And here are the "You" fics. All of them. Ridiculous, stupid, amateurish and cringeworthy. I honestly cannot believe I wrote these. But posting them had been cathartic, like I've acknowledged that yeah, I was that kind of author. XD

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I: Breakaway - Hyunseung x Reader (b2st)

We were so happy. What could have gone wrong? Was it something I said, something I did? It hurt, Seungie. It hurts.

I thought that you were happy with me. I really did. I always tried to help you, even though I could do nothing. I tried to make you happy, tried to understand your needs.

I thought that you loved me.

So why did you do this? How could you have just gone and kissed HyunA?

Seungie, tell me. Seungie, was it something I did? Did I make a mistake? Did I let you down somehow? Tell me, Seungie.

I tried understanding it, I honestly did. I told myself it was for Trouble Maker, that it was for promotions. I told myself that you would never do that to me. I told myself that you were happy with me.

But I heard the news, read it off the internet. There were photos, videos of the two of you: eating in a fancy restaurant, going to a five-star club, holding hands while travelling worldwide to promote Trouble Maker.

It hurts, Seungie. It hurts.

I thought you were happy with me. You weren’t, were you Seungie?

After all, how could I ever compete with someone like HyunA, someone so beautiful, tall, talented and sophisticated. And here I am: nothing out of the ordinary, just your everyday person, just someone in the background.

When the company, CUBE, released an official statement that the two of you were dating, I think a part of me died that day. I had just gotten off from work, ready to rest, tired and with a heavy heart. Then it came on the news and I just sat there, feeling my heart break into so many pieces.

You were out there, celebrating with HyunA in a high-class restaurant, with food the price more than my salary while here I was, only the cold and quiet walls to keep me company. To make me feel okay.

Did I mean anything to you, Seungie? Did I mean to you as much as you meant to me? Did it hurt you to throw me away, to discard me like some ragged doll?

Because it hurts, Seungie. It hurts so much.

If, one day, I went missing, would you look for me? If, one day, I’d disappear, would you come find me? If, one day, I died, would you mourn for me?

Because if you went missing, I would look for you. Because if you disappeared, I would come find you. Because if you died, I’d never be the same again.

But, that’s not possible now. You have her. You have HyunA. How could you remember me when you have someone perfect by your side, someone who could actually make your dreams come true? I could have never done that.

She could give you everything. The only thing I could offer you was my love. We both knew it wasn’t enough.

It hurts, Seungie, but I’ll get better. It hurts, but I’ll be okay. Not now, not today and not tomorrow but someday, someday soon.

I’ll move to a new place, move somewhere else—start over. I always wanted to go to New York—all my life I dreamt that it would be you that I’d be with in New York. Maybe, it is destiny that I should go alone.

Maybe I’d be better off on my own.

Maybe I’ll forget you in the future, maybe perhaps I’ll meet you and not recognize you; perhaps it will be you who will no longer recognize me.

I’ll break away, Seungie. I’ll be okay. I’ll always love you, Seungie. I’ll always do. When you need me, whenever or wherever that is, I’ll be there.

But, ‘till then, I’m just a specter, just a shadow in the background.

I’ll be okay. I’ll be gone, yes, but I will be okay.

Farewell, Seungie. I love you.

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II: What Doesn't Kill You - Hyungseung x Reader (b2st); sequel to Breakaway

Five years.
It’s been five years since you officially began dating HyunA. It’s been five years since I left for New York. It’s been five years since that painful day.

It’s been five years, and I can now say that I’m okay.

As I stare at this gargantuan billboard that displayed BEAST, I can’t help but feel so proud and happy and just a little bit sad. I was so proud of you guys for making it here in New York. BEAST was going well, really. It seems that as each day passes, more and more people talk about you, be it on the radio, on TV, on the Internet or when I sit in a café and hear some female customers ogling and gushing about BEAST.

But, most of all, I was so proud of you. You finally made it, Seungie. I remember you telling me that you had the highest hopes for BEAST, for yourself, for your career. When you hit success on a global scale, no one could have surpassed the immense feeling of pride I had for you and for the guys.

