Chapter five: Sunrise                                                                                                                                            Colour: Green

Taeil had to lean against the car when they got back, his legs almost giving away under him. His muscles were begging him to sit down. Regular exercise wasn’t part of his life, there wasn’t any reason for him to go outside most of the time. He was used to the comfort of his cosy bed, his warm prison.
The smell of leather and motor oil that greeted him as he entered the car was almost pleasant. It wasn’t by far as pleasant as the smell of freshly baked cookies or decent coffee, but it was something that was nice to come back to, a piece of home captured in a smell. He hurried to pull the door shut behind him. The car gave in under the weight as Jihoon sat down in the seat next to him.
His body sank into the cool leather seat and he could feel the stiffness in his muscles vanish. It was replaced by a pleasant feeling of relaxation that he hadn’t felt in a while.
The boy next to him fumbled in his pockets until he had found the object he was looking for; the car key that he inserted into the ignition lock a second later. Taeil intuitively waited for him to turn the key until the engine would start running.
It never happened.
In fact, nothing happened for a moment, but he could have sworn that Jihoon was looking at him. Staring, to be exact. Ever since he had lost his ability to see, he had developed a special set of other handy skills. Knowing when someone was staring at him was one of them. It wasn’t quite a feeling of knowing but rather an uneasiness, a stiff feeling trapped in his spine caused by the restless eyes that went over his body, and the silent intruder behind them that thought nothing of it. The person who sheepishly stole glances, thinking that they’d never be found out. But he was aware of it, and he took it as a compliment.
Taeil rubbed his cold fingers against each other, trying to bring them back to life. The sandpaper-like sound was overwhelmingly loud in the cramped, silent space and he was relieved when it was eventually interrupted by the soft pitter-patter of rain on the car window.
The sound lulled him in and he finally found his voice again.

“What did you mean by showing me how a sunrise feels like? Turning the heater all the way up?”

Jihoon cleared his throat. “That’s not exactly what I had in mind.”

Taeil fiddled with his own hands, picking at the skin while thousand droplets kissed the front window. The gentle, steady noise tuned out any sound, including the sound of his nervous breathing.

“What did you have in mi-?“

Any previously picked out words melted on his tongue as Jihoon put his hands on either side of his face.

At first, they kissed like pre-teens. Careful, unexperienced. Lips soft and slightly parted, timidly probing and exploring every corner.

Words faded into the distance and any thoughts were swallowed by the overwhelming need to kiss him. Their lips collided again, both of them suddenly blazing with passion. The rain beat against the car window, harder than before, and the rhythmic tapping became their own, intimate soundtrack.

Taeil had kissed before, but not like this. Not with his body vibrating with anticipation. Not with his fingers interlaced into his lover’s hair and hearts beating in sync.

He had loved before, but not with his whole body.

Nothing under the sky seemed to matter more than their lips meeting, again and again. Only during the six seconds that they parted in heavy breathing, he became aware of his body again. Of Jihoon’s fingers that traced down to his waist until they had found a comfortable place to rest. His hand rested on his hip bone as if it had always belonged there. Even the smallest touch and the ghost of Jihoon’s breath that hit his neck every few seconds were enough to make his head spin. Hot blood rushed through his veins while even hotter thoughts raced through his mind. He was radiating with warmth, and he could feel that Jihoon was, too. The cramped room became their own little paradise, a strange type of chemistry crackling in the air like a bonfire. Words became an abstract concept as they kept holding each other, breaths intermingling, the taste of heaven on their lips.

And indeed, he could imagine that a sunrise felt as incredible as this.

That night he sank into the pillow like a stone sinking to the ground of the ocean. A heavy sigh accompanied his fall, but it wasn’t quite as heavy as the weight on his heart. The weight of missing him, the weight of falling. He had a universe of thoughts in his head. All of them were connected, each of them orbiting around another one and the total of them orbiting around the one question that ruled his mind: What do I mean to him?

With his nose buried in the jacket Jihoon had lent him, he pondered on the question that gave him such a headache. He tried to recreate the scene in his mind, the moment their lips had met again. That one crucial moment that made his head spin whenever he thought of it. Heat crept up his body until it had turned his cheeks a light shade of pink. He let it consume him, just like he had done in the car earlier. His body temperature rose to dangerous levels again, the feeling of Jihoon’s lips on his haunting him.
“You're the only one who knows who I really am”, he whispered. His words were swallowed by the pillow and the endless silence that followed them. The realisation of the truth behind his words hit him hard. He still couldn't believe that he had opened up to him, someone he had just met. And yet, he felt like there was a special connection, a bond formed without words.

His heart was out there, hot and pulsating with love for a man he barely knew. 

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