Mark, although usually quiet, can be loud, impulsive, childish and surprisingly mischievous when he wants to. Most of the time it happens in front of the cameras, so Jackson assumes it’s encouraged behaviour, henceforth, he can understand. Or he tries to understand. He does his best to tell himself it’s just fan-service, whatever happens it’s just to make fans scream and giggle endlessly.

It means nothing.

That has become Jackson’s mantra. Every time something happens that leaves his heart racing and body trembling, while Mark runs away, giggling and too pleased with himself after hearing the fan’s reactions, that’s what he tells to himself. 

They are close. They have been closed since they met but Jackson started having real issues since their debut and Markson became such a strong favourite ship for the fans. Both Mark and Jackson were encouraged to interact more, show how close they were, almost letting them run wild there. Jackson definitely enjoyed it at first. Cuddling, holding hands, almost kisses, not-so-secret glances. He enjoyed that tension and how his heart raced.

He didn’t enjoy when Mark took it too far and scared him.

Like those times Jackson had actually thought Mark was going to kiss him, showing out of nowhere, grabbing him by the neck and just charging, too fast, too sudden, leaving Jackson screaming. Just to then run away giggling without actually kissing him, leaving him with a racing heart and a clouded mind.

It started to become a problem when Jackson realised how much he actually wanted Mark to kiss him. For real. Not for fan-service. Perhaps the feelings were always there, but he did not realise them until then. Until after Mark left giggling and he stared at the eldest, feeling the longing in his heart, the hammering heartbeat, calling for his friend.

It was also evident when Jackson clenched his fists and felt like pushing Mark off of anyone whom he was being close with, like Jinyoung. Jackson discovered what jealousy really tasted like back then. Although in order to feel jealous you actually have to have something you’re afraid to lose. No matter how close they are, Mark isn’t Jackson’s.

It becomes a problem when Jackson wakes up in the middle of the night, knowing Mark is sleeping just a few metres away, peacefully, oblivious to the kind of dreams the Hong Kong native has had in which Mark isn’t just pushing too far but actually going for it.

It’s definitely a problem when he can’t sleep because he just stares at Mark, like a total creep, trying to figure out what to do with his life, because damn, he’s so in love with his friend.

Everyone in a situation like him would consider questions like: 

1. should I tell him and ruin our friendship? 
2. how will it affect our group dynamic?
3. will he be grossed out by it? It’s a thing to be okay with his friends being gay and such, but it’s  a very different thing when that gay friend is in love with you.
4. will Mark will meet his eyes ever again if Jackson confesses?
5. what if he feels the same?
6. what if he doesn’t feel the same?
7. since when does he like boys?

For the one he has an answer, though. Since he met Mark. That was the first time he admired a man not just in the wow he’s so fit. I wish I could be like that way but in the wow he’s so beautiful I could stare at him forever way.

Sometimes, Mark takes it too far, off cameras, when he feels hyper and super happy because things are going great. Like when they get their first win ever. It’s a big thing for everyone and they all hug, they even cry and continue like that backstage. But Mark does more than that, he jumps to Jackson’s arms and hugs him like a koala would do, almost causing him to lose his balance, face buried in the crook of Jackson’s neck while he can’t stop giggling and crying at the same time. His breath tingling in the sensitive skin while he just holds Mark, standing like a statue in the middle of backstage.

Or like when they are watching a movie all together at the dorm, trying to fit seven big idiots on one sofa ending with two on the floor, Jackson in a corner with Mark on his lap, an arm around his neck and leaning into him as Jackson tries to keep his expression as casual as ever. He does his best, even as Mark leans even more into him, slowly falling asleep, curling into the younger boy and Jackson just holds him. And then carries him to his bed, tucking him and watching him with a fond smile.

Or like when he, out of nowhere, comes from behind, wrapping his arms around Jackson waist, chin on his shoulder and smile on his lips, scaring the living days out of Jackson. Then he giggles next to Jackson’s ear, making him tremble in ways that shouldn’t be allowed, to then just leave him there with a racing heart.

It makes Jackson want to scream and beg him to stop, because his heart can’t take it. But at the same time, he might cry if Mark actually stops, so he can’t even dare to confess when he’s so afraid Mark will never take his hand again. Jackson will take their friendship over a romance any day.

