후회 하고 있어요

우리 다투던 그 날

괜한 자존심 때문에

끝내자고 말을 해버린 거야

I'm regretting it,

That day we fought.

Because of my useless pride,

I said that we should break up.

Baekhyun had long forgotten how many shots of whiskey he had already drank.

He was sitting in their dining room, an empty shot glass in his hand. His eyes were puffy, and his cheeks were stained with tear tracks. His raven hair was ruffled due to the countless number of times he ran his fingers through the strands.

“Jongdae-ah...” he drunkenly slurred. “Please forgive me...”

In retrospect, Baekhyun should have known, should have realized what it would all lead to. The signs were all very clear, but he had chosen to stubbornly ignore them.

“I'm sorry...”

The front door opened and Jongdae immediately looked up from his seat at the couch. Baekhyun came in and plopped down on the other couch as soon as he stepped foot into the living room.

Even after so many years of being together, Baekhyun never ceases to make Jongdae's heart flutter.

“Baekhyun! Welcome home!” Jongdae greeted in his usual happy manner, his kitten lips curling up into a sweet smile. He walked up to Baekhyun and gave him a little peck on the cheek. “How was work?”

“Tiring,” Baekhyun replied with a yawn. “I'm retiring for tonight.” Baekhyun stood up and was about to head to their shared bedroom when Jongdae stopped him with a hand on his wrist.

“Wait,” Jongdae said. He lightly bit his lip, a sign that he was nervous. “Umm... Do you feel like going out tonight? On a date?” Jongdae meekly asked.

Anyone who knew Jongdae very well would be rather puzzled with the way he was acting right now. To everyone who knew him, Jongdae was like the sun, the embodiment of energy, a mischievous man whose smile could light up a dark cave. Jongdae acting all timid and nervous was just... plain strange.

It seemed like either Baekhyun didn't notice the sudden change in Jongdae's attitude, or he had just ignored it.

Baekhyun looked up to the clock ticking at the wall. “Jongdae, it's almost eight pm. Where the hell are you planning on going at this time?”

“Please?” Jongdae persisted. “You remember the pond near the park, right? I was thinking of having a short walk.”

“Not today, Jongdae. I'm tired, and I want to sleep.” Baekhyun pulled his hand from Jongdae's grip and trudged up the stairs.

“But Baekhyun-ah, maybe you could also relieve some of your stress-”

“No means no, Jongdae.” Baekhyun cut him off with a steely voice laced with weariness.

“Just for today?” Jongdae asked with a small, uncharacteristic voice.

“I said no,” Baekhyun repeated, almost losing all of his patience.

“Baekhyun, we haven't been out on a date for a while...”

“No!” Baekhyun snapped. “I'm tired as hell, Jongdae, and I want to get some ing rest. You can clearly see that, but you still insist on going out on some date? For once, can't you just mind your business and stop?” He then went inside their bedroom and slammed the door.

Jongdae didn't even wince when the door slammed. He's gotten used to it, after all.

It had been going on for quite a while now. These days, Baekhyun had been so... withdrawn and cold lately. Jongdae didn't know why, and it worried him to no end. He had tried so hard to bring Baekhyun back to the way he was before, but unfortunately, nothing had seemed to be working.

With a sigh, he lied down on the couch and pulled out his phone. His wallpaper, a photo of him and Baekhyun when they were in a trip to the beach a year ago, stared at Jongdae.

Seeing Baekhyun this happy in their picture and seeing him so cold nowadays breaks Jongdae's heart. He would do anything to see Baekhyun happy and smiling once again.

And Jongdae knows he shouldn't, but he can't help but think about “what-if” scenarios.

What if Baekhyun's getting tired of him?

A sudden surge of pain went through Jongdae's heart just thinking about it. Jongdae quickly erased that thought from his mind. He was over-thinking. If Baekhyun had been fed up with him, he would have left Jongdae by now... right?

The sound of his phone ringing had brought Jongdae out of his thoughts. “Hello?”

“Hello? Is this Kim Jongdae-ssi?” a voice that belonged to a man probably in his mid-thirties asked.

“This is him speaking.” Jongdae replied.

“This is Lee Sangmin from Flowers For Memories. We would just like to inform you that the flowers had already been set up. We have also sent you a photo of the flower arrangement. If there is anything that you would want to change, please don't hesitate to tell us,” the man informed Jongdae, speaking with a voice fitting for a business man.

