Chapter four: Sensations                                                                                          Colour: Green

Warm blood rushed into his cheeks as the statement hit him. He analysed the words in his head, flipped them over, turned them around, repeated them to himself under his breath. But no matter how he looked at them, they always had an overly romantic touch. These two words had turned him into a walking mix of emotions and he couldn’t tell whether that was good or not. Anticipation and excitement balanced each other in his body, both at a dangerous level.

As words failed to leave Taeil’s mouth for a long time, he wondered about all the things he was missing. Which colour did Jihoon’s eyes have? Did he have dimples when he smiled or when he said things like that? What kind of emotions did his face display when he looked at him? How did he look when he was angry, sad, surprised, happy … in love? Although the sight was unobtainable for him, it was something he yearned for deeply. Pushing these thoughts away, he concentrated on the sensations that he could feel, that made his world into something special. The dark call of a raven could be heard in the distance, before its echo was quickly swallowed by the density of the forest. The air was pregnant with the smell of autumn, the smell of wet leaves and rain in the air promising an approaching break in the weather. Inhaling the fresh air felt like a cure to all the negative thoughts he was holding.

A chilly breeze made his skin prickle. He liked the way the wind tickled his skin and how the little hairs on his arm responded to it, withstanding the wind with all their might. The temperature had dropped drastically ever since they had reached the meadow and by now, it had gotten so cold the s under his shirt were pitching tents. He cursed himself for forgetting the jacket he had picked out earlier.
As if telepathy was a proven thing that existed, Jihoon suddenly raised his voice:
“I don’t know about you, but I’m getting kinda cold. How about we head back now? Oh, and … you can have my jacket, if you like.” The moment of hesitation made the offer even purer. What a gentleman.
He slowly stood up, wiping non-existent blades of grass from his jeans while doing so.  
“You’re really good at reading my thoughts.”
Or maybe, Taeil thought, he had just caught sight of my s. The mere thought of that made him blush.
Taeil let out a soft laugh and without knowing what he was laughing at, Jihoon joined in while he carefully draped the jacket around his shoulders. He immediately felt more comfortable. The scent of cologne he had caught earlier lulled him in and as they started their journey back to the car, he felt like he was walking on clouds.

They were on their way home when Jihoon dropped the bomb.

“What’s it like?”
“What?”
“Being blind.”
“Not fun.”
Taeil could hear Jihoon gulp loudly and he almost felt bad for giving him such a harsh answer. But it wasn’t like there was much to say about it, at least not to him. Nothing could capture the feeling of being blind and no words would suffice to describe it.
“I’m sorry I asked, I was just-“
“It’s like being on a deserted island,” Taeil interrupted him, trying to save the situation by finding a way to explain it properly. “I’m an island and nothing can reach me. No amount of daylight, not the brightest colours, nothing will reach my eyes. They are shut down, permanently closed, and I’m suffering behind the walls that are my eyes. I’m trapped in the darkness, with no escape route. Is it day? Is it night? I can’t tell. And the uncertainty leaves me scared, terribly scared. It shakes up my soul.” Barely audible, his last words intermingled with the sough of the trees.
Blood rushed through his ears, drowning out every other sound. He could not believe the words he had just uttered. He wanted to take them back, to run after them and bury them again in the darkest part of his soul.
But it was too late. How would Jihoon react? Taeil’s ears were erect, carefully groping their way through the silence. He will start laughing at me any second, he thought. He clutched his own heart in an attempt to prepare himself for the humiliation that would follow.
The other man drew a long breath.
Suddenly, another pair of hands covered his own, just above his heart where he had placed his seconds ago. His heart started bouncing in his chest.

“You don’t have to be afraid. It’s always light when I’m with you.”

Utter relief shook Taeil and before he knew what hit him, he was crying into Jihoon’s woollen sweater. His mouth turned into a waterfall, with words spilling out of it in a matter of seconds.
“It’s like I’m six feet under the sea, disconnected from the world. Sometimes I wonder if anyone would hear me scream, if anyone would even notice if I was gone. How can I face the world when I can’t even face myself? When I’m afraid like this?”
A set of two strong arms pulled him into a tight embrace, warm and comfortable like a child’s safety blanket. Now it wasn’t his own heart that he could hear pounding in an unnatural rhythm. It was Jihoon’s. Minutes passed of Jihoon holding him, comforting him like a mother her newborn.
“But what I think about the most,” Taeil started between torrents of tears, “how can the sun rise every day without me seeing it? How can it be day … without me?”

Silence attacked their ears. The quietness that followed hung between them like an iron curtain. There were no logical answers to his questions. He knew that all too well. And yet, a spark of hope arose from Jihoon’s silence. Taeil couldn’t help but to hope that Jihoon would give him a thought through answer. Because he knew, deep down inside him, that the questions without answers are the ones that kill you the most.

“I didn’t know it was this scary.” The tall man’s voice was a mere whisper, as faint as the wind brushing through the treetops far above them.
The words had little impact on Taeil, but he was content with the way the younger was showing respect to his feelings. His tears subsided slowly and he moved away from the wet spot he had left behind on Jihoon’s shoulder.
“I can’t make you see, but-“ Jihoon hesitated, stopping mid-sentence.
“Describing everything won’t help,” Taeil added carefully.
“No, that’s not what I meant. But I will show you what it feels like. A sunrise, that is.” 

Please comment after reading, it makes me insanely happy and keeps me going!

The chapter names are still in progress and might be changed later, I just wanted to get this out as quickly as possible. I didn't mean to keep you guys waiting for so long!