Jonghyun sat on his bed contemplating whether or not he should have a talk with Byunghun . Changhyun had fallen asleep snuggled to him yet somehow kept mumbling words to encourage his boyfriend .

After finally coming to a conclusion he would try his luck with Byunghun , Jonghyun carefully moved Changhyun so he was sleeping comfortably and left the room praying his target would be available and alone .

Much to his surprise , he noticed a figure occupying the couch on the living room .

Byunghun sat there , alone , his knees pulled up to his chest and head resting atop them . The place was almost dark and gave off a sad dull vibe .

Slowly , the younger made his way closer and finally flopped down on the chair next to the elder .

Jonghyun waited for Byunghun to acknowledge his existence but it never happened , save for the deadly glare the latter sent him as soon as he heard a soft thud on the puff chair .

He was glaring at him as if he was his love rival or something .

They sat in utter silence until Jonghyun could take it no more .

" Hyung . let's face it . you can't keep on acting like that !" He exclaimed out of frustration . Byunghun ignoring him finally got to him .

The elder made no response , he didn't even acknowledge the younger with a look .

For a moment , jonghyun thought his hyung wouldn't deign him with an answer until Byunghun finally spoke up .

" .. Like what ? " Meeting the other's eyes for a brief moment , he asked , opting for elusive and short phrases .

It took Jonghyun a second to process the question directed at him and again he found  himself raising his voice   .

" Like I'm thin air ! "

Byunghun huffed and averted his eyes elsewhere . Jonghyun resisted the urge to roll his eyes . He knew he had to be calm about it or else his efforts would all go in vain .

" look ! Think about it , if you were the one being carried , Chanhee wouldn't have felt jealous and overreacted like you did . you know why ? "

He didn't have to worry about Byunghun interrupting him because the said was in no mood to do so . The elder might  have wanted the conversation to come to an end soon and saw no point  in prolonging it . Jonghyun figured .

They both stared at each other , trying to read each other through the dark .

" Because he has immense trust in the both of us . To be honest , I'm slightly miffed you got jealous of me . "

At this point , Jonghyun wasn't sure why he decided to have this conversation in the first place , to play matchmaker ? Or to sulk at his hyung for offending him ?

Byunghun his lips and looked apologetic but said nothing . still , Jonghyun knew his words fulfilled their purpose .

" Hyung . I will never ever think of stealing Chanhee hyung from you . "

As if to further assure the elder , jonghyun said it plain and clear . Though such sentiments lost their meaning when said out loud .

" And I shouldn't have to say this . you should already know . "

He said dejectedly , half reprimanding before finally leaning on the backrest as if announcing the end of his speech  .

Byunghun's eyes slowly moved around as he prepared a speech of his own .He didn't enjoy ignoring the younger but really couldn't help it .

" jonghyun . Don't take it personal . I would have reacted the same way if it were Niel or Changhyun or even Minsoo hyung . "

He took a deep breath before adding

" I'm not usually like this and you know it . we have been doing fan-service ever since our debut and none of us had a problem with it but .. Lately , he has been distant , when we are alone or in front of the fans .. As an actual couple and as one shipped by fans , I feel like we are sinking . it's like he can't even bring himself to pretend in front of the fans .. "

Byunghun poured his heart out whilst Jonghyun listened , starting to realize that jealousy only constructed a fraction of the elder's depressed state .  

" Back then , in our debut days , we were so close . he used to stay by my side every single moment  .. One could hardly tell if it was fanservice or not because he was so .. Passionate about it . we used to be so bold .."

For a moment , Byunghun's eyes sparkled as he recalled those days but then his vision darkened and voice softened as though begging for those days to come back .

The younger listened intently until Byunghun mentioned that .

Well , maybe because back then they were young and childish and spontaneous , their actions could easily be brushed away as those of teens going hyper . But since they matured , they have to be more cautious of their surroundings and the consequences of their actions .

Just as Jonghyun was about to voice his thoughts , Byunghun spoke up again effectively dominating the flow of the conversation as he waved his hand dismissing any argument Jonghyun was about to utter

" And please don't tell me it's because we have grown up and that we need to tone it down in order not to cause a scandal . You and changhyun are too painfully obvious . Minsoo and Niel are doing fine ..  "

To say that jonghyun was surprised would be an understatement . how did Byunghun know he was gonna say that ??

