Okay, this might be the craziest thing he has ever done. Well at least he knows where she lives, so he doesn’t need to stalk her. Making a complete fool out of himself and risking to end up with a restraining order.
After breaking up with Kiko, his apartment was filled with the agonizing tunes of breakup songs he hasn’t even known he is possessing. There also was a lot of wine involved. But unlike his fears he hasn’t regretted it yet, at least not that he has been honest with her. Of course, there were nights where he missed her, not just the but also the fights and the laughter they shared. But he couldn’t continue pulling the wool over his eyes. It wasn’t going to work out. His only problem is that a certain someone else, that in his eyes should be honest too, is currently, again, ignoring all his texts. It makes him a bit uneasy. Hey, thinking back at their last shared evening together, she seemed to be distressed. Not well dressed or groomed could be a warning sign for depression, and yes it worries him. So what other chance does he have than to come and look for her? Right, no other, as it’s never a good sign if people ignore messages. And it’s not like he is ting her! Just normal innocent questions, like how she is doing.
Well at least he has the decency to wait in a yet again rented car, until her husband leaves for work. This time he actually picked one which has proper modern interior. He still gets a deja-vu as he starts the car and a song he will never listen to again blasts at full volume. He is still grumpy and groans in frustration about the lack of legroom, he is also pretty sure that he is about to get a cramp when he spots it. Really, a freaking Aventador LP-700-4. He still can’t wrap his mind around that, as it makes absolutely no sense to him. The newspaper he has tried vainly to engross himself in, is still spread over the steering wheel. He has skimmed over the same article at least three times and still can only remember the headline [Daniel Henney news movie project – top star being back in Korea].
He waits for the moment when he loses sight of the black luxury car in his rear-view-mirror before finally being able to escape the sardine tin. Oh, stretching his limbs never felt that good. He takes a glance around, just to make sure the other man is truly gone. The only thing he does spot is a flower shop further down the street. He contemplates to bring her some but decides against it. A florist this close must mean that her husband brings her a bouquet quite often, everything else is inexcusable. Except, of course, if she is dealing with allergies. There is also the fact that he doesn’t plan on being blatant and ruthless. It’s never wise to leave traces behind on things that are frowned upon.
Okay maybe he has hoped for more. Probably because he is so used that people being, in generally, rather enlightened to see him. Also since he actually enjoys her company and thought it is the same vice versa. Her reaction is quite hurtful and takes him off guard. Instead of a surprise, a heartfelt cheerful expression, a simple happy face, or a welcoming gesture, she looks aghast. Her eyes widen in panic and the door is pushed back to a crack just wide enough so her face manages to squint out. In sheer horror she turns her head, checking if anyone else is in the hallways with them. He can proudly say now he can relate to how ghosts must feel. At this point a zombie might have frightened her less.
“You shouldn’t be here.”
She whispers and her gaze falls towards the door behind him.
“Please…please Jiyong, go …”
She keeps her voice low while beseeching him. Her body half tucked away behind the door, he can see how she stoops her posture. Hiding in his shadow while her eyes are everywhere but not on him. He is tempted to turn around just to confirm that there isn’t anything there. But he isn’t that naïve, he knows that she has indeed seen a ghost. A ghost of her past. It’s obvious she has been moving on already. He was and is nothing more than an affair or a mistake to be erased out of her memory. There has never been space enough for two men anyway, so this shouldn’t be surprising. He has enough decency to accept defeat and move on from a lost fight. There is nothing more pathetic and a turn off than a man who doesn’t know when to go. So yes, he is cavalier enough to respect a woman’s wish anytime, even now. He would have walked out of her life in a heartbeat if she would ask him to do so. But there is something in her expression that bugs him. This is not a countenance of someone who fears her secrets to be spilled. It’s dread. And his body refuses to leave someone who looks this terrorized behind.
“How are you?”
He asks as quietly as her voice has been. Not sure why but if it helps her to feel secure then he gladly adjusts his voice for her.
“I’m fine.”
She knows she shouldn’t have answered. It’s just that he sounds so caring and genuine and she can’t remember when someone asked her such a simple yet important question. Aside what else should she have done? Slam the door shut? That would have been very rude and unfair.
“No offense, baby girl, but you clearly don’t look fine, not even close to okay. Why are you so - “
“-I’m not”
She cuts him off, a mistake because it only validates his suspicion.
“Then why did we ?”
Clearly, she is taken aback by his bluntness. “We –“ she stutters, trying to calm herself down by pressing her cold palms against her burning cheeks.
“Just an accident,” she finally manages to mutter, still flustered. His eyebrows rose, and his body stiffens as her gesture drives his attention towards her face.
“An accident, huh? Like your red cheek? Was that accident too? How many times? Three times like ours, or more? Still calling it an accident?!”
He knows he goes out on a limb here as it’s just a hunch. An assumption because her cheek isn’t naturally this red and her reaction is to scrunch away. Like back then when they first met. But in the end, her silence is confirmation enough.
“He ing slapped you! Why are you staying with him?”
There is a heavy unsettling silence. She starts gnawing on her fingertips, as there were no cuticles or much of nail left to bite on. He doesn’t want to push her any further, he wants her to let his words sink in. It’s not easy to turn away and leave an abusive relationship. He knows, it took him half his life to realize that about his own family. For a moment he is optimistic that maybe Sohee will have the courage to leave too. But she crushes his hopes as suddenly she looks at him teary-eyed and heavy.
