It has been another long year, another agonizing birthday that Oh Sehun lets pass without confessing his feelings to his leader, his roommate, his most caring hyung. The day was, of course, filled with love, laughter, and celebration with all of s, but despite being one year older, wiser, and more mature, he somehow finds himself in the exact same place he was one year ago—in their shared dorm, biting back the words that his heart wants to say.

After arriving home from dinner, Sehun is quick to thank his brothers for all of the love he has received from them throughout the year and especially today, and takes first claim to the bathroom. A special privilege reserved for the birthday boy. Standing limply under the running water he can't help but berate himself, ‘What the hell is wrong with you, Oh Sehun? You are a grown man—you have been a grown man for years now. And you can't even gather up the courage to let the person that you love most know how you feel? What are you afraid of, being rejected? Actually, you know what? You deserve to be rejected. He is the person who gives you everything, has always given you everything, and even though you have nothing you can offer in return, you can't even do this for him. You can't even bare your heart.’

Frustrated with himself, Sehun shuts off the water using a bit more force than is necessary, quickly dries himself off and gets dressed before slinging the towel across his shoulders and retreating to his room—their room—to dry his hair. He is not met by any of the other members on his way and assumes that they have all retired to their rooms to relax until it is their turn to shower. He raps his knuckles on the door of Minseok hyung's room on the way to let him know he is up next.

Sehun should be expecting it, but he is still startled when he opens the door to his and Joonmyun's shared room to find the older boy sitting at his desk, room otherwise dark save for a single lamp on the table. The way the light illuminates only half of the older boy's face takes Sehun's breath away. "Oh, you are done already?" Joonmyun whispers, careful not to wake the other members.

"Yeah," Sehun responds at a normal volume. "You know, hyung, no one else has showered yet, so they are all still awake. There is no need to whisper." The smaller boy hums in acknowledgement and pats a space on the bed closest to the desk, beckoning the younger to have a seat close to him. Sehun complies, facing his hyung, knees bumping. "What's up?" Sehun asks, hopefully sounding nonchalant.

"Turn around, you big baby," Joonmyun commands fondly, hands steering the boy's shoulders for emphasis.

"Hyung, wha—" Sehun starts to protest, but his words catch in his throat when he feels the towel being pulled from his shoulders. Realization dawning on him, he whines "Hyunggggg, I'm not a baby anymore, you don't have to dry my hair!" He isn't complaining because he doesn't want Joonmyun to help him; he is complaining because he knows that if the older boy continues to spoil him, his resolve to hold back his feelings will deteriorate. Rapidly.

Joonmyun remains undeterred and all but forces the younger one to turn around, saying, "Sehun-ah, this is all hyung can do for you on your birthday, so let me, ok?" He thinks that this is all he can do or has done for me? Is he out of his mind? He has no idea.

Sehun pretends to reluctantly comply, and feels his hyung stand up behind him to be able to reach his head. Sehun has always liked to tease the older boy about his stature, so as Joonmyun starts massaging his scalp with the towel, Sehun can't help but to quip, "What, hyung, am I too tall to reach?"

The intended effect is achieved, as the shorter boy immediately ceases his movements. "Why you little—" he threatens, and goes to remove his hands from the taller's head. Thanks to his quick reflexes, Sehun is able to reach up to grasp both of Joonmyun's wrists in his hands before he gets too far away.

In a rare surge of confidence, Sehun keeps his hold on the older's wrists and yanks on them to wrap the older's arms around his shoulders, forcing him into a back hug of sorts. "Don't stop, hyung," Sehun pleads, "I didn't mean it, really! You know I love you." A moment too late he freezes, realizing what just slipped out of his mouth.

Thankfully, Joonmyun takes the birthday boy's words playfully, squeezing his arms tighter around the boy and murmuring, "Cute," into his ear before pulling back and resuming the massaging of his scalp. Minutes pass without a word being exchanged between the band mates, only Joonmyun's melodic humming of "My Answer" and Sehun's contented sighs filling the silence.

