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Sana doesn’t think it is possible for a person to be any paler than Mingyu right now and still be alive.

“Wh-what do you mean pregnant?”

Sana rubs her palms up and down her face, dragging her no-makeup skin all over. “Pregnant, Mingyu. As in . . . pregnant.”

“How pregnant?”

She doesn’t understand the question. Is it how long? How real? How . . . pregnant? “ing pregnant.”

He's quiet for a moment. He inhales a slow, deep breath and exhales even slower. “Is it mine?” By the time he asks, his face looks paler. About two shades.

She glares at him by his implication. She would argue on that but right now it’s not the time to do that. They need to adult. “Yes. You were the only one I slept with in about half a year. And I went through a test and I’m around six weeks pregnant, which tells more if you don’t believe me.”

“But how? I used a .”

“The is broke. . .I guess.” When he stares down at her, she almost blushes. “Because I remember it felt a little. . .you know, warm.”

His brows furrowed and he stares into a distance, as if he’s trying to remember too. And then Sana sees it—the exact moment he has trouble breathing. “It did feel a little sticky, though. I thought I accidentally ripped it off that my spilled out.”

How did he say it without filtering is beyond her. The baby would be a ing nightmare. Heck, it already is one.

But at least he didn’t try to simply spacegoat her or pretend he didn’t remember anything.

He looks back at her and runs both his hands over his hair and grips it. “God, I should have checked. Sana, I’m—I’m so sorry.”

Struck silence, all Sana can manage is just stares at him. She had the possible scenario played in her head since last night. He would deny his involvement, threaten her to abort, choke her to death and bury her in the woods. A very—what looks like a genuine apology is not in her dialogue at all. She already had mentally written a good retort for all his potential insults. So now, what is left to say?

She shakes her head, trying to regain control for this unexpected detour. She’s an adult and she can take fair share of the blame. “I missed the pills too actually so . . .” Should she apologize too? But Mingyu is not the one pregnant.

He doesn’t say anything for a moment and it’s actually pretty terrifying. Sana doesn’t have the balls to look up to his face because he’s tall and it’s intimidating so she speaks out her plan. “You know, you don’t have to get involved. I would rather you don’t get involved. I’m just telling you because you have the right to know.”

She can feel him staring down at her. He’s very tall. When he stands before her, he’s a tower. It feels like he’s hovering and crowding over her when he’s not. It’s intimidating. And she hates how intimidating it feels because all he does is standing. Very little effort for something so affecting.

So she takes a calming breath and feigns indifference, like she’s not at all freaking out. “That’s all I wanted to say. Bye.” And then she runs away. Fast.

Like she’s not at all freaking out.

It’s Mingyu’s turn to pull her by her arm right after she walks out of the toilet. “We need to do a very serious talking.” He says and Sana doesn’t argue.

They walk pass Jeonghan and Nayeon who supposedly wait for her. Their eyes follow them and their expression shifting from confused to questioning to accusing.

“Aren’t you guys a little too dramatic today with all the dragging and private talking?” Jeonghan sneers.

Sana groans, because this is a little too dramatic. “Mingyu, can we just walk like normal people without you dragging me around?”

“No. I’m not risking you to drop me a bomb and run away again like a normal people would.”He turns to a corner and Sana realizes they are heading to the same place where she broke the news to him this morning.

Sana doesn’t argue. Today . . . no, last night, she decided to surrender to fate. She’s still surrendering to whatever fate is throwing in her face today. And if the ’s name is Mingyu, she’s fine with it too. Unless he wants to bull his way into her decision—which is to abort—so no, that’s one thing she’s going to stand to and put up a fight.

He releases her and stands facing her. He’s so tall, so intimidating. She’s not so sure anymore about putting up a fight. All these time, she has a few personal strategies against Mingyu. One of it is; Only fight Mingyu if she can literally look down on him. She looks around. No standing weapon. She tries not to cower.

“Sana.” He starts. “What do you mean you don’t want me to be involved?”

“Well, I. . .I just—“

So much to act tough.

“That’s my baby.” He says sternly.

She gives another attempt to feign indifferent. “So?”

His jaw drops open. “Is that my baby?”

“Yes! I told you!”

So much to act indifferent.

“Then that’s my baby! Look, I’m not prepared at all for this, I felt like you kicked me out of the curb this morning and I felt like I’m still there—out of the curb. But one thing is, I’m not just the donor. I’m the father.”

Sana blinks at him, trying to figure him out. So he doesn’t quite like the news, but he wants to be involved? Or he wants the baby? Or . . . he wants to kick her out of the curb? “. . . Okay.”

He starts pacing. She lets him pacing. Thank God he’s pacing. He needs to pace so he doesn’t just stand around and intimidate everyone.

