l.

Even with the shower going in full blast he could hear his phone shrieking, he ignores it, after three rings it goes to voicemail and an auto response sent to the caller politely notifying them that he was indisposed, with the presumptive that he would call them back. He had set it up that way so his friends and acquaintances would not be offended. It rang again and as before he chose to ignore it, they would tire soon enough. This caller knew the cycle because they hung up on the third ring just to cycle back to ringing. Whoever it was must really want to get a hold of him and their persistence paid off. 

He stepped out and wrapped a huge towel around his lower torso, he grumbled all the way to his phone and dripping water on the hard wood flooring. "This better be ing important" he muttered as he snatched his phone buried beneath an art book, a recent gift.

"Yes" 

Silence

Ooh boy it may be his mother and she was momentarily taken aback by the harsh tone, she must not want to think that he was this rude.

"Mom"

"Hey, it's me"

Three simple words, to anyone else they were three of the simplest words ever created but to Seunghyun it might as well have been a dozen armed guards pointing their rifles at him, blind-folded waiting for the shots to ring out and kill him. After all this time...how long exactly has it been since he actually heard that voice. They had mainly kept in contact via text messages and those were kept to mostly short responses, but even when longer responses were needed they still texted it out and the arrangement was fine as it was.

So for him to call....he had questions but instead said...."Hey, what's up?"

"Hey, did I interrupt something?" Jiyong said in an almost soft voice that until that very moment he had missed.

"No, no, I was just coming out of the shower"

That earned a pregnant pause, in which time he was walking back to the bathroom to turn off the shower as he had no idea how long this conversation was going to last. He knew Jiyong wasn't calling to find out about his healthy so this must be important.

"Ooh.." another brief pause.

Seunghyun could not help but allow his mind to wander, imagining what Jiyong was doing at that moment besides being on the phone with him. 

"I just got off the phone with Hyung Sook and he would like a conference call later tonight."Jiyong said.

"Ok" was all he could manage.

Seunghyun was wondering why he had chosen to call rather than txt as was customary, this was not urgent, earth shattering business to warrant all those call cycles.

"Will 9pm work for you?"

He was due at a wedding and had planned on attending the reception afterwards as well, a wedding Jiyong had obviously declined to attend and he wondered not for the first time if he was the reason he was not attending, even though he thought that was stupid, but he knew why they couldn't see each other. Chaos would happen and they both liked their way of life right now. After a pregnant pause he found himself saying "9 is fine.". 

"Good, I'll let the others know. Another pregnant pause. "You're doing ok?"

"I'm fine, thanks and you?" For a brief moment he imagined what his response should be but... Instead he heard Jiyong in a breath

"Fine as well thanks" he answered softly. Seunghyun could imagine him standing and fidgeting with and trying not to gnaw at his cuticles.

This was bull and they both knew it but all that was long ago, the past had been buried once and for all and now they are reduced to pretentious "how-do-you-dos". Seunghyun's mind wandered again, when was the last time he had really spoken to Jiyong, he couldn't remember and he really didn't want to dredge up all that bitterness. He effectively shut down his heart, took a deep cleansing breath that would have made his senses proud and he was back in character. The one he had created long ago to deal with Jiyong, especially Jiyong.

It's true what they say about the power of fight or flight and equally amazing what the mind would do to survive. The old Seunghyun was long gone and buried and he had no intentions of resurrecting him. Just the thought of that part of his life made him taste bile, the bile that came from the depths of his soul.

The cause of it was at the end of this conversation and he wanted to get off the phone as quickly as possible. Jiyong must have sensed his irritation because he said next 

"Ok, talk soon, later. " He hangs up before Seunghyun could retort with a "bye"

Seunghyun stared at the phone for a long minute A powerful sense of loss hit him like a tidal wave and he tossed the phone on the bird as if it had sprouted fangs and threatened to nibble at this fingers. A cluster of emotions ran through him and as much as he tried to conjure up the techniques that he had used in the past to dispel all things and feelings of Jiyong, they would not emerge, and right now he would rather be incapacitated in some manner than open closed doors. and conjure up tattered dreams.

