So empty.

“What is?”

“My eyes.” He sighs and turns his head to look over at his company. “Where are you?” His hands slowly rise to touch the face next to his, the back of his fingers running over their cheek. Closing his eyes, he smiles and shakes his head. “Don’t answer that, better left unsaid. You were always a mystery, I’d like to leave you that courtesy.”

“You owe me that much.”

And yet, after he opens his eyes, he breathes wistfully and asks again in a hushed voice, “Where did you go, hyung?”

“I left,” is all he got in response.

“But we were happy,” he asks without a question. Like asking for confirmation. “You left with good memories.”

“I don’t know. It was just…over.”

His hand inches closer until he can twine his cold fingers with their hand. He brings it closer to him until he can rest it on his chest. He mouths, “It’s so empty.”

“What is?”

He kisses the other’s knuckles. “My hand. It’s like, as if nothing’s there anymore.” He drops their hands so that it rests on the ground, right in between them. “No one’s going to ever hold my hand again.”

“Do you miss me?”

He shrugs. “There’s…longing. But I look at you, and you’re smiling. I look in the mirror, and I’m smiling.” He pauses, staring at his hands in curiosity and muted horror. “Am I monster?”

“Why am I smiling?”

Another shrug. “You’re free.”

“Then so are you.” He feels a hand brush away hair from his eyes. “Don’t worry, baby.”

“But I’m sad.”

“No, you’re just alone.”

He looks up ahead at the dimly lit ceiling, suddenly overwhelmed. “That’s so sad.” A tear clears a path out the corner of his eye, and the tip of his nose tingles with heavy emptiness.

“It’s okay, you can say it.”

He shakes his head. “No, I can’t.” He closes his eyes. “When I can’t see, you just flicker in and out. There’s a smile, and sometimes a laugh. You’re sighing a lot. And crying. Or yelling.” Eyes still closed, he frowns and turns his head. “I don’t miss you, it’s too vague. I don’t know what to miss.”

“That’s fair.”

“Why did you leave? Everything’s so much bigger and vacant by myself. It’s like I’m back where I started, only now I know that I’m lost. And on top of that, forsaken.”

“I remember you.”

“You shouldn’t. You don’t count. You disappear more and more after time.”

“Then don’t forget me.”

“You don’t know how hard it is.” He looks ahead in yearning, pleading with his eyes. “Give me one more chance. To make things right.”

He sees the sigh before he hears it. First it appears in the crease of the brows, the slow droop of the corner of the eyes, the tragic yet lovable parting of the lips that exudes so much regret.

“I’ve told you it won’t change anything, only make things worse. Don’t waste this chance on the dead.”

“If I don’t, I might as well be dead. It’s my choice, love. Let me do this.”

Another sigh. “Why would you want to ever wake up to that again? It’ll only make you delusional. More so.”

He grabs the other’s face between his hands and presses their foreheads together desperately. “Please. Just let me save us.”

There was nothing at first: no movement, no breaths, not even the flutter of an eyelash. Then their lips finally met, the other’s kiss filled with hesitance and regret.

~

TWO WEEKS AGO

He’s awake in the first chime of the alarm, jolting underneath the heap of discarded blankets. His eyes are heavy with sleep but his mind rings clear and sharp with his heart. He squints at the clock and checks the date: January 14th.

A day before the day.

Breathing a heavy sigh of relief, he falls back into bed, his arm covering the sun in his gaze. His other arm reaches over to the space next to him, grasping for warmth. The only thing he feels is empty nothing. He stops, sitting up straight in bed.

Did it not work? Has the clock stopped on that day, too? He shuts his eyes as tears sting behind them, but he can only grip the bedspread as they crawl down his cheeks. After hanging all hope on this, all I got is…

The bathroom door opens suddenly, letting in an explosion of steam and the smell of shampoo. His shampoo.

“What are you doing up so early?”

Seunghyun looks up to find Jiyong hyung staring at him, crooked smile in place, drying his damp hair while holding his glasses between his lips by one of its legs.

It’s him. He’s standing there: talking, smiling breathing. Everything is back to how it should be.

Seunghyun can’t muster up the strength to smile. “Your alarm…” he says pathetically.

