Kihyun woke up at the sight of blinding light; and slowly, he felt the surrounding tipping against him. He sat up, but could only groan when his head felt heavy. The floor looked like it was dancing around in his line of vision, and his felt that his head was spinning. He tried to move again, but felt his skin burning up against the warm mattress.

Turning his head towards the now empty glass of tea, he bit his lips; and picked the sticky note. He pursed his lips for the moment, and felt his heart melt a little. He rose up from bed, feeling slightly refreshed, and opened the door to find nobody in sight. Right, Changkyun should have been in uni and would not go back home until it's really late.The dining table is clean from its usual mess of notes and books, and Kihyun couldn't help but imagine Changkyun sitting there, with warm pockets and black laptop in front of him, looking like a total mess. In his hands, he's either holding papers or drinking instant coffee (possibly the only instant beverage he could possibly tolerate).

Blinking back to the reality, he saw two eye-catching blue Post-its at the dining table. When he walked up to the first one, it says :

Your boss called

says you need to call him

back when you got better

Kihyun bit his lips. He wasn't too sure on what to feel; on one hand, he's getting this amazing surprise in the form of Changkyun making some form of communication, but at the same time, he couldn't help but felt a shiver went down his spine. His hands were getting shaky and he's not in the best mood to cook when he's burning up.

He then moved to the next Post-it, and saw it.

Make some rice

Just add hot water from thermos to mix

and add some dried meat and kimchi I bought

Kihyun looked next to where the note was placed. There was a white container, a pack of dried meat, and a smaller transparent contaier with kimchi inside of it, and a thermos bottle. He felt his heart pang. Over the last few days he had been living in the cozy apartment, never once had he felt that happy for so many years. The preparation was simple too; but mostly the feeling of being served has never made him this happy.

When he ate some of them, he widened his eyes. He knew well Changkyun bought nearly all except the rice, but Kihyun looked down on the serving, and frowned.

The woman frowned at him. Kihyun couldn't help but sneered at her (not really sure whether she saw enough of it or not, but he felt like he was slightly relieved). 

He was sitting there, in a lavish, wide dining table, but he couldn't help but belch at his physical state. His uniform was tattered, and Kihyun could not count which part is radiating heat and pain when the cool sensation of alcohol was used to wean off some pain. 

He didn't remember too well either what he did; there was a kid getting shoved into a locker, and the other one he was pretty sure got slammed unto the teacher's table (that unfortunately got him into the office). He didn't remember what happened before that when he balled his hands into a fist. He just knew that it wasn't the first time.

At the back of the woman, there was a younger kid, and his gaze was filled with more hatred than Kihyun would've ever seen. He was holding her legs tightly, and the other one held a teddy bear with its head taped with paper duct tape, and the eyes and torso with band-aids. He had an inkling he might have done it just a few weeks ago, after he got the same wounds in his hands. Kihyun would've found it cute that the child got petty over it, but he frowned again when he realized that he came to that dining table after he got himself those wounds. And he's hungry.

I hope you liked it, say the mother. He couldn't recall people whispering, but he was assured he got annoyed when he saw what the woman had intended for him to like; rice and kimchi with dried meat as side dish. None of them were familiar in his daily life; he couldn't help but bit his lips. But his stomach is grumbling and he has no choice but to eat them.

When he bit unto one, he wanted to have more. He couldn't help but smile; it wasn't supposed to be extravagant, but he felt it was more homely than he thought. He couldn't help but tugged the corners of his lips, as much as he tried to hold it. He saw from the corner of his eye that the lady was smiling with relief, yet hands still clasped tightly to limit her movements.

Kihyun opened his eyes to see his uneaten porridge, but now with slumped shoulders and tad bit of dissappointment. He picked up his phone, but in the back of his mind, he knew well he needs to talk with Changkyun.

— ¢ —

Walking out to the dining room after a too-long-nap, he came to sight with a harried Changkyun, papers and books spreading all over the dining table, with a cup of coffee just next to him. Both of them glanced at each other in the eye, but said nothing. Kihyun noticed there was one pack of instant ramen, and couldn't help but scrunch his nose in disgust before he coughed. "Hey." was the only thing his raspy voice could say. Changkyun nodded.