“I went through the whole morning thinking about this. But I . . . “ He slides down the wall. Thank God he slides down the wall. She steps in front of him and stares down at him. Her favourite standing position. “I still need a moment. Wait. I have things I want to say but seeing you make me forgot all about it, and now I’m rambling. Am I rambling? No, I’m not yet rambling. But I really need few moments because I never thought that I woke up this morning to find out I’m going to father a baby and I never thought I’m going to father your baby and I was thinking what I should do, and I kind of need to few moments to figure out what I should do—“

“Mingyu, you’re rambling.”

He lets out a breath. A long, breathy one. “Give me a moment.”

She nods. Although, she wishes he won’t take long. She has a class in ten minutes. He has a class in ten minutes.

And then he talks. “I still can’t believe I’m going to have a daughter. This is crazy.”

That . . . is not what she expected at all. Either Mingyu is dumb . . . or dumber. “It doesn’t have a gender yet, cow. How do you know if it’s going to be a daughter?”

“You referred to her as an it. That’s worse.”

“Do you know it’s practically . . .” She shrugs, having no actual knowledge about this. “—a tadpole? Right now? It’s not anything yet.”

“A tadpole! Did you seriously refer to our baby as a ing tadpole?”

She’s the one who’s standing, but she can’t help but wince but when he said our baby out loud. “Then what do I refer it as? A he?”

“If you want it to be a he, it’s a he. But I want it as a she, so she’s a she. What I say goes.”

They need to ing adult. “Okay, whatever. It’s—she’s not going to happen anyway.”

His head snaps up. “What do you mean she’s not going to happen?”

“I want to abort it.”

Yes, it’s possible to be another shade paler and is still breathing. He shoots up to his feet, so fast Sana is pretty sure it’s dizzying. “You want to abort her?”

Damn, now that it has a gender, the guilt starts to trip. ing bughead Mingyu. And he has to do it while standing and hovering and crowding too.

“What else do I do? I can’t be pregnant. I’m still a student, I can’t raise it—her. I have a lot of things going on and plans for future. A baby is not in the plan until maybe another four to five years. I can’t do this, Mingyu.”

His shoulders slump. He avoids her gaze and drops back to sit. The way his posture shrinks right now, it almost looks like he’s . . . disappointed.

“You have problem with pronouns, Minatozaki. It’s we, not I.”

She frowns. “You . . . you are in this?”

No way. There’s no way he wants to be involved. Much less with her.

“You want this?”

He looks up at her and his eyes are almost unreadable. She could read it but she tries not to decipher it because no ing way.

“Come here.” He pats the floor beside him, inviting her to sit.

Nope. “I’m wearing a skirt.”

“And somehow standing in front of me with your bare legs on my eye-level is safer than sitting beside me? I’m not going to peek. Besides, I already went up close and personal with what’s beneath it.“

Sana moves faster than lightning because if she doesn’t, there’s a good chance her knees will be in his face. She waits for him to talk and its a few minutes of silent before he breaks it.

“Can we think about it?“ He runs his hand along his hair, making it stands up in all places. “This is a lot to process. I think deciding things in one day isn’t sufficient because this is a baby.” He pauses a beat. “Does it feel funny on your tongue like it does to mine? Say it.”

“A baby.”

“No. Say our baby.”

“Our. . .baby.” She enunciates it carefully and immediately shudders. “Ugh. This is why I want to abort it.”

He doesn’t say a thing and Sana doesn’t risk a glance. She sighs as she stares at the green field. “But, even if we think about it, what other choices do we have? I can’t be pregnant. My dad is going to kill me. Us. And do you expect me to go to class with belly bigger than a watermelon? And how do we raise it—her?” . She really does have a problem with pronouns. “And both of us would make terrible parents and the worst part is, we are not even friends.”

“But—Ughhh.” He pulls on his hair again. Sana immediately recognizes it as a habit of his. She shortly wonders if she pisses him off more, maybe very soon he will go bald. “But we can’t kill her.”

Here’s the thing. Sana is pretty y when it comes to people she loathes, but she doesn’t loath the baby and it does nothing wrong to her. Deep inside, she’s still beating herself up for not thinking twice to abort, but what other choices does she have? She could pull off Juno and put the baby up for adoption but there are nine months to go through. And there are also her father, Mingyu’s parents, their friends and all the wicked glances to go through. Not to forget, all the nausea, trips to toilets, swollen feet, stretch marks, big belly and s. She’s so not up to those—except maybe bigger s and the curves but that’s it.

“Then give me an option.” She regrets this right away. She shouldn’t give him any authority to in. She’s the one pregnant. She gets to decide.

“Can you let me think about it?”

“I’m the one pregnant here, Mingyu. It’s easy for you to—“

“That’s my baby! How is it easy?”

“You’re not the one who has to grow a mothering ball in your belly! You’re not the one who has to puke your brains out and all the pregnancy for nine ing months! And you’re not the one who has to go through shame!” By the end of her uproar, she’s already breaking out to sobs.

He reaches up to wipe her face with his sleeve, frowning while at it as though her crying face is a disgusting thing to have an eye contact with. Sana pushes his hand away like a petulant child. trying to adult.

