The dress lying on the bed is bluer than the sizzling summer night outside.

 

Baekhyun touches the fabric only with his fingertips like it was such a fragile thing it would disappear at a glance if he’s not careful enough. It does feel like a dream. The dress is soft, made with tulle and falls down in gentle waves from the waist, its blueness slowly fading out in a gradient pattern. It has a deep V-neck, is also backless. A string of artificial flowers adorn the upper part.

 

His breath hitched when Baekhyun had found it in the shop. He abruptly stopped by the shop window and without completely thinking through, brought it home. It’s been in his wardrobe ever since.

 

“How are you doing?”

 

Jongdae is standing in the doorway, clad in an elegant dress shirt and matching pants. The tie they’ve chosen together is missing though. On further inspection, Baekhyun finds it in his boyfriend’s hands.

 

“I’m almost ready. Do you need help with that?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Baekhyun turns away from his bed and goes to Jongdae to put the garment around his neck and tie the knot.

 

The latter lets out a big sigh as he’s watching the other work.

 

“I’ll never be able to knot my tie.”

 

“You don’t have to. You have me to do it for you.” Baekhyun answers leisurely, fingers fastening the blue fabric with experienced movements. “I’m doing a bow tie for you tonight. It’s a special night after all.”

 

“It is.”

 

Baekhyun is almost finished when he feels careful fingers on his left cheek. Jongdae is thumbing at the flesh there, slowly moving upward to lightly swipe at the corner of the left eye then his fingers settle behind Baekhyun’s ear, curling weak strands of hair out of the way.

 

“I always forget what makeup does to your face.”

 

Baekhyun bites his lip, trying to concentrate on the task at hand. He is wearing a little more tonight. It’s not just a subtle flare of eyeliner above his eyes, some lip gloss only visible from a certain distance or pale peachy blush sitting on his cheekbones. He’s having the full gear he usually avoids – fake eyelashes, daring mascara, shimmery eyeshadow in all kinds of blue, and even contouring. He looks like a different person painted like this - Baekhyun acknowledged that earlier staring at his reflection in the mirror. But it’s a difference he loves.

 

Jongdae does so as well. He’s inspecting Baekhyun’s face slowly and thoroughly like he’s trying to drink in the view, relish in it and store it in his mind. The way he looks at him can’t be mistaken anything else but fondness and Baekhyun’s heart palpitates as he recognizes it, slender fingers freezing at the heated gaze.

 

“And your hair is growing out.” Jongdae continues in the same restrained voice from a few seconds ago, his fingers the soft hair close dearly. “It’s going past your chin now.”

 

“It’s growing faster than I’ve thought.” Baekhyun murmurs; still lightly taken aback by his boyfriend’s statements. “Taeyeon noona braided it for me yesterday.”

 

“Did she?”

 

“Yes. It looked a bit weird because it’s not long enough yet but she could do it. And she attached a ribbon to the end of the braid afterwards.”

 

He’s saying too much but Baekhyun can’t stand this tense silence. It’s something he’s wanted to share with Jongdae anyway. The ribbon looked good on him. If he was a bit younger, he would totally wear it.

 

Jongdae smiles and it’s Baekhyun’s turn to bask in the view. He has met a handful of beautiful people in his life but none of them looks as good as Jongdae does when he’s smiling. He’s radiating happiness, positivity and comfort, instantly making Baekhyun feel at ease and home. His smiles have some kind of magic – Jongdae himself is a wonder Baekhyun can’t figure out but doesn’t even want to do so. Being next to him is enough and beyond more.

 

“I bet you looked lovely… though not as much as you look now.”

 

Baekhyun blushes at the compliment.

 

“You like it? I didn’t go overboard, did I?”

 

“If I’ve met you in a dark alley like this, I’d probably scream but –“

 

“Thanks.”

 

Jongdae chuckles and leans forward to kiss Baekhyun’s forehead.

 

“I’m just joking to make you feel relaxed.”

 

“I know. I’ve meant when I said thanks.” Baekhyun replies, leaving the bow tie with a pat and nuzzling the soft neck in front of him gratefully. “I’m not nervous though.”

 

“That’s great. We have to leave in like ten minutes to arrive on time.”

 

“Then let’s go.”

