Summary: There are things best said sober.

PART ONE: The Morning After

If being an adult meant waking up feeling horrid, then Bin decided that he was having none of it. Thank you very much. But then again, if his decision-making skills were any indication of how he was going to fare in the future, he wasn't going to make a very good adult. He should have trusted his instincts. They've proven themselves quite reliable, at least for the first 19 or so years of his life. But as soon as he turned 20, he set them aside in favor of listening to his MJ and Jinjin-hyung's suggestion to go drinking. It was a time-honored tradition after all.

Yeah right.

He couldn't even remember much of how he got home. And he was definitely home. At least from the smell of things, clean and crisp with a hint of vanilla and peppermint. His nose, connoisseur of smells that it was, told him he was in Eunwoo's part of their shared bunk.

Bin groaned, his head pounding like someone had taken a jackhammer to his skull. His mouth felt like paper and the taste at the back of his throat was sour. He turned to his side, face scrunching up in agony. The backs of his eyelids lit up red, meaning someone had opened the curtains to their dorm room to allow sunlight in. Bin had a sneaking suspicion it was Eunwoo's passive-aggressive way to get back at him for leaving him to tutor the band maknaes last night. It had been such a horrendous idea then, staying at the dorms surrounded by books on archaic English phrases and high school Calculus. At the moment though, Bin conceded that it was Eunwoo who made the right choice...however dreafully boring it was.

He moaned again, twisting within the sheets that covered him. A hand, cool and comforting, started to at the creases that formed on his forehead then progressed to massaging his scalp, fingers digging into the tender bits alcohol messed up the night before. It felt like heaven.

"Eunwoo-yah?" Bin's voice came out as a croak. He narrowed his eyes, not because of the harsh sunlight coming from the window, but from the sheer brightness of Eunwoo's smile as he beamed down on his sorry, sore head. 

And by all that was holy, he was breathtaking.

Even hung over, Bin wasn't immune to the sheer visceral reaction Eunwoo's beauty can pull out of him. A face so perfectly symmetrical glossed over by skin so white it might as well be made from pure cream. Eyes that formed the cutest upside down crescents when luscious lips stretched over straight teeth as he smiled. A delicate, high-bridged nose that sat so perfectly in the center of his face. And all framed by a shock of black hair, uncombed but still becoming on him. 

Cha Eunwoo won the lottery on visuals and, he made Bin's heart ache, especially when he realized how god-awful he must look that morning. He didn't have to see himself. He could feel the bloating, the excesses of the night before making his cheeks swell and his already slanted eyes sink back into their sockets so it appeared that he was perpetually squinting.

"How are you feeling?" His bandmate asked, fingers still working on the aching knots on Bin's head. "Do you think you can get up to drink some medicine?"

"I feel like death warmed over." Bin internally frowned at how whiny he sounded. Internally, because it hurt just moving any of his facial muscles when they had a mind to actually follow him. He struggled to get up, swaying even when he propped himself on an elbow. He was already chalking up this morning to one of his lowest moments. One of those things he would be beating himself up for. "Coffee?"

Eunwoo chuckled, grabbing him by the shoulders to keep him from falling over. "No coffee. Aspirin first. And then when you got some food into you, we'll talk about the coffee." Eunwoo pressed him back against the wall before walking over to their shared desk. He came back with two pills and a cup full of water. "Here." 

He placed the pills on Bin's palm, watching in amusement as his best friend placed them inside his mouth. Frowning at the bitter taste, Bin was grateful for the water that was handed to him. He took a huge gulp, downing the two pills in the process. He took another one to rinse out the sourness coating his tongue. They both waited in silence, Eunwoo peering at his band mate closely, watching for any signs that he might start retching after the liquid settled in his stomach. He breathed a sigh of relief when Bin leaned back on the wall, cradling the cup of water to his chest. 

"You should try and drink more. You lost a lot of fluids last night well with all the..." He mimed vomitting, considerate enough to leave the disgusting sounds out. "I also got some Pocari, if you think you can handle that already. Or if you're hungry, the haejangguk I ordered for you guys arrived twenty minutes ago. I could heat some up?"

Eunwoo was such a god send. He couldn't expect anything less from his best friend. He should have known he would be this ready. He was just the sort to plan for eventualities. 