Hyung looks at the clock sitting innocently on the nightstand. “Crap. Sorry, I forgot to turn it off. I should have let you sleep last night off…” He trails off then, avoiding Seunghyun’s eyes and shuffling to his closet. “Anyways, my bad.”

Last night. Seunghyun remembers: a heist, a stand-off with the rebels uptown. He checks his shoulder to see a bloodstained bandage wrapped around. He glances up at hyung who’s shrugging on a blue button down with khakis crumpled around his ankles.

“No, it’s fine. I wanted to see you before you left.”

“I don’t want to fight again this morning. I was apologizing before, if you didn’t get it.” Hyung pulls up his pants and turns around to face Seunghyun. His shirt is still undone, except now a tie is hanging loose around his neck. “I’m just scared for you, that’s all. Someone has to be.”

“Hyung…”

“And I know you think this is how things should change. Just take care of yourself, that’s all I’m asking. Don’t come home with a knife stabbed in your back.”

Seunghyun shakes his head. “Shoulder,” he corrects.

“You’re lucky that was all there was.” Hyung buttons up his shirt and rumples his hair, sneaking a look at the mirror, his back turned to the bed.

Without even realizing what he was doing, Seunghyun slides out of bed and walks up silently behind hyung , wrapping his arms around hyung’s waist and burying his face into the nape of hyung’s neck.

“Thank you,” he whispers before pulling away and turning hyung around, focusing on tying his necktie so that he doesn’t have to meet hyung’s surprised gaze. “For worrying about me,” he says louder, tucking the tie beneath the collars.

He’s met with silence, and when he expects hyung to ask him the matter, all he gets in response is, “How do you know how to tie a tie? All you wear is a black suit and white button down., you gangster”

Laughing slightly, Seunghyun finishes the tie and finally looks up. “What if I told you I was done with it? That I found a way out?”

He’s slapped on the back of his head. “I told you to stop lying to me, idiot.”

“No, I’m serious. I think I can get out. I just need to be smart about it.”

“Oh, then you know I’m all for it.” Hyung looks at him with a small frown. “What’s changed? This was something you believed in. Change for the better, in favor of the little people.”

Seunghyun bites the inside of his cheek. “It’s not worth losing you over, hyung.”

Hyung rolls his eyes, turning away to hide his blush. “Sappy,” he mutters, grabbing a scarf and jacket, and slinging his bag over his shoulder. “You were lucky I’m just an intern. Prosecution would have loved to eat you alive if I had to tell them I knew a member of one of Seoul’s rebels.” He pecks a kiss on Seunghyun’s cheek before disappearing behind the door. “See you at dinner.”

Seunghyun crumples to the floor as soon as the doors close, shallow breaths deteriorating to heartbroken sobs. He can still smell hyung’s shampoo around him with each inhale, and not have it be tainted with the stench of blood.

~

“Hyung, it’s okay. It’s over. Come to me, slowly. It’s all right. I’m here now.”

They reach out their hands at the same time, fingers closing in closer with each staggering step. He’s close enough so that he can see the cut lip, the bleeding forehead, the bruised neck, the reddened wrists. All he can’t see are the tears or the eyes, replaced by the black cloth. He hopes that hyung isn’t crying, but what else is there to do for him?

“Seunghyun-ah,” he coughs, his voice searching. His feet are unsteady and he’s walking out of line, further and further to the side.

“Just follow my voice, hyung.”

There’s an explosion somewhere all of a sudden. His face is suddenly speckled with something warm and wet. He doesn’t have time to check; he’s too busy watching hyung’s chest spread red with blood, right over his heart…too busy watching hyung fall clumsily to the ground as if he’s only tripped…it’s not like the movies where he falls slowly to his knees, the pain growing in his eyes.

He couldn’t even see hyung’s eyes.

~

Seunghyun grabs the phone before it’s even finished with its first ring. He doesn’t need to speak.

“You son of a ,” he’s greeted with. “Where is it, huh? Where did you hide it?”

“I’ll give it back if you let me out,” he replies coolly.

“What did you say? Are you giving me orders? Learn some manners, disrespectful prick.”