“I was not aware this a competition on who’s going to have it easier. Yes, you have it much harder and I’m validating that. Really, I do. But that doesn’t mean I have it easy. She’s my baby. I knocked you up. I have to face your father. I have to father. I’m a student. I only work part-time, which only enough to pay rent. And the hardest part is . . .” He sighs. “I put you in this situation. As much as I don’t like you, I’m not going to make you go you through this if I get to choose. This heavy feeling . . . is not easy.”

Sana stares at him through her wet lashes, not actually knowing what to feel about what he said.

He rubs his face. “I know I should get more time to decide but I don’t think what my guts are telling would change. Would you like to hear me?”

She has a feeling what he’s about to say would ignite another fuel. Of course they are going to argue again. God forbid they would agree on one thing for once.

He takes a deep breath. “I want the baby.”

Shocked, all she can do is just blink at him. He did not just— no ing way. If she isn’t too shocked, she would poke his flesh to find out if he’s real. “No ing way . . .” No way no way no way.

He turns his torso facing her. When the wind blows her skirt and she’s too thunderstruck to move, he holds the hem with a pinch of his fingers and rests his fist on her thigh like a gentleman he’s not usually is. “But that’s me. This is mostly about you. If you don’t want the baby then,” He stares into her eyes and hold. “It’s up to you.”

“Why?” It comes out like a whisper. This is ed up. She has a freaking baby and now there’s a ridiculous Mingyu. What the hell did she sign-up to six weeks ago?

He smiles but it looks bitter. “Sana, I um . . .I was an oops baby too.” He chuckles, but it still looks bitter. “My mom is a single mother. When she found out she’s pregnant, the man—my father—tried to force her to abort for the sake of his reputation and . She almost did because she’s stressed and at that time, my grandparents pretty much disowned her, but somehow, when they found out she’s pregnant, they took her back in. And if they didn’t, I would never get the chance to live.”

She doesn’t know what to say, so she doesn’t say anything.

Mingyu continues. “My father knew my mom didn’t abort me, but he completely washed his hands off us. Because of that, I never missed a chance to spat on him for being a prick. And now I think this is life trying to give me the for it.” He turns back to the front. “I may be a jerk to you, but I’m not going to be as big as my father and now it’s time to prove it.” He speaks, so quiet like he’s not actually speaking to her but to the thin air instead.

She stares down at his hand on her thigh, trying to find her missing articulacy there.

“Look, I’m not trying to guilt-trip you. I’m just trying to reason. I know what pregnancy does to woman and if you’re not ready to go through that yet, I would respect your decision.”

Sana finds her tongue, but she doesn’t say what she could say. She understands his root of decision and she now has a little clue about his life. Not that she cares but . . .

He turns to her and for a moment they stare at each other. On other days, on other setting, this would be the time they would pick on each other and shot insults back and forth.

He narrows his eyes at her. “Are you running out of animals to swear or what?” He pinches her thigh. “Say something.”

She shrugs. She was one hundred percent convinced she would abort. She was one hundred percent convinced Mingyu would back out. She was one hundred percent convinced they would be on the same page for once and that it would be easier and faster to get through this. But after this talk, after what he said, which completely throw her off the curb, she no longer thinks she’s capable of being one hundred percent sure about anything anymore.

Damn it. She hates that he’s so tall.

“Say, if I decide to keep this baby, how do we do it?”

“You’ll grow and I’ll be there to annoy you. But you know, I honestly think if we go through this, we should worry more about the fact that we’re going to kill each other and either one or both of us will die before the baby is born.”

She laughs and it feels both right and wrong to take humor well right now. More wrong because she’s in his company and he’s the one who actually made her laugh. Pigs are flying.

“Especially you. You always threatened to kill me and now you have pregnancy hormones. , I think I’m going to sleep with one eye open and one hand on my from now on.”

“Maybe you could save yourself by kissing my .”

He grins and there’s playful glint in his eyes. His hand on her thigh twitch but doesn’t move further. “Now this skirt isn’t all that inconvenient.”

She rolls her eyes. “Shut it, Mingyu. Keep your mind out of the gutter for once.” He frowns and schools his features to a paternal serious face. “Okay, but say, if I still want to abort it, what do you do?”

“I told you, I will respect it. This is mostly you. You get to make the decision.”

She nods, unsettled about her mixed feelings but at least Mingyu gives her the veto.

She thinks about everything. Her father, his mother, her future, Mingyu’s involvement, their friends, her body, a baby who pukes and s, et cetera et cetera. She takes a deep breath again, back all the power and the decision she had before all this talk.

She turns to Mingyu. She can’t believe that the day will end with her having to disappoint him. “I’m sorry.”

He nods and he flips up his palm. She doesn’t know what brings the action, maybe she really feels extremely sorry, but her hand finds her way to clasp his. She grips on it like her life depended on it, and there, she finds what she doesn’t know she needs from him.

Strength.

Thanks for reading! :)