 

The dress is put in a garment bag before gently laid in the trunk along with a gift and Jongdae’s suit jacket. The summer night is humid, Baekhyun feels hot enough in his shorts-and-tee combo. Jongdae must be boiling in his formal attire.

 

“You could dress up later too, you know.”

 

“I’m fine.” Jongdae responds while stirring the wheel on the way out of the city.

 

“I feel sweating just by looking at you.” Baekhyun blurts out, switching the AC on a higher level. “I hope you put on a lot of cologne.”

 

“I’m naturally not a sweaty person.”

 

“You said the same about snoring and what a surprise, I’m using earplugs.”

 

“Ya, I only snore when I’m really tired.” Jongdae pouts, eyes only glancing at his boyfriend in the passenger seat briefly. “And honestly, you have no right to complain. You roll around and whine like a puppy from one to three a.m.”

 

“You’ve noticed that?”

 

“I’ve even measured the time. What do you think? … I’ve never heard of a weirder sleeping habit than yours. You sound like an actual dog and would push me out of bed if I wasn’t holding onto the edge.”

 

Baekhyun smiles sheepishly.

 

“Under weird you mean weirdly cute, right?”

 

Jongdae opens his mouth to have a retort to that but then closes it just as soon. Baekhyun is cute – this is a fact he can’t argue with.

 

The ride is an hour long. They alternate between listening to the radio, belting out familiar songs together and chatting away. Baekhyun knows little about the party they’re attending so makes sure to gather some information about the other guests. He has to strike up a conversation somehow.

 

Just before they find the weekend house, Jongdae stops the car at a rather woody area with no buildings in site.

 

“Is this place alright?”

 

Baekhyun spots a dense bush in a good distance from the main road and hums.

 

“Yep.”

 

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

 

They’ve talked about it countless times but Jongdae can’t get comfortable with the idea.

 

“It’s the easiest this way.”

 

“No. The easiest would be changing in the house or at home just like I’ve said.”

 

Baekhyun gets out of the car and goes around to open the trunk. Jongdae can’t do else but blindly following him.

 

“I want this to be a fresh start as much as it’s possible.” Baekhyun explains while getting hold of the garment bag. He hugs it to his chest possessively. “You can’t stop me. I’ve decided.”

 

Jongdae is looking at him for a while, eyebrows furrowed in worry but then nods in acceptance.

 

“I’ll go with you though.”

 

“You can’t leave the car.”

 

“I can’t leave you either.”

 

Baekhyun smiles at his boyfriend with gratitude and takes his hand with his free one to walk up the hill together.

 

Although it’s a rather secluded place, the thrill of being seen is there as Baekhyun sheds his clothing one by one. He pulls off his shirt first, his shorts go next.

 

Jongdae who has taken on the sentinel’s role willingly, glances at him just then and makes a sound in the back in his throat at the sight.

 

Baekhyun looks over his shoulder with a smirk.

 

“You’re supposed to watch the road, soldier.”

 

“Then stop being distracting.” Jongdae huffs and looks away with a gulp. His boyfriend can’t see it from there but he’s a blushing mess. “Where did you buy that?”

 

“In a shop close to ours.”

 

Baekhyun pulls the zipper of the bag down slow on purpose. It’s a bit early for that but judging from his reaction Jongdae appreciates his underwear so Baekhyun gives him a little time to enjoy it.

 

Purchasing lingerie was way harder than purchasing a dress. Though Baekhyun told the shop assistant he’s buying for his (non-existent) girlfriend, the woman was keeping an eye on him all the while he was strolling through the store, picking up bras and . She probably saw his excitement, the admiration apparent in his eyes. The customers of the clothing shop Baekhyun is employed at are used to this kind of behavior, don’t see it more than good fashion sense and general kindness workers possess. Others eye Baekhyun with suspicion, calming themselves with comforting thoughts like fashion major, daring boyfriend, unfortunate bridegroom, etc. Just a few face reality and think of what his interest mean.

 

Baekhyun really wanted to try on what he had chosen but in lack of a good explanation, he judged by the measurements Taeyeon helped him with and bought the set he liked the most.

 

It contains a pale blue, lacy bra and a matching blue lacy short. There was a similar set with a lacy thong which Baekhyun liked more but enjoying watching something and feeling it on skin are two separate things. It was hard enough to adjust the shorts.

