[R] The Complex Simplicity of Us
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By: blissfuloasis
Poster
Anything you can write here: Quotes, Notes, ETC. Keep Short.
Information
► Genre(s):
• Angst
• Drama
• Romance
► No. of Chapters:
• Two (2) [The last chapter is a sequel]
► Story Status:
• Complete, Rated M,
► Category:
• One-shot
► Total: 078 / 000
• Angst
• Drama
• Romance
► No. of Chapters:
• Two (2) [The last chapter is a sequel]
► Story Status:
• Complete, Rated M,
► Category:
• One-shot
► Total: 078 / 000
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The Review
• Title: 008 / 010
The title is really sttractive. It has a nice ring into it. I understood why the title is like that taken that Evangeline and Kai's relationship is complicated but can be simple if they've been a bit more corageous. However, I felt like I've seen a title similar to that style before, but overall there's not much problem.
• Description / Foreword: 016 / 020
Again, like the title, the description has that eyecandy factor. It catches attentions of readers. However, as it has much relevance tot he story, it's a bit blurry. I cannot seem to grasp what the story is going about. Is it going to be that typical romance where the male protagonist has a boyfriend while the female protagonist is this male protagonist's girlfriend's best friend? Or is it going to be about two people from two dimensions- literally? Or what? It's a bit confusing. But your foreword cleared some things up.
As much as I'm aware, credits should go to the foreword since description is limited to the contents of the story only wereas the foreword is free for the author to use to his or her content. Overall, it's neat and I have not much of a problem.
• Appearance: 003/ 005
I am no graphic designer so I cannot judge the graphics so we'll move on with the other elements of the appearance of your story.
The layout was alright, it's nice and it suits the storyline, I suppose. However, choosing a layout with a gif is probably not the smartest choice. It can be quite distracting sometimes. A simple and mobile-friendly layout is much more preferred.
Also, there is no need to change the font colors of dialogues, nonetheless bold them. It is quite an eyesore. It would be much better if you just leave them black and normal like the rest of the text.
• Plot: 016 / 020
The plot isn't really something new to my eyes, at the very least. I wouldn't really call it rare, but that doesn't mean it's common either. I'd like to call it something in between.
The plot is a bit etchy so throwing twists here and there is a bit difficult. I like how it is a bit realistic, as all people aren't really happy in relationships but find themselves chained to it, thus, making them do... things. I like how you structured the entire thing and how the pace of the storyline is slow yet suitable for the story.
• Characters: 015 / 020
Your characters are alright. They're good, but they can use a bit more detail. Taken Evangeline, for example. It'll be nicer if you can give the reader a push why she doesn't want to break up with her boyfriend and why she is so attatched to Kai despite of her knowing that it's wrong. I mean, sure, she's pretty much smitten to the relationship and in my perspective, she's probably chained (not in a literal sense). But for all we know, that can just be my perspective. it is obvious on some parts, but I feel like it needs a bit more push.
While Evangeline is the lost and detailed character, I need some details on Mr. Playboy's part. Kai's character isn't that detailed like Evangeline's in my own opinion. I feel like a few descriptions will do. Like, what's in him that makes Evangeline mesmerized? What does he like aside from his hot tanned skin? How does he do? I need things like that.
Setting all that aside, your characters are alright.
• Grammar:: 007 / 010
There's a few grammatical and typographicl errors here and there, but I'm sure a proofread will do. Also, some sentence structures are awkwardly made, I think that needs a revision. Overall, there's not much to nitpick here.
• Writing Style: 010 / 010
The writing style is raw and fresh, it grabs the readers and never lets them go. I'll personally give you an A++ if this is a homework assignment or school activity. Your writing style is that good.
• Personal Satisfacton: 003 / 005
Overall, it's okay. Cheating isn't just my cup of tea so it didn't really made me enjoy it, but then again, I'm pretty much sick of innocent couples so, I'll let it slide. Your story is nice and I personally like how you write. Like I said, if this is homework or any paper work that needs grading, I'll personally give you an A. This is really good and I'm sure that it'll improve more into the near future.