Kihyun was going to the kitchen again, but stopped when he saw the younger. There was little expectations on what he wanted from Changkyun, so that at least he could prepare for the impending disappointment. He wasn't sensitive, but seeing Changkyun retorting to his somewhat original attitude differs greatly than what he wished for. Biting his inner cheeks, he could only force a smile when the younger boy turned back towards his papers, paying no heed towards Kihyun.

Kihyun walked back towards the kitchen and picked up the now-cold takeaway and towards the microwave; Changkyun jolted slightly, but continued looking at the rest of the papers. Kihyun drew silent yet shaky breaths; there isn't anything to expect, and he already knew about it.

But he felt his courage on talking getting lower than ever—he genuinely never had the thought to back down so easily, but this time, he had a little more than a small panic. The microwave stops beeping, and when he picked it up to return it to the table, the boy still uttered no words. Kihyun couldn't read his face, and it had his hope dimmer and dimmer to even talk. He never wanted to do this if Changkyun didn't bother listening; the very reason he wanted to use the Post-its. 

Changkyun finally looked up when Kihyun sat down—and pushed the plate back to the older man. "I've eaten; it's for you."

Kihyun paused, and looked back at the takeaway; seafood noodles. He looked at the noodles and Changkyun back and forth; he wasn't exactly expecting that, and Changkyun just acted even stranger than ever. Even he looked awfully calm when Kihyun gets close to him; things are confusing at best.

— ¢ —

When Kihyun finished the noodles, Changkyun thought that he would return back to sleep, but the brown-haired man stayed at his table, awkwardly tapping the table. Changkyun saw Kihyun was staring at the corner of his eye; and he felt his heart racing at the thought. Kihyun looked much more refreshed than what he saw days ago, but he still looked much more exhausted than he was.

"Changkyun," his voice was firm, and it made Changkyun stop. He looked back at the man; Kihyun looked awfully somber for being a happy-go-lucky guy he was (or wasn't—Changkyun remembered quite well what his antics were when they were younger) that Changkyun would've taken pity for him, but mentally hit himself for thinking of such dumb things.

"we need to talk. I know you're not that busy." Changkyun's palms became increasingly sweaty. Being nice for one sparing day accelerated his act today, and knowing him, the idea was already inevitable in the first place.

"In which part do you want to talk about?" Changkyun said, but eyes did not meet up with Kihyun's. He felt the older's eyes were still boring holes at him, and as much as he had been more hostile, he can't escape it. 

"Let's start with today; why did you suddenly become nicer?"

"Because you're sick." Changkyun said. He could hear Kihyun's sigh.

"It's not a typical thing to do from your side."

"The most important thing is to serve." 

Kihyun paused a little. He'd known someone who'd said something about it; and looked stupeified. He knew Changkyun didn't smile; something he never did had he made a somewhat mediocre comeback retort towards Kihyun. 

"Did mom said that years back?"

"When she was serving you after you shoved a kid to a locker." 

"Hey — oh," Changkyun had stared back at him, and Kihyun was trying to hold his smile from getting up. He wasn't even sure of why he wanted to do so; there's the idea that he could've gotten a little more pissed than the usual hostility, or he could be watered down—although as far as he could remember, nothing about Changkyun's expression (or a lack thereof) has ever suit most of his personality.

"Anything else?" There's nothing about the tone that speaks hostility; Kihyun almost considered that Changkyun had a sudden insomnia if he'd been happier, but apparently there's less about the hate and more about him.

"Well, it's all I asked for," Kihyun chuckled, feeling the tension somewhat not diffuses; there's also a thing about Changkyun's dead frozen face that makes him want to laugh again, but then again that would feel too inappropriate. "but how about you?"

"Not really."

"You know," Kihyun said. "I'm fine even if you're angry."

"I'm not angry, I'm fine about it."

"You sound like you're suspiciously not," Kihyun calmly said. Changkyun glared.

