Here is the last chapter, as I promised. I feel like it may be a bit anti-climatic but whatever, I tried. It's the thought that counts, no?

Hope you enjoy :)

“What the hell were you thinking?” it’s morning and Chanwoo’s far too tired for this type of conversation but when Hanbin sets his mind to something, he’s not easily changed. Which is why they’re sitting in their kitchen at seven in the morning listening to Hanbin go off.

“Hyung, I went for a walk” Chanwoo mumbles from where he’s sitting on the other side of the room from Hanbin, he’s got at least three blankets around him and he’s not sure if he’s trying to keep himself warm more than he’s trying to hide. “A walk? A Walk!? To Mapo bridge? Have you lost your mind?” Hanbin shouts and Chanwoo covers his ears slightly, it’s not so loud as much as much as it is scary. Hanbin gets angry often, there’s no lie in that, but when he shouts, it means he’s truly pissed off.

“Couldn’t you have gone to a park or something? Or a café? Why that bridge Chanwoo?” Hanbin wipes a hand over his face in distress and Chanwoo realizes that he’s more scared than angry, it makes him want to go over and hug him but he doesn’t think his comfort will be so accepted at the moment. “Hyung, I’m sorry” he says quietly and looks down toward the floor, a hand reaches out and grabs a hold of his own and when he trails the arm to the person it belongs to he sees that it’s Donghyuk. He’s looking at him with kind eyes but there’s some sort of turmoil in them, Chanwoo hates that he’s the cause for it.

“You scared us” is what he says, three simple words is what he utters and they bring the whole room to a silence. Chanwoo’s breath catches in his throat and suddenly he wants to cry, not because he’s feeling embarrassed for being yelled at by their leader or because they’ve cornered him in their kitchen, but because he realizes how much pain he must have caused them. How scared they must have been, to wake up in the middle of the night because of a phone call from a stranger telling them that their younger brother’s at Mapo bridge and leaning against the railing like he’s about to jump.

It’s quiet for a long while whilst Chanwoo works his head around all the thoughts and emotions he’s experiencing, the silence is deafening and he wants to make it go away but he doesn’t know how. “Do you want to die?” is what Junhwe asks after a while and Chanwoo almost chokes on his own spit because that is certainly not what he expected to hear, apparently the others are just as surprised because their eyes snap to Junhwe in the blink of an eye. Hanbin looks like he’s about to strangle him for even asking that and Yunhyeong looks like he’s about to cry, it’s a quiet chaos.

“No,” Chanwoo mumbles and Junhwe’s stare softens a bit around the edges, Chanwoo worries that he honestly had been expecting another answer. “I don’t want to die, hyung, And if I did I would have told one of you,” he adds the last part because he knows they need reassurance.

“Would you really? Tell us I mean” Jiwon asks and Chanwoo had almost forgotten that he was there, he’s hugging his Pooh plushie and he looks so much younger than usual, it puts Chanwoo on edge. Does he really have such an effect on the others?

“Yeah, I would, and if not any of you than maybe one of the Winner hyungs, or Big Bang, or maybe even Tablo hyung” he looks Jiwon in the eyes as he says it because he wants him to know that he really means it, that he’s not just saying it to get out of the conversation quicker. After a few seconds Jiwon nods and turns his head away, Chanwoo isn’t sure if he believed him or if he’s just holding in whatever it is he wants to say for now.

“Chanwoo, that bridge...so many people jump from it all the time and…” Jinhwan breaks halfway and Hanbin Donghyuk rests a hand on his shoulder and squeezes, “...when that man called, I couldn’t think of any other reason you’d be there…” he puts a hand over his face and in a deep breath like he’s trying to calm himself, Chanwoo’s never seen him this distressed before. Jinhwan’’s not one of the strongest in the group emotionally but he’s usually not like this. Or anything remotely close to this.

“I thought you were there to jump, and even now when you’ve explained why you were there I can’t help but think that… that you’re lying, to spare us,” Jinhwan’s expression turns painful as he speaks and Chanwoo wants to reach out to him, wants to tell him that he’s alright, that everything will be alright.

“If you’re hurting, please tell us. I’d never be able to forgive myself if you actually jumped one day during one of your ‘walks’” Jiwon scoots his chair over a little and throws an arm around Jinhwan in comfort as the first tears slip down his cheeks, Chanwoo’s stunned. He knows they care for him but he didn’t know that his situation would cause this much distress and worry.

“Say something,” Yunhyeong mumbles and Chanwoo’s eyes dart up to meet his, they’re glassy and a little red around the edges, Chanwoo wishes he could turn back time and fix all this.

“I really wasn’t there to jump...to kill myself. I’ll admit, there’s been a few times where I’ve thought about-” there’s an audible gasp that echoes throughout the room and Chanwoo quickly waves it away, “no! Not about that! I mean, there’s been a few times where I’ve thought about leaving, as in going for one of my walks and then just keep walking. To leave, you know. No more practices, no more pain, no more worry or sadness or anger. But I’ve never wanted to die, I promise you” he rushes it out in one quick breath and he’s not even sure if they caught the majority of it, but he needs them to understand that he would never leave them like that. He would never deliberately cause them pain, not in that way at least.

“I swear, I didn’t want to- don’t, want to die” he adds as a final to his speech and there’s not much time for silence before he’s got his arms full of Donghyuk, Donghyuk who’s clinging to him with his arms wrapped around him tightly. He hugs him back even though it makes his blankets fall to the floor, but that doesn’t really matter now.

“If you want to take a midnight walk again, you come to one of us. If we can’t walk with you, you ask Winner, or one of your friends, but never alone. Do you hear me?” Hanbin says seriously with his leader voice activated but Chanwoo hears no malice or anger, only worry, it makes his chest warm and a small smile bloom on his face. “Yeah, hyung, I understand” he says with his mouth pressed in Donghyuk’s shoulder. The smile Hanbin gives him after that is enough to make his day, and the small touch of Junhwe’s hand in his, even for just a few seconds, gives him enough energy to make it through three dance practices in a row. Because at least he’ll have his hyungs.