“Oh, umm... about that,” Jongdae anxiously started. “I'm sorry but, I'm afraid that I would have to cancel my order. I'm sorry for the inconvenience I have caused,” Jongdae slowly said, trying to hide the sadness and disappointment in his voice. “I-I'll still pay for everything, don't worry about that.”

“I see,” Sangmin replied, a hint of surprise in his tone. “Nevertheless, thank you for choosing Flowers For Memories for such a special event.”

“Thank you for your help,” Jongdae said then hung up. He looked for the photo that was sent to him by Sangmin.

It was a photo of the serene blue pond surrounded with several beams of light pointing towards the center in which different kinds of flowers were arranged to show a message.

'Happy anniversary, Baekhyun-ah.

With all my love, Jongdae.'

Ignoring his aching heart and the tear that managed to escape his eye, Jongdae put his phone down and shut off his surroundings while he tried to get some sleep.

Jongdae was determined to try again the next day.

His plan may not have went the way he wanted, but Jongdae hoped that he would be able to make up for their missed anniversary date today. He had booked a reservation to Baekhyun's favorite restaurant, and he had planned to head to a small field where fireworks would be on display. Jongdae thought that it was perfect.

He sat down on the couch and browsed through the different channels on TV. It was currently three in the afternoon. Baekhyun's work ends at seven, so that leaves Jongdae four hours of waiting.

Four hours became five, five became six, and six became seven. It was currently 10 pm, and Baekhyun still hasn't come home yet. Jongdae had tried calling, but it was no use. Baekhyun wouldn't pick up his phone. The restaurant was already closed and the fireworks would be starting any second now.

Jongdae sighed for the nth time today. Why can't things go the way he wants it to?

After a few more hours of waiting in total silence, the TV had been turned off a while ago, Jongdae heard the front door open.

Baekhyun walked inside the living room, and noticed Jongdae.

“You're still awake?” Baekhyun asked and raised an eyebrow.

“I-I was waiting for you,” Jongdae confessed. He went over to where Baekhyun was standing. “Where have you been?”

“Overtime,” was Baekhyun's curt reply.

The scent of alcohol flowed through Baekhyun's breath, and it didn't go unnoticed by Jongdae. The latter furrowed his eyebrows.

“Were you out drinking?” Jongdae cautiously asked.

“I said I had overtime,” Baekhyun repeated through gritted teeth.

Jongdae had gathered his nerves and glared at Baekhyun. “I can smell the alcohol on you, Baekhyun. Don't lie to me,” Jongdae said with a stern voice.

“See? This is why I didn't want to tell you in the first place,” Baekhyun groaned exasperatedly. “I knew you would freak out and make such a big deal out of this.”

“I am not freaking out,” Jongdae shot back. “All I want to know is why you felt like you had to lie to me. I've been your boyfriend for five years, Baekhyun. Don't you trust me?” Jongdae asked, with a hint of accusation in his voice.

“I just... You know what? Never mind, I'm not in the mood for this.” Baekhyun had turned away from Jongdae and was about to leave the room.

Jongdae scoffed. “So you're just going to leave? Aren't we going to talk this out?”

“I said, I'm not in the mood for this.” Baekhyun repeated with a growl. With one last glare directed to Jongdae, Baekhyun coldly went up the stairs and left Jongdae alone in the living room. And just like every day, Jongdae just stared at his boyfriend's retreating back, unable to do anything.

When Baekhyun stepped into the dining room the next day, the sweet scent of pancakes wafted through the air. Jongdae had set down a plate full of pancakes at Baekhyun's usual spot on the dining table, and sat at the seat opposite Baekhyun's.

Baekhyun was still quite pissed at Jongdae, so he just sat down without acknowledging his boyfriend. He wordlessly began to eat his meal, not bothering to break the awkward silence between the two of them.

On the other hand, Jongdae couldn't handle the stillness in the atmosphere. It used to never be like this. Baekhyun never used to be like this, all taciturn and... lifeless. Baekhyun used to be sleepy kisses in the morning, mindless chattering throughout dinner time, snuggling during movie nights, and cheerful grins that make Jongdae's heart skip a beat. This tension between them was an uncharted territory, and frankly, Jongdae felt so lost.

