Seunghyun straightened up from where he was leaning on the railing of the balcony when he heard the glass door, followed by the screen, sliding open. He smiled when Seungri stepped out, the younger man looking toward the sky and breathing in the night air as if he was trying to escape the loud music and body heat from inside the apartment.

“Hey,” the older man greeted with a smile, placing his cigarette to his lips to take another drag.

“Hey,” Seungri answered, sliding the door closed behind him as he approached the railing, eyes staring out at the skyline. There wasn't a trace of his trademark smile.

Seunghyun was taken aback by the lack of emotion in the younger man’s voice. Usually Seungri’s greetings were bright, full of energy and intensity. Instead, the maknae stood there in the cold night with his hands shoved into his jean pockets, shivering in his t-shirt.

“Where’s your jacket?” the rapper asked, taking one last pull from his cigarette before dropping the and stamping it out.

“Couldn’t find it,” Seungri smiled, it looked forced, uncomfortable.

“You okay?”

The younger man shrugged.

“What’s wrong?

“I just--”

The glass door sliding open again caught both of their attention, the sounds of the party inside escaped into the open air as several people stepped out, chattering in loud voices. Seunghyun turned back to Seungri, wanting to ask the question again, but the younger man’s interest was already pulled away.

The moment was gone.

The younger man joined the conversation of the newcomers, his voice energetic and full of life once more. Seunghyun watched, trying to decipher the smile on Seungri’s face, wanting to know if it was genuine or not. He debated lighting another cigarette, but the balcony was getting crowded and he didn't like being backed into the corner of the small space.

Stepping inside, where the warmth of body heat whispered against his face, he wondered what the younger man had wanted to say.

-

Seunghyun was about to leave when he heard the commotion, the shouting from the back hall of the apartment. Curious as to what could be happening to have so many people crowd around such a small area, he made his way back, trying to see past the other guests.

He heard the voices first.

“You think that’s funny?” he could recognize Jiyong’s voice anywhere.

His heart pounded in his chest as he stepped closer, the crowd slowly parting for him as he pushed through. He already had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as to who their leader could be yelling at.

“Say something!” Jiyong’s hands were twisted in the collar of Seungri’s t-shirt, forcefully slamming the younger man against the wall where his head smacked loudly against the solid surface.

“Hey!” Youngbae appeared in a flash, shoving himself between his two friends, “Break it up!”

Anger flashed in Jiyong’s eyes as he lashed out, uncharacteristically livid. He swing a fist at Youngbae, who leap back to get out of the way. He swung a second time, aiming at Seungri, who stood stock still, head snapping to one side when the leader’s fist connected with his cheek. It was in that moment, when Seunghyun realized that their maknae wasn’t going to fight back, that he stepped in, pushing Jiyong forcefully away from the younger man.

“What’re you doing?” the oldest hissed, unable to stop the venom from seeping into his voice. His own anger was building, forcing adrenaline to pump through his veins, hands balling into fists, ready for a fight.

The leader glared, as if he were contemplating his next move. Instead of striking, Jiyong threw his hands up in frustration and walked away, elbowing people out of his way.

“Jesus,” Youngbae was the first to speak, already at Seungri’s side, a hand on the younger man’s chin, holding his head up, trying to inspect the damage. A bright red mark was already darkening on the maknae's face.

Seunghyun felt useless, unable to do more than ask, “Are you okay?”

But Seungri didn’t answer. He just stood there, back pressed firmly against the wall, staring ahead as the crowd around them began to disburse, letting Youngbae fuss over him.

-

Seunghyun didn't know how, but Seungri ended up at his apartment, even though it was late and all he wanted to do was fall into bed.

The two of them sat on the couch, in the dark, watching a show on the TV. The glow of the screen illuminated their faces and he could almost see a ghost of a smile on the younger man's lips when something funny happened in the show. In the eerie light, he could also see the dark bruise that was blossoming on the maknae's cheek, swollen and unsightly against his pale features.

"You're not okay," it wasn't a question, more of a statement, but Seunghyun had to get it out there.

"I guess not," Seungri said, his eyes never leaving the screen.

