“Yah! If you feel that way then what do you think you’re doing?” A deep voice startled you, nearly making you burn your hand.

You turned towards the voice and nearly fainted at who you saw behind you.

“H-Hongbin,” you couldn’t believe it. You must be dreaming, right? Right? 

“It’s been a while, right?” He smiled sadly, at a loss for words.

“What are you doing here Hongbin?”

“The group I’m in, we’re doing a photoshoot today. We had a break and I saw a crazy girl lighting things on fire. I was coming over to tell her to stop, but then I realised I knew this crazy girl. Well, at least I did. Once.” 

The next thing you knew the edge of the photograph had caught fire. A gasp escaped your lips, as you looked at the flames crawling their way over your last memory together. Hongbin flung the photograph from your hands and onto the ground. Trampling out the fire quickly under his sneakers.

“What are you doing with fire? You should be careful.” He sighed, taking the lighter from your hands and closing it’s lid.

“What am I doing? What are you doing? I was getting rid of that.”

“By burning it, really?”

“I wanted to know it was gone. The-Then maybe I could-“ you paused.

“Forget me?”

You nodded, tears welling in your eyes. Strong, familiar arms wrapped their way around you.

“I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I said, I’m sorry. You deserved better.” A sigh passed his lips again, he grabbed your hands and turned you to face him. 

His eyes tried looking into yours, but you couldn’t face him. If you looked into his eyes, you knew you were done for. All that hard work, gone. You’d melt in just one glance of his warm brown eyes. 

One of his hands released yours, raising it to your chin to make you look at him. Your eyes met his and you tried to control your breathing. Your heartbeat grew faster the longer you looked. This way Hongbin, your Hongbin. The same boy you’d met on the train so long ago now. 

“I’m sorry. I should have told you, like this. Face to face, looking into your eyes. But how could I? It broke my heart to write that letter to you. How could I look at you like this and break your heart too? It hurt bad enough to walk away after hearing you call for me that. I tried so hard to keep going. It took everything I had to not walk back to you.”

“I wish you would have,” you sighed. Part of you really wish he did. You wanted to believe that it was all a joke that night and he’d have come back to you. 

“I couldn’t. The life I could to give you then was not something I wanted the girl I loved with all my heart to have. I couldn’t let you down if the company made me break up with you, or if I failed and took it out on you. I wanted to succeed. I had to build trust with the company and the fans, so I could build myself into a man that was something. Someone who would be able to take care of the woman he loves.”

“Hongbin. Please. I can’t hear this now.”

“I- I know I’m a few years late. But-”

“I need to go Hongbin.”

“Please. Wait. I-”

You pulled your hands away from his grip. Not bothering to pick up the photograph or say goodbye to the man you once loved. You simply shook your head, you couldn’t deal with this right now. Today you were supposed to forget him. Today he’s here saying this to you. It was not going how you expected it to. Your heart and your head telling you two different things. 

Part of you wanted nothing more than to run back into the safety of those familiar arms, while the other part of you told you he had made you like this, he had left you all alone. 

You ran, grabbed your bag and ran. You couldn’t be here right now.

You had made it to the train station when you finally decided to stop running. You bent forward, hands on your knees trying to catch your breath. Your heart was thumping in your chest. You couldn’t tell if it was beating so fast because of your running or because of the man you were running from. 

Maybe you should go back and listen to what he had to say. 

No.You couldn’t.

Oh God. Please give me a sign. 

You huffed, still trying to catch your breath. The rattle of an incoming train moving against the tracks caught your attention. You’d go home, he’d go home, and you’d both forget today ever happened. That you even met each other, that your relationship ever happened. 

The train journey was rough, you couldn’t get his words out of your head… no matter how hard you tried. You couldn’t get the way it felt with his hands holding yours out of your head. The warmth of his hands against your brought back memories. Memories you had tried so hard to get rid of today. 

Was fate playing a cruel joke on you? You’d worked hard to forget him. 