Bin shook his head, immediately feeling faint again. There was no way he would consider anything other than a few sips of water when he was still feeling queasy. "No, not right now." He shifted in bed, rearranging his long limbs so that Eunwoo wouldn't have to sit at the very edge to give him space. "What about MJ and Jinjin-hyung?"

"Still sleeping." Eunwoo replied. "We put them in the living room. Sanha was shrieking like a banshee last night, saying he didn't want to step on a pool of sick while he got ready for school. Needless to say, Rocky agreed with him."

"Manager-hyung?"

"I didn't think it was a good idea to get him involved. Besides, in the state you guys were in, he would end up chewing me out for letting you go. And well," Eunwoo glanced down, the apples of his cheeks tinged pink in embarrassment, "I took the company car without permission."

"Wow. Rebel Eunwoo." Bin snickered, then immediately regretted it. His head began to pound once more.

"Shut up. I couldn't very well take a taxi in case the driver recognized who we were and then... well..."

"We were in a really bad condition last night, huh?"

"Pretty much. From the number of soju bottles I saw inside the noraebang, I'm not really surpised you guys were in the conditions you were in."

"Did you bring us back here? All by yourself?"

Eunwoo shrugged. "The staff at the noraebang helped me get you guys into the parking lot. After that, it was a matter of periodic stops just so you all could hurl on the streets instead of inside the car." Eunwoo looked like there was something more he wanted to add, but thought better not to. Instead, he nodded to the now empty cup Bin was holding. "Do you want more water?" 

"No, I'm good." Bin handed Eunwoo the cup, looking extremely apologetic. "I'm sorry we put you through all that. I don't remember much of anything of last night but I know it must've been awful for you."

"It wasn't that bad, I mean - Wait." Eunwoo paused from setting the cup on to their study table to look back at Bin. "You don't remember anything that happened last night? Anything at all?"

Bin pressed a hand to his temple. His head was still aching something awful, but at least his vision was clearing up. The lines of Eunwoo's body, always sleek and graceful, regrettably hidden within a long sleeved striped cotton shirt and khaki short pants, were becoming more defined. 

"Should I?" When he looked up at his best friend's face, there was something in his expression that Bin couldn't read.  Maybe it was the remnants of the alcohol in his system dulling his senses, but there was something almost hopeful in Eunwoo's gaze; like he expected Bin to know something. "I didn't do anything embarrassing while drunk in public, did I?"

"Bin!" The sudden increase in volume, jolted the other male unpleasantly; the shrillness in Eunwoo's voice taxing to his already ringing ears, he winced. "It happened just a couple of hours ago. How could you block out something that went down so recently? You were drunk, not brain dead." Eunwoo plunked the cup he was holding down on the table so hard, Bin thought it was quite likely he chipped the bottom. 

Needless to say, Bin was feeling very confused  - confused, as well as woozy. And it wasn't just from being hung over either. What brought on this sudden personality shift? A few minutes ago, he had been enjoying Eunwoo's nurturing and now his willing nurse appeared ready to bash his already painful head in - if the clenched fists at his sides were to go by.

"Why are you angry at me?" He groaned, rolling the bottom of his right palm of the right side of his temple. "It was my first time to actually drink that much, okay? How was I supposed to know that aside from getting this damned hang-over, I'd forget what happened last night as well?"

Eunwoo propped a hand to his waist; the right corner of his moist lips curled up in a sneer of disbelief. "Self-control, Bin. It's one of the things you ought to learn as an adult."

Well, that stung. Mostly because it was true. He had neglected his own sense of self-control in favor of pleasing the band hyungs. He really ought to have asserted himself more. It was what adults did, right? But then again, Eunwoo hadn't been in the same situation Bin was at that time. He really shouldn't be making judgements on things he hadn't experienced. And most especially when he knew nothing of how pushy Myung Jun could be once he got a few shots of soju in him.

Bin bit at his bottom lip, eyes closed as he considered the best way to reply to his best friend, who was acting like some self-righteous prig. It was near devastating seeing that disappointment on his face because he had never wanted Eunwoo's disappointment to ever be directed at him. He felt too much for the beautiful male and struggled every day to keep his affections hidden; Eunwoo's impressions of him much more important than his own burgeoning feelings. But he slipped.

