Donghae and I would often look up the sky and point at the different clouds that would pass by it every day. The clouds would always shift shapes; honestly, it was breathtaking to see. I believe Donghae believed so as well, because he would often comment about how each cloud would represent something important and it served as a vital point in an individual’s life.

I found it silly – a little foolish, if I were to say so myself. Yet, he laughs at my disgruntled face and annoyed eyes; he observes my short breaths and indignant muttering.

“Hyukjae,” he says one day, eyes still pinned on the blue sky. “Isn’t it great how the sky can cover the both of us?”

“I mean, we’re not the only ones in this planet. There are billions of people here,” I answer, uninterested in his statement.

He doesn’t speak after that and returns to his glance on the sky, ending the conversation. I don’t push the matter.

When we reached our second year of high school, Donghae began to socialize more and even girls started to flock over to them. I take note of this to in the future, he hates it when I do that and so I continue to do it.

Friends come and go for Donghae, but there was this group he would always talk about to me. I couldn’t care less; rather, I would prefer not hear about it. People didn’t seem to interest me and it’s still a wonder as to how I was able to tolerate Donghae.

This group he spoke about called themselves “Super Junior.” Super weird name if you were to ask me, but Donghae seemed extremely enthusiastic about them. Probably heard about them from the ‘cool’ upperclassman and wanted to examine them furthermore.

And so I was dragged; well, bribed actually. The fool said he would pay for my lunch for a whole year if I came with him to meet this flashy group.

We approached them slowly and a bit frightened, as any other underclassman would feel. Little did I know that they would be the reason for my happiness in the future.

Fast forward to junior year and Donghae said I seemed to have lightened up. I don’t ignore the girls and boys that approach me anymore. Instead of glaring, I just glance at them and quickly look back to my phone.

Donghae keeps taking me to the same spot up on the hill and still makes me lie down on the grass next to him to look at the sky. I’m bored at this point and usually take my phone out, texting Leeteuk to save me from sky-watching with Donghae.

He usually gets mad and tells me not to hurt Donghae’s feelings so I drop it and try to focus on the sky with him. I don’t understand Donghae’s obsession with the sky. Was it its serene texture or its pulchritudinous clouds? I suppose Donghae will stay incomprehensible and I will stay ignorant.

“I feel that under the sky, it’s amazing at how much we can move. It’s amazing at how much we can advance in technology and in ourselves. It’s amazing that under the sky, happiness, pleasure, pain and sadness happens. It’s a part of everyone, and these emotions are endless – just like the sky. The clouds will always be different and we’ll always meet different people. The clouds have different shapes and sizes, and that shows how different each of us can be. And if you look closely, it feels as though you can touch the clouds – as though you can fly. It sounds ridiculous, but it feels like . . . freedom, you know?”

 I didn’t know, and I was silent before I drifted to sleep.

On the last year of high school, Donghae fell in love. My best friend smiled cheekily at me, shaking when he announced that she had said yes to his proposal to go out. I grinned weakly back at him and gave a thumbs up before he ran out the door to meet his beloved.

For a while, I felt a bit empty.

Leeteuk and the others were overjoyed and were even planning to throw Donghae a party. The child has finally gotten a date!

I dragged myself to the same damn hill I was dragged to for the past four years and stared intently into the sky that my best friend loved so much.

I stared into the same sky that connected and teared my best friend away from me. He was right. I felt free – free to cry and express sadness that I hadn’t been able to express in so long. I didn’t even know why I was crying, I felt empty.

The sky really had given me something: emptiness.