But, as my eyes raked over Doojoon, Junyung, Yoseob, Kikwang and Dongwoon, my heart ached a bit as it gazed at you. You were up there, smiling, as handsome and as fashionable as ever. Nostalgia swept over me as I remember all the moments we had, especially those where we felt not only like lovers but best friends as well.

Through the five years I had here in New York, it was only inevitable that Trouble Maker would explode here. Yes, it did. In fact, it was the number one song on the radio for weeks. Hearing your voice after all these years, it made me happy. Happy that you were finally reaching your dreams.

Oh, and I didn’t get to the best part, Seungie. When CUBE released a statement that, yes, you and HyunA were getting married, I felt so happy for you.

True, my heart broke a bit and I remembered the way you smiled at me, at the way your eyes twinkled, and I recalled all those questions I had five years ago:

Why couldn’t it be me?

What was wrong with me?

Why couldn’t he love me?

What did I do wrong?

Why?

Those questions had haunted me all these years but I learned to ignore them, learned to accept that life isn’t fair, learned to accept that the things we want are different from the things we need. I’ve…accepted it, Seungie.

The hurt is still there, yes, and, late at night, I’d wake and can’t help but miss you, can’t help but wish that I was back in your arms. True, those nights happened but I’ve learned to be strong, Seungie. I’ve gotten stronger.

Solitude doesn’t hurt that much anymore, Seungie. I’ve learned to find happiness in being alone. I’ve learned to be happy for the little things in the life that I have instead of agonizing over what could be and what may have been. I’ve learned to be thankful for everything, for being able to live, for meeting new people every day, for meeting you and the rest of the guys and, yes, even for meeting HyunA.

I’m thankful for what had happened between us, Seungie. No, I am not being sarcastic. I am being honest.

I owe you my life, Seungie. I am forever in your debt. You taught me the value of life and the lesson of acceptance. I can see now that you are truly happy with her; that she makes you smile in that beautiful way that you do, that she makes you feel like you’re on cloud nine.

You had been and still are an important part of my life, Seungie. All those years of friendship and love will never return but they are as important to me as they had been in the past. I can never forget the people that I’ve loved, the people that have left marks on my heart, the people that have left me with something to learn, something to accept.

I will always love you, Seungie, you know that.

Perhaps, in the future, when you and I have our own families, we can meet? Perhaps we were never meant to be, but that doesn’t mean we can never look for the other, that doesn’t mean that we should forget all that we had, that doesn’t mean that we should abandon our friendship, right?

We’ll never be as close as we used to be, I know. There’s too much awkwardness in between, but, please know that you’ll always have a friend in me, that you’ll always have someone that would stand by you.

Stand by you when you when your first child is born, stand by you when you celebrate your birthday, stand by you when you try in vain not to cry as your child marches up to graduate, stand by you when you are finally letting go of someone that is your own flesh and blood so that they may start their life anew with the person they love.

There was a boisterous roar from inside that made everyone turn towards the doors, some laughing while others itching to get to the counter.

“Hi there, can I help you?”

“I’ll take this one, please.” I replied to the cashier in English as I pointed at the slip of paper. She turned and grabbed one copy before punching the cost.

“Here ya go, that’ll be all?” I smiled at the woman as I paid, gently holding the slip of paper in my hands. From inside the doors, another roar came and I could not help the giggle that escaped me.

“Yeah, thanks.” I answered, closing my wallet and smoothing out my coat.

“Have fun and enjoy.” She replied before turning to the next customer. I glanced at the slip in my hands and I just stood there, for a moment. Memories came rushing back into my head, memories that I cherish greatly, memories that I’ll always remem—

Oof.

I yelped a bit as I felt someone pummel past me. He turned and gave me an apologetic smile, making his eyes crinkle into crescents. That, along with his wonderful smile, caused me to smile as well. Damn, it was infectious.

“Hey,uh, sorry about that.” He stammered a bit, a red tint coating his cheeks as he scratched the back of his faux Mohawk.

“It’s okay. I take it that you’re excited for this?” I replied as I pointed towards the door. He turned and looked back at me, nodding, his smile never leaving his face.

