✌REVIEW - 花樣年華: To You (by TeaMinT)
✔✔TRAVERSE SHOP - REVIEW & PROOFREAD✔✔Story title:
Author(s):
Genre(s):
Angst
Story Status:
Ongoing
No.of Chapters:
3
Category:
Multi-Chaptered
(One-shot series)
(One-shot series)
Total Points:
49/60
TITLE: 5/5
I knew it. When I saw 'To You', it's gotta do with letters. The title is kinda okay but it isn't that eye-catching, and at the same time it is because of the Kanji characters. Unless if they're ARMYs, they'll immediately recognize the Kanji characters as 'The Most Beautiful Moment In Life' (which I found out that '花樣年華' is actually an idiom)
To me, when I saw this title months ago,even when I created this account lol it didn't catch my interest + and it's Angst and I'm not really into Angst because I don't angst-y when I read those wtf am I emotionless omo i guess it's part of being an intj.
To me, when I saw this title months ago,
DESCRIPTION/FOREWORD: 7/10
Don't get me wrong, but the Description's pretty deep and I can sense the Angst oozing from those quotes. However, there's one problem:
It failed to deliver the story. Conflict's clearly on a vacation (unless they'll read the story and find the conflict therejust chilling)
It's too short for it to reveal not-so-much of the plot. I've seen alot of stories like this that has vague, unclear Description and I immediately leave it. To some readers (probably) and I, it's a turn-off.
An averagelol reader, after reading the Description, will probably say, "I'm not playing guess-what's-happening-in-the-story-game here. Give me my storyline/plot so I will know wtf I'm going to read about." Sure, you catched their interest with the title, but the Descripiton...
Can't really give advice on the Description since I at making stories, let alone a Description.
It failed to deliver the story. Conflict's clearly on a vacation (unless they'll read the story and find the conflict there
It's too short for it to reveal not-so-much of the plot. I've seen alot of stories like this that has vague, unclear Description and I immediately leave it. To some readers (probably) and I, it's a turn-off.
An average
Can't really give advice on the Description since I at making stories, let alone a Description.
PLOT: 7/10
The plot's deeper than Namjoon's dimple I mean, in every oneshot, they've got this separate, little plots that if connected together, it's pretty deep, so I'm gonna focus on the bigger one. So far on Chapter 3, BTS was together and then one day, for some unknown reason, they parted (I guess it's part of growing up?), went on their own ways. And then... what's next? Are they going to get back together? Or does it exist for the sake of Angst again? I'm kind of lost there.
Also, this story can be classified as Mystery...
Also, this story can be classified as Mystery...
Flow of the Story: 4/5
Story progression's progressing good, and there aren't many distractions that is threatening the flow of the story. Although, there are few, repetitve words that ruins the flow of the story instead of serving as an emphasis to a thought.
CHARACTERS: 9/10
Characterization's really good! The way you expressed the characters' thoughts was just amazing. You really showed the characters' personalities well. I don't expect any character development here because a) it's Angst (what do you expect) and b) it's a one-shot series, not really chronologically in order, but somehow linked to each other.
I don't see much of the distinction between the characters' voices and that is confusingaf when I'm trying to figure out who's the mystery writer. Like, having a distinct voice can give us hints as to who is the mystery writer.
This is how I understand the characters' personalities (so far):
Jungkook's that type of guy who feels like a loner (I can relate so much ;_;) and an outcast.
Taehyung's that suicidal person who hides his trueself behind a mask (o yea i can relate and lived in guilt (proven by the fact that he felt free after learning that he isn't a murderer).
Jimin's that person who's forced to do this, um, 'work'omfgodzilla are you implying that Jimin's a-? Like, a? Jimin, whatever you do, you won't get your jams back xD and I can see form his behavior that he's secretive and reserved (he doesn't reveal much things to Taehyung especially, even about his um, *cough* job...)
They're the only three that I can make an impression of because it's just still 3 chapters...
I don't see much of the distinction between the characters' voices and that is confusing
This is how I understand the characters' personalities (so far):
Jungkook's that type of guy who feels like a loner (I can relate so much ;_;) and an outcast.
Taehyung's that suicidal person who hides his trueself behind a mask (
Jimin's that person who's forced to do this, um, 'work'
They're the only three that I can make an impression of because it's just still 3 chapters...
WRITING STYLE: 4/5
'His heart shattered, like a thousand petals drowned in crimson leaves.'
And
'The memories haunted him, the present mocked him, and the future abandoned him.'
If this isn't poetic and descriptive, I don't know what is.
To put it simply, the Descriptive writing's incredible, and I can see that you focused on the characters' thoughts more than what's happening around them. And I noticed that you used the repetition technique to evoke emphasis that I don't see much in the other stories...
'That person was amazing. He was someone Jimin would like to get close to. He was someone Jimin looked up to, that one person who inspired him to push himself out of his own comfort zone. He was the one person who gave Jimin the strength to live out of his boring, monochrome life...
And
'The memories haunted him, the present mocked him, and the future abandoned him.'
If this isn't poetic and descriptive, I don't know what is.
To put it simply, the Descriptive writing's incredible, and I can see that you focused on the characters' thoughts more than what's happening around them. And I noticed that you used the repetition technique to evoke emphasis that I don't see much in the other stories...
'That person was amazing. He was someone Jimin would like to get close to. He was someone Jimin looked up to, that one person who inspired him to push himself out of his own comfort zone. He was the one person who gave Jimin the strength to live out of his boring, monochrome life...
Grammar: 4/5
There's the usual incorrect tense of verbs, some errors in Parallelism, and some missing words throughout the story but other than that, the spelling's good.
E.g. 'Not when he has a promise that was yet to fulfil. Not when he had a wish that has yet to fulfil... Not when their dreams have yet to fulfil should be Not when he has a promise that was yet to be fulfilled. Not when he had a wish that was yet to be fulfilled. Not when their dreams have yet to be fulfilled.
E.g. 'Not when he has a promise that was yet to fulfil. Not when he had a wish that has yet to fulfil... Not when their dreams have yet to fulfil should be Not when he has a promise that was yet to be fulfilled. Not when he had a wish that was yet to be fulfilled. Not when their dreams have yet to be fulfilled.
Satisfaction: 9/10
To be honest, I felt the angst, especally Jungkook's and Taehyung's story since I can relate to them (somehow). I once felt an outcast because I was that quiet person who just stayed in the background and no one wanted to talk to me. I once had these 'how to kill yourself in 1000 different ways' thoughts whenever I'm depressed, too. In result, I felt sympathy for them.
lol no I didn't cry. I have a reincarnated Yoongi for a heart xD
I'm gonna share my thoughts on the mystery person... I'm torn between Yoongi and Namjoon, but I'm leaning on Namjoon's side, since in Chapter 2, it's implied that hyung has a deep, husky voice. Also, in Chapter 1, he's the wise one. He's also the type to curse and say 'brat' or 'kid' (though Yoongi can qualify as this too).
I'm gonna share my thoughts on the mystery person... I'm torn between Yoongi and Namjoon, but I'm leaning on Namjoon's side, since in Chapter 2, it's implied that hyung has a deep, husky voice. Also, in Chapter 1, he's the wise one. He's also the type to curse and say 'brat' or 'kid' (though Yoongi can qualify as this too).
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