Unless .. Unless he got fed up of that defensive speech .

Apparently , Byunghun never brought that topic up with any of them which means .. He had been conversing with himself , trying to come up with excuses for Chanhee's behavior until he got fed up .

Could it be ??

To go that far meant he had been over-thinking it enough to consider all the possibilities and slowly rule out each and every one of them .

honestly , he had a point .

If Jonghyun's argument applied to chanhee and Byunghun alone , then one couldn't trust its validity . Growing up , they have all been through that then why would it only affect chanhee ?

True enough , jonghyun and Changhyun never spared a moment to show how much they loved each other and never once had Top media warned them or put a limit to their skinship . Minsoo and Niel were rapidly progressing as well . No one dared spread rumors about them being homoual or anything . Never did they lose their popularity .

" we are the only ship that sank . I guess that speaks volumes ."

Byunghun concluded bitterly albeit calmly as if he had already surrendered .

He wasn't trying to gain Jonghyun's sympathy or even empathy but he really couldn't help it . He just needed to let it out .

" Everyday I wake up and expect everything to go back to the way it was but end up drowning in disappointment . "

Disappointment could be fatal . Sadness can cost you so much more than you actually think it could .

" I’m tired . I’m tired of feeling like this . I'm tired of waiting .. "

He felt broken and empty like he had been tolerating the pain for so long until he grew nonchalant about it . He was sad , terribly so .

However , not even a single tear managed to roll past his cheeks . which made him wonder whether  reaching the point of neutrality counts as good or bad .

Jonghyun though , felt at loss .

When he first planned to have a talk with Byunghun , he didn't expect such escalation .  he didn't know Byunghun's sadness ran that deep .

Once again , they sank into silence , this one even more intolerable , for now the truth was finally out in the open . There was nothing more to say .

Byunghun blinked , sighing along . He then stood up , bid the younger good night and retreated back to his room .

Jonghyun stared at Byunghun's retreating figure , frozen in more ways than one . He felt paralysed and helpless . His heart seemed to have frozen in agony as he thought of  the elder's feelings .

As soon as he reached his room , Byunghun noticed the other occupant of the room was already asleep . Unconsciously , he let out a sigh and then flopped on his bed facing the other side .

Next morning :

Changhyun and Jonghyun were the first to wake up , they headed straight to the kitchen and started preparing some light sandwiches all whilst chatting about random topics .

Put plainly , they represented the perfect healthy couple relationship .

“ Hey , love birds . Mind If I ate with you ? “

Chanhee emerged , hair disheveled and  whole aura screaming food .

Obviously , he didn’t wait until the other two responded . Instead , he helped himself to one of the delicious looking sandwiches on the table then turned around to prepare himself some coffee .

Jonghyun stared at the elder , mind replaying flashbacks of the conversation he had with Byunghun .  Changhyun noticed how his boyfriend somehow stiffened as soon as Chanhee came and couldn’t help but feel sorry for both . He knew all about it because Jonghyun told him , more like nagged about how they should be helping those two get back together  .

Sighing , Changhyun grabbed his yogurt drink and took a sip from it .

“ Ew . “

Seems like he forgot to shake it .

Just as Changhyun  was about to shake the said bottle , Byunghun emerged only to find himself showered in strawberry yogurt since Changhyun forgot to put the lid back on .

Changhyun gasped .

Byunghun shrieked .

Jonghyun’s jaw dropped .

And Chanhee stood speechless .

“ What the , Changhyun ?!!!! “

Byunghun yelled rubbing his face and glaring at the younger .

The others though , could barely contain their laughter , Chanhee included .

That made Byunghun even more annoyed . He cursed and went back to his room to get a change of clothes and take an actual shower .

When Changhyun and Jonghyun noticed Chanhee laughing , they got confused .

Chanhee should have been serious and wore a blank look . Right ? Since the whole situation involved Byunghun ..

“ Hey , hyung . Aren’t you going to .. you know . “ Jonghyun asked hinting the fact Chanhee should be patching things up between him and Byunghun .

“ Not yet . “ He simply stated , as though Byunghun was a child that needed to learn his lesson .