Some days even the most perfectly conscientious people slip.

"You weren't there. Next time you try saying no to MJ and Jinjin-hyung. See how you like it." 

And really, Eunwoo should have been more understanding if he was anything of the ideal construct Bin had in his head. Why was he so pissed off that he forgot what transpired on the few measly hours that had already passed?

"Be straight with me." Bin grumbled, forcing himself to keep his thoughts clear for what he was about to ask. "Did I do something that involved you last night?" He was taking a shot in the dark. Eunwoo wasn't the type to be upset on a whim, nor was his temperament as changeable as the seasons. So, logically it would mean that -

"Why would you think that?" His roommate was watching him warily, arms crossed over his lean chest, hip leaning on the edge of the table across their bunk beds.

Bin scratched at the back of his neck, blinking up in frustration and annoyance. "Why won't you just answer me? You're upset with me for something that happened last night. So just remind me so I can apologize already."

Instead of replying though, Eunwoo rolled his eyes and walked to the door. "I have laundry to do," was all he said before leaving Bin in a huff.

***************

PART TWO: To Forget

"Yah! Eunwoo! Cha Eunwoo! Oi, Lee Dongmin!"

Eunwoo walked past the living room almost in a run, pointedly ignoring MJ's slurred calls. He had dealt with one hungover idiot already and he wasn't in the mood to handle another one. Whatever his MJ-hyung wanted, he would have to crawl out of the cozy nest of blankets and bedspreads he laid on last night and get it himself. Even if he has to do it on all fours.

He closed the door of their large bathroom, pressing his head against the laminated wood for a moment so he could compose himself. The encounter back in the room he shared with Bin shook him. And the fact that Bin forgot something so monumental as the events of last night, pinched at his heart and kicked at an ego he didn't know he even possessed. Were the occurences of a few hours ago so traumatic that Bin had unconsciously blocked them from his memory? 

And those memories had to do with him...

MJ's hollering from outside had thankfully ceased; the oldest member either managing to get what he wanted himself or falling back asleep. Eunwoo hoped for the latter. The less people awake, the less people he would have to make an effort to be nice to or, at the very least, acknowledge. He looked behind him, finding the dorm tub filled with clothing soaking in warm water and needing to be laundered. As careful as he was to park the car whenever any of his band members had to be sick, there were still some unexpected casualties. Namely his own clothing.

Eunwoo pushed his personal hurts aside, telling himself he'll deal with them after he'd done his chores. Their manager had a habit of dropping by at the dorms unannounced just to check if any of them have been up to no good during their days off. Whatever he felt about Bin and whatever he forgot would have to wait until he's managed to erase any traces of his band mates' escapades last night.

Turning on the faucet, Eunwoo opened the top of  the metallic, industrial-sized washing machine and dryer their company had gifted them after their first Japanese showcase sold out. Kneeling by the tub, he gave his clothes a few cursory shakes, dislodging any traces of vomit within the folds before chucking them inside the machine.  He bit back a curse when he found his favorite blue canvas sneakers sitting at the bottom still slimy with sick. He grabbed the pair with one hand, head turned away as he swished them inside the tub, then dumped them in with his clothes as well. Grabbing a long-handled brush, he unplugged the tub and started scrubbing at the food remains quickly as the water drained. He gave the tub one last rinse, running the mobile shower head over its entirety before going back to his laundry.

Seeing to the sorry state of his wardrobe that was disappearing under the rising water level, Eunwoo hadn't realized his eyes were already b with tears until stray droplets fell on to his cheeks. He sniffed, wiping at his face with the back of his hands before reaching for the liquid detergent. He watched, almost transfixed as the soap frothed, wishing that everything he had heard and felt last night could just as easily be washed off from his memory as the mess on his clothes.

But it was real.

It happened.

He knew he didn't dream it. It wasn't just a product of his fanciful imagination mixed in with his own secret hopes of finally overcoming that friendship hurdle that's always been between him and Bin. And whatever it was that short-circuited Bin's ability to recall what he said and did, it couldn't change the fact that it happened.