“I can’t,” she breathes, and her hand wanders away from her face quivering, downwards.
She looks apological but also crushed herself, not how anyone should look when saying those next words.
“I’m pregnant Ji-“
Her hand stops and rest on top of her belly button. Almost protecting, as if she is afraid that someone would snatch the little miracle and rips it through her navel right out of her body.
“You’re what?” he mutters.
“Are you ing kidding me?!”
She shakes her head, weakly.
“You don’t understand, this is a blessing! You have no idea how long we have kept on trying. The only reason why I was so frustrated and aloof in the first place. Hormones. I’m sorry if I gave you any false hopes but circumstances changed and I belong here…”
He looks at her, then at her still flat tummy, then he nods understandingly.
“Congratulations, and good luck to you ….”

Yes pregnant, she is finally pregnant. She should be on top of the world happy. A baby is all they always wanted. They always dreamed of, it would save her marriage, she has thought. Clearly, it is a sign from above and a blessing. Especially since it has happened now. Now … and that’s the point. It almost feels like a little too late. Too late to fix, too late to work out. But it’s normal, she has googled it. It’s common to feel overwhelmed and scared. She tells herself over and over that there is no need to be. Everything is alright. Nichkhun is an amazing husband, of course, he has his flaws. Every human has. She has no doubt that he will be a great father, he has waited so long for this. His mother too became a lot nicer and she already prepares little blue baby shoes. Because she wants it to be a boy, and her newest psychic affirms it. They look adorable, even though she would prefer them to be in purple or pink. But it’s beyond her imagination that in less than a year her body creates a tiny human, big enough to fill those tiny shoes. They look so small, and yet so huge. The thought of becoming a mother is utterly terrifying. Heck, she has already broken the single most important rule of every pregnancy - do not drink. She endangered her future child by tipple down alcohol the other day at Joying’s place and she let him touch her there with his tongue. … Wait, is that weird, or even dangerous? She will have to google that too. So far she successfully managed to confirm that all her fears are all very reasonable and oh god she has already killed it right? Like all her Tamagotchi’s, and oh yes that Furby she accidentally dropped. Carrots, she is sure that they were human like her that were not meant to become mothers, that’s why it hadn’t worked out in the first place. Why now? Why yet? She doesn’t know but it freaks her out! Nichkhun brushes it off as “normal pregnancy mood swings” she could strangle him for. Even Sunmi, after saying that depression is very common for pregnant women, went on how she couldn’t understand her not being deviously happy now. She doesn’t even want to start with the frown on her doctor’s face, when she asked for the chances of her losing it. She just wanted to be prepared! But the worst is, that she feels that everyone who knows her condition reduces her to just that. She isn’t Sohee anymore, she is a womb. A walking, talking womb that is just a mere tool to create the desired …grandson. So no, she isn’t happy, she even secretly read into abortion. But what scared her even more than becoming a mother is the fear of this being her single and only chance. This is the miracle she has waited for so long, she has stressed herself, she scheduled their whole life just so it would happen and now she dares to consider to just erase it? She truly must be broken, and the single worst future to be mum on this planet. Her eyes wander away from the laptop to the mail her mother in law has dropped off before.
There suddenly were half a dozen baby or parent magazines she surely never has subscribed too, but all she could see was the cream colored envelope with the sign of her doctor’s office on it. Her fingers reach for the envelope, maybe she has mistaken the logo. But no, the header clearly reads: Seoul National University Hospital. Her heart skips a beat and her hands become sweaty as she carefully breaks the seal apart. Her head is spinning. She must have lost it, she knew it, or something else isn’t okay, maybe some abnormalities? She can’t wait, she has to know now… Her fingers are jittery and it’s hard to even read the first sentence.
“Dear Nichkhun Horvejkul,..”
Nichkhun? She checks on the name again, it’s still Nichkhun, and she is about to lay the letter away, when her eyes over-read another word, and then she needs to read the whole letter.

It’s not wine this time, it's beer, beer straight from the can, and later some transparent glass bottles with a blurry two letter percent number. His best friend that checks on him, he doesn’t know or care how many days later. It must have been some, by the look of concern, his face expresses after seeing him. Also because if he scratches his chin he is pricked by stubbles. He must have skipped shaving for some days.
“How many days are you hiding in your apartment now?”
Taeyang scolds him, pulling the curtains open and hoist up the jalousie. This bastard, Jiyong thinks, as a harsh ray of light hits him, making his headache unbearable.
“I told you it’s a dangerous to have fling with a married woman. I warned you even, but you didn’t listen. You never do.” He sighs and opens the windows and rambles on.” Of course, she was just out for an adventure, married people are very unlikely to leave their partner. They feel trapped and swing around but always go back.”
“No, you don’t understand…
And stop speaking so ing loud.”
He pulls his blanket above his head to hide and protect himself from the light and the cold fresh air. It streams inside and washes away her scent. He doesn’t even know exactly whose - Kiko’s or Sohee’s?
Either way, a female scent and he couldn’t smell it anymore, which makes him angry.
He hears Taeyang rumor in the kitchen, and by the roaring jackhammer noise, he guesses on his coffee machine.
“She is ing pregnant, dude. That’s all the more reason to leave his sorry .”
Jiyong groans as the loud noise finally stops.
“Why?”
Taeyang places Jiyo