“I'm sorry about yesterday,” Jongdae apologized after a few moments. He couldn't bear the silence anymore; he had to say something. Anything to get rid of this stifling atmosphere.

“Mm.” Baekhyun gave a short sound of acknowledgement. And with that, the same suffocating stillness came back.

After he ate, Baekhyun went to the bathroom to take a shower. As he stood there under the jets of water, he wondered when his feelings for Jongdae turned into... this. Now, being with Jongdae was like wearing a trench coat in the blazing summer heat and not being able to take it off, no matter how much he wanted to. Gone were the days when Baekhyun felt cherished and secured in Jongdae's embrace, when Baekhyun felt his heart flutter whenever Jongdae smiled. Gone were the days when Jongdae felt like home.

And Baekhyun didn't know why.

When Baekhyun stepped out of the bathroom and into his and Jongdae's bedroom, he was surprised to see his business suit already laid down on top of the bed for him. His shoes were placed near the foot of the bed, and on closer inspection, he could see that they were shined. Jongdae must've prepared this for him.

Baekhyun didn't think too much about it and got dressed for work. On his way out of the front door, he heard Jongdae saying something from behind him.

“Have a great day at work,” Jongdae called out. “I love you!”

Baekhyun didn't even look back.

When Baekhyun left, Jongdae had decided that he would try to make up for their missed dates one last time. After thinking for so long on what would be perfect, he had ended up choosing a simple movie night in their living room, in fear that if he chose something too extravagant, Baekhyun might reject him once again.

I hope today goes well, Jongdae thought.

Jongdae woke up due the sound of the front door opening.

Wait, woke up?

He sat up from the couch, his neck starting to ache because of the position he had slept in, and turned to the clock. 7:30 pm. His sleeping patterns weren't the best these past few days (because of worrying about Baekhyun, but mostly because the couch wasn't a very comfortable place to sleep on.), so it was no wonder that he fell asleep. He just wasn't planning on sleeping for that long.

Jongdae turned to the door where Baekhyun walked in. Without sparing Jongdae a single glance, Baekhyun headed straight to the dining room.

“Welcome home!” Jongdae greeted cheerfully as he followed Baekhyun into the dining room. Instead of being met with a greeting or at least a small smile, Jongdae was faced with a scowl on Baekhyun's face.

“Why haven't you ing cooked anything yet?” Baekhyun harshly asked.

Jongdae's eyes widened at that. , he hasn't cooked dinner yet. “I-I fell asleep and...” Jongdae stuttered. This is the first time Jongdae has seen Baekhyun this angry and infuriated.

“You fell asleep?” Baekhyun rolled his eyes with a snort. “I'm the one who has to work all ing day, and all I expect from you is a meal. Is that so ing hard to do?” He was walking towards Jongdae now. Jongdae didn't move from his position at all; he wasn't scared of Baekhyun. He could never be.

But that doesn't mean that his words hurt less than it should. Jongdae found himself inwardly flinching. Baekhyun had never been this harsh towards Jongdae throughout the years that they had been together.

“All you ever do is laze around and do nothing,” Baekhyun accused, jabbing his index finger against Jongdae's chest. “Have you never thought about how I felt having to handle all the stress? For 's sake, you can't get anything right!”

As Baekhyun continued on, Jongdae didn't pay any attention to his words. All he could think about was the way Baekhyun's glare ripped his heart into pieces, and how the tone of Baekhyun's voice was so... heartless that it made Jongdae want to curl up in the floor and cry.

“Why did I even end up with a -up like you?”

That was the last straw.

“Shut up!” Jongdae yelled, not bothering to hold in his tears which were now flowing like a waterfall. “I've had enough of you being like this!” Jongdae paused for a while, and in that moment the only sound that could be heard was Jongdae's sobs. With a smaller voice, Jongdae continued, “T-These days, I feel like I'm the only one who cares about our relationship. You have no idea how much it hurts seeing you this cold and not knowing why.” His voice trailed off at the last part. “It hurts so bad whenever I think about how we used to be because whenever I look at you, it feels like I'm looking at a stranger, not the man who I'm still undeniably in love with.”

Baekhyun just stood there, his face indescribable. It looked like he felt a mix of emotions, yet looked like he felt nothing, all at once.

