Look. Love is a nightmare. Time's over.

The room was empty; cold; lifeless. He looked around but saw nothing, of course he saw his bed and his nightstand, the carpet still had the ugly blue stain in it from the blue Popsicle that melted. The room was the same way he remembered except for one thing, it was missing or more so she was missing.

Her laughter couldn’t be heard as it usually was, her shoes that were usually thrown across the room were missing and even the baby pink pillow – the pillow he always felt clashed with all the bedding was gone.

He ran out the room and looked down the hallway. He ran to the living and the kitchen, where could she be? Why was she gone? Where could she have gone? As a last effort he ran back to the bedroom, she was always playing games with him he was sure this was another one of those games. With a heavy breath and wide eyes he ripped the closet door open. What was he hoping to find? She wasn’t hiding in the closet, she wouldn’t jump out and yell boo at the last moment. She was gone.

He felt like screaming, screaming for her, screaming her name, just screaming. But he couldn’t, his lips felt like lead. His throat felt swollen. His brain felt dead and his heart felt shattered, how could he scream when he couldn’t even control his lips?

I had such a scary and bad nightmare,

You left me forever.

Wonshik’s eyes shot open, looking to his right, his heart sank finding an empty bed. He couldn’t think as he leapt out of bed and ran down the hallway. Was it not a dream? Was she gone? Had his nightmare come to life to torment him? He ran through the apartment fearing the worst, for fearing the best was just absurd.

He made it to the living room and found her staring out the window, her back was to him. She wore his shirt and her black hair was loose, even though the window was open her hair stood still and he wondered if she were too hot for bed.

Sighing loudly he walked to her. “Jagiya.” He looked at her. “You scared me, my heart can’t handle this.”

She gave him a look then turned back to the open window, he shivered and wondered how the breeze wasn’t affecting her, but said nothing. He turned to look at what captivated her attention more than him and found himself staring at the beginning of a sunrise.

“Ah, I get it. You find this more beautiful than me?” He chuckled softly, she raised an eyebrow at him, her brown eyes stared into his, then slowly she shook her head.

“Of course not! I’m the most beautiful, it’s cold. I'll make us tea.” He smiled gently and left her at the window to continue watching the sunrise.

Even you can tell it's a dream that doesn’t make sense,

Because there’s no way I would lose you.

They sat on the couch after the sun had graced the sky, neither one of them made a sound. The TV was on but neither of them was watching, Wonshik sipped the tea he had made for them, the warm liquid and the fact that he was sitting with her almost made him forget the chilling dream he had.

Almost, but not entirely. “Jagiya, I had a dream. It was scary,” he said, breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen over them.

She turned to him so he continued. “You were gone; I don’t how or why but… You were gone, that would never happen in real life, right? I can’t lose you or I’d lose myself.” He held her hand and shivered.

“Your hands are too cold, you stand at open windows too much,”  he lectured before lifting both her hands to his mouth and gently breathing on them, then rubbing them, hoping he could share his heat with her.

No, I just won’t let go of you.

I’ll accept every little thing of you.

“Are you coming with us after this?”

Wonshik looked at Hakyeon questioningly unsure of what he was asking.

“Aish!” Hakyeon flicked his ear. “To the dorm, we're ordering lots of food and watching movies.”

Wonshik looked at his hyung’s smiling face and smiled back a sad smile. “Ah, I’m sorry. I already have plans, a new drama is starting I always watch it with-“

“Yah, come on, we haven’t seen you in a while, Hyung,” Hyuk whined from his corner in the practice room, a wild pout on his lips.

“I know but, this is important. It’s tradition.”

“How can it be tradition? Traditions are old and ongoing?” Hongbin chimed in after sitting next to Hakyeon.

“We're starting it; we've been doing it since after we started dating,” Ravi argued, then stuck his tongue out childishly.

“But just this once, you’re too anti-social.” Hakyeon shook his head at Wonshik and got up to get his water bottle.

“How am I anti-social?” His usual loud voice had gone up an octave and he looked at Hakyeon’s back. “Just admit it; you guys don’t like my girlfriend. It’s why you’re always trying to get me to stop spending time with her.”

“That’s not it,” Hongbin defended quickly and frowned deeply.

“Then what?! You guys always have a problem when I want to spend time with her, what’s so wrong with being with my girlfriend? What, huh?” he yelled at them, catching the attention of the other two members who were sitting quietly, tired from their long practice.

Hyuk shook his head. “Hyung, it’s fine to spend time with a girlfriend, but your girlfriend she’s not even-“

“Stop!” Hakyeon cut Hyuk off just as Wonshik glared daggers at the youngest boy. “Its okay, we understand. Traditions are traditions; we'll manage watching movies without you.”

You love me, right?

I wouldn't want to see me without you even in a dream.

If only you are next to me, I don’t care if it's a nightmare.

“Can you believe them?! It’s not like you're a terrible person, they act as if you're horrible. Why wouldn't they like you? I love you, that should at least make them act decent, but yet they act as if you’re some kind of villain, are they mean to you when they visit? If they are then you tell me and I'll deal with them. And Hyuk being so disrespectful, I’m his Hyung! Don’t worry; I won’t bring them near you ever again.”  He was breathing heavily as his rant ended; she sat on the couch watching him. His cheeks were flushed which was hardly noticeable on his tanned skin and his hair was messy due to the numerous times his fingers had run through them.