He took the towel and threw it on the bed and walked to his closet , how the hell does one phone call unravel him where other text messages had failed to do. For the first time since the phone call he got around to actually wondering what the iron horse had to talk about. He suspected it had to do with their some sort of reunion, it has been 15 years. Three out of the five had gone through their mandatory enlistment, Seungri had three more months left and Daesung was due out in a month. 

Enlistment...he harbored mixed feelings about that period of his life, their lives, his and Jiyong's. They had all changed for better or for worse he didn't know. Like a compass they had all gone of in different directions. To say his and Jiyong's relationship was smooth and easy sailing prior to his enlistment would be lying. Their relationship issues had started at the start of enlistment and the separation was the unraveling of it. Their foundation had been shaky to begin with and in hindsight they see all the ways in which they fell, brick by ing brick. 

Was he ready to reunite with the band that is if that's what this whole conference call was about. He was still under contract and was slightly resentful of that but if he was to be honest with himself he knew what the underlying issue was.

Jiyong.

He was still tittered to Jiyong, try as he might in putting a good distance between them, well Jiyong had put the distance between them, he was currently in Paris wasn't he. Paris! He huffed at that, who would have thought. A bitter resentment seeped slowly like molasses through his  veins and hardened. He resented the fact that Jiyong thought he could just pick up the phone and have access to him and he had hadn't he?. Yes, he was resentful and only one person was at the root of it. 

The voice was an intimate organ, it could make or break you, whisper truths and lies equally, unabashedly. The voice was more powerful because it wielded words as weapons that would fell the strongest of men, he was no exception, he saw the start of an unraveling and he was mad as hell.

He snatched a pair of underwear from a set of identical drawers and absentmindedly gets dressed. He glanced at his watch and knew he needed to hurry, he had promised he would not be late and it would be glaringly obvious if he was.

                            

ll.

He walked into the church and immediately regretted it. This was really the last place on earth he wanted to be in. He looked up at the ridiculously high vaulted ceiling and thought any minute the roof would ignite, his mood was dark and his thoughts were very impure. Several heads turned to look at him and only one raised his hand as discreetly as possible to wave him over. He hurried along side the pew, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. The last thing he wanted was to have the church burn down before one of his closest friends had a chance to say I do.

Ha!

To think somewhere in his former life he had considered it, hell he had even gone as far as a commitment ceremony, though not recognized by any law of the land, it was the gesture that counted, as if showing his love to his betrothed in front of their closest friends and family made it very legal and to Jiyong you couldn't tell him otherwise. He shifted in his seat, drawing the attention of the man seated next to him. His current partner.

Jung Ho, had sort of saved him well, more like kept the demons to a low roar and just in the knick of time. He had thrown him a life vest when he was in the ocean of his own madness, unraveling fast and practically drowning. The man had entered his life quietly and wanting nothing from him had slowly pulled that life vest to shore. He had promised nothing and for the longest time gave the same and yet he was still here. Ooh the demons still roared but their frequency had ben dialed down a notch and at times when they spent long stretches of time together kept entirely at bay. He chanced a glance at him and a small smile crossed his lips.

He was so the opposite of Jiyong, could have been one of the attractions earlier on? maybe. For starters where Jiyong had been petite and limber, Jung Ho was tall, well proportioned and yet delicate, he was also half Japanese, half Korean, and seemed to have inherited the qualities of both equally and proportionately. So the blend of delicate features and handsomeness was a departure from Jiyong. He may have subconsciously settled for Jung Ho mainly because he was the exact opposite of Jiyong. He was also not in the entertainment field, he was a Corporate Lawyer, so suit and tie was always the dress code. He had never really listened to any of Big Bangs music until he met Seunghyun and he could tell he was being polite when he said he liked their sound and that suited Seunghyun just fine.