“Was it because of me?” Jongdae murmured after his voice had been reduced to a quiet whisper. “Did I do something so wrong that you had to treat me like ? I bet you don't even remember... that our anniversary passed two days ago.”

Baekhyun's eyes widened when he heard that. He opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, but he quickly closed it.

“All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy,” Jongdae continued. “And if you're not happy with me, then I guess I should respect that.” He gathered up his courage and looked directly right into Baekhyun's eyes. For a moment, Jongdae's eyes searched Baekhyun's for something that would tell Jongdae that Baekhyun still loved him, still cherished him. Jongdae was disappointed when he couldn't see through Baekhyun anymore. The person he loved had really changed.

This is it, then.

“I'll leave now. I'm sorry to have been such a burden these past five years,” Jongdae said with a shaky voice.

“I want you to live happily. And if I have to leave you, I'll gladly do so. Because I love you so much more than you could ever imagine.”

And just like that, Jongdae had left their home and life they had shared behind.

금방 볼 줄 알았어

날 찾길 바랬어

허나 며칠이 지나도

아무소식 조차 없어

I thought that you would see me soon.

I hoped that you would find me.

But after a few days passed,

There was no news from you.

Jongdae had been a wreck after that. A week had passed since he had left, but Jongdae still looks no better than the previous days. His dark circles were more prominent due to the lack of sleep, his eyes were red and puffy from crying, and he had lost his once lively complexion.

His friends had tried to cheer him up, Kyungsoo had offered Jongdae a place to stay for the meantime, but nothing could ever bring back the ball of joy known as Kim Jongdae. Nothing but Byun Baekhyun.

When Kyungsoo had heard all the details regarding their break-up, he was more than ready to break into Baekhyun's (and previously Jongdae's) residence, and castrate the said man. If it wasn't for Jongdae begging Kyungsoo not to do it, Baekhyun would have been dead meat by now.

Jongdae's belongings were still in their, no, Baekhyun's house. He still didn't have the heart to go back, afraid that once he sees Baekhyun, his resolve might break and he'll beg Baekhyun to take him back. Jongdae didn't want to cause Baekhyun anymore suffering because of him.

“If leaving is what it takes to make him happy, I don't mind staying away. It hurts, but I have to endure it for him.” Those were the words he had repeated over and over to himself.

Jongdae would be lying if he had said that he wasn't wishing for Baekhyun to come after him. When Jongdae had stepped out of their (now Baekhyun's) house, all he wanted was for Baekhyun to hold him tight in his arms and say, “no, don't leave, I need you here with me, please don't leave me alone.” Throughout the days he spent at Kyungsoo's home, Jongdae had wished every night that Baekhyun would come looking for him, and that once he opened his eyes, he would be greeted with the sight of Baekhyun's angelic face smiling back at him.

Deep inside, Jongdae knew it wasn't going to happen.

When did things change, he wondered one night when sleep wouldn't come to him. When did we turn into this? And as more thoughts began to float through his mind, one particular memory caused him to erupt into tears.

“So you will be my boyfriend?” 20-year-old Baekhyun had asked with his pupils blown wide in disbelief and a grin creeping up on his face. Jongdae had to fight the urge to kiss the hell out of him.

“Weren't you listening to me?” 20-year-old Jongdae had chuckled. “I said yes.”

“I-I can't believe it...” Baekhyun had muttered. “This is a dream, right? Please punch me.” Receiving Jongdae's melodic laughter in reply, Baekhyun had tackled Jongdae into a hug, squeezing all the air out of the latter. “I'll be the best boyfriend you could ever imagine, Jongdae-ah.”

“I'll make you the happiest person in the world, Jongdae. I'll love you and cherish you more than anyone else could ever do. I will never, ever hurt you.”

Lies. All of it were lies.

항상 내게 너무 잘해줘서

쉽게 생각했나봐

Because you were so good to me,

I took you for granted.

How could he have been so stupid?

The moment Baekhyun saw Jongdae's tears drip down his cheeks, the first thought that came to his mind was that he had ed up. A surge of panic had flowed through Baekhyun because , he had hurt Jongdae. He was the reason why Jongdae was feeling like this. All those feelings of aggravation at Jongdae had disappeared with that one look and was replaced with regret and guilt.

People say that you never know what you have until it's gone. No one could ever agree more than Baekhyun.