Seunghyun opens the doors to the warm building, greeting the receptionist with a familiar nod and walking to the center of the lobby. “I have the upper hand here. I’m not trying to ruin the plan, you can trust me on that. All I need is to get out. Once you guarantee that, I’d be happy to give it back.”

“You ought to be taught to learn your place. I thought you’d have learned who you work for. I’m not giving in so easy.”

“I know,” he says before hanging up. He tucks the phone away and takes a deep breath. So far the events were unfolding just as he had expected them to. All he has to do now is keep an eye on hyung, staying by his side. He sits down on one of the cushions and watches the winter outside through the glass doors, the sun already setting by the invisible horizon. He keeps one eye out for anyone familiar, the boss’s words circling in and out of his head.

It’s an hour or so later when he sees hyung getting off the elevator, only six o’clock but pitch black as if midnight.

“Lee Seunghyun, what are you doing here?” They kiss hello while Seunghyun looks around, eyeing any passing man. “First you come get me for lunch, and now this?”

“I thought I’d surprise you and walk you home. Maybe we’d go out to eat tonight. Celebration or whatever.”

Hyung raises an eyebrow. “You’re acting weird today.”

Seunghyun shrugs. “Just excited about the future.” They escape outside without bumping into anyone, but while they’re walking towards the center of the city, Seunghyun catches the eyes of a man cloaked in a familiar suit: black with a white shirt, no tie. They stare at each other when they cross paths, daring each other to make a move. It ends when the man walks away, a cell phone to his ear.

The past is rewritten for now. Hyung is safe for one more night. Now, it’s unknown territory.

“Are you going to walk me home tomorrow?” Hyung suddenly asks, linking his arm through Seunghyun’s. “Or is this a one-time kind of deal?”

“Do you have to go to work tomorrow? You don’t even get paid.”

“I get paid with experience. That way I can make money later.”

“I make money.”

“From a part-time job. I want a career, so that you don’t have to be only one bringing in money for us.”

Seunghyun smiles, relaxed for the first time. “Whatever future you want, hyung.”

~

TOMORROW MORNING

JIYONG

“Kwon intern.”

“Yes, sir?”

“Someone from your team’s case is downstairs at reception. See what they need.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And take that jacket off. It’s only cold outside.”

“Right, sorry sir.”

Take the elevator, it’s so much faster. Say hi to Cha sunbae. Say hi to the security guards, they work so hard. Look at that Christmas tree…they should really take it down.

“Hi, Miss Jang. Someone here about Mr. Park’s civil lawsuit?”

“That would be me. I’m Mr. Park’s assistant, he sent me here to discuss our next action. He sent me to look for Mr. Kwon.”

“Oh, that’s me. But I’m just an intern, you probably want Lawyer Yang.”

“I was told Mr. Kwon could help me just as well. Do you mind if we go to Mr. Park’s office for a quick meeting? We can contact Lawyer Yang to join us later.”

“Uh, I guess so. I thought the meeting was next week?”

“Mr. Park has to reschedule that date for personal matters, but he wanted to have this meeting as soon as he could.”

“All right, I guess I’ll be there to take notes. Miss Jang, could you tell Team Leader Yoon I’m headed out? And also message Lawyer Yang to meet us at Mr. Park’s office? Thank you. Oh, and sorry to ask, but could you tell Lee Seunghyun I’m going to miss lunch and I’ll meet him after work? Thanks so much.”

Get into the car, escape the cold. Should have kept the jacket on. Warm leather seats though. Must be nice to be rich.

“Even though I’m just an intern, I know that Lawyer Yang wants Mr. Park to consider the deal. The prosecution proposed another set and Lawyer Yang thinks it’s worth looking into.”

“All right. Should I do it now?”

Is he talking to me? Oh, he’s looking at the driver.

“Yeah, boss wants him awake for the video.”

What the…

Black. Everything. Black.

~

The TV fizzles out again while Seunghyun lazes on the couch, a bowl of cereal for lunch balanced on his stomach.

“Ah, damn it.” He gets up and hits the side of the set with the heel of his hand until the sound of the static gets to be too loud. Seunghyun takes a last spoonful of cereal before putting it down on the coffee table behind him.