But at the same time, Mark is pushing Jackson too far because one day he might not scream and instead just grab Mark by the back on his neck and just pull him for a kiss in front of everyone. And then get in so much trouble, probably a contract breech and the end of his career. All because of a boy.

That’s why Jackson comes with a coping mechanism. A way to stop Mark but not all together. Just like pulling the brake. 

GOT7 has seven members, he doesn’t need to interact only with Mark so he focuses on his other friendships and exploits them on camera, putting a bit of healthy distance between the eldest and himself.

Jackson starts hanging out more with BamBam, is openly affectionate with Jinyoung to the point he replaced Mark as a cuddly teddy bear. If Jackson is too close with he others, Mark won’t have to do fan service with him because he’s doing that with other members, so he won’t be in risk to forget it’s actually fan service and ruin his life.

It’s an effective plan. Slowly, Mark doesn’t make surprise attacks and without him seeking the eldest, it becomes relatively safe.

However, his brilliant plan doesn’t solver the problem of Mark being close to others. Like with  Jinyoung, making Jackson feel so jealous that he wants to just drag Mark away and tell him he’s not supposed to do those things with other people but him.

But then again, Jackson has no right to do that.

So he swallows his feelings and continue like that, looking away when such situations happen and doing his best not to let his own emotions show on his face.

It means nothing. It’s just fan-service.

He keeps repeating that, every time.

But Mark still, at times, pushes it too far and not even Jackson’s shields can stop him.

The first time happens when they are rehearsing for their next performance, hard and non-stop until they just can’t keep it anymore, so they take a break. Jackson drops dead to the floor, arms and legs spread and eyes closed, focusing on his breathing and his erratic heart. Even if he’s so exhausted, he loves that feeling where every part of him hurts after working so hard. It reminds him he’s alive, that he’s giving his all for his job and dream. It’s such a blessing those things are the same.

“BOO!” someone shouts, breaking through his train of thoughts.

Next thing Jackson knows, someone is jumping on top of him, knocking the air out of his lungs and actually hugging him. They are sweaty, stinky and tired, but someone is hugging him. He opens his eyes and finds Mark there, on top of him, smiling gleefully as if they hadn’t been rehearsing for hours straight, as if nothing in him ached, as if his hair wasn't damp with sweat. He’s there, on top of Jackson, staring at him with those beautiful dark eyes of him, the most dashing smile and that face that it’s just so beautiful.

Why is Mark so beautiful? It actually hurts.

But Marks makes it all worse when he giggles and then kisses the top of Jackson’s nose, with the innocence of a child, playful and cute, just to roll off of Jackson next and leave.

Jackson doesn’t move, he stays lying there, his eyes wide open and his heart racing in a different way from the exercise, in a way that leaves his head spinning like when he gets drunk. 

Why is Mark like this?

The second time it happens when Jackson comes back home late, his schedule becoming more and more packed lately. He’s doing his best, but he’s so tired, too. And it’s sad getting home when everyone is asleep.

“Gaga!” Mark exclaims so delighted when Jackson comes in their shared room, surprised to find him awake, scrolling thorough his phone that he throws away the moment the younger closes the door behind him. “Welcome back.”

“It’s two in the morning. Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” Jackson asks, shrugging off his jacket and looking for his pyjamas, telling himself he doesn’t get his heart racing every time Mark calls him that familiar nickname.

“Perhaps. But if I don’t wait for you I won’t see you. Lately I barely see your face and I miss you.” 

Jackson stops in his tracks, hands froze on the collar of his tank top he was ready to remove, feeling his heart skipping a beat. He turns slowly to face Mark, just to see that sweet smile of him that means no harm, no anything, just friendliness and a bit of worry.

It means nothing, Jackson tells himself. Mark doesn’t mean it in the way Jackson wants it to mean.

“If you miss me, watch the shows. That helps,” Jackson replies, turning around again to take off his shirt and get in his PJs.

“It doesn’t compare to the real deal,” Mark mumbles. “Don’t forget to turn off the light.”

And like that, Mark goes to sleep while Jackson has a hell of a time doing that because he can’t stop thinking about Mark missing him, wishing it were different. But one misses friends, too. One worries about friends, too. He can’t get carried away, wanting to hear things that are not being said. But sometimes Mark pushes him so far he feels he’s about to snap.

The third time happens when they are trying to shoot that add to help learn Korean. It’s an over the top acting, and way too amusing that it’s almost impossible to keep a straight face. There’s always someone cracking up and ruining it all.