Eunwoo squeezed his eyes shut as he tilted his head backwards willing the water behind his eyelids to drain back into his tearducts once again where they belong. He'd cry later when he was alone. But as the blackness closed over his sight, his own memories of what occured last night resurfaced and he sighed in resignation. He came to one conclusion. It had been a really bad decision to answer his phone last night. 

And he also started to feel an emotion he never thought he would ever associate with Bin - anger. 

"You're an idiot. That's what you are." Eunwoo grumbled to himself, dismayed at himself for daring to hope, only to have his heart broken. 

"You're supposed to turn the water off now."

Great.

He was so far gone into the throes of emotional suffering, he was hallucinating Bin's voice.

"The water in the washing machine, Eunwoo. It's already above the limit line." It said a bit more insistently.

No. That wasn't a hallucination. The tone - that unique vocal timbre that he could only belong to the person who affected him in ways that were both terrifying and exciting - was so spot on, it couldn't possibly be just a figment of his imagination. And true enough, when Eunwoo looked down to check if the person who spoke was indeed telling him the truth, soapy water was already spilling on to the bathroom floor.

He whipped around in shock finally coming to the realization that he really wasn't alone. The side of his hip hit the machine so hard the plastic flap fell down on the hand that was left clutching the edge of the wash tub. "Ahh!" He cried, grimacing as he clutched his aching fingers to his chest.

"Are you alright?" 

Bin was there with him, looking worse for wear, but already moving about. His thick, brown hair mussed and pointing every which way. His eyes barely open; edema making his small face swell twice it's normal size. The right side of his cheek had deep fissures,  probably from creases on the pillow he slept on. He was swaying on his feet a bit but still appeared poised to comfort. One foot slid in front of the other, face wrinkled in concern as he drew closer to where Eunwoo was standing.

"I'm fine." Eunwoo bit the inside of his cheek, willing himself to ignore the sting from his injured limb. 

There was no way he would let Bin touch him even if his intention was to soothe. His emotions were still too fragile and he was afraid of breaking down in front of his best friend. Explaining himself was out of the question. Besides, what good would an explanation do when the cause of his torment couldn't even remember what brought on his distress in the first place? He scooted away as the other male brushed past him to turn off the tap.

Eunwoo stared at Bin's back as he worked the faucet controls, hating himself for admiring how the corded muscles bunched up within the thin shirt the other male wore. Even in his state, he couldn't deny that he found his room mate immensely attractive and, how dangerous it was to be alone in a cramped space with him. 

Maybe it was better if he just left? Took a walk somewhere? Went shopping to clear his head? Snuck out undetected while Bin's reflexes were still too slow to catch on?

His feet were already moving backwards; his body making the decision for him before the thought solidified into an actual idea in his head. Eunwoo pivoted on his heels, good hand reaching for the door handle with every intention of fleeing.

"Where do you think you're going?" Bin asked.

Damn it.

Eunwoo bowed his head but refused to turn around. Bin wouldn't venture out of their room in his condition just to find where he was at random. Eunwoo knew what was coming. They were going to have the talk - a talk he wasn't interested participating in since it was about a memory that only he could recall.

"I forgot fabric conditioner." It was lame but the only thing he could come up with. "I'm going to buy some."

"We still have a full bottle. Manager-hyung got us some a few days ago." 

"It's not the kind I use. "

"You don't have a kind you use." Bin pointed out, voice hardening. He was hungover and sick, yes, but he wasn't a fool. Eunwoo was running away, and since he wasn't particularly subtle about it when they were discussing last night back in their room, he had to know how all of this seemed to be tied to him.

"I do now." Eunwoo was aware that he was being immature. He knew he wasn't helping their situation any by acting like a sulking child. But he was hurting and he was lashing out in the only way he knew how.

Bin tried a different tactic. Pleading. It always worked in the past. Eunwoo's never been able to resist his begging. "Look, I know you're upset with me. But couldn't we just talk about it? We used to be able to talk about everything."

"I can't talk to you about something you don't remember." Eunwoo threw over his shoulder.

"Then, tell me! Help me remember instead of shutting me out like this."

Eunwoo clenched his fists at his sides. "I can't."

"You can't or you won't? Eunwoo whatever happened last night I can't start to make amends for it if I don't know what it was about. Please..."

And what was last night about really?