 

It was all worth it though when Baekhyun observed his barely clothed self in the floor mirror. The lace is hugging his form perfectly – it looks just right on his hips and accentuates the fullness of his thighs. The bra is lacking a bit, even though Baekhyun had chosen one with no push up on purpose but regardless of that he’s satisfied. Just the fact what he’s wearing, how good and free he feels in it, is enough for him to look past little imperfections.

 

The night air feels cooling on his skin as Baekhyun steps into the dress and pulls the straps onto his shoulders. It’s a bit tight there. Unfortunately he didn’t have time to alter it the week.

 

“Are you finished?”

 

“Come, I need your help.”

 

Jongdae looks around warily then shuffles to his boyfriend… where his boyfriend is supposed to stand. He doesn’t see anything else but a beautiful back showing in a pretty blue dress, seductive eyes peering over a fair shoulder.

 

“Zip me up, please.”

 

Baekhyun can’t help but smile at the nimble fingers dancing along his lower back. It’s not that hard to miss the zipper.

 

“We won’t make it tonight if you keep being slow.”

 

“You don’t see yourself.” Jongdae mutters, unable to remove his hands and resist the urge to kiss along Baekhyun’s spine. “You’re…”

 

“I am what?”

 

Baekhyun startles as he’s zipped up and spun around in a moment. Jongdae looks him up and down, eyes clouded, mouth slightly agape.

 

“You’re beautiful. So beautiful.”

 

Baekhyun leans in to reward the kindness with a fleeting kiss on the cheek but Jongdae beats him to it. He kisses him hard on the lips, hands grabbing his waist to fully mold into him.

 

Even kissing feels different like this. Jongdae is the same amazing, putting in just enough pressure to convey his feelings, yet isn’t rough, savoring the moment by kissing languidly. Baekhyun’s reaction is alike. He sighs into the gentle touch and reciprocates as much as he can, tilting his head for a better angle, fingers going upwards to get hold of Jongdae’s neatly styled hair.

 

It’s the feeling which is distinct, the knowledge of who he is now. It feels like being kissed for the first time. Like it’s the first time Jongdae sees him, the real him… Baekhyun lets out a shuddered breath as the other moves on to plant kisses along his neck. Relief washes through him like a never-ending flow. It’s a blessing Jongdae accepts him like this as well.

 

Baekhyun feared what Jongdae will think. He hadn’t revealed to anyone this side of him before and even though he felt Jongdae is something else (though not as much as himself), there was the option he backs out of their relationship. Jongdae didn’t. He was a bit shocked at first of course but his initial confusion died down soon and stayed supportive. He was the one who encouraged Baekhyun to take this step as well. Without him maybe Baekhyun has never gathered up the courage to be true to his self and would have stopped by wearing nightgowns to bed.

 

“You’re ruining my makeup.”

 

“No, I’m being careful.” Jongdae hums after kissing the crook of his boyfriend’s neck a little bit longer.

 

Baekhyun hisses at the sensitivity… which is bad because if there is one time he should not get hard, it’s this time. He better try convincing stronger.

 

“We’ll be late.”

 

“I can call my friend.”

 

“We’re in public.”

 

“We’re hidden well.”

 

Okay, this won’t work.

 

“I’m getting hard, Jongdae and it hurts.”

 

Hearing the angry whisper, Jongdae steps back with a -eating grin.

 

“What I can say to that is “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it” but then we really wouldn’t make it to the party.”

 

His voice is full of promises. Baekhyun takes a deep breath to control himself.

 

“Indeed. So let’s go!”

 

He doesn’t take a step back to the car when Baekhyun abruptly stops. Jongdae, gathering his clothes and the bag, looks at him wondering.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“I can’t walk down.”

 

Jongdae drops everything to rush to his boyfriend.

 

“Are you cramping… or did you really get hard?”

 

Oh God.

 

“I can’t risk my dress tear because of this environment, you idiot.” Baekhyun declares before breaking into a sweet smile. “I’m afraid you have to carry me, baby.”

 

Jongdae eventually does so. Baekhyun isn’t that heavy anyway, actually…

 

“You’re lighter.” He exclaims when they’re back in the car.

 

Baekhyun blinks at him nonchalantly.