The title is really sttractive. It has a nice ring into it. I understood why the title is like that taken that Evangeline and Kai's relationship is complicated but can be simple if they've been a bit more corageous. However, I felt like I've seen a title similar to that style before, but overall there's not much problem.
• Description / Foreword: 016 / 020
Again, like the title, the description has that eyecandy factor. It catches attentions of readers. However, as it has much relevance tot he story, it's a bit blurry. I cannot seem to grasp what the story is going about. Is it going to be that typical romance where the male protagonist has a boyfriend while the female protagonist is this male protagonist's girlfriend's best friend? Or is it going to be about two people from two dimensions- literally? Or what? It's a bit confusing. But your foreword cleared some things up.
As much as I'm aware, credits should go to the foreword since description is limited to the contents of the story only wereas the foreword is free for the author to use to his or her content. Overall, it's neat and I have not much of a problem.
• Appearance: 003/ 005
I am no graphic designer so I cannot judge the graphics so we'll move on with the other elements of the appearance of your story.
The layout was alright, it's nice and it suits the storyline, I suppose. However, choosing a layout with a gif is probably not the smartest choice. It can be quite distracting sometimes. A simple and mobile-friendly layout is much more preferred.
Also, there is no need to change the font colors of dialogues, nonetheless bold them. It is quite an eyesore. It would be much better if you just leave them black and normal like the rest of the text.
• Plot: 016 / 020
The plot isn't really something new to my eyes, at the very least. I wouldn't really call it rare, but that doesn't mean it's common either. I'd like to call it something in between.
The plot is a bit etchy so throwing twists here and there is a bit difficult. I like how it is a bit realistic, as all people aren't really happy in relationships but find themselves chained to it, thus, making them do... things. I like how you structured the entire thing and how the pace of the storyline is slow yet suitable for the story.
• Characters: 015 / 020
Your characters are alright. They're good, but they can use a bit more detail. Taken Evangeline, for example. It'll be nicer if you can give the reader a push why she doesn't want to break up with her boyfriend and why she is so attatched to Kai despite of her knowing that it's wrong. I mean, sure, she's pretty much smitten to the relationship and in my perspective, she's probably chained (not in a literal sense). But for all we know, that can just be my perspective. it is obvious on some parts, but I feel like it needs a bit more push.
While Evangeline is the lost and detailed character, I need some details on Mr. Playboy's part. Kai's character isn't that detailed like Evangeline's in my own opinion. I feel like a few descriptions will do. Like, what's in him that makes Evangeline mesmerized? What does he like aside from his hot tanned skin? How does he do? I need things like that.
Setting all that aside, your characters are alright.
• Grammar:: 007 / 010
There's a few grammatical and typographicl errors here and there, but I'm sure a proofread will do. Also, some sentence structures are awkwardly made, I think that needs a revision. Overall, there's not much to nitpick here.
• Writing Style: 010 / 010
The writing style is raw and fresh, it grabs the readers and never lets them go. I'll personally give you an A++ if this is a homework assignment or school activity. Your writing style is that good.
• Personal Satisfacton: 003 / 005
Overall, it's okay. Cheating isn't just my cup of tea so it didn't really made me enjoy it, but then again, I'm pretty much sick of innocent couples so, I'll let it slide. Your story is nice and I personally like how you write. Like I said, if this is homework or any paper work that needs grading, I'll personally give you an A. This is really good and I'm sure that it'll improve more into the near future.
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Reviewer's Notes / Advices
I can only suggest you to proofread the story yet again and add more details in Kai's character. Also, this isn't really mandatory since it's your choice, but I think it'll be nicer if you change the layout into something simplier. This is just my opinion, so it's still your choice whether you want to follow it or not. Thank you! ^^
| trxsh | Modified By StoicBread |
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