Eunwoo chewed at his bottom lip considering his options. He could stay, talk things out with Bin and find out where they would both stand after all the revelations were done. At the very least, Eunwoo would find closure and would have to live with the disappointment of knowing how good something felt only to have it taken away. Or, he could leave. Walk out his frustrations and come  back to the apartment pretending the past 48 hours hadn't happened. He and Bin could go back to being what they were before, just friends and band mates. No other complications.

He took hold of the door handle once more. "I'm going out."

Eunwoo left without looking back. He figured, it was easier this way. Let Bin stew for a while. They'll probably be awkward with each other for the next few days, but they would manage to work through it like they always did whenever they had their small fights. Things would go back to normal and he would be left with memories.

He could live with that.

He had no choice.

***************

PART THREE: To Remember

The errand that was supposed to take a little over 15 minutes turned to hours. Still, Bin continued to wait and he was going to stay where he was until Eunwoo came home. 

Truthfully, he hadn't spent all his time parked on their living room couch. He'd taken a shower, eaten a few spoonfuls of the haejjangguk with the band hyungs when they woke up and managed to finish the load of laundry Eunwoo left before he... well... left. He may have also tried reaching Eunwoo's phone, leaving about twenty messages on his voicemail before giving up and just opting to wait it out.

His Jinjin and MJ-hyung tried to talk him into going to the agency with them, maybe get some practice on the new choreography done. But Bin politely declined - a skill,  he told himself he had to perfect should  his inability to say no got him in trouble once again in the future. Alone in the apartment, without any desire to distract himself with the usual games and downloads on his phone, Bin thought back to last night and came up blank. What he remembered began with settling down at their own private singing room and ended with him waking up in Eunwoo's bed. Waking up to the feel of Eunwoo's wonderful fingers threading through the tangles of his hair, pressing at the spots on his head that ached and throbbed...

Somewhere, some time within those missing hours something had happened. Something big enough to upset his bestest friend in the world - the boy who was also the most secret desire of his heart. And try as he might to dredge through the murkiness of his own recollections, there was nothing. But Eunwoo wouldn't be mad at him for nothing. So there was something. And if he couldn't remember by himself, then he would have to-

Bin's musings were interrupted by the sound of their security door chiming open and then followed by a rambunctious round of laughter coming from the two youngest band members as they entered the apartment. Rocky and Sanha were sharing earbuds; both were bent down engrossed in watching some kind of hilarity on Sanha's phone they hadn't noticed that Bin was right there in front of them until he spoke.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh!" Sanha gasped, immediately pressing the phone to his chest.

Rocky gave a start as well, tugging his half of the earbuds off. "You're here? We thought you'd be at practice by now." For some strange reason, he appeared to be nervous, something Bin thought he'd never see on Rocky under any circumstance. He had been too well trained for that.

"Obviously, I'm playing hooky." Bin replied drily. "What are you guys watching?" He was desperate for something else to do; anything to take his mind off Eunwoo. He was beginning to feel like an anxious husband waiting for his wife to come home. Maybe whatever the maknaes were watching could help.

Rocky and Sanha exchanged glances both looking slightly panicked. Sanha scratched at the back of his head, the apple of his cheeks suddenly flushed a bright red hue. Rocky fidgeted in place, eyes swerving to avoid Bin's gaze.

"It's nothing, hyung. Just a random video." Rocky explained hastily, hands fluttering in front of him in that calculated dismissive manner that didn't fool Bin one bit. "Puppies playing... that sort of thing."

Bin sat up on the couch hand extended. "Let me see. I like puppies."

"Erm, no. Not these puppies." Sanha countered somewhat awkwardly, pocketing his phone. "They're not even cute."

Well, something was definitely fishy because puppies in all shapes, breeds and colors were cute. Enough said. So Bin crossed his arms over his chest, raising his eyebrows at the two. There was no such thing as personal when it came to the band. Everyone had access to everything, least of all their phones, which were paid for by their management company and monitored strictly. So why were they so reluctant to share? What could possibly be on that phone that was so... 

Wait a minute. 

Could it be that these two were...