 

“I’ve lost some weight. I needed to look perfect.”

“You’re perfect the way you are.”

 

It’s cheesy but it’s the truth. In Jongdae’s eyes Baekhyun looks just right from head to toe, in clothes or without them (maybe a bit more without them, that’d be stupid to deny).

 

Baekhyun rolls his eyes then reaches into his clutch bag for the last, missing piece of his look. When he looks back at his boyfriend, his lips are painted luxuriously red.

 

“Now I feel like am.”

 

 

 

 

 

The party is already started by the time Baekhyun and Jongdae enter the garden. A jazz band is playing on the stage, a generous buffet is offered on long tables. People are chatting casually in small groups, some of them swaying from side to side to the relaxing music.

 

Jongdae’s friend rushes to them in all his giant, suit-clad glory.

 

“You’re here!” The tall man exclaims loudly, immediately shaking hands with Jongdae.

 

“I’ve told you I’ll come.”

 

“You’ve told a lot of things during the years. ‘I’ll be there at seven, don’t worry.’ ‘You can eat that, it’s good.’ ‘Always choose B, you’ll never go wrong’ –“

 

“Shut up.”

 

Baekhyun is watching their interaction amused. He only gets a bit nervous when the man’s eyes find him and they double.

 

“Um, hello?”

 

So awkward.

 

“Hello.”

 

“Oh my God, Chanyeol, stop being dumb.” Jongdae whines before sliding an arm around his boyfriend’s waist meaningfully. “It’s Baekhyun.”

 

“Baekhyun? Baekhyun. Whoa.” Chanyeol gapes. “You look completely different from the pictures.”

 

Okay, Baekhyun, no need to freak out.

 

“Special occasions deserve special preparation.” He responds, smiling politely all the while.

 

Jongdae can’t keep the straight face.

 

“I’d kick you in the shin, Park, if I didn’t know you have to take back your suit tomorrow.”

 

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I mean… it’s not like you looked bad in those pictures, Baekhyun, it’s just that now you look – “ Chanyeol blinks a few times to recollect his thoughts and stop babbling. “ You look awesome. Jongdae is a lucky bastard.”

 

Baekhyun acknowledges the sincerity in his awe and chuckles. The awkward atmosphere is instantly turned into a pleasant one, Chanyeol breaking into a bold, wide smile, Jongdae’s arm tightening around his waist possessively.

 

“You’ve got married yesterday and you’re already running after somebody else.”

 

Chanyeol is joined by a smaller man, somebody around Baekhyun’s height in an identical suit, only differing by the tie. Chanyeol is wearing a red one, the stranger a green; otherwise their outfits are the same…

 

“You’ve come just on time.” Chanyeol says to him before taking on a similar posture to theirs. He slides his hand around the other man’s waist. The action looks well-practiced and full of affection. “Jongdae, Baekhyun, let me introduce you my husband, Kyungsoo.”

 

Baekhyun gulps down his surprise.

 

“Hi, Jongdae.”

 

“Hi, Kyungsoo.” The two of them have met before, around the time of their engagement during another humid summer night.

 

Kyungsoo turns towards the other guest, expression solid.

 

“Do Kyungsoo.”

 

Ouch.

 

“Byun Baekhyun. Nice to meet you.” Baekhyun decides to go with the flow, settling for a firm handshake. Kyungsoo is looking at him in a way which is unsettling somehow. “Congratulations on your wedding!”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“He’s beautiful, isn’t he?” Chanyeol presses. “I’ve never thought about it but now I kind of wish you wore a dress for our big day.”

 

Kyungsoo looks positively unaffected by the suggestion.

 

Jongdae laughs.

 

“The point is you’re married. Back when we’ve met a year ago, now I can say it, I was doubtful you two will walk down the aisle. You both looked so happy, so content with how you were.”

 

Baekhyun wasn’t there but he sees where his boyfriend is coming from. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo aren’t like them it’s evident from one look. They look like those married couples with ten anniversaries behind their back. Like they’ve been bind the tightest possible, even before they were to wed. The only reason why Baekhyun isn’t jealous of them is because he knows Jongdae and he will be there eventually as well. It can take a year, a decade, it doesn’t matter. They’ll be there.