Once the leader deems that the maknae's hair is sufficiently dry, he turns his attention to kneading the knots out of the youngest's shoulders. "Sehun-ah, is there anything on your mind that you want to talk about with hyung?" Joonmyun asks. "You seem like you are carrying a lot of tension in your shoulders." Sehun tenses even more at the question, debating whether he should spill the beans once and for all. After moments pass with no response, the older boy tries again, "Sehunnie, did hyung do something wrong?"

That's all it takes for Sehun to break down. He quickly turns around to face Joonmyun, pulling him by the hand to guide him to sit on the bed next to him. "Hyung, you haven't done anything wrong. Have never done anything wrong. Could never do anything wrong, in my eyes," he starts his confession.

Joonmyun (understandably) looks perplexed, but before he can say anything, Sehun continues, years and years’ worth of thoughts and emotions swirling into a constant stream of consciousness. "Hyung, do you remember my birthday last year? When I posted that selca of us eating fruit in the kitchen?" he asks the older.

Joonmyun thinks about it for a second before raising an eyebrow and responding, "You mean the one you took while I was shirtless and had my mouth full of fruit? How could I forget?" He tries to sound angry, but Sehun knows better than to believe it.

"Yeah, that night. You asked me if there was anything I wanted to do before the night ended. Do you remember what I said back then?" the younger boy inquires next.

The older stares off into the distance, eyes darting back and forth and quickly murmuring words to himself as he tries to think back an entire year ago, an international tour ago, a plethora of memories ago. Sehun watches his bandmate's eyes narrow as he pinpoints the memory in question, and then widen in recognition when the memory is successfully retrieved. "I think...I think you said that as long as I am with you, you will be happy," Joonmyun reminisces. He reaches out to ruffle Sehun's hair and comments again that the maknae is so cute. His eyebrows furrow again, though, when he wonders, "Why do you ask?"

Sehun takes a deep breath before looking bravely into Joonmyun's eyes. Here goes nothin'. "I don't—I don't think that is enough for me anymore," he says, trying to keep the waver out of his voice.

Joonmyun draws away, the ever-present smile on his face faltering as he tries to wrap his mind around the words he just heard. "I'm...not enough for you anymore?" Despite still not quite understanding what the younger boy means, Joonmyun can't help but to feel a sting in his eyes, and also in his heart.

One look at his hyung and Sehun can see the way his words are coming across—wrong. . No. This is not the way this conversation is supposed to be going. "No, hyung, listen, that's not what I meant; that's not what I meant at all!" Sehun is quick to perform damage control. "Gah! This is so frustrating! Why can't I just say what I want to say?" he groans, pulling at his hair in frustration.

Sehun's hands are pulled away from his head and are wrapped in the warmth of the leader's smaller ones. Joonmyun reaches up to smooth the tangles out of the hair Sehun just messed up. "It's ok if you can't say it right now, Sehun-ah. You don't have to tell me if it's difficult," he soothes.

Sehun shakes his head vehemently, because he knows that it's now or never. If he is talked out of saying this now, he never will. "I have to tell you now, hyung, or I never will. And I can't take another year of keeping this inside me," he explains.

Joonmyun frowns. "You have been hiding something from me for a whole year?" he asks. He looks hurt, like the maknae doesn't trust him enough to share this part of him.

"Longer than that, hyung. I have been holding this in almost since the moment I met you," he reveals, heart pounding in his eardrums in anticipation of what he is about to say. "When I said that just being with you isn't enough anymore, I didn't mean that you are in any way not enough; that you are anything less than perfect; that you are anything less than everything I've ever wanted. I mean that it's not enough for me anymore to only be a dongsaeng to you, to only be the maknae to you. I want more than staring at your shoulders moving up and down as you sleep in your bed across the room. I want more than being jealous when you have unintentional skinship with the other members. I want more than loving you from afar, hoping that someday you'll wake up and magically realize that it's me. That I'm the one you want to have by your side. That I'm the one whose warmth you want to wake up with and fall asleep with every morning and night. That somewhere along the line, I became a man who is worthy of having and holding you; of loving you. I want all of those things and so much more, but I just haven't had the courage to tell you."

