I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go,

Where the winds don’t change and nothing on the ground can ever grow.

No hope, just lies and you’re taught to cry into your own pillow

But I survived

I’m still breathing

I’m alive

                                                    Donghae was suddenly hit with a wave of nausea, he was nervous and petrified. The russet had never ever observed his form before. He had never looked at it from his mirror and furthermore hated to even believe that there could actually be some beauty in him. After many years of hearing people call him: , geek, and ugly, it was very difficult to believe that one person that ever called him beautiful. Still, Hae felt this dreadful need to finally get this over with, to finally end this vicious cycle in his life and be set free from this pain. Yes, he knew he wasn’t strong enough. Not yet. Not now, however it was a start and like any story or musical piece there was a beginning and an end. There was no way to get pass this issue if he didn’t start playing the notes.

                                                    “Turn right on the next street” ―Hae pointed towards the road that would lead both Hyukjae and himself to his lonely, box for an apartment.

                                                    After the photoshoot, Eunhyuk had met with him outside in the parking lot and decided it was better to take pictures somewhere Donghae felt comfortable. Again, despite of having very lewd thoughts about this whole ordeal Hyukjae somehow understood why Hae thought doing this was the only way to solve his self-esteem problems.

                                                    The platinum-blonde use to have major self-esteem issues, but the many hours of training, morning runs, and basketball tournaments formed and molded his body quite nicely. He no longer was a “skinny anchovy”.  He was toned, strong and capable of doing things on his own. Hyukjae can assure anyone he is pleased with what he has become and with his body whereas Donghae was insecure, shy. The boy hadn’t even seen himself before to avoid any further scrutinizing of his many flaws.

                                                   Entertained with small talk and small stolen glances, Hyukjae hadn’t even noticed they arrived until he parked his car in a small, shabby looking apartment complex. Although it wasn’t a repulsive place, he knew Donghae wasn’t very proud to own a dwelling here. His face had this horrified look to it, as if expecting Hyukjae to say something rude or run away.

                                                  “I’m sure my apartment isn’t as beautiful or spacious as yours but you are invited to come in, unless, of course, you would want to go somewhere more pleasant” ―Donghae was already out of the car when he ended his small murmured speech, so even if Hyukjae wanted to leave the boy hadn’t given him much of a choice but to take the pictures here.

                                                   “Donghae, I’m fine with taking the pictures in your apartment. No need to brood over useless matters” ―Hyukjae would have forgotten his camera staring at Donghae if it weren’t for the fact he had the damn contraption dangling from his neck. He had to stop staring at him.

                                                     They both walked side by side towards the lobby. The place was decorated simply with a small counter, brown lounge chairs and green plants in cerulean vases. Surprisingly, the interior made up for the sketchy look the buildings had on the outside.

                                                     Donghae kindly smiled at the elderly woman seated in her impromptu office by the corner and lead Hyukjae up a flight of dark, eerie looking stairs.

                                                    “Hopefully the d-door isn’t stuck today” ―Hae nervously chuckled, eyeing said door. Usually after long, rainy days his door magically got stuck. On occasion, his neighbor from across the hall, Yesung, would help him force the door open but to his misfortune Hyukjae was here to see his daily ordeals with the stubborn door and he didn’t want to give the platinum-blonde some bad impression or something.

                                                     Shy russet began moving the handle persistently only to be stunned when the door swung inward. “My apartment wants to impress you” ―Hyukjae chuckled. Certainly, Hae’s apartment wanted to impress him today.

                                                      As Donghae mentioned, on more than one occasion, his flat was very small but Hyukjae thought it was comfortable. The walls were painted a lovely baby blue and the overall décor was simple. Although, regardless of not being a luxurious living space the window bay seat by the kitchen made this dwelling worthwhile. Eunhyuk already knew where he was taking those pictures.

                                                    “Do you want something to drink?” ―Donghae shyly tucked a couple of strands of his tousled hair behind an ear. “I have some strawberry milk in the fridge if you would like some”

                                                    “Yes, thank you” ―Eunhyuk quickly answered to which Donghae promptly rushed for the drink while his guest was left to stare at his surroundings. Nothing in the small apartment looked expensive. In fact, everything Hae owned was practical, necessary items therefore when Hyukjae took a second, inspecting glance at that adorable and unusual window bay seat he couldn’t help but wonder where Donghae acquired such a magnificent mirror. It was more than obvious the standing mirror was an antique, carved by hand with beautiful cheval oak, and clean, crystal clear glass. The item contrasted heavily with the baby blue walls and white throw pillows on the bay seat yet, for some reason Eunhyuk knew that that was something Donghae would do because the shy, timorous russet was reminiscent to that mirror. While everything looked the same, he stood out.  Hae may think being different was a bad thing but it simply meant he was unique between a bunch of basic, media following puppets.

                                                    “You like it?” ―Donghae set a tall glass filled with delicious, pink liquescent. “My mother liked to collect antiques” ―he added nostalgically. “On vacations, we would go visiting random districts to see what kind of unusual knick-knacks we could find. That mirror over there was and still is our pride and joy” ―thin lips quirked into a sad smile. He missed his idiosyncratic, crazy parents.

                                                      “Donghae, what happened to them?” ― Hyukjae placed his tall glass upon the table, suddenly feeling so selfish for asking him to revive such hurtful memories. 

                                                      “They died in a car accident, Eunhyuk” ―Hae drifted his glance to the now dark sky. Hyukjae reckoned it was going to rain again. “I had a recital that night” ― even though the platinum-blonde wasn’t looking at Donghae directly he could tell the latter was already tearing up and there was nothing Eunhyuk wanted to do more than to embrace shy russet between warm, comforting arms. “My parents had recently begun travelling around the country together and left me with my uncle and cousin until their arrival. I told them it was okay to miss one of my recitals during their dream escapade because there would be many others to come, but they decided to speed to get there on time. Instead of seeing me perform, they crashed into a streetlamp and I never saw them again”

                                                         “I’m so sorry Donghae, really” ―Hyukjae sincerely apologized, feeling his gut twist in an uncomfortable way. He really didn’t want Hae to feel unhappy. The platinum-blonde had made a silent promise to protect him from any significant harm, including these hurtful memories that haunted him day by day.

                                                         “No need to apologize, silly” ―the atmosphere, once damped with deep grief was light once more soothing both men into a calm, comfortable silence where they sipped from pink, delicious drinks and made small talk.

                                       •

                                                            As predicted the rain began pouring softly. Hyukjae stared amazed as Donghae admired the little droplets sliding from the windows. They had officially met this way on a rainy day two weeks ago, and the platinum-blonde was internally wishing to keep witnessing this magnificent event until the day he lost reason.

                                                      “Hae, are you ready?” ―Hyukjae inquired delicately, afraid to startle the boy beside him.

                                                     “No” ―Donghae replied frankly. “But, I can’t keep you here much longer” ―and that was true, Hyukjae had responsibilities, places to be, things to do. Hae knew Eunhyuk was granting him precious time he could have been spending elsewhere. The least he could was man up and get this over with.

                                                         “Well, I was thinking the window bay was a great place to take pictures.” ―Eunhyuk tried to compose himself, deciding to take a more professional standpoint on the current state of affairs. As a professional photographer he would make more of these sessions in the future, the platinum-blonde figured he would learn from this experience. “It provides great lighting and a great view of the rain outside and that mirror…” ―Hyukjae pointed at it. “I think it gives the atmosphere something extra, what d