Edited (by EPIC older sister babyboyjeonghan): 14/05/16

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He felt sick to the stomach and couldn’t even bear to look at the food set in front of him.

Regardless, he crammed small morsels into his mouth, knowing that he would probably faint later if he didn’t.

He greedily guzzled the bottled water, crushing the bottle with his hand as he did so.

He pushed the half-empty plate away from him and walked to his room.

He noticed s shocked faces from his blatant lack of manners and respect, but he didn’t care.

He threw himself onto his bed, burying his face in his pillow.

He was grateful that s were giving him some space because it meant that he could cry in peace.

He was so sick of the lifestyle he had set out for himself, but he knew it was too late to change it, four years too late.

A few hours later his manager came in and tried talking to him, but it was useless because he wasn’t feeling particularly co-operative at the moment.

Thankfully, his manager quickly understood and left, but not before reminding him of the early start tomorrow.

He pulled off his jeans and shirt, not even bothering to shower.

After setting his alarm half an hour earlier so he could shower in the morning instead, he climbed under the covers.

Due to his troubled mind, he could only sleep for 10 minutes before he woke up.

He was mentally and physically exhausted but his mind was plagued with thoughts that wouldn’t let him rest easy.

He knew that him members were probably upset by his earlier actions, and guilt was eating away at him.

He sighed heavily before throwing the covers off and walking to the dining room, not even bothering to re-dress as he wasn’t showing anything that they hadn’t seen before.

Sure enough they were all still frozen in their seats, absent-mindedly staring at the table and the now cold food.

As soon as he stepped in the room eight pairs of eyes latched onto him eagerly.

He pulled out his chair and sat down, clad in nothing but boxers.

There was a heavy silence for a while and despite his best efforts, his eyes still wondered to the three unoccupied seats at the end of the table.

The empty seat stuck out like a sore-thumb in his eyes and they emptiness seems to perfectly represent the gaping hole in his heart, that only three certain people could fill.

He mentally punched himself and quickly re-directed his gaze to his lap.

It was late and for the first time in years, he let himself go and showed them just how much he was hurting.

As he sat there, shoulders shaking violently with his sobs he felt exposed in more ways than one.

s were frozen in shock by his sudden outburst and just stared at him.

Lay was the first to react and pulled him into his embrace, raking his fingers through his hair and murmuring soothing words in Mandarin in his ear.  

He tried to calm himself down but he felt like a dam had burst and it didn’t show any signs of stopping.

That night they all let loose the long held back emotions, screaming, crying and breaking the reminders of their pain.

Most importantly they talked, about the taboo subjects, about the members that they missed with every ounce of their being.

Even though they spent the whole night talking and were tired the next day, they knew it was worth it because they had never felt closer.