"That's because it's already worse than it was!" He yelled, added with a hard slam on the table. Kihyun turned towards him, and although he was fuming, with balled up fists and scowl deeper than what he's seen in the past few years, Changkyun still didn't move to approach Kihyun. 

"You know the moment you just run away spending all of your wasted when you had a top university offered to you, huh? Then you suddenly just went up in the air pissing out to nowhere nobody cares about, no news until you decided to pop up like a few months ago, and then everything just went downhill from there."

"And," Kihyun said. He felt his body burning, yet somehow still shivered from the cold sweat. He sounded lax, but the tension remained thicker than ever.

"You know mom died just a few months afterwards," Changkyun said, softening his gaze at Kihyun. The latter still have his head up, yet his eyes slightly glimmered. "because your rotten abusive donor beat and yelled at her until she's... gone."

"And," Kihyun said, his voice remained calm. 

"Because all he said, every single day, whenever he did, all he yelled was about you," Changkyun said, snickering. "somehow you getting all caught up with parties and gone became her fault... because, why?"

"And." 

"And she died." 

"And."

"You came back, for some really trivial reason," Changkyun said, grunting at him. "is that not enough 'And' for you?"

"And, Changkyun," Kihyun gently spoke.

Changkyun harshly huffed, "You were a terrible bully when I came to step on the ungodly house, and the others had to suffer because you and the deadbeat were total insufferable morons. Things already bite him in the and seeing you in this pathetic mess kinda makes me want to be happy, but you—"

"Hold on, what happened to him?"

"You don't really know?" Changkyun asked, incredulity in his eyes.

"Yes, I do, but seriously, sit down," Kihyun said. "and that pathetic excuse of a father is awful and both of us know it, but he's still my father."

Changkyun slumped down to his heat, looking considerably cooled down, but his eyes were still bright whenever he stared at Kihyun. "He just went bankrupt at some point after gambling. I don't know where he went right now, but people said to not search for him. I'm surprised you defend him."

Kihyun sighed, and leaned forward at Changkyun. "There's something about maintaining the idea that you still have parents at some point that sounds to make you at least respect them until the end, but thanks for the extra appreciation."

"Ridiculous."

"I'm surprised you didn't see mom's message as it is; the most important thing is to serve. Yes, including those of people undeserving of such things."

Changkyun paused. Then he looked up, now coloured with genuine surprise. "You changed a lot,"

"Life wants to," Kihyun gently walked up to him, and sat next to him. "some people wanted that too, including your mom."

Changkyun stared at him with much incredulity, and noticed a white paper decorated with six multi-colored Post-its. Inside them, there are more writings.

1. Be careful with the money.

- You won't have much before you started trying for jobs.

2. Get a part-time job

- Restaurants are the safest option for now. 

3. Avoid clubs.

- You're going to regret a lot of things.

4. Don't ever back down.

- Life charges ahead; be careful but don't give up.

5. I'll be there when you come back home.

- And I'll forgive you.

"And I'm sorry, I ran away six years back. I hurt you and those two students years back, and mom died." Kihyun said, grabbing Changkyun's shoulders tightly as the younger bowed his head down. "and maybe there isn't any real evidence that can convince you I would change for the better, but I promise... I'll do better than I was before. Changkyun, I'm sorry. Would you forgive me?"

"I forgive you." Changkyun's eyes started glistening under the lamp of the dining room. Kihyun felt his heart clenched at the sight, although he could only bit his lips as he sat down with him on the floor, and instinctively wrapped his arms around Changkyun, and he felt his left shoulder soaked wet. There were no more sounds in the dining hall but the younger's muffled sobs. Changkyun felt that Kihyun's warm body started sweating profusely at his touch; he tried to wiggle out of his way, but Kihyun held his grip tight.

"I miss mom," Changkyun whispered. 

"We all do, we do." Kihyun finally let go of him, and gently wiped his tears away.

A/N : The scene above me is supposed to be more violent than sappy. Also, another update before I disappear again :/ I'm so sorry about this mess that is life and this chapter. It's been eight months since the last I updated this because I got so busy and overwhelmed. I hope I can push another chapter this week, but that's really unlikely.