling lonely. “What are you waiting for? You should buy it. It’s cute and expensive, so she’ll love it.” Kyungsoo agrees, and pays for the bracelet. Minah will love it.

“Hey,” Jongin says as they exit the store. “You never talk about your wife.”

“This is our fourth time meeting and you want me to talk about my wife?” Kyungsoo asks with a raised brow. Jongin shrugs.

“Isn’t that what married guys do? Talk about their wives and how in love they are.” That seems to get to Kyungsoo. He looks down and for the millionth time, he feels guilty. He should be in love, shouldn’t he? He remembers now, the reason he had hesitated in buying the bracelet. He remembers where his mind was before Jongin had startled him out of it. Engagement rings.

“That is how it works, isn’t it?” It’s faint, barely above a whisper. Yet Jongin seems to have supersonic hearing with the way he picks it up.

“Sounds like trouble in paradise. Are you two fighting?”

“Are you always this nosey?” Jongin isn’t offended, not in the least bit. Figures.

“That’s what happens when you grow up in a family full of gossipers.” Kyungsoo gives up, not bothering to try and argue with that. But he’s glad that Jongin at least changed the subject. The topic of his wife isn’t something he wants to share with Jongin, and he doesn’t understand why.

Jongin suddenly stops walking, and turns to face Kyungsoo who also stops. He sets his hand on both shoulders, and examines Kyungsoo’s face in a way that is too close for comfort, but also close enough for comfort. Kyungsoo doesn’t understand why the close proximity is driving his insides crazy.

“Are you trying to tell me I have something on my face?” Kyungsoo asks with a nervous laugh. Jongin pulls away, and he’s able to breathe more easily.

“You look less dead and a lot cuter. Have you been eating well?”

“I’m an adult, I don’t need a kid looking after me.” Jongin doesn’t seem convinced, but Kyungsoo’s insides were once again going crazy with how much Jongin cares. Kyungsoo’s never been cared for like this. Or maybe he has. It doesn’t matter, because this is Jongin caring for him which in his twisted mind is much better than anyone else doing so.

“I’m only a year younger than you.” There’s that pouty thing again. Kyungsoo’s going to have a heart attack if this keeps up.

“Did you forget that you have a sister you’re supposed to be getting a gift for?”

“I think Sooyoung can handle a late birthday gift.” Kyungsoo doesn’t argue, knowing that it’s Jongin’s way of telling him that he isn’t going anywhere. Kyungsoo’s okay with that. He likes having company. He likes Jongin’s company.

He’s not afraid to admit that now.

Jongin follows Kyungsoo out of the mall like a lost puppy. Kyungsoo doesn’t speak on it, only lets him. He even lets Jongin slip inside his car and when he gives a questioning look, Jongin’s response is, “I took the bus here.” Kyungsoo still doesn’t argue, and even lets Jongin turn on the radio. The songs Jongin plays ranges from girl groups to solo artists to the Top 10 popular songs. Kyungsoo listens quietly, even sings a bit when something he recognizes comes on. They don’t say much to each other, but Kyungsoo finds that he enjoys how comfortable it is.

It’s when he arrives at his workplace with Jongin trying to follow him up the elevator to his office that Kyungsoo finally puts his foot down.

“You’re a distraction,” Kyungsoo says when Jongin asked why he wasn’t allowed inside. Jongin scoffs at that, but Kyungsoo finds the way he tries to defend himself amusing. If only Jongin knew. “You’ll be bored anyway. I have meetings scheduled all afternoon so you might as well just head home.” Jongin looks like he wants to argue it but eventually gives in with a sigh. “Do you need a ride home?” Kyungsoo asks as he glances at the time on his phone. He has a few minutes, enough time to take Jongin home and come back.

“It’s fine. I can walk from here, it’s not too far.” Kyungsoo knows that. He just wanted a reason to spend more time with Jongin. But Jongin doesn’t notice and Kyungsoo isn’t going to say it out loud. It’s weird to want that anyway.

When Jongin leaves, Kyungsoo heads up to his office where Chanyeol is waiting to take him to his first meeting. It’s a long day, but Jongin texts him from time to time, so it feels a lot more bearable.

By the time Kyungsoo gets home, it’s late. Minah is in the kitchen cooking and Kyungsoo greets her with her gift. She loves it, as predicted, and it looks beautiful on her wrist. But when she kisses Kyungsoo on the lips—something he isn’t used to—he freezes. Minah doesn’t seem to notice his frozen state, too absorbed in praising Kyungsoo for being “such a great husband.”

Kyungsoo goes to bed feeling even more conflicted than before.

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Here it is! Sorry if there's any spacing that's off. I haven't edited this yet because I'm lazy >.<

Part 2 will be up tomorrow <3