Jung Ho, was also different in that he did not take on the persona of being the "Wife" of the relationship, they were on equal footing and Seunghyun did not have to be delicate all the time in his handling, ual or otherwise of him. He was extremely smart and could hold his own in Seunghyun's ministrations when they visited some of his favorite pieces of art on a Museum date. He was competitive but had the temperament to rein in it. He definitely had some "gay" tendencies but you would be hard pressed to classify him as one unless he chose to tell you so. All these Seunghyun appreciated and at just the right time finally it seemed.

He glanced at him again and this time Jung Ho turned and looked at him and gave him one of his signature smiles that hit him just below the belt, he almost reached for his hand but stopped short as he again shifted in his seat. Jung Ho leaned slightly over.

"Everything ok?" He looked a bit concerned and Seunghyun very briefly put his hand on his arm and squeezed gently.

"Yeah, sorry"

He nodded as acceptance and Seunghyun used the opportunity to shift a little closer to him so now at least their arms were touching, anymore and the church would definitely explode into smithereens. The wedding progressed at a smart clip and as much as Seunghyun wanted to be drawn into the romanticism of the moment, he just couldn't. His mind had other issues it was trying not to deal with. He could feel the muscles in his stomach tense up and knot up, he this time consciously managed not to shift in his seat again.

He couldn't help but say "I am amazed, the church is still standing, what with a couple of...." Jung Ho cut him a quick look and he swallowed the word.

"What is with you? Something has gotten under your skin" Jung Ho stated more as a statement than a question.

"I'm sorry and if we weren't here I would show you too."

"Oh, that sorry?" he mused. Seunghyun gave him the look he calls his "pitbull/Oscar the grouch look" that never fails to crack him up. Same look that had worn him over to agreeing on an official first date.

They met up with their friends at the reception, they stayed in the same spot as people gravitated toward them. Seunghyun had mentally shut down on the earlier phone call and just tried to focus on being there, enjoy the moment and not cause his partner any embarrassment. Jung Ho excused himself to take a call which the considerate bastard had the fortitude of putting on vibrate which in turn made him pull out his and set it to vibrate as well, he had simply forgotten. As Jung Ho made his way to find a quite spot, he used the opportunity to sneak out to the terrace for a quick smoke, apparently there were more smokers thinking the same thing.

He managed to find a semi secluded spot and took a long pull from the cigarette as soon as it was lit. Damn it, he felt the beginnings of a migraine coming on, . He rubbed his temple as if trying to rub out the source of it. He glanced at his watch and had an hour and a half left before the conference call and he was hoping Jung Ho understood and would be ready to leave when he was.

He took the time while smoking to think of a valid excuse as to why he would be unable to be part of any kind of "reunion" which undoubtedly was what this conference call was going to be about. He was well aware of his contract, made in hindsight when the going had been good. He could almost kick himself now, because here he was wishing he had had Jung Ho back then to sort it. As he took the last drag from his cigarette he felt long arms wrap around his waist from behind and he instinctively leaned back into it.

"Hey"

"Hey yourself, sorry, i had to...

"I know, we can leave now"

"No, why?" Seunghyun felt bad because he was glad he had been the one to suggest it.

"Because I saw you rubbing your temple, so I told the bride and groom that you had an early morning flight to catch"

"I've reduced you to lying" he feigned sorrow.

"Not entirely" he said to which Seunghyun gave him a quizzical look as he slid 90 degrees and once he was mere inches from his face, the intent was clear. He glanced around quickly out of habit more than anything else to see if anyone was paying attention, not that he cared but still, it was a wedding and they were guests.

"What do you mean?" Seunghyun's eyes were now trained on his lips.

"It was meant to be a surprise, and yes I know how much you detest surprises" he pouted.

"Because, they're not always all that good" The truth was, Jiyong had a knack for pulling covert operations and each of those to him had been a surprise and his heart sometimes could not take it, for as many times as they had come close to being found out. Back then that had been one of his greatest fears and over the years in their relationship he had maintained that distance when they needed to and now looking back at their relationship that may have been one hurdle they could never completely clear.