"Have you two been watching ?" Bin asked, eyes narrowing into menacing slits. To a certain extent, he could understand their fascination. Both of them were teenagers after all and were prone to be curious of unfamiliar things. At least, he hoped it was still unfamiliar. But then again, they were minors and idols to boot, held up to the most stringest form of standards.

Sanha's jaw dropped and Rocky began shaking his head vehemently. 

"We're not."

"We wouldn't!"

"Because if you are, I'm telling manager-hyung."

"We're not!" Sanha shrieked; his youthful face turning purple with indignance. "Hyung!" He shook Rocky's arm, lips pursed in that infamous pout that never failed to make all of ASTRO wince.

Rocky stepped forward, disentangling Sanha's fingers off him. "Hyung, it's not . But it's not something you'd be interested in either. Please, can we just get dressed so we can go to practice?"

Bin shook his head. "Not until I see it." He wriggled his fingers at Sanha. "Gimme."

"Hyung, I..." Something akin to a cuss word slipped past the youngest lips which made Bin frown. 

"Language, fetus. Phone. Now." 

Sanha threw Rocky one last desperate look, to which the other answered with a worried shrug, before reluctantly fishing out his phone from his pocket. He held it in his hand for a moment, probably debating whether he would still be able to change his password. But then, knowing the propensity for meanness the older members have when they don't get their way, he gave Bin his phone without another protest.

"Just so you know. I don't think you'll like what you'll see." Sanha grumbled.

"I'll be the judge of that." Bin thumbed at the screen, hardly noticing the both of them sinking on to the floor in front of him. The phone lit up and Bin tapped at the video library icon. He only saw what seemed to be thumbviews of their practices, even some left over footage for monitoring during their promotional stages. What he did find was a video simply titled LOL and, it was taken just last night. Giving the icon a long press, the display on the phone changed and the video began to play.

Bin had to squint at first because the focus was shaky. He could hear Sanha's telltale giggle in the background and other voices that seemed to be talking over each other. 

As the images came into focus, he could clearly see Eunwoo holding out his phone in front of his mouth looking very concerned. Although still unbelievably stunning with his hair wet and in one of his old sleep shirts, the bridge between his eyebrows were furrowed deeply as he spoke to the person on the other line. Someone who sounded extremely familiar.

"Bin-ah? Where are you? I'm coming to get you." Eunwoo was surrounded by books and notepads; an unfortunate occupational hazard for an academic tutor. A pencil was still stuck between his fingers as he pressed at a spot on his forehead.

"No. No. No. You listen to me first. Listen to me!" 

Bin nearly choked on his own tongue realizing that the whiny, slurred voice he was hearing coming from the device in Eunwoo's hand was his.

"Bin, we can talk when I get you guys home. Tell me where you are." Eunwoo was searching for a pad to write on, the pencil in his other hand flying as he struggled to keep his phone at face level. There was some scrambling happening in the background; Rocky probably moving to get something else that could be used for writing. The video became wobbly, Sanha letting out an indignant yelp as he was jostled while filming. Eunwoo seemed blessedly oblivious to what was going on around him, attention only on the voice on the phone.

"Why do you always do that? Why do you keep wanting to... to...can-... what's the damn word? I... no... postpone anything I have to say to you, huh? What I say matters too!"

Bin cringed. And by the surprised gasp in the background coming from the two maknaes, they were surprised at his out burst too. On video, Eunwoo seemed taken aback as well, but managed to keep his composure.

"Of course, it does. I'm sorry, Bin. I didn't mean it that way. I always want to listen to what you have to say. I just want you and the hyungs safe at home first before we talk." Eunwoo was pacing his speech, making sure that his words were understood by the alcohol-addled brain talking back to him on loud speaker. "Tell me where you are. Let me take you home, Binnie."

"Don't call me that!" Bin's voice from the video suddenly shrieked high and shrill. "Only people who love me get to call me that... and... and... you don't... love me, Eunwoo-yah."

Eunwoo was quick to reply, his thoughts probably on pacifying a drunken friend. "Of course, I love you, Bin."

A hiccup, then the beginnings of a whimper. "No, you don't. Not the same way I love you..."

The video shook again. He could hear the young members mutter curses at each other. Bin saw flashes of the low table, a pair of socked feet, open book bags, doodled over notebooks and then... Eunwoo's face again. His lips were open, eyes staring off into the distance, phone still held aloft.