Ever since Jongdae left, nothing has been the same for Baekhyun. His heart felt so hollow without the other. It felt so silent and suffocating without the man he had shared everything with. Dinner felt so lonely without Jongdae's kitten smiles and constant laughter. His bed felt empty without the warm body that would always cuddle next to him. Without Jongdae, life wasn't life anymore.

And then it hit him. He never had fallen out of love with Jongdae. He had taken Jongdae for granted due to the thought that no matter what he does, Jongdae would still be there, loving him, and he had gotten so used to Jongdae's acts of love for him that the thought of losing it all, losing Jongdae, had never crossed his mind. Now, with Jongdae gone, Baekhyun was entirely lost. The fact that it had taken him this much to realize all that made Baekhyun want to stab himself with a knife over and over again.

Scenes of the past few days had been flowing through Baekhyun's mind, making him feel so ashamed and disgusted with himself for the way he acted. If he could only go back in time, he could have done things differently; he could have, no, he would have appreciated and cherished Jongdae more.

“Baekhyun! Welcome home!” I'm home, Jongdae-ah. I missed you so much.

“I'm sorry about yesterday.” No, don't be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one who's sorry. I'm sorry for everything I did. I'm sorry for hurting you, for taking you for granted, for treating you like dirt.

“Have a great day at work. I love you!” I love you, too, Jongdae. Please believe me. I love you so much.

“Umm... Do you feel like going out tonight? On a date?” Yes, Jongdae, yes. We'll go anywhere you want. Anywhere for you, my love.

I bet you don't even remember... that our anniversary passed two days ago.” I'm so, so, so sorry, Jongdae. Please forgive me for forgetting. I promise that from now on, every day will feel like our anniversary. Just please come back...

Jongdae loved him with all his heart. Anyone could see that clearly. And what did Baekhyun do in return? He made his lover go through all this hell and hurt him in so many ways.

Before he went to bed every night, the scene of him snapping at Jongdae and the image of Jongdae's crying appearance would inch its way into his mind, making Baekhyun's heart break. He felt like a monster. Hell, he was practically a monster. Because of all those thoughts, Baekhyun couldn't sleep at night. In order to cope with his heart swelling in guilt and remorse, he had resorted to drinking. And when drinking wasn't enough to put him to sleep, Jongdae's faint scent that lingered in his pillows often lulled Baekhyun to dreamland, where he imagines Jongdae in his embrace.

The urge to find Jongdae and take him back was so strong, but Baekhyun didn't have the heart and courage to do just that. His pride was too high and on top of that, he knew that he didn't deserve Jongdae.

Everything changed when he saw it.

It was another night filled with loneliness and sorrow. Even if already a week had passed since Jongdae left, the agony was still present in Baekhyun's heart. He was lounging in the living room after a stressful day at work when a faint ring sounded through the room.

There was no way that Baekhyun could ever mistake that ringtone. Without a doubt, he knew that the sound came from Jongdae's phone. Following the source of the sound, Baekhyun found Jongdae's phone wedged underneath the cushions of the couch. By the time he had gotten the phone, the ringing had already stopped. A text soon appeared, and after a moment of hesitation (Baekhyun wondered if he was invading Jongdae's privacy by doing this, but his curiosity had gotten the better of him), Baekhyun checked the text message. It turned out that the caller and the one who had sent the message had the same number, but wasn't in Jongdae's contact list.

The text message wasn't that significant or anything. It had just said, “We would like to notify you that the payment had been received earlier this afternoon. Thank you once again for choosing Flowers For Memories.” Jongdae must've bought something.

What surprised Baekhyun was that there were more messages before that. Among the texts was a picture of what seemed to be flowers on a small body of water. This piqued Baekhyun's interest, and Baekhyun tapped on the picture to enlarge it. When he saw the photo, he nearly dropped Jongdae's phone.

'Happy anniversary, Baekhyun-ah.

With all my love, Jongdae.'

Jongdae had done all of this for their anniversary.

In that moment, Baekhyun had felt all of Jongdae's love in that one photo. Jongdae's heartfelt love for Baekhyun was so overwhelming to the point that it had brought Baekhyun to tears.

“Jongdae... I'm sorry...” Baekhyun whispered to himself, his tears pouring like rain. “I love you so much, Jongdae. I really, really do... Please forgive me...”