“Y-yeah, really excited.” He replied, stuttering at the beginning. Wow, he really seemed shy yet his smile made me feel ten levels of weird. Huh. Maybe there was something there.

Then, his eyes widened and he gave his hand out. “Oh, where are my manners?”

He gave me his name, causing his eyes to crinkle once more. Adorable, really. I laughed and took his hand, giving him my name as well. “Really nice to meet you.”

“Hey, you know what, maybe after this, I can introduce you.” I spoke without hesitation, doing something for him and for myself. His eyes widened and his jaw fell open as he stared at me, flabbergasted.

“Really? You can do that?” He asked in an amazed tone.

“Yeah, I can. Now, shall we?” I gestured towards the doors. He turned and smiled that same wonderful smile, my stomach turning in its place. He offered me his arm and I gazed at it for a moment.

Maybe there is something here.

I linked my arm with his and, together, we walked towards the doors. The woman standing before it asked for our slips and we gave ours, the light bouncing off mine, the words shining brightly.

BEAST
Beautiful Show: The Worldwide Tour
New York

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III: If It Meant A Lot To You - Kikwang x Reader (b2st)

You stand there, before your class of twenty students, all about the age of nine.  They look at you, a light gleaming in their eyes: anticipation, excitement, but most dominant of all: curiosity. Probably because of the man beside you.

Hmm. It must be weird, though. How often do you bring an Idol into an art school where even nine-year olds know who they were? Awkward.

Anyhow, you ignored the curious stares and smile at them. “Good morning!”

They replied in chorus, still engrossed by Lee Kikwang standing behind you. You turn to look at him, and he smiles at you, both lips and eyes. You can feel your insides melt but you ignore it as you turn back to the students.

“Today, I’ve got a surprise for you all. I brought someone special today. Any guesses as to who he is?” You ask the class, already expecting a reply.

Too sure, you were not to be disappointed. An eager girl named Han raised her little hand and waved it to get your attention. “Yes, Han?”

She stood, her dark brown eyes wide and alight. “That’s Lee Kikwang oppa!”

“That’s right!” You answer, turning back to Kikwang to give him a smile. He returns it and gives Han a smile as well, earning a blush from the nine-year old. Suddenly, an idea popped into your head.

“Well, Mr. Kikwang has agreed to help us in today’s lesson! Isn’t that fun?” You announced to the crowd, surprising not only the class but also Kikwang as well.

“But—“ Kikwang was cut off as the children erupted in cheers and hoots. You grinned mischievously at him. Kikwang frowned for a bit before whispering, “I don’t know anything about painting!”

You remembered your words and actually thought chaos would erupt but, fortunately, you were mistaken. Kikwang was actually good with children. Well, to be honest, he was excellent. Though neither had he no idea what vermillion or saffron was nor the difference between spattering and underpainting, what Kikwang lacked in that field, he made up in his ability to make the students laugh and feel happy and comfortable with themselves.

As you sit down next to Kikwang, who was helping Han trace a majestic nightingale on the canvas, you smile at the two. He was utterly perfect, even in his confusion for some things.

“Look, look! Kikwang oppa helped me draw a nightingale!”

You look closely at the painting and saw a picturesque nightingale—well, picturesque enough for a nine-year old but she was actually good—on the midnight blue backdrop.

“That’s wonderful Han! What do you say to Mr. Kikwang for helping you?” You prodded her, catching Kikwang’s eye. He smiled slightly this time, his eyes crinkling at the sides. Your heart jumped in your chest, feeling every emotion burning in Kikwang’s eyes.

“Thank you!” Han replied, earning a wide grin from Kikwang.

“Now, why don’t you go help Lili over there and Mr. Kikwang and I shall finish your painting?” Han nodded and ran off to help.

Silently, you sit next to Kikwang and grab the nearest paintbrush, making sure to dip it with the perfect color. However, instead of painting immediately, you handed the end to Kikwang, who raised a brow.

“I don’t know how to paint, you know that.” He said. You chuckled and shook your head.

“There’s a first for everything.” His eyes shift between you and the brush until he heaved a sigh and grabbed it.

