This time, Eunhyuk and Donghae found themselves standing on a staircase of an apartment block. Eunhyuk stumbled a little, finding that he was balanced precariously on two steps far apart, and Donghae caught his elbow, steadying him. The last thing he remembered was the elementary school caving in over their heads and the rather terrifying feeling that they were about to die. And then the even more terrifying feeling that he wasn't entirely certain if anyone would actually care if that happened to him. He'd probably care, if only because he was pretty certain Donghae would drive him absolutely batty in any sort of afterlife they happened to end up in. 

It was probably the most semi-positive thought he'd actually had about the future in a long time. Eunhyuk decided to do what he always did when his mind started going towards contemplating the meaning of his life: he yanked down his sweater sleeves and started distracting himself by looking at the colour of the walls. 

Blue. How nice. Maybe I should suggest to Leeteuk he paint our fake skies this colour so we don't all go mad. That'll be my suggestion on the improvement forms.  

Craning his neck upwards, he saw how the stairs spiralled upwards against the slightly faded blue walls. Late evening light trickled in through windows placed about sporadically, sliding softly over each and every step like a retreating shadow. It kept the place from seeming dingy or unpleasant, instead giving it a tranquil nature that made him give a pleased hum from the back of his throat. Outside, the faint sounds of people slowly returning home echoed through the stairwell, as though to disturb this still, floating world.

Below them, a door clattered open harshly, the sound loud as a gunshot. Fast, angry footsteps came up the stairs. Eunhyuk bent himself over the bannister to see two dark-haired heads coming up the stairs, one taller than the other. The two men were engaged in heated conversation. “Seriously hyung, that’s the last time I ever do you a favour with a job! How could you do that to my uncle?”

“I’m sorry, I really am!” the other returned – Donghae, Eunhyuk realised. The two men had paused on the stairwell, and he could see their faces clearly now. It was almost certainly a very recent memory, perhaps only a few months ago, because this Donghae looked identical to the one beside Eunhyuk. It gave a sort of funhouse mirror effect that made Donghae, the real one, scrunch up his nose in confusion. It was also easy to see the child that Minho had been in the man he’d become – the same rather large eyes, lanky frame, sun-kissed skin, that came together to show that Minho had grown up to be a tall, handsome young man. 

All that was missing was the smile, but this was clearly neither the time nor place for it. That, certainly had changed. 

In Donghae’s hands was a pink slip of a paper scrawled with angry words – a sign that he’d been fired. Minho was glaring down at him. Donghae looked sick with hurt, staring up at him with wide eyes. “I just wasn’t thinking and –”

“You’re always not thinking! That’s why you can’t hold a stable job!” Minho retorted, and then groaned, running a hand down his face. “Hyung, I didn’t mean that –”

“No, I get it,” Donghae snapped, lip curling back in distaste, “I’m your dumb, stupid hyung that you’ve always got to hand-hold because he can’t do anything! Just because you’ve gotten somewhere in life doesn’t mean you can throw it back in my face!”

“I don’t think that way! Don’t put words into my mouth!”

“Then don’t pretend like you need to help if I’m such a ing burden!” Donghae snarled back, “Everything in life always came so easy for you! You never had to work hard to get what you wanted! You don't understand what it's like to have to fight for something! You've never had life kick when you're already down! You were always the golden kid!”

“I’ve worked goddamn hard to be where I am now, don’t say like that,” Minho said, guilt at his misstep sliding right off his face. Eunhyuk’s eyes drifted to the present Donghae, saw how pale and shaking he had become. He seemed to be mouthing something desperately – sorry? Don’t? Shut up, for the love of God, just shut up?

Eunhyuk looked back at the memory-Donghae, acting too much on rage and resentment and insecurity to think of all the consequences that would come, sleepy eyes narrowed into slits. Whatever it was, the warning could change nothing. The past was already sealed, at least for those who had experienced it. And soon Donghae would no longer be that. Eunhyuk could find himself pitying all these people who passed through his care, desperate to undo all the regrets they'd made. They were idiots, but pitiful ones. Donghae bit out, “You mean your rich daddy didn’t pay your way through because you’ve got no talents?”