He looked towards her once his breathing was under control. She had been quietly staring at him throughout the rant; he shook his head and smiled sheepishly.

“Sorry, I’m ruining our date, huh?” He sat on the couch and the TV.

It was something they always did, every time a new drama would show on SBS they would watch it together, he didn’t much enjoy the dramas, but it made her happy which in turn made him happy.

“This has Lee Minho in it? Aish, does everything have him in?”He scoffed and then shied away from her glare.

“Sorry, I know he’s your favourite but it’s like he’s the only actor Korea has.” He shook his head disapprovingly and once again hid from her glare.

“Okay, let’s just watch.” He held her hand and kept his eyes on the TV. He would suffer through the drama as long as he could suffer next to her.

You're not here but everything is the same.

Wonshik cut the cake after he had carefully pulled out the candles. It was her birthday and the cake was her favourite – strawberry short cake. She was never the type of girl who wanted parties, he laughed softly recalling a time he tried surprising her with a room full of her friends and how she refused to speak to him for days after that.

He put a slice on a plate and walked to the living room where she sat on the couch, smiling at him.

“Here you go.” He put the plate on the coffee table and stole the strawberry just as a knock sounded at the door, stopping her from probably yelling at him.

He went and opened the door being met by Hakyeon and Taekwoon. He looked behind them and frowned deeply; he had invited the whole band, but only got the two oldest members. Did they really hate his girlfriend that much?

“Where's everyone else?”

Hakyeon smiled at him, the smile held no emotion and was really small. “They had unexpected work, but we came.”

“It really was work Wonshik, no ulterior motives,” Taekwoon said in his usual quiet voice when he saw Wonshik’s face fall.

He sighed softly and then smiled. “Come inside.” He opened the door wider.

“She wanted the band to at least have cake; it’s her birthday so she wanted no bad emotions,” he said with a smile, he always loved how amazing his girlfriend was. Even though he ranted at her about how they didn’t like her she still wanted to invite them over for cake on her birthday.

“Wonshik, we actually came over to speak to you,” Leo said seriously.

“It can wait, let’s get cake,” he said and walked to the kitchen, the two older boys followed him.

Their faces were serious, of course Taekwoon always had a serious face, but the air around them was still serious. Cold, too hard, not light enough for a birthday celebration.

“She’s in the living room.”

“Wonshik.”

“I know you don't really like her but-“

“Wonshik!”

He looked at Taekwoon after the outburst and blinked slowly.

“She's not in the living room Wonshik.” Taekwoon’s voice was gentle and steady, he sounded as if he were speaking to a child.

Hakyeon had tears in his eyes and he took a shaky breath before pulling a page out of his pocket.

“Don’t pretend she doesn’t exist.” He glared at the two of them. “Maybe you should leave.”

“Wonshik, just listen to him, she isn’t there,” Hakyeon said after taking in a shaky breath.

“Please try and understand, she died a few months ago.” Taekwoon touched his shoulder, giving it a small squeeze.

Wonshik shook his head. “No.”

“Wonshik…”

“No!” He stared at Taekwoon with wild eyes. “Get out, both of you.”

“Wonshik-ah.” Hakyeon took a step toward his friend only to be roughly pushed back.

“Get out!”

Taekwoon stopped Hakyeon from taking another step forward, he placed the page Hakyeon had on the kitchen counter and led his friend out. If Wonshik really needed them to leave then they would, but they needed to see him that day, show him the truth. Break the fantasy world he had lived in for too long.

He stared at the paper long after they left, he contemplated ripping it up. Whatever was held on the page wasn’t important, they were crazy. They hated her enough to try and turn him against her.

After what felt like an eternity he lifted the page. He read the first three words and then really felt like ripping the page. Certificate of Death. It couldn’t be; the page was fake. It was all fake; she was just with him. They had eaten cake and blown out candles.

He crushed the paper in his fist and walked to the living room. The cake was untouched, except for the strawberry he had taken, the TV was still paused on the place he left it and the blanket that was thrown over her was still neatly folded. Where they right? Was she… dead? There was no way.

In this dream the moment you left me,

A cruel night is endlessly coming to me.

The pillow was wet and tears were still falling on it. Wonshik cried silently, his sobbing had weakened to quiet crying until he eventually made no sound as the tears continued to fall.

The apartment was empty apart from him. The bedroom was empty apart from him. The bed was empty apart for him.

She was gone; she wasn’t hiding and about to yell Boo! at him. She wasn’t at the window waiting for the sun to rise. Her body had been buried and he had deluded himself into believing she had never left.

Her smiles; her weird faces; her glares, they were gone. They were never there to begin with. He gripped the pink pillow and covered his face as the sobs sounded once more. The pink pillow was the only thing of hers left in the apartment, the pillow he hated, the one he despised because it was pink and clashed with his bedding, the pillow that smelled so much of the shampoo she used to use. The shampoo he would never again smell. That damn pillow that he always wished he could burn.

He was in his dream yet again, only this time there was no waking. No opening his eyes and finding her at the window, no more making her tea at 5am. She was gone for good, the apartment was empty for good and for the life of him all he could do was clutch the ugly pink pillow. The pink pillow that he hated, that he hated even more for smelling like her.

I close my eyes again, taking me back to that dream.

Into an eternal dream that I won’t ever wake from.