“Only because I love you, okay?” You smile—no, your heart expands in your chest and you feel like giggling like mad but you hold it in. It never ceases to amaze you how those words always managed to affect you, no matter how much they have been spoken.

As Kikwang started painting the silhouette of the nightingale, you watch him and the expressions on his face. At first, you only saw amusement and humor. But then, as he began to color the inside of the silhouette, his face went from amusement to seriousness. You notice the similar expressions, expressions of concentration and passion he always held when he practiced for a dance routine taking shape on his face, now that he was painting what may seem to be his first painting in all his life.

“That isn’t the way.” You said, noticing he brushed in a wrong direction. You held his hand and slowly guided the brush to the right way, adding force when it spread color on the canvas.

“Why can’t I go that way?” Kikwang asked, pointing with his other hand. You shook your head.

“The first lesson in painting is that you brush in only one direction, so that there is a sense of clarity.” You mumble unknowingly, engrossed with helping Kikwang, the inner teacher-feelings you have reaching for the surface.

When you guide his hand towards the palette, you helped him dip the brush in red and blue paint, forming a splendid shade of green. You, still holding Kikwang’s hand, guided it back to the canvas and began to paint over the dry paint, coloring the nightingale’s wing.

“Why didn’t you just use green paint?” He asks again and you feel him rest his chin on your shoulder, his breath tickling your neck, but you’re too engrossed to notice it…not that you didn’t like it.

“Using green directly would result in a tacky combination of colors. I mixed red and blue so that it would form a green-bluish sort of color, so that it would not seem out of place with the blue feathers of the nightingale.” You answered and all  you got in reply was an, “Uh…what?”

“What?” You stopped in your painting and turned to him, seeing a dumbfounded expression on his face. “What did you say?

“…I said what.” He answers quietly, backing off from you, avoiding your eyes. “I didn’t understand what you just said.”

You rack your brain for what you had just spoken and your eyes widen when you finally remembered. “Oh! Sorry, I got into it a bit.”

“It’s okay.” He mumbles and your eyes soften. Though he was bright and bubbly, Kikwang did have moments when he felt like he was a bit of an idiot.

Smiling a bit, you placed your brush away and turned to face him, fully.

“It’s like this, when you perform on stage, sometimes, the costume manager makes you wear hair color, right?” You phrased it in a way that he’d understand, but also to not make him feel inferior.

He nodded, understanding. “Let’s say, he wants you to be a red head for this concert. Does he immediately dye your hair red? No. What he does is he mixes it with a bit of black so that when he did dye your black hair, it wouldn’t look so weird. When the audience sees you, your hair would look as if it was black then slowly turning red as it goes on.”

It took him a while to say something, but whence he did, it was totally unexpected. “When I wake up in the morning, do you know what I first say thank you about?”

You slowly shook your head, a bit confused at his question. Perhaps Kikwang had a random side like Hyunseung?

“You.” He answered, his eyes bright with emotion. Your own widened. “Me?”

He nodded. “Yeah, and I always feel so lucky to have you with me.”

Then, slowly, his face comes near, his eyes gluing you in place. You can feel his breath fanning out, feel it tickle against your nose but so still you stay. Your eyes began to close, your lips opening a bit.

“Kikwang…” You managed to say and you hear him respond, see his own eyes beginning to droop as he begins to kiss you.

“Miss…?” Your eyes flashed open and you draw away from Kikwang as a wide-eyed Han stares at you. You see Kikwang turn a bright shade of red and you hold in the urge to laugh. “Yes, Han?”

“Lili is done with her painting. She wants you to see it.” Han answers.

“Okay, I’ll see to it in a sec, dear.” You watch as Han skips off before turning back to Kikwang, who managed to calm the blush pooling over his cheeks.

All in all, today wasn’t that bad. The students managed to do well in their practicals and also had time to spend with Kikwang, who surprised them all by having food delivered. Yes, this day had been wonderful.

“The kids loved you, you know.” You said to Kikwang as you began to clear out the desks of the students, all of which had long went home. The sun was beginning to set and it was almost closing time. All you had to do now as clean up.

“Yeah, I loved them as well. Today was great.” Kikwang replied quietly. You smiled. It wasn’t always that Kikwang was free. It was even more special today, now that he had helped in your class.