"Will you, at least, tell me what's going on?" the older man raked a hand through his hair, uncertain of how to proceed from this point on. He hadn't seen Jiyong so angry - practically raging - in years. The fact that the fury of their leader was directed at the maknae made the situation all the worse.

It didn't make sense to him. It seemed so out of nowhere.

"It's complicated," the younger man answered.

"Seungri," the rapper tried again to draw out something more, something he could use to lead the conversation.

"Can we not?" it was a demand, firm and unrelenting. Seunghyun almost flinched when he saw the way the maknae's eyes were focused on him. But then those eyes softened, glimmering with an emotion he couldn't identify, "It's been a rough night, hyung."

That gave him pause, "Okay."

-

"You're a liar!"

Seunghyun blinked several times, feeling his heavy, tired limbs protest against his movements. He pushed himself up onto one elbow, looking around the dark room as he tried to blink the sleep from his eyes, realizing he had dozed off on the couch. The television was off, but he could hear a hushed, angry voice speaking.

"Why would you say that?"

Seungri? He sat up further, trying to determine how long he had been sleeping as he strained to pick up more of the conversation. But all he could hear was the rain pounding against his windows, an absolute downpour outside.

"Don't hang up on me! Don't yo-"

"Seungri?" he called out as he got to his feet, unable to stay still any longer listening to the tone of the dialogue. It was an obvious argument. He saw the younger man step out of the bathroom, but couldn't see his face, "Everything okay?"

"I should go," the maknae's voice was soft, raspy, as if caught in his throat.

"You should stay," Seunghyun said, without thinking, "It's raining out."

But Seungri only shook his head, rushing out the door before the older man could protest.

-

"Is Seungri with you?"

"No. Why?" Seunghyun couldn't help the unease that bubbled up in the pit of his stomach. It had been a week since his encounter with Seungri. He certainly hadn't expected Youngbae to be the one calling to ask about their youngest.

"He was supposed to meet me today," the younger man answered, concern could be heard in his voice, "He just never showed up."

"Try Jiyong? He may know." Despite the fight, Jiyong was still their leader and would likely have a better idea of where their maknae was more than any of them.

Youngbae made a noise on the other end of the line, something Seunghyun couldn't interpret over the phone, "I'll try Daesung. Later, hyung."

The rapper stared at his phone for a long moment, uncertain if he had missed something along the way during that conversation. Something seemed really off and he couldn't put his finger on what it was.

-

Seungri showed up on time for an interview they had been scheduled for and Seunghyun immediately felt those previous feelings of dread drain from his body when he saw the younger man's face. But the relief was short lived when he saw how exhausted the maknae looked, dark eye circles so prominent that the makeup artist was complaining the entire time about how hard they were to cover up.

"Sorry, noona," Seungri kept apologizing, giving a weary, lopsided smile.

And Seunghyun wondered what could be the life out of their maknae.

-

The interview went well, all of them were themselves in front of the camera, but Seunghyun couldn't help but notice the way Jiyong's eyes narrowed or how the leader huffed, nostrils flaring, when their maknae would take charge of the questions or do something to lighten the mood.

The set was filled with laughter, but Jiyong's eyes were ice cold daggers.

"Why do you always say such useless things?" the leader cornered Seungri when they finally made their way back to the dressing area.

"Stop," Youngbae didn't hesitate to speak up, a hand placed firmly on Jiyong's shoulder, trying to pull him back, "Not now."

"He needs to grow up and stop being an embarrassment."

"Hyung!" Daesung sounded scandalized, gaze darting to where Seungri stood.

The youngest was silent, staring down at his shoes. Seunghyun could see the way the maknae's hands curled into fists, shoulders trembling. He wanted to step in, defend their youngest, but he was pinned in place by his discomfort over the whole scene unfolding in front of him.

"Whatever," Jiyong breathed, shaking off Youngbae's hold on him. Before stalking away he threw Seungri one more scathing look, "Absolutely worthless."

Seunghyun had never felt a stronger urge to punch someone in the face.