There’s a particular scene where Mark has to do the wall trap to Jinyoung and every time the eldest tries to do that, Jinyoung bursts out laughing when he tries to look surprised, but not really, just theatrically surprised. Jinyoung just can’t, and Mark is dragged too, which means they have to shoot that scene too many times.

“Jinyoung-ah, you need to get your makeup done again. You cried laughing!” Manager noona scolds Jinyoung who is still laughing, but he nods his head and follows orders. 

Mark is a bit better, not laughing so hard but clearly close to a fit of giggles again.

“I think what makes it worse is what I have to say,” Mark points out when Jackson hands him a water bottle.

“It’s just so ridiculous,” Jackson agrees, shaking his head but relieved they’ve taken a break.

“If it were something else I’m sure Jinyoungie would get in character and we’d be done with this.” Jackson is absentmindedly nodding, watching how Jinyoung has to get his makeup done yet is still struggling not to laugh. “Like this,” Mark adds.

Because Jackson wasn’t expecting anything, he is totally surprised when Mark suddenly pushes him against the wall, trapping him with an arm over his shoulder, pressed against the wall and oh just so close, looking into his eyes with such intensity Jackson actually feels weak in the knees.

I didn’t even know that actually happened! he screams in his head, just staring back at Mark with wide eyes.

“We should run away together. Just you and I. Forget everything else and just be happy,” Mark whispers in such a low voice that sends shivers down Jackson’s spine. He swallows, just staring back at Mark and how close this is, how he seems to get even closer (or is it him?). 

But then Mark shrieks and pulls away, jumping and laughing maniacally, clenching his fists over and over again, still bouncing.

“I can’t! That’s too cheesy too! I just can’t!” Mark screams and Jackson just blinks, his heart beating in his throat and about to burst while he just processes what happened was actually nothing. Mark didn’t ask him to run away with him. Mark was just… trying something.

It means nothing, Jackson has to remind himself as he works to pull himself together, tearing himself from the wall and heading, silently, to the toilet until he can control his face expression.

The worst time is when he’s just minding his business, doing some sit-ups before going to bed, trying to burn all frustration from the day when Mark comes in and without even asking about it, sits at his feet and holds his legs, deciding out of the blue to help him out. Jackson is surprised but doesn’t say anything, he just continues trying to ignore that every time he goes up Mark is there, with his face on top of Jackson’s knees, smiling and watching him without saying a word.

Jackson insists his heart if beating so fast because of the sit-ups, not because Mark is there.

When Jackson finally does the 500th sit-up, and before he goes back to lie on the floor, Mark grabs him by the back of his neck, his hand curling securely as he leans over Jackson’s legs and just presses those full lips against his. Jackson’s eyes are wide open and he doesn’t do anything, and then it’s over, Mark pulls away with a cute blush on his cheeks, stands up and leaves back to his room, while Jackson stays there, eyes wide open and mouth hanging open.

What did just happen?

Ten full seconds later, Jackson realises that no, it wasn’t a dream, it actually happened and Mark said nothing. Mark just kissed him and left, without a word, without anything.

Rage. That’s what Jackson feels, more than any fluttering feeling he would’ve expected, he’s angry that Mark keeps pushing him like that. So he storms inside the room where Mark is lying, happily, innocently on his bed while scrolling through the timeline of his SNS. Jackson makes sure to slam the door behind him,

“Okay, what the was that?!” he snaps, so angry, flustered and even hurt.

“What?” Mark inquires, raising an eyebrow innocently, which only makes Jackson angrier. “I just congratulated you for doing 500 sit-ups.”

For three seconds, Jackson can’t react because there’s a limit for nonchalance, and Mark walked over that long ago.

“You kissed me! That’s not how you congratulate someone. You kissed me, Mark!”

“Technically, it was just a peck,” Mark corrects and Jackson is sure he’s about to lose his .

“Stop! Okay? Just stop playing with me like this. You keep pushing me and when I look at you, you act like nothing. You can’t just kiss me and react like this. It’s not fair! That’s going too far, Mark!”

“Why can’t I?” Mark asks, tilting his head in a way that reminds Jackson of a puppy, but at the same time there’s an intensity in Mark’s eyes that throws Jackson off.