“ off,” Minho said icily, “If you can get by so well on your own, right off. Don’t come crying to me when you fail again.”

“Go to hell!” Donghae yelled, turning around and bolting down the stairs. The door slammed loudly below. Minho jerked backwards, covering his face with his hands. He swore, long and loud, kicking one of the steps. Then he walked up the stairs towards his apartment, slamming his door as well.

Quietly, Eunhyuk turned and saw that present-Donghae had sat down on the staircase, staring down at his palms. Dropping down next to him, he heard Donghae choke back something like a sob. Eunhyuk didn’t touch him, less because of crossing professional boundaries in regards to offering comfort, and more because he didn’t know the full story here. Years had passed between childhood and adulthood for Donghae and Minho, and he couldn’t imagine what might have gone wrong along the way. The last thing he really wanted was to cause Donghae more hurt, even if Donghae wouldn't remember the hurt tomorrow. The thought surprised him, left him painfully aware that he was overstepping his own self-declared rules. “You’re really trying to give me a bad impression of you,” he said laconically. The wooden steps were splintering beneath them, breaking down into eternity. A hypnotizing fall. Wasn't there a word for the call of the void or something? Eunhyuk didn't know. 

Donghae’s head snapped upwards, hands trembling. Like an optical illusion, the staircase seemed to stretch up and down forever, twisting and turning into nothingness. “I’m not like that! I swear, I just… . I can’t ing take this.”

Surprised by the expletives and the fear in Donghae’s dilated eyes, Eunhyuk said warily, “Hey, it’s okay, these will all be –”

“The good ones will still be there, right? They happened, right?” Donghae demanded, grabbing Eunhyuk’s shoulders with shaking hands, making the slighter man flinch. There was an odd gleam in his eye. “This is my brain, right? I can control it, can’t I? You said that! You told me that just now!”  

“I mean, yes – wait!”

Donghae grabbed his shoulder and pushed him backwards.

*

Eunhyuk’s back hit the hard surface of a wooden bench, knocking the wind right out of him. Donghae slammed down beside him, gasping out as well. A late summer night. He felt the heat dance across his bare skin; he was in a black tank top and jeans, Donghae in a blue plaid T-shirt and hat, and for some bizarre reason, Eunhyuk was wearing sunglasses. Donghae's subconscious was weird. Not that he was one to talk, but someone had to pretend to have standards around here. He looked up, head swimming as he tried to figure out what was going, where they were, Donghae had grabbed him, crying something about –

It was a carnival. He saw the big, round red tents around them, rising up high with multi-coloured flags and strings of glittering fairy lights twinned around them. People were all around them, dressed in shorts and sundresses and plastic sandals, laughing and shouting, the smell of popcorn and cotton candy heady in the air. Music played distantly on faraway speakers, dated pop music that brought him back to the past. The sky overhead was dark, lit up by paper lanterns hung from long strings, dangling off street lamps, a bright haze of artificial lighting that made him somewhat relieved that he was wearing sunglasses at night. And in the centre…

The elephant parade. The great animals walked through the space cleared by the crowd, beautiful girls in tight spangled costumes showing all their curves, and glittery make-up sitting on their heads or twirling on their backs, waving enthusiastically. Eunhyuk stared as the crowd cheered and laughed and reached out, overwhelmed by the sheer feeling of having the elephants so close. They were magnificent. He was stunned into silence. 

“Oh my God, hyung, you’re so heavy!”

His head snapped around at the voice. Minho and Donghae – teenagers, Donghae was wearing a faded Nirvana tank top, Minho in cut-off shorts, and the younger was giving Donghae a piggyback ride, laughing and swaying wildly. The giddy flush of their faces, the glazed laughter in their eyes, the sweat glowing crystal-like on their skin: they were drunk, hooting and cheering louder than everyone else, mixing together with the crowd's excitement at the parade. He had never seen Donghae look so