“Will you have kids of your own one day?”

That was the question Elena’s new mom asked. If Kourtney had been asked that three years ago, she would have broken down and cried. At that time, she was at her wit’s end. She and Yongguk had tried to have a baby for two years before she finally became pregnant. Kourtney was excited. She thought her lifelong dream of being a mother would finally come to fruition. Yongguk moved his studio from the upstairs room to the basement to turn the room into a nursery. They purchased a crib, toys, mobiles, bottles, pacifiers, pampers, baby monitors, hats, and a lot of other baby-related items. Admittedly, Kourtney went overboard when she purchased all boy outfits. She did not yet know the of the baby, but her newfound mother’s intuition, told her she would need blue onesies.

Sadly, she never learned the of their child. Two months into the pregnancy she woke up in horror to the sight of blood on the bedroom sheets. Kourtney clearly remembered that night. After dinner, she had slight stomach pains, but chalked it up to her changing tastes. Sometimes food did her well, other times even her favorite dishes could make her sick. She figured that sleep would help her to feel better. Everything was fine until sharp pains stirred her awake. She was shocked when she felt warm liquid pulsing from between her legs. When she got a better view, she screamed at the sight of blood. Yongguk awoke instantly. He switched on the lamp that sat on his nightstand to see what caused Kourtney’s outburst. When he saw the blood, he initially sat frozen in fear and disbelief before moving into action. He called the ambulance and then ran into the bathroom to retrieve some towels. When he returned to the room, Kourtney was sobbing hysterically while clutching the sheets close to her chest. Her hands were covered in blood. She remembered Yongguk slowly walking over to her side of the bed before falling to the floor, tears dripping from his eyes. He dropped the towels and leaned closer to Kourtney. He grasped onto the sheets as well. They stayed that way for a few minutes before hearing pounding on their front door.

The medics brought a stretcher into the living room once they were let in. Yongguk carried her downstairs and allowed the medics to secure her on the stretcher. They arrived to the hospital within fifteen minutes. Everything after that was a blur. Kourtney could only remember hearing her husband telling her that he loved her in a voice laden with tears and the glaring lights that seemed to be judging her. She was released from the hospital the next day, sometime in the afternoon. Yongguk let her lay against him while he drove home. The weeks after her return from the hospital were the longest weeks of her life. Kourtney became depressed and refused to talk to anyone. She only ate when Yongguk pleaded with her to do so, and she rarely went outside. She passed her mornings and evenings in the same way; lying in bed silently, only making noise when she cried. She wanted to die. She felt as though she was a horrible mother. How could she not have gone to the hospital when she first felt the weird pains? Why didn’t she think that something worse could be going on? If she had just paid more attention, maybe she could have saved her child. Maybe her belly would be swollen with a vibrant, healthy baby boy. Maybe she and Yongguk would still have a good marriage. Her marriage. It was probably in ruins. Kourtney knew that it wasn’t right to shut her husband out, but she couldn’t help it. Her miscarriage drained her of her joy and her will to live. She didn’t have the energy to cook, to clean, or to make love. She was too tired to be a good wife. Yet, her loving husband stayed. Kourtney was grateful that Yongguk didn’t leave her. He never got angry or frustrated with her. He loved her just the same.  He made sure to take care of her and hold her whenever she needed his touch. Kourtney wished she could return the favor. She saw that he too was affected by the miscarriage. She could see it in his tired eyes and drooping shoulders. Sometimes she would feel his body shake with quiet sobs at night. Whenever that happened, she would scoot closer to him and wrap her arms around him. He’d continue to cry and she would join him.

It wasn’t until her uncle, who’s also a pastor, came to visit them that she and Yongguk really started to recover. He talked with them about God’s love and His promise to give them the desires of their hearts. He then walked them through the stories of Sarah, Rachel, Hannah, and Elizabeth; all women who went through infertility, but were eventually blessed with children. Deciding to take a leap of faith, both Kourtney and Yongguk leaned on the promise of a child, and hoped that one day, they would have a miracle of their own.

That was three years ago. Kourtney still didn’t have a baby of her own, but God blessed her with kids nonetheless. About a year after the miscarriage, she and Yongguk, decided to become foster parents. Every few months, the state entrusted them to care for orphaned or abandoned children. They took in kids from as young as three to as old as thirteen years of age. Kourtney and Yongguk treated each one as their own. They even kept contact with their foster kids once they were officially adopted. She still prayed for a baby of her own, but was thankful for the laughter and teaching moments that now filled her life whenever a new child entered their home.

Kourtney blinked away the memory and refocused on the new mother’s question. The woman awaited her answer eagerly. Yes, Kourtney would’ve cried three years ago, but if there was one thing life had taught her, it was to be patient and to have faith. Regardless of the circumstances, she held a glimmer of hope.

Kourtney smiled and nodded before answering. “Yes, we will. One day, my husband and I will have our own little bundle.”

“Oh that would be wonderful. When you do, don’t hesitate to call me if you ever need a babysitter.”

“I’ll keep that in mind Mrs. Garcia.”

Kourtney stooped down to Elena’s level.

“Elena, be nice to your new parents, okay? Don’t give them a hard time. Always respect them and treat them kindly. Remember to brush your teeth, eat your veggies, and wash behind your ears, okay?”

Elena giggled before launching into Kourtney to give her a hug.

“I will Mrs. Bang. Thank you for taking care of me, and I’ll miss you.”

Kourtney squeezed her back and kissed her cheek. “I’ll miss you too little Lena.”

Elena then moved to hug Yongguk around the waist. “I’ll miss you too Mr. Bang. Thank you for teaching me how to play soccer.”

He leaned down and returned her hug. “Your welcome darling. Be good to your mom and dad, okay?”

“I will.” Elena nodded.

“And don’t forget to call or text us sometime. We’d like to keep hearing from you.”

“I’ll remember.”

He gave one last squeeze before releasing her.

Elena went to stand by her parents. Each one shook the couple’s hands before waving goodbye as they exited.

When the door closed, Kourtney’s shoulders slightly dropped.

Yongguk wrapped his arms around her and kissed her temple.

“I know honey. I miss her too.” He said.

“I know it’s part of the program, but it’s still hard to let them go.” Kourtney leaned into his embrace.

“Don’t worry babe. Soon we’ll have our own.”