“Especially Han and Lili. I’m sure those two are already telling their parents all about you and your help in today’s lesson.” Once you’ve stacked away the papers, you turned around to face him…only to be greeted by the sight of him so near. You felt your heart rise up in your throat.

“I loved those two as well, but right now, I’m eager to show all my love for this special person.” He whispered as he wraps his arms around your waist. You stared up into his eyes and couldn’t even find words coherent enough to speak.

Without hesitation, he closes the gap between the two of you.

Well, you should bring along Kikwang to class a lot more.

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IV: Here's to Us - Doojoon x Reader (b2st)

I held the steaming cup of soup steadily in my hands, making sure none dripped unto the set out tablecloth. As I set the cup down, I turned towards the clock on the wall. It was near eight in the evening and Doojoon had promised to be here half-past said hour.

With the table set and the food ready, I left the kitchen and headed to the sitting room, deciding to pass the time listening to music. After placing an old jazz CD into the player, music began to play and I set myself down on the couch.

I rested my head on the headboard and closed my eyes, a bit tired. It had been a hectic day, going from mall to mall, looking for specific ingredients to prepare this dinner. Plus there was the matter of getting clothes from the dressmaker, wanting to impress Doojoon with a new outfit.

All in all, it was a bit tiring but it was soon to be all worth it. If only Doojoon would hurry up.

Doojoon. The name brought a smile to my lips. It still amazed me to realize that we were together, him and I. It had been a long, hard journey, that was. After many rumors, many scandals, many criticisms from fans, family and friends alike, it was blissful to be finally together.

What amazed me even more was that he chose me of all people, a simple fan. It still astounds me as to how Doojoon can be so…perfect.

Deep into my thoughts and into the music, I did not hear the lock turning and the door to our apartment opening, welcoming in a soaking Doojoon, carrying a wine bottle. Eyes closed, a smile still on my lips, I did not see Doojoon take off his coat and walk towards me, a smile gracing his lips.

My eyes flew open when I felt fingers entwine themselves with mine, my surprise fading into joy as Doojoon’s shining dark eyes met mine.

His hair was wet and it clung to his head in clumps, his clothes were soaked to the bone and he looked really tired but…my heart still jumped at the sight of him.

“Hey,” He muttered, his voice low and husky. Traitorous butterflies invaded my stomach, my cheeks flushing a deep scarlet color.

“H-hey,” I said back, his smile growing bigger. He leaned in and his scent invaded my nostrils, filling me with giddy warmth that lanced through my figure. Slightly wet and soft lips touched mine, and my eyes closed on their own, my own lips responding without guidance.

When he had pulled back, I was a stuttering mess. Honestly speaking, Doojoon always had that effect on me.

“Come on,” He chuckled, taking my hand in his. “Let’s celebrate.”

I nodded and was guided into the kitchen. He pulled a chair for me and as I sat down, he seated himself before me, a beatific smile gracing his face in front of me.

He raised the bottle of wine and emotion twinkled in his eyes. With his hand, he pulled out the cork and the sound of hissing air was heard. The fragrance of fermented grapes reached my nostrils and I watched, dazed, as Doojoon poured us two glasses of wine.

He raised his glass and spoke, his voice clear. “Here’s to us, to you and I. Here’s to everything that has brought us together, to every obstacle we’ve faced just so we can be with each other.”

My heart swelled as I listened to his words, a small smile appearing on my lips, my eyes becoming a little teary. I nodded at his words.

“Here’s to everyone who has ever doubted you, doubted me, doubted this relationship, doubted us. Here’s to everyone who thought that we’d never last, that we’d fall out of love with each other.”

Then, with his free hand, he reached across the table and held mine. I entwined my fingers with his, never hesitating, never wavering.

His voice was husky and quiet, soothing and calm, entirely Doojoon. “And here’s to love, to you and I, to this little family and to the fact that I love you so much.”

A tear fell from my eye, a tear made of emotion, made of pure happiness.

“I love you too, Yoon Doojoon. I love you so much.” I whispered back, feeling like the happiest person in this entire world.

Life was perfect.

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