January 14th, 6:47 A.M.

    Long eyelashes brushed sallow cheek bones as Kyungsoo’s eyes flit open to adjust to the sun’s permeating light. The din of the shrill alarm clock forces him to swing slim legs over onto the carpeted floor. His russet stare bored into his knees before he decided the cry of his alarm would not go over well with his neighbors just a wall over. He turns his head to face the rays being screened through the blinds. The warmth of the morning used to spread to his heart, enough even to have him make breakfast for his roommate. Lately it hasn't been as bright, bringing a reminder of his horrible 8-5 job rather than the glow it used to bare. He can already hear Jongin’s voice in the back of his mind muttering “Just get better blinds if it’s so annoying, ‘Soo.” The kid could never keep his two-cents to himself.

The memory of his old friend brought a terse look of nostalgia to his eyes. The small apartment felt emptier without him, maybe even a little colder. It’s been nearly two years since the younger boy had gone off to Chicago to put his bachelors in Forensic Chemistry to good use. They were attached at the hip the first time they met in Kyungsoo’s sophomore year, back when Jongin was just a freshman. Jongin had been ‘subtly’ practicing choreography for his new dance in line in the cafeteria, when one of his hands went a little too far to the left and launched a full cup kool-aid into Kyungsoo’s face. After that Kyungsoo incessantly pestered Jongin for ruining his new shirt that he had been wearing for a job interview. They grew inseparable after Kyungsoo finally forgave him.

    His slow trudge brought him to the bathroom. He stared at the familiar blue and white tiled walls as he brushed away his horrible morning breath, still thinking of his friends. He remembers patching up Sehun and Baekhyun in the very spot he was standing after a brawl that had happened. They were both so hot-headed, an evident difference between them and Kyungsoo. He remembers it well. They had gotten into a fight with each other, over a bad round of Just Dance no less. Kyungsoo misses them as well, Sehun just beginning his career as a third grade teacher and Baekhyun being an EMT. They often left him voicemails and frequent IMs, but Jongin’s were the ones he missed the most. It's hard to believe he can still get up in the morning without his best friend’s constant presence. Nothing a good strong cup of coffee can’t fix, he guesses.

    Kyungsoo could never understand why many people put romantic relationships so far above platonic ones. Jongin was the one that helped him through his parents divorce during his junior year, not his girlfriend that had been cheating on him. Jongin was always there with warm hands and fresh tissues, already making promises of Kyungsoo’s favorite ice cream and a marathon of The Office until the hot tears were replaced with flushed smiling cheeks. He could feel the ghost of the same smile pulling at the sides of his chapped lips, and cold, thin air where he wanted warm hands. He felt so much more fatigued that morning, the weight pulling his narrow shoulders into a hunch. His lethargic steps echoed hollowly down the hallway. The cold linoleum floors of his kitchen bit his bare feet as he gathered things to make a small breakfast and that great cup of coffee he had thought about. He crossed out the ‘January 13’ box on his calendar, letting out an anxious sigh. This was it.  

He stared at the pictures of Jongin and himself held up by alphabet magnets decorating the fridge. Most was of the other sleeping or when he took a group shot with Sehun and Baekhyun. One was a polaroid of Kyungsoo shoving Jongin’s face into a frosted cake on the younger’s birthday, exactly three years ago. A tight and contagious smile had been plastered onto Kyungsoo’s face, one that had not taken home there in a long while. Above the memory was ‘KYUNGSOO SQUAREPANTS’ in the colorful blocky magnetic letters. Jongin made sure to buy extra packs of them to ensure that he could secretly put things like this on the fridge. Kyungsoo could never bring himself to move the letters even an inch. Thinking of Jongin tiptoeing through the apartment while Kyungsoo was asleep, just to leave this for him in the morning brought an attempt at a laugh, although it only hurt. Lately his throat was sore, like he’d been screaming and crying.

    He decided it was now or never, grabbing his jacket off a kitchen chair. Leaving the steaming coffee, he gently picking up a bouquet of flowers out of a vase as if they would wither away if he gripped the prickled stems too harshly. They were a combination of azaleas, proteas, and pear blossoms, set in a way Kyungsoo thought they were just right.

He stood in front of the picture of him and Jongin on his birthday, both covered in vanilla icing without a care in the world. He didn't know he'd been crying until sobs begin to rip through his chest. Hot tears stain his pressed shirt as he reached out to the the picture, touching it lightly with shaky exhales. “Happy Birthday, Jongin.”

He hated how he had to spend this day at the cemetery, quietly talking to the tombstone with the words ‘Kim Jongin, Beloved son and brother 1994-2015’ between his sobs and hiccups. He hated how he couldn't go and see Jongin dance in his latest showcase, or send him pictures of his coworker’s horrible shoes. He hated that Jongin wouldn't call him everyday, telling him about his latest case in Chicago. He hated that he was alone.

He took the picture of them into his pocket, opening the front door and stepping into the warm hallway of the apartment building. The appartment was definitely colder without him, Kyungsoo thinks.   

January 14th, 7:00 AM

AN/ i swear t god im funny irl ok. i dont remember everything in this story but i remember crying while writing it. my next things are gonna b cute and funny. hope this wasnt super ty tho. any kind of critisism or helpful hints would b awesome. thanks!!

-taehyungsvcks