"Did something happen today" Jung Ho looked at him

"Eh, I have a conference call at 9"
He knew Jung Ho would never ask so he volunteered "It's with Hyun Sook"

"Hmm, is he the reason behind the migrane?" His face was now impossibly close and he could actually feel his breath wisp up to his face, how wrong would it be if he just mashed their faces together. His ill-timed off glance away from those lips made the next statement suspicious.

"Jiyong called" Jung Ho bless his heart acted like the name did not mean a thing to him, as if that name is not that of a shadow stalking Seunghyun's existence, the phantom in this relationship, the ing, big elephant in goddamn room, the one to which much tip-toeing had had to happen for this relationship to stand a chance, the one name that still threatens them all, even though Seunghyun has tried to tell him otherwise. He was not jealous of Jiyong, had no reason to be currently, but now...

"I see" Jung Ho said without a hint of emotion that made Seunghyun suspicious, that's one of the things Seunghyun had a hard time with in this relationship. With Jiyong he could always tell what Jiyong was feeling, thinking, his mood, the way the conversation was going to go depending on carefully picked words or not, the shift from one foot to another, but not with his current partner, thanks in part the job he did requires it, he had the best poker face he'd ever seen, so right now that poker face held steady.

"Listen, I don't....

"You have to take the call, so let's go, good thing I made that excuse, see now it's not a lie you really have to go"
"I can find a quiet spot and take the call" Seunghyun was trying to assuage his guilt.

"Nope, excuses have been made, I'll grab our coats, meet you out front." He gave him a quick peck on his lips and that made him feel even worse. He really didn't deserve Jung Ho.
Seunghyun watched him go and was mentally thinking of all the ways he was going to show just how much he appreciated him. He felt his twitch at the prospect and immediately felt it limp back down a notch at what was coming. He still had no great excuse by the time 9 o'clock rolled around. They rode in silence, Seunghyun had eventually conceded to getting his driver's license. Gone are the days when he was chauffeured around by choice. When he was actively wooing Jung Ho he knew there were certain things he wanted to experience and driving his partner to the beach on a moon lit night had all the romantic trappings to get him laid fast.

Later, Jung Ho would confide in him that he was going to his brains out that night anyway sans moon and all. He looked at his watch and still had half an hour to kill and so he drove at a snail's pace and took the longer route home. If Jung Ho suspected what he was doing he didn't say a word. Ten minutes before the appointed time they pulled into his underground garage. As Jung Ho reached for his door, Seunghyun stops him, Jung Ho turns to face him, he caressed the other man's cheek with his thumb and trailed it over his lower lip, and before Jugn Ho could react, brought his lips down hard and fast with enough heat that made Jung Ho swoon in his seat. He bit and pulled on his lower lip before letting go.

"Wow, way to release some pent up tension" Jung Ho said a little breathless. he again reached over and caressed his smooth skin, tracing the line of his brows. This would have been the moment to tell him Jung Ho something crazy and off the wall like "I love you" but he just couldn't, now would not be the right time to make such a declaration and not be able to follow that up with some major, mind blowing series of ing each other's brains out and there was apparently no time for that - just yet.

They had just walked through the front door when his phone rang, he had half a mind not to answer but that was the reason they had left the party. Better get it over with and see what this was all about. He recognized the number and took a deep breath before answering.

"Is now still a good time?" Jiyong's voice was as smooth as silk as he asked in Hangul
"Yes" a bit curt but what did he care.

He heard a series of clicks and then heard an echo as the others joined in. They all got the social pleasantries and inquires out of the way and Seunghyun was geniuely glad to reconnect with his brothers.They caught up briefly and then Hyung Sook butted in. Seunghyun turns to see what Jung Ho was up to in time to have a glass of wine handed to him, he mouthed a "thank-you"  to which Jung Ho bent and kissed his lips and walked toward the bedroom, ooh good he would be spending the night. Hyung's voice eventually broke through before his imagination ran amok.

"I'm glad you all found time to take this call, I know alot of you are very busy" No one spoke, it seemed everyone wanted to just get to the heart of the matter at hand and he dove right into it.