There’s a knock at the door. Zipping up and throwing the hood over his head, Seunghyun peeps through the peephole and opens the door.

“Can I help you?”

The stranger holds up a phone. “There’s a video in here. He wants you to watch until the very end.”

“Sorry, who?”

“Who do you think? The boss. Said don’t throw away the phone until you’ve seen the end. He went through the trouble of making it just for you, he wants you to know he didn’t have to. You made him. Blah blah, you get what he’s saying.” He points a finger at Seunghyun’s frozen face and smiles. “Until the very end. Very important that you do.” Then he walks down the corridor, whistling a dead tune.

Seunghyun looks at the burner phone, seemingly new. Not even the screen cover was peeled off. Seunghyun shuts the door closed and opens the phone. It’s shows a frozen picture of their meeting house, dirty walls with exposed pipes and cracked windows.

He presses play.

The camera starts to shake with movement. “Bring him into the screen, .” The shot zooms away to film two men dragging a figure between them towards the phone. The figure struggles and cries out, weakly trying to get away. “Yeah, there you go. Hang him by the pipes, get a nice full shot.” They drag him over to where the rusty pipes by the window lay in a flimsy maze, many of them broken and hanging down tilted, dirty water dripping out around the edges.

“Fix his hair, would you? You can’t see his face.”

It’s hyung. Blindfolded, bleeding, barefoot. He’s drenched in sweat, his tie hanging so low, shirt untucked and bloodstained. But it’s still hyung.

The camera flashes towards the voice. It’s him, the Rebel, the Boss. He’s smiling at the camera. “Don’t go smashing the phone yet. I haven’t told you what you need to know.” He waves at the person behind the camera and it zooms to hyung again.

“Okay, pretty. Let’s start off simple. Guys, take off the tape, I need him talking. Can you tell me your name?” To the camera, he whispers, “I already know his name.”

Hyung stutters out, “Kwon Jiyong.”

“All right, off to a great start. You know Lee Seunghyun, right?” Again, he whispers to the camera, “I already know that, too.”

Hyung bites his lips, trembling. “Please.”

There’s a sigh. “Almost.” One man appears in the shot with a wooden bat and before Seunghyun has time to brace himself, the bat swings and hits Jiyong across the stomach.

“Ouch! That had to hurt!” The Boss laughs. “You know it hurts more when they can’t see it coming. Again again, Kwon Jiyong, let’s go again. You know Lee Seunghyun?”

When he’s able to breathe again, all that hyung lets out is a painful, shuddering sob. The bat comes swinging again. Hyung’s legs try to crumple up, his body trying to curl in on itself, but it’s so feeble he only seems to be writhing in pain.

“Where’s Lee Seunghyun hiding the files and the flash drive?”

He’s only able to cry out, trying to get away from the man with the bat. At one point, he just keeps swinging and on his final swing he aims too high and hits hyung’s neck. It throws his body so hard to the side that the pipes suddenly give with an ear piercing screech. Hyung falls to the ground on his side and the cries stop suddenly, replaced by rasping coughs that trickle blood down his chin. His body stops trying to get away, only focusing on breathing right.

“Ooh, right in the throat! Kwon Jiyong, let’s sit down now. The camera’s gotta see your face.”

Hyung doesn’t move, can’t move. Only tries to catch his breath. The Boss gives a loud sniff and saunters into the camera. He grabs hyung by his tie and drags him calmly to the center of the shot. “Please sit,” he says before shoving hyung onto the chair. Standing there, blocking hyung’s body from the camera, Boss reaches around to his back pocket, pulls out a gun and fires a shot just above hyung’s head.

Hyung jumps silently, his mouth open in a scream but too bled out to use his voice.

With a light chuckle, Boss moves and stands behind hyung, tightening the blindfold.

“Can we try for a smile?” Boss brushes strands of hyung’s hair from his face and smiles himself.  “Smile for your boyfriend, you know he’s watching. If you can’t, at least tell me something useful.”

“Don’t involve him,” hyung whispers.

Seunghyun’s breath catches in his throat, the ache in his stomach now a shot to his heart.