Enough is enough. It's time to swallow my pride, and get Jongdae back.

이젠 알아 내 고집 때문에

힘들었던 너를

Now, I know that because of my stubbornness,

You're having a hard time.

“Okay, I've had enough of your doom-and-gloom attitude.” Kyungsoo was standing beside the bed where Jongdae was currently buried under piles of blankets. His arms were crossed and his usual scowl had found its way to his face. “Get up and get ready. We're going out.”

“No.”

“Jongdae.” Kyungsoo rarely uses what Jongdae dubs as the “Satansoo voice,” but when he does, Jongdae knows that he has no other option but to comply.

Jongdae's head poked out of a blanket, and turned to Kyungsoo. “But it's late?” He said, furrowing his eyebrows.

“I don't care. I'm sick and tired of you moping around. You need to get out and breathe some fresh air.”

Although Kyungsoo may appear rather harsh and stern, Jongdae knows deep inside him that Kyungsoo was just looking out for him. The fact that he had such a friend like Kyungsoo made Jongdae feel blessed at this time of hurting and suffering.

“Fine,” Jongdae relented to Kyungsoo's insistence with a groan. He rolled off of the blankets and went to Kyungsoo's closet to pick an outfit. After getting whatever was on the top pile, he had also decided that a shower would be greatly needed since the last time he took a bath was... a week ago. Jongdae grimaced at that thought.

By the time Jongdae and Kyungsoo got ready, it was already half-past eight. The two of them were walking together along the sidewalk when Jongdae realized that he didn't even know where they were headed. When Jongdae had voiced this out to Kyungsoo, all he received was a cryptic (and frankly worrisome), “You'll see.”

Halfway through their walk, Jongdae had figured out where they were going to. With a sigh he had stopped in his tracks, which made Kyungsoo stop walking as well.

“Kyungsoo, from all the places, you chose to go to the pond?” Jongdae asked with an exasperated voice. “You know that I have... bad memories regarding that place.”

“I know... but trust me on this Jongdae. This wasn't an easy decision, but it's for your own good,” Kyungsoo admitted, looking directly at Jongdae.

Jongdae's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What the hell are you talking about?”

Kyungsoo sighed and resumed walking with Jongdae following right behind. “Just remember that as your best friend, I want you to be happy. I only want the best for you.” Jongdae decided to keep his mouth shut for the rest of the walk.

When they reached the pond, Kyungsoo had told Jongdae to stay there while he gets food from the hotdog stand nearby. While waiting, Jongdae looked at the view of the peaceful pond and was captivated by its beauty. However, his mind couldn't help but think of the flower arrangement he had specially ordered for his and Baekhyun's anniversary. It would have looked so beautiful and mesmerizing. How would have Baekhyun reacted once he sees it? Would he have loved it? Jongdae smiled bitterly at that thought. Probably not.

Because of his deep thoughts, Jongdae wasn't able to hear the footsteps that were gradually nearing him. He had nearly died of shock when arms wrapped around his waist and a chin rested on his shoulder.

“Jongdae-ah...”

Jongdae's eyes dilated when he heard that very familiar voice. “No, no... This isn't real... I'm imagining it again... There's no way you'd be here... Baekhyun...” Without himself knowing, a few droplets of tears had managed to escape his eyes and his body started trembling with every sob.

“I'm here, Jongdae-ah... It's really me,” Baekhyun whispered. He turned Jongdae around to face him. “I've come for you. And I'm never letting you go ever again.”

“Why? Why are you here, d-doing this?” Jongdae asked, his sobs making him stutter.

“Because I love you, Jongdae. I was so stupid to let you go like that. I was so stupid to hurt you, the man I truly love. Please, please, please forgive me...” Baekhyun's voice trailed off into a barely audible whisper.

Jongdae would be lying if he said that those words didn't make his heart swell in happiness. But he knows better than to fall once again for meaningless words and empty promises.

“Kyungsoo told you to do this, didn't he?” Jongdae had stopped sobbing now, yet his body was still slightly shaking. “You don't have to lie to me, Baekhyun. I understood everything when I decided to leave you.” Saying all of these made Jongdae's heart ache more, but he had to explain to Baekhyun. “I-I was too clingy, too stubborn, and you must have felt so suffocated and restrained because of that. And-”

“Jongdae, no, you're wrong, you don't understand...” Baekhyun cut Jongdae off before he could finish his statement.