"The team and board thinks it would be a good idea to have a 15yr anniversary" and there it was, just as he had suspected.

.

He half-listened to the monolog and he already knew his excuse was not going to work. It seems the old goat and his team/board members had already decided so it was just a matter of coordinating all their schedules. They talk some more but he mostly listened and would occasionally glance toward his bedroom and wondered how soon he could get back there.

His concentration was broken when he heard Jiyong's voice telling them he was planning a quick trip to Seoul to see his parents. He was hoping he could meet as many of them as possible. Taeyang and Daesung would be in town, Seungri wasn't sure if he had a leave coming up so close to his discharge but the minute he found out he would let them know.

Silence. It finally dawned on him thart he hadn't said anything and it seemed they were waiting on his response. "I don't know yet if that would be possible but I'll let you know" he said, guarded but he could hardly give two s at this point, all he knew was that they were cutting into his ing time. He smiled at his own pun.

"We can conference with you" jiyong said impatiently. Seunghyun detected a hint of sarcasm in his tone.

"Fine, good call, but I hate to cut it short but I have some business to tend to" Seunghyun tried not to sound petty.

Hyung said after a brief pause "yeah, good talking, let's meet when Jiyong is in town.

They all said their goodbyes and he was the first to hang up. He emptied his mind of the last half an hour and headed toward his bedroom where he heard the shower already going. He stripped off every piece of clothing and made his way toward the shower. He inhaled shapely at the sight of his partner, he approached silently and it was when he opened the door that Jung Ho was aware of him.

"Ooh god, you scared me, don't sneak up like that" He cupped his hand and threw some water toward him to which Seunghyun wraps his arms around his waist and pulled him in.

"I'm sorry, is your heart beating fast?"
Yes" He said exasperated, but it's for a different reason now." He gave a shy smile.

"Is that right, well let's just slow it down a bit shall we". Seunghyun started with a slow, deep kiss, deepening it by working his tongue inside Jung Ho's mouth, biting his lower lip, knowing there would be a bruise, he didn't care though, he runs both his hands through his partner's hair, sleeking it back but stopped because suddenly he was remained of how Jiyong liked when he did that.

So instead he trailed his tongue over his jaw line that almost rivaled his own, down his neck, leaving kisses on his chest, his stomach to the V cut that defined his waist and dipped to a central point south. He pinned his partner to the wall at the same time grabbing his , and started to . Jung Ho threw his head back and let out a small moan and a sigh and that was enough to push all thoughts out of his mind.

He expertly took Jung Ho's fully into his mouth, and felt a shiver run through him like an electrical current. He the slit, on his balls, and his lover right to the brink as Jung Ho sank his hands deeper into his hair as encouragement, thinking he was controlling ther pace. Jung Ho's moans were getting increasingly loud and the ing of his hip in rhythm signaled to Seunghyun that he was dangerously close and his own hardness was beginning to be painful. He didn't want Jung Ho to come just yet, the night was still young.

He turns him so he was facing the wall and slides a finger into his hole which it in like a suction, he rotates it clockwise and counter clockwise and once he was satisfied that he had opened him enough he steadies him by holding onto his hip and with a deep grunt pushed in. Jung Ho was tight and for a minute he couldn't move, maybe he should have worked in another finger and just when he was thinking of pulling out he relaxes enough for him to slide further in. The friction was bearable and in no time they were both writhing in the shower stall. The slapping of wet skin on skin was a turn on for him.

They both came almost simultaneously and Seunghyun leans into his back, trying to bring his heart rate down , Jung Ho turns semi-circle into his arms and he buries his head on Seunghyun's shoulder. After a few minutes and their breathing and heart rate regulated they step out of the shower, toweled each other off and head to bed, they polished off the rest of the bottle of wine and this time around the was a little more timid, Seunghyun took his time even though he was been urged to go faster, harder. and when he finally allowed himself to lose control he took Jung Ho with him. He sleeps soundly after that.

For now.

"