-

They all waited anxiously for Seungri at their photo shoot location. No one could reach him. Every call went straight to voicemail. They tried calling the maknae's manager, but it was the same story.

No one would answer their calls.

It was unnerving.

Seunghyun watched Jiyong, who was pacing. The leader was gnawing at his thumbnail, a nervous habit that came out when his anxiety levels were high. The older man felt a sense of satisfaction at the sight, unable to feel anything else given the way Jiyong had acted the day before . You had better worry after everything you said to him yesterday.

After more than an hour of waiting, they decided to do their individual shoots first. They told the staff that Seungri could start when - if - he made his appearance soon.

All of them noticed how empty the entire set felt as they got into place, even if no one spoke of the fact. The vast amounts of space felt suffocating without their maknae there to ease back the silence and fill the void with his presence.

During his time in front of the camera, Seunghyun would occasionally look toward the door, hoping to catch a glimpse of Seungri walking in with an apologetic look on his face for his tardiness.

But the youngest never showed.

-

Emergency meeting. 9AM sharp.

Seunghyun stared at the message on his phone, unable to fathom why Yang Hyunsuk would be texting them in the middle of the night. As far as he knew, none of them had done anything wrong.

It caused a feeling of dread to settle low in his stomach, making it hard for him to sleep.

-

"What's he done now?" Jiyong was the first to speak, noticing that the only person missing was Seungri. His voice was full of irritation.

But then Hyunsuk was shooting the leader a sharp look, making them all fall silent. Seunghyun couldn't help but feel pleased at the way Jiyong deflated under that harsh gaze. The leader knew he shouldn't have spoken so hastily when those eyes landed on him. The delight the rapper felt in taking in that small scene almost made him smile inappropriately.

The office was silent for several long moments.

"Seungri's been hospitalized," the director's words hung in the air. It took a moment for them to sink in as the group members all looked at one another in alarm. Seunghyun noticed how all their gazes lingered on Jiyong for a moment longer than they should have. "We'll be releasing a statement and putting group activities on hold for a while."

"How long's a while?" the leader asked, his tone far more timid, but the annoyance was still there.

"As long as it takes," the firm tone in which those words were spoken left no room for argument.

When no one else spoke, Seunghyun cleared his throat and took a tentative step forward, "What happened?"

"I think it's better if he tells you himself," the director said, his features softening, suddenly looking tired, "It's better that way."

-

Seunghyun wasn't ready for the shock when the nurse from the front desk led him to the area of the hospital that looked after psychiatric patients. He almost made the nurse stop when they went through the double doors into the ward, wanting to tell her that she must have made some sort of mistake.

But then he was being led to a private room where Seungri's familiar figure was sitting on the bed, eyes focused on the television mounted on the wall. The older man thanked the nurse and slowly stepped into the room, stopping in his tracks when the younger man's red rimmed eyes turned to him.

"Hyung?" Seungri's voice was small and soft, so child-like that Seunghyun wanted to rush forward and pull the maknae into a tight embrace. He held himself back, still not knowing what territory he was in.

"Hey," the rapper greeted, trying to smile, but the corners of his mouth refused to cooperate.

The younger man shifted, pushing himself up higher on the bed. That was when Seunghyun saw the bandages spanning down Seungri's left arm, from his elbow down to his wrist. He must have stared because seconds later, the younger man started to pull up the bed sheet to cover himself, looking embarrassed.

"Seungri," Seunghyun breathed, his chest tightening at the sight before him.

The younger man bit his lip, eyes averted, "Are you disappointed?"

"Why would I ever be disappointed in you?"

"Because I can't do anything right."

Understanding clicked with those words and he could no longer keep himself from taking long strides to Seungri's side. He pulled the younger man to him, hugging him tight, surprising the maknae, who stiffened momentarily in his arms before relaxing into the hold.

"I'm sorry," Seungri breathed, his head resting on the older man's shoulder.

"Don't say that," Seunghyun held on tighter, "Just don't."

-

"This is your fault!" Seunghyun found a strange delight in the way Jiyong flinched away from him. He had never been one to raise his voice, but the anger that was building inside was too much to take. He grabbed the younger man by the collar, shaking him, as if it would knock some sense into their leader, "What's wrong with you?"

