Sehun was probably the best brother anyone could ever wish for. Luhan believed that, except he didn't want to be just a brother to him. The former had no idea how the latter felt about him. Every little things he did for Luhan, Luhan could never forget. Because Luhan was so, crazy in love with his brother. 

"Are you okay, Luhan?" Sehun asked him when he was caught having a sore feet while walking up the hill. Luhan fell in love again with his simple gesture. "Get on my back, I'll carry you." And Luhan hesitated, but Sehun insisted anyway. They went home like that, with Sehun carrying him on the back, and him wrapping his arms around his older brother's shoulders. 

"Aren't you tired, Sehun-ah?" 

"No," Sehun replied breathily, obviously tired but determined not to give up. "Are you feeling better and relaxed now?"

Feeling bad, Luhan downcasted his gaze and said shyly, "It's not time to worry about me, you idiot."

"Just say some encouraging words, so that I won't drop you." 

"Encouraging words?" Luhan rested his chin on the elder's shoulder and whispered, "I love you, big brother." 

"Hey, how is that supposed to encourage me?" Sehun asked, laughing. 

"Don't you love me? Just say it, idiot!" Luhan argued, blowing air into Sehun's air. 

"Hey, no blowing." Sehun said. "I love you too. Happy?" 

"Very," Luhan simply said with a satisfied smile. "I love you, big brother." 

"I love you too, Luhan." 

The same words, but different meanings. They both loved each other, only differently. Luhan knew his own feelings were more to than stated, but Sehun had never imagined what Luhan imagined of them becoming. 

__________________________________________________________________________________________

"Luhan, I think I love her. This is serious... I really am in love with her."

It was when Sehun confessed something and made Luhan feel so depressed and broken. Luhan knew Sehun had been chatting with a girl online. He also knew that Sehun liked this girl, but Sehun was not ready for the long distance commitment. However, Luhan didn't see this one keeping. Sehun was in love with this woman named Airin. And he was dead serious about it now. 

"Really?" Luhan tried to sound happy, but his voice came out so hoarse and even disappointed. Maybe Sehun didn't notice. "How?" He didn't even know if it was appropriate to ask that or not. 

"I've never felt this before. It feels great and intense. And she loves me too, Luhan," Sehun said, smiling as he continued, "It feels amazing. I've always wanted to have someone love me and now I think - no -  I believe I finally found her."

"Really?"

"Last night, I found out she cut herself. I was so scared. I was so damn scared to lose her, Luhan. I never once imagined that she'd love me this much."

"Oh..." Luhan still couldn't process it. His mind was rejecting the information he heard. 

"Hey brother, you're gonna give us your blessings right? I need your support," Sehun said. 

"Is she...your girlfriend now then?" Sehun nodded at his question. "Really? That's good then... Of course, I will always support you." Luhan thought they wouldn't last long though. 

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Sehun was crying in their shared room. Luhan could hear him. Sehun was talking with Airin on the phone, crying about something, begging her not to break up with him. Luhan felt he was hit by hundreds of bricks. 

Sometimes he'd find Sehun in the kitchen or somewhere in the house, cutting himself with a knife. 

Luhan would think to himself: 'If she makes you cry, can't you stay with me instead? Can't you be mine instead?'

Then it happened again, and again and again. Sehun crying and cutting. Luhan was tired of it.

Sehun would cry because of Airin, and beg Luhan to help him out. Most of the time, he'd use Luhan's Facebook account to help save his own relationship with his long distance girlfriend. He'd lie sometimes, pretend to be sick, pretend to be at a hospital, and make his girlfriend worry over these stupid white lies. Sometimes Sehun would shout at Luhan, and tell him to just leave him alone. Then Luhan would try to help, and still receive nothing in return. Nothing but more pain.   

Sehun kept on telling him that he don't know anything about love because he'd never dated anyone in the past... Sehun kept on telling him that he was sure Airin was the one for him, his one true love. 

He even told Luhan once that he is a doctor of love, leaving Luhan with questions in mind: "But you hurt yourself because of love, don't you? How can you be a doctor of love when you can't even heal your own heart or fix your relationship with Airin like a man? How can you even say it's love if she's making you cry every single day? I am so tired of this, Sehun-ah. I am tired of your lies, excuses, wishes, and demands. But I want to fight for you... I still want to fight for you so let me be, will you?"   

He wished Sehun would apologize to him, but the elder wouldn't. Sehun didn't even know what he did wrong. Sehun didn't even know that his younger brother was hurting because of him. 

"Hey Lulu, come on, don't be mad at big brother anymore," Sehun said. 

"Go away," Luhan replied, covering himself with a blanket as he laid on his bed. He was crying underneath those sheets. But for sure, Sehun didn't know. 

The funny thing was, Sehun loved Airin too much.

Even though this woman made Luhan's big brother cry, she also managed to make her man the most inspired and happiest person Luhan knows. This woman was an inspiration to his brother. Luhan couldn't change that.

It was funny because Luhan loved Sehun just as much as Sehun loved Airin. It was funny because Sehun could actually die for h