J O N G I N 

“Jongin! Stop!”

The calls to my name sounded distant. Like they were miles away from me. My brain felt foggy, unable to process anything else than what had been mentioned to me only minutes earlier.
My girlfriend of one year was in bed with another guy. How was I supposed to let that slide?
I was intoxicated; it caused my emotions to be much more intense than what they usually were. If I had been sober, I may have thought twice about what I might do. But the only thing on my mind was that I would be bashing the out of the guy who dared to touch her. I considered even giving my so-called-girlfriend a good smack to the head. How dare she lie to me face and have everyone do the same? I was a play thing to her, a dog who answered at her every command. The situation made me feel physically ill. The fact that I was already full of alcohol didn’t make it much easier to hold down the vomit that threatened to spill out, but somehow, I managed it.

I was halfway across the snow covered lawn when a hand pulled me back by the arm. Chanyeol. My best friend. “Jongin, you ing idiot, don’t you dare get in that car!”

“ off, Chanyeol! You ing lied to me, too, so go yourself!” I ripped free from his grip and made for a sprint to the car, the keys gripped tightly in hand so I was sure not to drop them. If anyone thought they were going to stop me… They were wrong.

I stumbled a few times before finally making it to the car. With some struggle, I got the door open and slipped in; locking it behind me as Chanyeol was hot on my heels. He banged against the window continuously as he shouted loudly and attempted to open the door. All of this had turned to white noise as I focused on putting the key into the ignition. It took a frustrating minute or two to finally get it in, but once I had; there was no looking back. I took off down the street, my foot to the floor. The only sound reaching my ears was the rev of the engine.

My hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly as I drove, the whites of my knuckles showed. The roads were silent, empty. It was late, the only lights on the road were mine, along with the odd house with their Christmas lights still up.

“Yeah...What a festive ing season.” I mused to myself. “Happy new year, Jongin. Your girlfriend cheated on you with some -” My sentence was cut short.

I had not seen the red stop light. Nor the car coming fast toward me.

How could I have missed the white lights? The blaring horn?

I hadn’t seen the red light, or the car. But I had felt the impact. The door pressing into my side, my head smashing painfully against the windshield. I was knocked unconscious, but not for long. I woke up on the road minutes later in agonizing pain, accompanied by a ringing in my ears. I didn’t have the courage to open my eyes to find out if the sound was coming from a car alarm or the ambulance out of fear that I would see my body, mangled, I only wished for it to stop. I wanted to laugh, though, Chanyeol’s face popped up in my mind, telling me “I told you so!” Though the next time I saw him, he wasn’t laughing.

Neither was I.

I had passed out from the pain once again before the ambulance had even arrived, and I was grateful for it. I suffered from a broken arm and some head injuries. The ringing in my ears had stopped… But it was only followed by silence. I never heard the monitor of my heart increasing as I watched the doctor mouth words to my mother. I never heard the sound of her sobs. I never heard Chanyeol say “it isn’t fair.” I only ever witnessed the looks on their faces as the doctor explained my condition to them.

I was missing out on something here, and why was it so damn quiet? I couldn’t figure it out and piece the puzzle together. But it finally made sense once the doctor scribbled something down on paper and placed it in front of me.

In messy hangul, it read: You suffered severe damage to the right side of your head. The left was not so bad… but the damage has caused permanent hearing impairment. I’m sorry that there is nothing we can do for you.

What a festive ing season indeed.