Boss laughs in disbelief. “This son of a…” He walks around from behind the chair to the side before throwing a kick that sends hyung tumbling off the chair. Hyung raises his arms, trying to cover his face with tied wrists, when the punches won’t stop. “He’s already involved, .” Boss gets up with a final kick and bends down, grabs hyung by his hair and raises his head to the camera.

The screen zooms in.

“You know what I want. This is how far I’m going to get it,” he says, pulling out his gun and pointing it to hyung’s head. “You don’t come with both the files and flash drive, I’ll send another video. You’ll see me put a bullet in his head, okay?” He smiles. “Now you can throw the phone.”

The screen goes black.

With eyes stinging red, Seunghyun screams and throws the phone against the wall. It goes THUD without shattering and falls pathetically to the floor.

Could the future be changed at all? Except for the date, the events unfolded just as they had done before. He had been so careful, but he was only reliving his past.

Don’t waste this chance on the dead…

Seunghyun-ah…

Seunghyun shakes his head. “You’re not dead yet, hyung.”

~

It’s almost identical to that day. The day that should have been only a day ago, but was now happening this day. The only different thing is that the sun is still in the sky, above the invisible horizon. Back then, it had been dark, past dinner. He had been left to wonder when hyung was coming home before it got so late that it was only then that he decided to go to the office himself.

That’s when he met a man who handed him a cellphone and said the exact same thing.

The doors open and he doesn’t even acknowledge the guards who he had shared jokes with just two nights ago. Seunghyun strides into the room where, at the center, almost everyone is gathered. Boss is sitting cross-legged on the floor, waving Seunghyun forward. Hyung stands behind him, doubled over and held up on his feet by two men; one of them had patched up Seunghyun’s shoulder when they last saw each other, the other had taught him how to shoot straight.

“You got here quick,” Boss remarks, standing up and brushing off his pants. He moves back next to hyung and, throwing an arm around hyung’s shoulders, aims his gun under hyung’s throat. “Always the businessman. Straight to the point, huh?”

Seunghyun shows his empty hands before reaching into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulling out a file of papers. “Fair trade.”

Boss smirks and shrugs. “All right.” He walks forward with hyung tucked underneath his arm, the gun now aimed at the top of hyung’s head. Seunghyun walks forward, the file outstretched in his hand. They stop behind where the light shining through the windows shows on the floor, both still hidden by the shadows. Seunghyun frowned: they were still too far away.

“Okay, I’ll go first,” Boss smiles. “Gesture of goodwill or whatever.” He shoves hyung forward by his head with the gun, and hyung, so weak, stumbles and falls to the ground. Boss winks at Seunghyun. “Files, please.”

Eyes trained on hyung, Seunghyun tosses the files where they land just next to hyung. Boss reaches down, checks inside, and frowns. “Where’s the flash drive?”

“I’ll give it when hyung’s here by my side.”

“Uh-huh. And I’m just going to wait, trusting you not to dash out of here? I know how good you are at running away. Surprised you stayed with this toy for so long.” He jerks his chin towards hyung who’s finally risen to his feet. “No, no. I’m going to need insurance.”

Seunghyun feels rough hands hold him down from behind, pushing him to his knees, holding his neck down from the back. They’re fumbling around his jacket, looking for the flash drive. Seunghyun’s head fills with panic.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

“Jiyong-ssi,” Boss calls out, playing with his gun. “You can start walking towards Seunghyun now. Slowly, if you don’t mind.”

“Hyung!” Seunghyun cries out, trying to fend off the hands tearing at his pockets. Hyung is wandering slowly around on wobbling ankles, his hands out in front of him, shaking, like a blind man. For some reason, he hasn’t torn off the blindfold.

“Where…where…” hyung keeps muttering, biting his lips to keep them from trembling.

A part of Seunghyun wants to tell hyung to take off the blindfold, but at the same time he doesn’t want hyung to see what’s been around him all this time. Hyung finally steps into the light of the windows, his pale skin glistening with sweat and blood. Boss aims his gun at hyung’s back.

Not again, Seunghyun chants in his head, Not like this.

He throws his head back and hits the nose of one of the men standing behind him, feeling blood splatter on his hair. He twists the man’s wrist and aims a punch at the elbow, feeling a small crack of the bones. He swipes the gun from the other’s belt and strikes them both at the back of their head. Suddenly free, Seunghyun whirls around and aims the gun at Boss.