"He already had issues," Jiyong retorted, though there wasn't much fight in his voice. He couldn't meet the taller man's eyes, gaze fixed on the ground.

"That's not an excuse," the older man shoved the leader away, disgusted with the disinterest in the younger man's voice.

"His head was always a little screwed up."

"So what? That just means you took advantage of that for your own screwed up agenda!"

"I didn't know he'd do that," The next words out of Jiyong's mouth were hardly louder than a whisper, "I just - I just wanted him to stop."

"Stop what?"

"Loving me."

And just like that several pieces of the puzzle started to fall together in Seunghyun's mind. The argument, the sadness and awkwardness, the endless streams of insults, daggers and sharp barbs coming from Jiyong's mouth at every turn.

Jiyong was trying to push Seungri away in the only way he knew how. By hurting Seungri.

Just like how he had hurt all his other exes.

"You're literally the worst person I've ever known," Seunghyun had to close his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose to try and keep the headache he was developing at bay.

"It's not my fault," Jiyong's eyes were averted, words holding no conviction.

"Shut up."

The rapper stormed out, unable to look at his friend any longer, fearing if he started for another second he would do more than just yell and shove.

-

"He's really quiet these days," Daesung said, picking at the salad he had ordered, "I can hardly get more than a few words out of him at a time."

"Mmm," Seunghyun agreed.

"I miss his smile," the younger man's voice was filled with grief, "I really miss his laugh."

Seunghyun does too - miss those things - because he often, perhaps too often, visited Seungri, hoping to catch a glimpse of the energizer they were all so used to. But usually the maknae just looked tired, worn out and distant, so silent that it was as if he were a ghost in his own home.

"I wish he would just talk to us," Daesung's lips were set in a frown, glaring at his food like it had offended him.

"That's what his therapist is for."

"Do you think it's really helping?"

"I don't know."

-

When Seungri laughed for the first time in weeks, Seunghyun felt his heart flutter in his chest like a caged bird. Despite the fact that the younger man was laughing because the rapper had managed to smack his head against one of the cabinet doors he had left open in his search for plates, the sound, so sweet and sorely missed, made his chest swell with a mix of happiness and relief.

The younger man was covering his mouth, stifling the soft laugh as he leaned against the surface of the dining room table, a familiar spark in his eyes.

Seunghyun took it upon himself to exaggerate his movements just a little more, rubbing his head and wincing, "Ow!"

"Hyung, are you alright?" the maknae asked, his words caught in his laugher.

"Your cabinets are too low!" the older man couldn't contain his own laugher, though the spot on the top of his head sure did sting from the impact.

"Or maybe you're just too tall," Seungri approached him, looking like a child dressed in his too big sweatshirt. The younger man made the rapper lean down, inspecting his head, the maknae's too long sleeves brushing against his face. Seungri giggled, a soft, beautiful sound, fingers gently probing the smarting spot on Seunghyun's head, "You're fine."

"Whatever," Seunghyun gave the younger man a playful shove.

The maknae shook his head, giggling behind his hand, "Bingu."

And he had never been more happy to hear that nickname.

-

"So, you and Jiyong," Seunghyun tried to pick his words carefully, shifting his attention away from the cheesy movie they were watching to look at Seungri.

"Don't," the younger man said.

Their eyes met and Seunghyun couldn't deny the hurt that he saw. A part of him wanted to keep speaking, to ask all the questions he's had pent up since this whole scenario started to play out, but then Seungri was leaning closer. Without prompt, the older man lifted his arm and slung it over the maknae's shoulder, pulling him in close.

Seunghyun tried to pull his focus back on the screen, but all he could feel was the heat of Seungri's body against his, comfortable and warm. His heart raced in his chest at the contact because it felt intimate.

It felt, almost, romantic.

-

It was starting to become a habit for Seunghyun to show up at Seungri's place with take out and a movie in hand. He often searched for comedies to watch, hoping to catch Seungri laughing or giggling. Even a glimpse of a smile was enough.