“N-No, I really do understand,” Jongdae continued with his voice trembling slightly. “You don't have to say all these things because of pity.”

“It's not because of pity!” Baekhyun couldn't help but spit out. “I'm saying this because I love you, Jongdae, and I regret making you go through all of this.”

Far away from the couple, Kyungsoo watched on with an indecipherable expression. I hope I made the right decision.

이 바보야 진짜 아니야

아직도 나를 그렇게 몰라

Idiot, that's not true.

You still don't know me?

Baekhyun had an inkling as to where Jongdae was. The only place Jongdae would ever stay at on such a short notice would be Kyungsoo's home. Jongdae's parents were all the way at Siheung, and Jongdae didn't bring any money (or anything at all) for transportation.

He had hesitated for quite a long time before calling Kyungsoo. Baekhyun had known that despite Kyungsoo's small stature and harmless appearance, the man was actually someone to be very scared of, for he could strangle you in a headlock if he wanted. The memory of what Kyungsoo had said to Baekhyun when the former had found out about Baekhyun and Jongdae's relationship almost made Baekhyun lose his will to call Kyungsoo.

“If you hurt him in any way,” 19-year-old Do Kyungsoo had said. “I will rip out your organs with my bare hands and feed it to Jongin's dogs.”

Baekhyun paled at the thought of Kyungsoo actually doing it, considering the circumstances. Nevertheless, he plucked up his courage and called the owl-like man. After a few rings, a voice greeted him, albeit unpleasantly.

“You have ten seconds to say whatever you want,” was what Kyungsoo had said in lieu of a greeting.

“Please let me meet up with Jongdae,” Baekhyun had said as quickly as possible.

“Give me a good reason why I should do that when I know that you could hurt him more,” Kyungsoo replied without missing a beat.

“Please, Kyungsoo. I'm going crazy without him. I need to apologize... I need to see him... I need him back in my life... Without Jongdae, I don't know how I'd be able to live...” Baekhyun had desperately tried to explain while holding back his tears. He would do anything for Jongdae to take him back, even beg Kyungsoo.

“You should have thought about that before hurting him.” Kyungsoo's voice was cold and stolid with a hint of accusation.

“I know that now, and I'm sorry... You have no idea how much I regret it all. I love Jongdae, and I'm so ing mad at myself for not showing him how much I do. Please, Kyungsoo... I just want him back...” Baekhyun choked up in the end and couldn't refrain from letting his tears fall freely. “He's all I ever wanted and needed in my life. I love him so much, Kyungsoo... So much...”

Silence enveloped them, and after a few moments, a sigh could be heard from the other line.

“Fine. I'll let you meet up. Don't make me regret my decision,” Kyungsoo relented.

“Jongdae, what you're saying isn't true... I made the biggest mistake of my life by taking you for granted. This past week without you was hell. Without you, my life is nothing, Jongdae...” Baekhyun nuzzled his nose against the crook of Jongdae's head. “I love you so much, Jongdae... Please come back. Please forgive me...” Baekhyun didn't care if he sounded desperate. His pride didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was Jongdae. “Please... I'll do anything... as long as you come back...”

“But... what if you get tired of me again? What if you realize that I'm not worth it?” Jongdae asked, slumping against Baekhyun. All his energy been drained out. The past few days had taken a toll on him, and Jongdae had never felt this exhausted before. “I don't want to go through all that pain again. It hurts too much,” Jongdae continued with a smaller voice.

Baekhyun's first instinct when he heard Jongdae say that was to hold him tighter in his embrace. He had never seen Jongdae look so tired and empty, and the way Jongdae sounded so broken made Baekhyun want to cry some more because he had made Jongdae like this. It was all his fault that Jongdae had lost his smile, his energy, his happiness.

But Baekhyun was determined to bring it all back.

“I promise you, Jongdae, you won't ever have to experience all this ever again. If you give me one more chance, I promise to set things right. You won't ever have to feel unloved. I'll cherish you more than I could ever treasure anything else, Jongdae. Just please give me one last chance...”

Jongdae looked away from Baekhyun. “I-I don't know...”