 

Chanyeol smiles, eyes beaming. He’s so lovestruck, it’s like “I’m married to this wonderful man next to me” is written on his forehead in bold letters. It’s lightly comical.

 

“I’ve insisted on this form of declaration. Kyungsoo had no other choice.”

 

“It’s not like I didn’t want it. I was just actually thinking of the consequences.” Kyungsoo corrects his spouse before lacing their fingers together still around his waist. “Thank you for coming.”

 

Because the now-in-laws are demanding a dance with their respective now-relative, Jongdae and Baekhyun visit the buffet to eat something.

 

Baekhyun is aware of the silently watching eyes but decides not to care about them. He takes a piece from the grand croquembouche in the middle of the table and munches on it. It’s vanilla cream-filled. Perfect.

 

“Here you go.” Jongdae appears with their drink and a napkin which he uses to press it to Baekhyun’s chin. “You don’t want to stain your dress.”

 

“Thanks. What did you bring?”

 

“A Pimm’s Cup for you, a Tangerini for me.”

 

Baekhyun almost spits out the dessert hearing that.

 

“Jongdae, one of us has to drive home. If we drink these, we won’t be able to walk to the toilet straight.”

 

None of them is a good drinker – it was clear on their first date when they drank some wine and made out at the train station right after (so Baekhyun can catch the last train to Bucheon), just to forget it by next morning. Thank God they’d exchanged numbers.

 

“We shouldn’t drive home so early in the morning anyway... The weekend house is big enough for all the people here. Chanyeol had arranged a room for us already.”

 

“I don’t want to disturb their wedding night.”

 

Jongdae smirks.

 

“If they were to spend the night here, they would disturb us, believe me. But they’re off to New York the next day. They’re going to spend their honeymoon there. Come on, Baek’, let’s loosen up a bit.”

 

They do. Two Pimm’s Cup down Baekhyun already feels light-headed but delighted. He enjoys the music played, eats some more delicious food and cackles at every funny story Jongdae is telling about his childhood with Chanyeol.

 

He’s left alone some time at the buffet table as Jongdae has to visit the washroom. Baekhyun jokingly asks him if he should join in and the glare he gets in return makes him smile. Later.

 

“You’re beautiful, my darling.”

 

The first (and last) person approaching him that night is a grandma in traditional clothing. Baekhyun doesn’t know which family she belongs to (not like it matters anymore) but tries to talk to her.

 

“Thank you, halmoni.”

 

“This dress suits you... You should grow out your hair though. You have good features but girls look best with their long hair down.”

 

At this moment Baekhyun regrets a bit he left the wig at home. It’s uncomfortable and nothing like his own hair (Jongdae calls it hairball and freaks out when he accidentally stumbles upon it)… he purposely didn’t wear it tonight. Yet the grandmother’s judging eyes make him wish he didn’t go out all the way.

 

“Short hairstyles are the trend nowadays, halmoni.”

 

“Yes. All you girls are chopping your hair short.” The elderly snorts before looking him up and down in a way only grandmothers are capable of. “But at least you don’t put on those ridiculous push up bras. There’s nothing wrong with being flat I tell you… Just look at me, I gave birth to seven children without problems. I’m sure you’re going to do so as well if you find yourself a suitable husband.”

 

Baekhyun doesn’t know what to say to that. He feels slightly dizzy, sweat forming on his nape. At the end he mumbles:

 

“I’m… I’m not…”

 

“Halmoni, sit down before you tire yourself.” Kyungsoo shows up at the right moment.

 

“I’m completely fine.”

 

“Right now you are. A few hours later you’ll curse our entire bloodline.”

 

“…That’s true.”

 

As soon as the old lady leaves, Baekhyun lets out a long breath. Kyungsoo notices it.

 

“My grandmother can be cruelly honest sometimes. It’s a family thing. Don’t bother.”

 

“It’s okay. I understand.”

 

Baekhyun does but he still feels uncomfortable because of the conversation. He should have corrected the woman. Why did he chicken out?

 

“Sorry if I came across rude earlier.” Kyungsoo adds, big eyes scanning the crowd. He has a handsome face, he reminds Baekhyun of actors from the 70s. “I’m not social and… you’re pretty. I should be the one in the limelight tonight but everybody is looking at you.”

 

That’s nowhere true… the two things can’t even be compared.