"Why do you visit me so much?" Seungri asked one day, looking up from his position on Seunghyun's lap. The maknae had gotten into a comfortable routine of being close to the older man, more often than not resting himself against the rapper while they watched whatever was on the television.

"What'd you mean?" Seunghyun asked, pressing pause, not wanting to miss the next scene of the movie.

"You know what I mean, hyung."

"I like spending time with you."

"That's all?"

"That's all."

"Really?" there was a hint of suspicion on Seungri's voice.

"What's this about?"

The younger man pushed himself up, scooting further away from the couch. Seunghyun instinctively wanted to reach out and pull the maknae back into his embrace, but kept his arms at his side, knowing now was not the time to react in that manner.

Seungri bit his lip, worrying the soft flesh for a moment, "You're not just here to..."

"To what?" the older man couldn't fathom what the maknae was trying to say.

"To make sure I don't do anything stupid?"

"Seungri," Seunghyun reached out then, pulling the younger man to him, holding him in a tight hug, "Why would you think that?"

"That's what he used to do." Hands grasped the fabric of the rapper's sweatshirt as the younger man took a shuddering breath, "Because I'm not stable."

Seunghyun didn't have to ask to know who he was. He simply tightened his hold on Seungri, wondering how hard it would be to make a violent act look accidental.

"When did that start?" the older man asked, gently carding his hand through Seungri's hair.

"A long time ago."

"How did you manage to hide it from us?"

"I'm a good actor," Seungri laughed, humorless.

"Don't do that," Seunghyun placed his hands on either side of the younger man's face to look into his eyes, "Please, don't do that."

The younger man's eyes searched his, brows furrowed, "Do what?"

"Pretend like it's okay. Because it's not."

"Hyung."

Unable to stop himself, Seunghyun leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on Seungri's forehead. When he pulled back, he could see the younger man's cheeks were flushed, a steadily brightening pink.

"No more pretending," the older man breathed.

And Seungri smiled shyly, eyes alight with a familiar fire, "Okay."

-

Seunghyun isn't sure how he got convinced to attend a party in a club that was far too loud and filled with people for his liking. Perhaps it was the way Seungri asked, after weeks of staying in, or the way the younger man's eyes lit up when he agreed. Whatever it was, he found himself regretting the decision as he sat in a far corner, in a plush booth, trying to figure out a tactful way of leaving.

"Do you want to go?" Seungri was at his side, leaning in close to shout the question in his ear.

He could only nod, putting down his glass of water.

The younger man held up his hand, "Wait a minute, bathroom first."

So he waited, watching the throng of people dancing, mulling about, talking with friends. As his eyes scanned the crowd, a flash of brightly colored hair caught his attention. His attention was immediately drawn to it because of how familiar it felt. Standing to get a better view, Seunghyun's breath caught in his throat.

It was Jiyong.

Jiyong who was heading towards the restrooms and likely to run into Seungri.

Damn, the rapper cursed as he pushed his way through the crowd. He didn't know what would happen if the two met, but he certainly didn't want to find out. Damn. Damn. Damn!

His progress was slowed by familiar faces greeting him, wanting to pull him aside to talk. He hated to be rude, but he brushed them all off, his mind set only on one destination. He headed down a darkened hall, where the signs all pointed toward the restrooms. The music was less deafening there and he could already hear voices, angry voices.

"Get away from me!"

Seunghyun turned the corner just in time to see Seungri push Jiyong, the shorter man's back colliding firmly with the wall in the cramped space. The leader immediately struck back, pressing his body against the younger man's, forearm tucked under the maknae's chin, pressing against his throat.

Seunghyun felt as if time stopped, watching as Jiyong forced his lips on Seungri. He could practically hear the sound of protest that rose from the maknae's throat.

"Hey!" the rapper reached out, yanking the leader away from Seungri, "Get off him!"

Jiyong's eyes were wide with surprise when he turned to face the older man, but they immediately narrowed, hands coming up to shove at the taller man's chest, "Stay out of this!"