Baekhyun gently cupped Jongdae's face with one hand. “Please, Jongdae. I love you more than anyone else in this world could...” he trailed off on the last word. There was a pregnant pause between them while Baekhyun stared at Jongdae's face. He's still the most beautiful man I've ever seen. How did I ever let this go?

“Then why did you do it?” Jongdae whispered, his voice sending shivers down Baekhyun's spine.

“I-I don't know,” Baekhyun admitted. “I guess I had gotten used to your presence, your kindness, your love for me, and I... I thought that you would always love me no matter what. The thought of you leaving... was something I had never thought about before... But now I know, Jongdae. I know that if I don't take care of you and if I don't appreciate you... I... I... could lose you. I could ing lose you. I don't want that, Jongdae... I don't want to imagine living the rest of my life without you by my side, Jongdae. Please, please, please... ” Baekhyun was aware that he was probably rambling now, but he had so much to say to Jongdae, and the words just kept flowing out of his mouth. “Jongdae, you are the one I want to spend forever with. I love you so much... I know I've said this a million times, but that's because I truly mean it. I love you, Kim Jongdae. And I'll still love you the same no matter what happens, because I know for certain that you're the only one for me. So please, forgive me...”

Jongdae looked right into Baekhyun's eyes and gave a bittersweet smile. “I still love you, Baekhyun. I never stopped loving you.” The smile then slipped off his face. “But... I'm scared...” No matter how much he still loved Baekhyun and how much Baekhyun said that he loved him, Jongdae still couldn't stop the doubts that were running through his head.

Baekhyun sensed this and did the first thing that came into his mind. He cupped Jongdae's face with both of his hands and tenderly placed his lips on top of Jongdae's. Jongdae gasped, but as soon as his mind registered what was going on, he reciprocated the kiss. Oh, how much Jongdae had missed the feeling of Baekhyun's lips. Their kiss wasn't like their usual playful kisses; it was soft, yet reassuring, and slightly desperate. All of Baekhyun's feelings had been poured into that kiss, and Baekhyun was adamant to let Jongdae know how he feels. He had pulled away slightly and brushed his lips over Jongdae's.

“Please... Trust me... You won't have to be scared anymore...” Baekhyun whispered, his breath fanning against Jongdae's lips. “I still remember... I said that I would make you the happiest person in the world... I said that I would love you and cherish you more than anyone else could ever do... I said that I would never, ever hurt you... I'm so, so, so, so, so sorry that I broke my promise, Jongdae-ah... But if you forgive me and give me another chance... I'll make you remember how happy we were together...” When Jongdae had heard that, his eyes widened.

“I'll make you the happiest person in the world, Jongdae. I'll love you and cherish you more than anyone else could ever do. I will never, ever hurt you.”

“You remember...”

“Of course I do. That day... was the happiest day of my life,” Baekhyun said with a soft smile.

Jongdae knew that he couldn't resist it any longer. These past few days without Baekhyun was torture for Jongdae. He doesn't know how he could survive a lifetime without the man he loves. And now, Jongdae understands that Baekhyun loves him the same way, too.

“I forgive you.”

The look that spread across Baekhyun's face was decided by Jongdae to be one of his favorites. His rectangular smile and crescent eyes lit up his entire face, and Jongdae found himself smiling along with his lover. For the first time in a while, a sincere smile had graced both of their faces.

“Thank you. Thank you so much, Jongdae-ah... You won't regret this decision, I swear. Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Deep inside, Baekhyun felt thankful for the agony and suffering he had felt, for without it, he might never have remembered to cherish Jongdae. The pain from losing Jongdae will be ingrained in his mind forever, and not wanting to feel that ever again, he promises Jongdae and himself that he would always love him no matter the circumstances. This time, Baekhyun would make sure that he would keep his promise.

“I love you so much, Baekhyun-ah...” When those words escaped his lips, Jongdae found himself encased in Baekhyun's arms, right where he belonged. He was home now.

너를 가진 사람 나밖에 없는데

제발 나를 떠나가지마

The person that has you is no one else but me.

Please don't leave me.

~~~~~~~~

I have finished it!! 

I'll probably write an epilogue for this because personally I'm not quite satisfied with the ending (how do authors actually write endings what sorcery is that). 

Anyways, I hope you all liked it! Please feel free to leave comments and feedbacks.