And in a way . He was .

A child that I love . Chanhee thought , a sweet smile adorning his face .

Changhyun and Jonghyun exchanged worried looks . Finally the youngest plucked up the courage to mention his previous conversation with Byunghun .

“ Hyung , I don’t think it’s just about him getting jealous of me . It runs way deeper than that . “

And so , Jonghyun started narrating the whole thing . After hearing the younger's words , Chanhee's face turned serious , the change in his expression accompanied with a deep sigh . He hadn't expected Byunghun to be sensitive about it . He had assumed , just as maturing changed him , it must have changed everyone else too . But now he realized how wrong his assumptions were .

" Look ! Jonghyun . I changed I know . I’ve matured , I’ve gotten calmer .. But that doesn't mean I care about him any less . “  Chanhee said in a relaxed tone , knowing that the topic of their conversation must be showering at the moment .

“ care ? “ Changhyun asked , finally involving himself .

“ Yea . I’m not gonna say anything about that other word . It is out of question .  “ Chanhee knew exactly how his words seemed cold at first and finally decided to assure them . They don't even have to ask about that since it's obvious how much Byunghun means to him . It's not just "care" .

The Changrick couple sighed in relief at that .

~ ♦ ~ 

Byunghun finally finished the totally unexpected shower he was forced to take and got out of the bathroom but then gasped softly .

He almost bumped into .. Chanhee who had a smile plastered on . well , not a normal smile , a mixture of a smirk , a grin and a smile .

Averting his eyes elsewhere once he realized such thing , he tried going left but Chanhee mirrored it standing in the way .

A coincidence maybe . relax . Byunghun chanted inwardly .

He squeezed his eyes shut and inhaled sharply before veering off to the right . However , Chanhee once again countered it preventing Byunghun from leaving .

" Excuse me ?! "  He didn’t bother hiding the annoyance in his voice . Seriously , this morning is already ruined enough .

“ Not until we talk . “ Voice soft , gentle and laced with a touch of seriousness , Chanhee uttered .

Byunghun crossed his arms and stood impatiently , eyes never meeting the other’s .

" Look ! I have changed and believe me , all of us had . It's almost imperceptible but it's there . And .. Whether those changes  are going in our favor or not is very debatable .. "

Chanhee spoke honestly then paused , trying to gather all that he wanted to say .

" However , I can safely assure you that no matter how much we grow up , no matter how much we change , you will never lose your place in my heart . "

Though Chanhee’s words were sweet and heartwarming , Byunghun didn’t want to make it easy for  the elder . And so he kept his face blank , as if those words meant nothing to him .

“ Great words , my friend . “ He mocked making Chanhee narrow his eyes in confusion and disbelief .

“ You are so much more than that , Byunghun . “ Now aggravated , Chanhee raised his voice a little . Damn , he didn’t want to get angry !

“ Oh ! My bad . Best friend then ? “ Once again , he scoffed before responding .

He then rolled his eyes and took two steps forward but Chanhee held his arms and pushed him back so they were once again face to face .

“ If you keep on acting like a child , I’m gonna be inclined to treat you as one ! “

Chanhee threatened , literally dropping the bomb .

This time , Byunghun’s scoff held a bitter edge to it .

“ How strange ! I thought you were already doing that . “

For the first time , Byunghun let their eyes meet as he said those words communicating how much anger , sadness and stress he had felt .

Chanhee gazed at the younger deeply then stepped closer and took him in his embrace .

It was met with resistance of course , albeit half hearted one .

Try as he may , Byunghun could never say no to Chanhee’s embrace . Not when he desperately craved it after spending so long deprived of any sort of affection .

The elder kept the younger’s hair , the unspoken apology concealed in such action .

They may not be the healthiest couple .

However , they took pride in the fact they always proved people wrong by sailing again every time  .

2673 words 

updated 29 june , 2016 . 

It has been a relatively long time since I last updated this or any  fic in general due to lack of inspiration and my co author being busy ain't helping  . Anyways I finally got some inspiration to write this and I hope you enjoyed this chapter ~

Oh ! I have recently published a new fic called “ A loving home for every child “ . Feel free to check it out .

The format it's written in is completely different from my other fics though .

I have also updated sanguine few days ago .