Seunghyun could smell, very acutely, the alcohol on the leader's breath. His hands curled into fists of their own accord and he boldly took a step forward, feeling the adrenalin pump in his veins, ready to bash in Jiyong's face.

"Stop!" Seungri shouted, shoving himself between the two older men, hands forcefully pushing Jiyong as hard as he could, "You're drunk!"

"Seungri!" the leader exclaimed, hands reaching for the maknae.

"No," the younger man stepped away, his back pressing against Seunghyun's chest as he did so. The rapper felt a shiver travel down his spine at the contact, "You can't do this to me anymore, hyung."

The formality in Seungri's voice made Jiyong freeze.

"We're done," the maknae said, grabbing Seunghyun's hand, pulling the taller man away from the corridor.

Seunghyun could hear Jiyong calling out to Seungri, but the younger man kept tugging him along, back to the dance floor and all the way toward the door, practically sprinting away from the place.

-

"Youngbae knew," Seunghyun couldn't believe how long it took him to notice, the revelation making feel a sense of discontent at just how out of the loop he had been all this time. "Did Daesung know?"

Seungri, who was pressed as far into the corner of his bed as he could get, legs drawn up, arms hugging his knees, shook his head, "He didn't know."

"How long?"

"A long time."

"Seungri."

The younger man took a deep breath, his face practically buried in his arms, "Practically since the beginning. We called it official a couple of years ago."

"You guys weren't just fooling around all that time?"

The maknae laughed then, "Hyung, did you really not notice?"

"I can be pretty dense."

"I can see that."

"So, what happened?" Seunghyun could already see the wheels turning in Seungri's head, knowing the younger man was about to deflect, stop the conversation in it's tracks. So, he sat on the bed, scooting as close as he could to the maknae, their shoulders touching, "Please, let me in."

Seungri's body relaxed a little then, placing his head on the rapper's shoulder, "I don't know what to tell you."

"Why's Jiyong acting like this toward you?" the older man couldn't stop the way his arm automatically went to wrap around the makane's shoulder.

"It's always like this. One moment he's hot and the next he's cold."

"It's happened more than once?"

"It's the same each time, but..." Seungri took in a shaky breath, his voice wavering, "He's never been this cruel."

As much as Seunghyun wanted to seek more answers, the way the younger man was clinging to him, eyes watering, he knew better than to continue. He rubbed his hand soothingly over the maknae's back. He hadn't seen Seungri cry in such an open way for years. The sight absolutely broke his heart.

"Please stay?" Seungri asked, his red rimmed eyes looking up at the older man.

The maknae looked so young in that moment. So vulnerable.

Seunghyun couldn't find it in himself to refuse.

-

Seunghyun couldn't sleep.

He had his arms wrapped around Seungri's waist, the younger man's back pressed against his chest. He was comfortable, warm, listening to the even sound of the younger man's breathing in the darkness of the room. But sleep was eluding him.

He knew he should close his eyes, try to catch some shut eye, but his heart was fluttering in his chest and a strange feeling of butterflies in his stomach made him feel uneasy.

It's just cause of all the time we've been spending together, he told himself. He tried to slowly slide his arm out from under Seungri, but the younger man only shifted closer in his sleep, making a sound of dissatisfaction. And Seunghyun couldn't help but tighten his hold on the maknae, feeling himself flush at the action.

He felt like a teenager holding his girlfriend for the first time.

-

"Thank you."

"For what?" Seunghyun looked up from his tea, looking at Seungri who sat across the table from him.

The younger man was smiling, bigger than he had in ages, "For putting up with me."

"Don't say it like that."

"Why not?"

"Cause I enjoy my time with you."

Seungri's smile only got wider, his eyes bright and lively, "I enjoy my time with you too."

Out of courage, or perhaps necessity, Seunghyun reached his hand across the table, tentatively placing his fingers on tope of the younger man's hand. The warmth he felt, the tingle of sparks that traveled through him made him hold his breath. When the maknae didn't pull away, instead turning his hand palm up, Seunghyun felt his own smile spreading across his features.

They sat there, sipping their drinks, holding hands.

It wasn't much, but neither needed more than that in that moment.

And that was alright.