“So, how have you been?” The psychologist asks as she looks into my eyes.

Scrutinizing. Searching for any signs of instability.

I look away from her eyes and into the family picture placed on one of the shelves. Immediately my mind wanders off into the past, back when I was still so sure that I would be spending my future with you.

The sun floods into the room as we lay side by side, drowning in its light. Both of us are awake, but neither of us want to get up and prepare for the long day ahead, opting to stay and bask in other’s presence for a while more.

“If only we could lie here all day,” you say as you trace random patterns on my side, “but then we have work, and we need to earn for our future family.”

You sigh, not wanting to be reminded of work, yet you reminded yourself of it.

“Future family?” I ask, and immediately your face turns into a pout.

“What? Don’t you want to have a family with me in the future?” you say as you feign disappointment, which I fell for.

“No, I-i mean, yes I want to have a family with you in the future, but isn’t that too far ahead?” I ask.

“No, it’s never too far ahead to plan your future with the one you love, Junghwa,” you say matter-of-factly.

You were right. Us being together in the future was not too far ahead. It was far-off. Those dreams will only remain in the recesses of our minds now, or maybe just mine, never to be turned into reality.

No. This is not the time to dwell on the past.

Smile, Junghwa. Compose yourself.

“Better,” I lie.

My life could never be better without you. But still, you were able to find a life presumably better without me. I wonder if I could ever do the same.

“Are you still happy here, Hani? With me?” I ask.

Please lie to me. Lie to me and tell me you still are.

“I… I was, Junghwa. I was.” You started, “but I am happier with him now.”

Somehow, I already knew you would say that, but it still managed to hurt me. And it still does until now. It hurt so goddamn much that I had to go to this goddamn therapy just to fool myself into feeling okay.

The counselling session droned on with the psychologist’s long questions and my short but precise replies, almost as if we were running on a script. Finally, she handed me my medical prescription, and the session was over.

I head to the pharmacy downstairs and hand my prescription over to the counter. As I waited for my name to be called, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a glimpse of that familiar brown hair walking the same steps I walked towards the psychologist’s clinic.

Immediately, time stopped.

“So, how have you been?” The psychologist asks as she looks into my eyes.

Scrutinizing. Searching for any signs of instability.

I look away from her eyes and into the family picture placed on one of the shelves. Immediately my mind wanders off into the past, back when I was still so sure that I would be spending my future with you.

The sun floods into the room as we lay side by side, drowning in its light. Both of us are awake, but neither of us want to get up and prepare for the long day ahead, opting to stay and bask in other’s presence for a while more.

“If only we could lie here all day,” I say as I trace random patterns on your side, “but then we have work, and we need to earn for our future family.”

I sighed, not wanting to be reminded of work, yet I reminded myself of it. How foolish.

“Future family?” You ask out of curiosity. Seeing this as a chance to tease you for a bit, my face immediately turned into a put, feigning disappointment.

“What? Don’t you want to have a family with me in the future?”

“No, I-i mean, yes I want to have a family with you in the future, but isn’t that too far ahead?” Haha! I knew you’d fall for it!

“No, it’s never too far ahead to plan your future with the one you love, Junghwa,” I say matter-of-factly.

I was right. Us being together in the future was not too far ahead. It was far-off. Those dreams will only remain in the recesses of our minds now, or maybe just mine, never to be turned into reality.

No. This is not the time to dwell on the past.

Smile, Hani. Compose yourself.

“Better,” I lie.

My life could never be better without you. But still, I assume you were able to find a life that is better without me…? I hope you have. I don’t think a coward like me deserves someone like you.

“Are you still happy here, Hani? With me?” You ask through gritted teeth.

I am. I really am, but I don’t think my parents would be if they found out. Neither would the people around be.

“I… I was, Junghwa. I was.” I started, “but I am happier with him now.” Lie. I am obviously happier with you, but somehow the pressure put on by everyone around me has gotten to me. I’m sorry Junghwa, I’m really sorry, but I have to let you go. It’s for the best. I hope you understand.

Somehow, I already knew it would hurt you, but believe me, I was hurt too. I was hurt the moment you stopped fighting for us and walked out the door, but maybe it was all my fault for lying to you. I was hurt to the point of having to admit to everything to my unaccepting parents, only to chase after a fading silhouette. You were gone before I could even try again.

The counselling session droned on with the psychologist’s long questions and my short but precise replies, almost as if we were running on a script. Finally, she handed me my medical prescription, and the session was over.

I head to the pharmacy downstairs and hand my prescription over to the counter. As I waited for my name to be called, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a familiar figure with jet-black hair sitting a few meters away from where I am.

Immediately, everything started slowing down to a stop.

Immediately, the past had begun cutting through once again into the present, and past wounds that have slowly begun to heal have been reopened, this time even deeper than before.

Could this be the chance I have been waiting for?

A/N: I know this is a bit on the WTF side of the spectrum at times, and I apologize. It's just that I'm so frustrated about what's happening in my life right now and I ended up typing away whatever comes to my head instead of looking for literature for research. Procrastination at its finest. Anyway, don't forget to comment your thoughts! Oh, and this was actually inspired by Clara Benin's cover of Urbandub's "The Fight is Over". I have no idea how I got the thought from that song but I did. Hahahaha! :D