"I... I don't think I understand what you mean, Bin." His voice broke, Eunwoo's usual calm cracking under the weight of the unexpected confession. Even on the small screen, Bin could see the slight shifts in his expression as the wheels and cogs in Eunwoo's brain tried to rationalize the situation.  Was he going to believe what Bin said when it was done while he was so obviously drunk?

"Don't you dare pretend you didn't... didn't... you didn't hear what I said. I. AM. IN. LOVE. WITH. YOU! I love you! I've loved you for a long time now." And then there was crying. Honest to goodness sobbing that pinched at one's heart and twisted one's guts. "But you never see me. You don't.  You don't see what I feel for you. I'm just your best friend. And no more...no more..."

"Oh my god!" It was Rocky who yelled.

"Bin, come on. Let's talk about this face to face. Don't you think it's better if we - "

"SHUT. UP. You...you... inter...interrupt me all the time I talk. Why do that? Huh?"

"Bin, I'm not -"

"There you go again! Talking in your Eunwoo-voice all calm and ." 

The last word was punctuated by a loud belch that was so unbelievably revolting Bin's mind refused to process that it actually came from him. It was then that he made a mental note to start differentiating the two sides of himself. There was Drunk Bin; the disembodied voice mumbling like a desolate fool on the video. And then, there was Lucid Bin;  the poor that was sitting there listening to himself rambling. It was the only way he could make sense of his own ridiculousness on the recording.

On screen, Eunwoo clamped his lips together even as his eyes shot daggers at the two youngsters that were tittering off video; Sanha bursting into several fits of loud guffaws. 

"You're laughing at me!" Drunk Bin was wailing on Eunwoo's phone. "You don't ever take me seriously." More sobbing.

Lucid Bin could literally hear the accusation, the pain in his own voice as he continued to watch. It was like watching a trainwreck unfold but still being unable to look away. Across from him, Rocky and Sanha were covering their mouths, trying their damnest to stifle their laughter. He threw the two of them a dirty look before once again going back to the video.

"I'm not, Bin. I'm sorry. Please. Tell me where to find you and then we'll talk, okay?" 

"No. You...don't...talk. I talk. Understand? I. Talk."

"Okay, Bin. Okay." Eunwoo was sribbling something frantically on one of the notebooks. He saw a sheaf of papers flying towards the camera, then heard Sanha screech as it hit him. Lucid Bin didn't even feel the slightest guilt at the thought of it hitting the youngest member in the face. In fact, he kind of hoped it did.

"GPS tracker?" It was Rocky's voice coming in loud and clear from the recording. "Got it." 

So, that's how Eunwoo found them last night. Drunk Bin was barely able to keep his words straight least of all come up with a halfway coherent sentence. He was in no condition to relate his location last night. It was certainly quick thinking on his best friend's part to use a tracker. Months before they debuted, the agency had them install an app on their phones for emergency purposes. Just in case one of them got separated or lost somewhere unfamiliar, there was a way to find them.

Sanha was giggling again, much louder and more pronounced this time. And the voice on the other end of Eunwoo's line mistook it for mockery of his confession. Drunk Bin whimpered like a kicked puppy and then howled his indignance. Lucid Bin was growing frustrated with his drunk self.

"Stop laughing at me, Eunwoo-yah! Why do you hurt me when I feel so much for you?"

"Bin, I'm not. It's not me. I..."

He watched Eunwoo approach, hand reaching out towards the camera before Sanha hollered in pain and then, he saw nothing but blackness. The sounds were still recorded clearly though. It was still the inebriated version of him weeping, words running together almost incoherently as alcohol and pent-up emotions mixed.

"Do you... do you remember when we were in Mexico? That... that...church?"

"Yes, of course I remember." Eunwoo was back on the screen again, his head bowed close to his phone's mouth piece. His lush eyelashes fluttered, caressing the tops of his cheeks.

"I want to marry you there, Eunwoo-yah. But that's... that's not going to happen is it? Because you don't love me." The statement was followed by loud bawling, like a whale who accidentally beached itself and was calling out to its herd for rescue, broken up by ocassional hiccups as Drunk Bin struggled to catch his breath. There were a few heaving gasps