You decided to try and listen to music to get through the journey home. You pressed shuffle, plugging in your earphones as you tuned out the world. 

‘I love you, I thank you
For holding me so warmly.
I can live because of this love

If I go back, will I be able to endure it?
All those hard times?’

Of all days the last thing you needed was this song. 

—-

Finally it was your stop. You pulled out your earphones and grabbed your bag from the seat. You walked towards the carriage doors, waiting for the train to stop completely.

The doors opened and you stepped onto the platform, ready for the walk home.

You walked up the station stairs slowly as if each step hurt your heart more. It was really over this time. 

“Miss!” A voice ran out. “You forgot something.”

You turned towards the voice, feeling around your person to make sure you hadn’t dropped anything, “What did I forget?”

“Me.” 

Hongbin strode up the stairs, grabbing your wrist and pulling you toward him. 

“Hongbin wha-” Once you were close enough, his hands found your waist pulling you close. He dipped his head down to meet your lips. His lips soft and warm against yours. His hands found their way to the sides of your face as he deepened the kiss. 

Your eyes opened in pure shock. Hongbin was here. It wasn’t a dream he came back for you this time. 

You pulled away from him, catching your breath. 

“What are you doing here?”

“I let you go once. I’m not doing that again.”

“But-“, he placed a finger against your lips. 

“Please just let me say what I came to say.”

You nodded, your mind racing at what he came all this way to say. Well, that and because you were still in shock from the kiss he’d given you moments before. 

He took in a breath, continuing his speech.

“I waited so long to reach my dreams, and when I finally did I was doing comebacks and having fan signs that I realised something. Yes, my dream was to become a success and do what I love. But, my dream wasn’t my dream without you supporting me. It wasn’t my dream without the person that made my heart whole by my side.” 

He smiled down at you, his hands resting at your waist. 

“Now, I finally feel stable. I want you in my life. And I know I’ve ruined that and that you want to forget me. If you say you want me gone, I understand. But, if you say you’ll stay with me. I’ll never let you go again, you’ll never have to go through any pain again. I promise. I will never ever let you cry again… unless it’s because you’re laughing too hard. Or unless it’s when I finally ask you to be my wife and they’re happy tears. Or when our 5 children have all graduated and started their own families and have left us to grow old together. I promise to love you, if you’ll have me.”

“Hongbin…”  

“It’s okay I understand, at least let me drive you home. Then you’ll never see me again.”

He paced ahead of you, his head facing the floor in defeat.

Were you really going to let him back into your heart after all this time? He had broken your heart. You sighed, looking up at his dejected figure walking up the stairs. Your heart hurt more looking at him now than it did when he left you. 

“Isn’t five a bit too many?” You spoke softly.

He stopped walking up the station steps and turned to you a small smile on his face. 

“Fine, four.” You could tell he was trying to contain his joy and amusement.

“Three.” You decided, jumping up one step.

“Three children then”, he chuckled, coming down a step.

“And a dog.”  You finished, walking up the next step.

“2 dogs”, he took the last step down and had you in his arms again.

 Smiling softly at you, the dimples in his cheeks becoming prominent.

“Okay, two dogs.” You agreed. 

He couldn’t help but pull you closer in his arms, twirling you around. He placed you back on the ground kissing your face all over in happiness.

“Oh no!”

“What’s wrong?”

“I may have burnt everything from our relationship.”

“Not everything.” He pulled the crinkled photo with the burnt corner out.

You smiled, taking the photograph in your hands. He tugged you closer again, his head resting on yours. 

“Let’s make new memories.”

“Before or after the three children and 2 dogs.” You chuckled.

“We’ll see what happens when we get home.” He smirked at you, taking your hand in his, leading you back to his car.

‘But still, if I wait for you.

 If I keep longing for you

Maybe you’ll look at me once more.

So I wait for you. 

It’s because I miss you more today’ 

You were glad you waited because this time you knew.

 This time he wouldn’t let you go.