“Why? Are you really asking me why?” Jackson laughs, but it lacks humour. “You know why? Because you don’t do that to friends. And above all, you don’t do that to friends who are in love with you if you don’t feel the same because it’s just cruel. It’s cruel, Mark!”

Jackson is so angry, frustrated, and desperate he is barely aware of how he’s just confessed even when that’s something he never wanted to do. He’s just trying to make Mark stop because he can’t take it anymore. And he’s so lost in his own emotions that he misses when Mark stands up and approaches him, stopping right in front of him.

“What about friends who feel the same way?” Mark asks softly.

“Friends don’t kiss, Mark! Why are you even—”

Jackson freezes, he actually feels everything stops around him as he processes Mark’s words. He stops to look at Mark, truly look at him and notice the vulnerability there, the fear and hope that make his eyes look even more beautiful than usual.

“What did you just say?” Jackson asks, his heart screaming to break free from his ribcage, actually hurting him.

“If I feel the same way as you do, can I kiss you then?” Mark asks cautiously and Jackson feels his hand tremblings, his mouth drying so he can’t utter a single word, instead he just nods his head.

And then Mark smiles, bright as only he can smile, as if he’s been waiting for that moment his whole life, as if Jackson were the sunshine of his every morning. Mark’s smile is just as beautiful as all of Mark is, especially when he leans closer, hand wrapping a hand at the back of his neck, head tilting just slightly to one side as Jackson’s tilts it to the other.

Lips finally meet and this time Jackson’s eyes flutter shut at the gentle pressure and the warmth that spreads to the rest of his body. Instinctively, the younger boy’s hands land of Mark’s hips, like holding him in place while the eldest deepens the kiss just a bit more, moving his lips a bit more demanding, coaxing Jackson to kiss him back.

And that’s what he does. Slowly, carefully as if he is memorising every little detail about Mark’s mouth while savouring and delighting in the fact it’s actually happening, Mark is kissing him.

But something bugs him at the back of his mind, slowly becoming stronger than his fluttering happiness that it’s not an unrequited love, that Mark actually loves him back.

“Hold on!” Jackson stops, the annoying buzzing in his head finally overthrowing the other feelings and making him pull away. “You are actually implying to love me back, right?” the Hong Kong native asks and Mark, without losing his smile, still standing so close, nods in confirmation. “So all the things you’ve done before, all those almost kisses, all those touches and hugs actually meant something?”

“Oh,” Mark affirms, cupping Jackson’s face with his other hand and staring with such a lovestruck expression. “I couldn’t find a way to tell you so I thought that maybe if I confused you somehow you’d make me talk about it. I wasn’t exactly expecting you’d confess, though. I thought you’d just give me the chance to confess.”

Jackson blinks, realising how Mark had intentionally pushed him all those times, not because of fan-service but because his own feelings.

“It was torture, you know?” Jackson confesses, feeling exhausted all of the sudden and needing to lean on Mark. The taller boy is happy to hold him, though.

“I’m not good with words,” Mark explains and Jackson knows it, but still.

“A simple ‘I like you’ would’ve worked,” Jackson sighs, resting his forehead against Mark’s shoulder, feeling one of his hand comfortingly rubbing on his back.

“Not really, because when I said things you just shrugged them off like I didn’t just throw my heart at you.” Jackson is reminded of that night Mark said he missed him, he had actually mean it in a  romantic way. 

It meant something. 

Every time, it meant something.

Jackson starts laughing, not believing he’s been such a coward fool all this time, thinking Mark was just doing it for the fans not because it was him. He also wraps his arms tightly around the eldest, hugging him and holding on to him almost desperately. Mark hugs him back, resting his head agains’t Jackson.

“Everything clear now?” Mark asks, a whisper in Jackson’s ear.

“I love you and you love me. All clear,” Jackson confirms, unable to stop the grin that comes to his lips when he says that, actually feeling a tingly sensation in his stomach that he can only classify as bursting happiness that this is real, Mark loves him back.

Jackson pulls back, showing Mark that grin of his and receiving the eldest’s beautiful one in return before he leans for another kiss. One of many more to come.

Mark, although usually quiet, can be loud, impulsive, childish and surprisingly mischievous when he wants to. Like when he tried to confess many times and Jackson just thought it was fan-service. Like all those times Mark threw himself at Jackson, desperately wanting a reaction just for Jackson to stay motionless, assuming it was all for the fans. 

Mark can also be the person Jackson loves with all his heart and won’t let go.