January 15th 2016

To my beloved ex.

How have you been? Have you been eating well? I've heard so many good things about you. You're becoming big in japan...see your dream is coming true. I guess you've been too busy to reply to my texts, emails and phone calls for the past 7 months...

You should know, I'm a mess. 

A complete mess.

There's an ice box where my heart use to be...you left with my heart 7 months ago and nothing has been the same. I can't wake up and smile, i just dread the day coming towards me. I've become so isolated from the world, i barely leave my room. I only go out when i have to, meaning practice and shows.

Do you know how hard it is to hold a fake smile in front of a camera? To pretend I'm not suffering with depression? Having the guys tell me "There will be other girls" or "Chaneyol, everything will work out." and here i am 7 months later, still on anti- depressants, still crying every night, still regretting waking up in the morning.

I guess you don't know because I see you smile on every billboard, every advertisement, every screen smiling without an issue. You've already had 2 boyfriends since you left... am i really that easy to forget? Did 3 years with me just get wiped from your memory? Did i really mean that little to you?
But there i go again talking about my feelings...

I know what I did was inimical. I don't know what came over me...So I'll start sending these letters and hope for the best, or at least a reply.

I miss you...

Please come home….

Love, your ex-fiancé.
Park Chan-yeol.