The rocks in his pockets were weighing him down and back, his strength was leaving him faster than he could start to remember why.

Be careful,

you are not in wonderland.

Still he pushed on, wading further and further away from the bank, his feet dragging trenches along the river bed.

I have seen the strange madness,

long growing in your soul

Exhaustion wracked him even as his body convulsed in sobs, his vision long blurred and faded.

But you are fortunate.

The streetlamps reflected in the water no longer sparkled in sharp brilliance; they looked blotched and blurry.

In your ignorance

In your isolation,

And suddenly he could taste the water in his mouth, and the metallic tinge jolted his clouded mind, and in his muddled haste he stumbled, slipping on the bedrocks.

you who have suffered,

Crimson water was everywhere, in his mouth, in his nose, muting his ears, and yet he could not summon the energy to lurch up for air.

Find where love hides.

The mottled water fully and entirely embraced him.

Give. Share. Lose.

The rocks were weighing him down, down, down, and the rocks would set him free. The night sky through the murky water greeted him goodnight.

Lest we die unbloomed.

This is largely based off the film Kill Your Darlings by John Krokidas. However, there will be a huge change in plot, so you can rest assured I won't be just narrating the whole film out or some like that. The poem in the foreword here's taken directly off the film, and i'm aware that this poem was written by the directors of the movie, and not Allen Ginsberg, but I was so enraptured by it I just had to put it here. However, I take no credit at all for any and all poems in this fic. They all belong to someone else, just in case y'all thought otherwise.

Also, this isn't based wholly and fully off the lives of Allen Ginsberg nor Lucien Carr, and I don't claim to know the truth behind the murder, so just a disclaimer - most, if not all of this is fiction. In fact, because I don't want to dapple in the specifics of the facts surrounding the murder, there will be no David Kammerer character in this fic, so if you know what I'm talking about, you'll know the storyline is going to be quite different from the film and their actual lives.

So, yeah. Probably don't read this if you ain't into angst idk.