 

“They’re looking at me because I’m unusual. A mystery. People love mysteries.”

 

“I don’t think so. You’re being yourself. They’re just jealous like me.”

 

Baekhyun gasps at the words and looks at the other man in awe.

 

Unfortunately Jongdae arrives back before he could converse with Kyungsoo further.

 

“I’m so ready to dance. Let’s confiscate the dance floor.”

 

Baekhyun and Kyungsoo exchange looks. They’ve known each other only for an hour but they both know this is an emergency without speaking about it.

 

“Let’s eat some more instead, baby, hm?”

 

“Chanyeol told me the band is about to take a break. There’s no use starting it now, Jongdae.”

 

“I love how well you get along suddenly.” Jongdae pouts before Baekhyun leans over to kiss it off. “I’m a skilled dancer. You don’t know art when you see it.”

 

Chanyeol appears by his husband with a grin.

 

“Your existence is an art form alone, Kim Jongdae.”

 

“Park, don’t even start with my awful art class failures.”

 

“Now that you mention, there was a few times when you –“

 

Jongdae looks so mortified that Baekhyun grabs his hand and hastily pulls him towards the dance floor with a chuckle. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo look after them with equal joyful smiles, their hands intertwining silently, rings shining on their fourth finger.

 

The band has switched to a slower song, slow enough for Jongdae not to break into his trademark waggling (“I’m not waggling, Baekhyun, I dance.” “You waggle and wiggle around like a worm. That’s goes against everything called dancing.”) but to engage in a soothing slow dance instead.

 

“I was so ready to show my moves though.”

 

“You can show them later.” Baekhyun whispers into his ear as they’re swaying from side to side, Jongdae’s around his hips, his own around Jongdae’s neck. “You forgot to tell me Chanyeol is marrying Kyungsoo.”

 

It’s not a problem. Baekhyun is happy for them he just… has to know why Jongdae had decided to keep it from him. His boyfriend doesn’t do secrets unless they have a meaning.

 

“It doesn’t matter, does it?”

 

“Of course it’s fine. I just –“

 

“You’re too smart for your own good.” Jongdae sighs into Baekhyun’s hair before twirling him around and hugging him back close. “I didn’t tell you that he’s gay because I wanted you to come hear without thinking you’re safe. I wanted you to step out of your comfort zone, to fully embrace who you are. I want you to be comfortable, to be set for the real thing, Baekhyun. No matter what kind of people you’re among, how many watch and what they wear.”

 

It’s a rather romantic song played, something acoustic and heartwarming. Baekhyun lets the melody lull him in, gets lost in Jongdae’s embrace and the way the nice dress is brushing against his skin. His boyfriends’ words go around in his head but instead of frustrating, Baekhyun feels encouraged by them.

 

He snaps back to reality only when a light kiss is pressed to his ear.

 

“How are you doing?”

 

Baekhyun thinks of the wandering eyes on his body, some people stuttering when they think he doesn’t see them, some unabashedly glaring holes into his nape. On the contrary of everything…

 

“I’m ready. I don’t think I’ve ever felt better than this.”

 

Jongdae lifts a hand to gently brush through his hair with a smile.

 

“Of course you are. You’re being yourself. You’re wonderful.”

 

Baekhyun wants to say back the same but in the heat of the moment he’s unable to. His heart is soaring, his emotions are choking him and tears are forming in his eyes he won’t let fall.

 

Even the longest journey begins with a single step. Baekhyun has taken it and whatever happens from now on, he’ll be proud of himself. He’ll walk on this journey proudly with Jongdae by his side.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hours later Baekhyun wakes up to small kisses poured across his chest and an impatient hand sliding under his shorts.

 

“I’m happy you left the lace on.” Jongdae murmurs in a sleep-heavy voice.

 

“I’ve thought you wanted to see me without it?”

 

“We’ll get there eventually. Now please just let me admire art…”

 

Baekhyun chuckles, his chuckle turning into a moan halfway as Jongdae bites softly at the juncture of his neck and his hand grabs at his lace-covered core.

 

It’s a new morning.

 

A new day to stay who he is.

 

 

 

 

---

 

 

A/Nx2: my heart is soaring as well not just Baek's... omg i'm going down with this ship /legit in tears