“Hah! You shoot me, you’re dead before you reach--”

“I called the cops.”

There’s silence, except for hyung’s shuffling feet and ragged breath.

“You called them? Here?” Boss's voice is shaking with bubbling anger. He’s gripping the gun tighter, stepping closer to the light.

Hyung stops walking, as if he finally senses that he’s caught in the crossfire.

“Just keep walking towards me, hyung. Do you hear my voice? Just keep walking straight. I’m right here.”

Boss the gun tauntingly.

“Don’t shoot,” Seunghyun warns. Amidst the silence, faint sirens grow louder and harsher as they begin to surround the warehouse. “If you do, you’ll be sent for murder, not just for rebelling.”

Hyung freezes for half a heartbeat before walking forward again.

Seunghyun can tell that hyung wants to run over as he sees hyung clench his fist, but the tension is too thick. Any sudden movement, he knows, will trigger the first shot.

The sirens grow louder, and there are heavy footsteps ready to stampede.

“Seunghyun-ah,” hyung coughs. His feet begin to wander to the side.

“Seunghyun-ah,” hyung coughs, his voice searching. His feet are unsteady and he’s walking out of line, further and further to the side.

Seunghyun freezes. It was the same image. Has nothing changed?

Boss smiles.

“Don’t shoot!” Seunghyun yells.

“Give me my flashdrive!”

Seunghyun shoots first, and as he runs over to hyung he hears another shot fire.

Hyung falls.

The doors bang and almost unhinge as the cops are so close to entering. Seunghyun is tackled to the ground by the injured men behind him as they rush over to Boss, trying to make their escape all together.

Seunghyun lays on the ground, dazed for a minute, and he sees hyung on the ground just a hand away from him. He shakes the dizziness off and rushes over, folding hyung into his arms, cradling hyung’s head.

“Hyung?” Seunghyun finally takes the blindfold off. Brown sparkling eyes filled with pain, cheeks wet and dry with old and new tears.

So he had been crying.

“It hurts,” hyung whispers, weakly clutching Seunghyun’s hand.

“Where? Where does it hurt?”

Hyung brings Seunghyun’s hand to his stomach, where it’s wet with warm, thin blood.

“Hurts,” hyung repeats, too exhausted to cry out. He coughs and more blood creeps out. His eyes are glazing over.

The doors crash down and the police begin to swarm the place. It’s chaotic and violent, there’s a lot of yelling.

Nothing’s as loud as hyung’s tears.

“Hyung? Listen to my voice, okay? You don’t get to die. Do you know how long it took me to get here, to try and fix this? You’re not supposed to die. I came back to save you. Things are supposed to change.”

Hyung just stares on, no response. His hand falls limp.

“Hyung?”

“I told you it would only be worse.”

Seunghyun turns around and sees hyung standing behind him, looking down sadly at his own broken body. “This time, you got to see me die in your arms.”

There are a couple of police heading his way, and Seunghyun doesn’t know if they think he’s another rebel or if he’s the one who called.

It doesn’t matter.

Hyung is dead.

They start to pull him away, and hyung falls limp to the ground. He can hear himself crying, yelling at the cops, trying to crawl over to where hyung lays, struggling to get away.

They pull Seunghyun and hyung’s hands apart. It’s just cold air between them now.

No one’s going to ever hold my hand again.

It’s just…over.

A/N: Hello, my beautiful readers. I'm back with a oneshot story! I had a lot of fun writing this, especially because it's my frist time actually writing something this violent. I think, even though it may be hard to read, I had a lot of fun writing it. I'll admit to being a part-time sadist (I think most writers are..) This oneshot isn't really my "return" to AsianFanfics, but something I wanted some feedback on. It's been a while since I wrote anything just for the heck of it, and it was really refreshing. I've been in somewhat of a dryspell, and writing this made me remember that I actually enjoy writing. I hope you guys enjoy reading this, and I hope to be back with more oneshots and (just maybe) a continuation of the story I left unfinished a while ago. If you guys like, please comment, subscribe and vote for this story