Well, there it is. Now he knows. Sehun pauses there to catch his breath, unsure of how he was able to reveal everything without reserve, without hesitation. He squeezes his eyes shut, not wanting to see the look of shock and disgust that he is so sure will be on Joonmyun's face. Twisting his fingers anxiously, his voice drops to a whisper and he apologizes, "I'm sorry to burden you with this, hyung..."

There is a shift in the air, one that Sehun is painfully aware of, one that he has been dreading for years. Silence passes for what seems like an eternity and Sehun mentally curses himself. . He's not saying anything. This is a rejection. I knew I shouldn't have said anything. Good job, Oh Sehun; say goodbye to your hyung.

Unbeknownst to him, a lone tear escapes his left eye and starts a wet trail down his cheek. It doesn't get far when it is stopped in its tracks, swallowed up by something plush and slightly chapped. Sehun doesn't need to open his eyes to recognize the feeling of Joonmyun's lips. The older boy's nose is also pressed against his temple, deeply breathing him in.

"Baby, don't cry," Joonmyun murmurs, "not because of me." The younger boy draws a shaky breath, hiccupping loudly. He wants to break down. He wants to wail and wallow in his sorrows about how he has royally screwed up. But a pair of strong arms wraps around him, pulling him onto his favorite person's lap, keeping him grounded against his favorite person's chest.

Sehun isn't quite sure what is happening, but his confusion is short lived, as Joonmyun launches into a monologue of his own. "Don't cry because of me, Sehun-ah," he repeats, rubbing circles in the youngest's back, "because I love you. I love you in the same way that I think you love me. I love you in the way that makes me want to be better each and every day. I love you in the way that makes me want to give you everything, yet it's never enough. I love you in the way that breaks my heart because I have wasted all of this time trying to protect you, but I ended up hurting you the most instead."

Joonmyun pauses here to calm his own breathing and sniffles before continuing, "I held my tongue before because you were so young, just a young boy, and I didn't want to abuse my influence as your hyung to make you have feelings for me that were not entirely your own. Who am I to take away your freedom like that? And our band...I had to protect our family. I still have to protect our family."

As Joonmyun stops to take another breath, Sehun seizes the opportunity to turn to face the older, pressing their foreheads together and gazing fiercely into the other's eyes. "I'm not a boy anymore, hyung," he states seriously.

The older looks back at him just as intensely and responds simply, "I know you're not."

Surprised by the lack of resistance, Sehun continues, "I am old enough to make my own decisions."

Again, he gets a concise response, "I know you are."

"I...I want to give us a try," he says timidly, much less confident than before.

Although he should've seen this coming, Joonmyun still isn't prepared to hear it out loud. Sighing in resignation, he replies, "I want that too, Sehunnie, but it's not that easy."

"Why not?" the younger whines. "I love you more than anything and you love me too, so why can't we try being together?"

"That’s not the world we live in, unfortunately," the leader's rational side reasons with the younger boy. "We have to consider how this would affect our group, our careers. What will our members think? Our management? Society?"

"I care about you more than I care about those things," the maknae mumbles, looking crestfallen. A pair of hands cups his face and gently caresses his cheeks.

"Hey, don't look like that," Joonmyun whispers, "I'm not saying that I don't love you or that I don't want to be with you. Right now just might not be the right time for us. Besides, do you really want to take EXO away from yourself, from the other members? Do you want to take the stage away from Jonginnie?"

Sehun sighs heavily, knowing that Joonmyun had brought out the trump card: Sehun would never do anything to take his best friend's happiness away from him, even if it meant sacrificing something that he wanted.

"Tomorrow," Joonmyun concedes. "Tomorrow we can think about talking to the others, but for tonight, let’s just savor our first night together, hm?" He releases his hold on the younger boy to turn down his bed covers, inviting him in. Sehun slips in easily, as though he has always belonged there, and Joonmyun isn't far behind. Their limbs intertwine naturally, finally achieving the touch they have secretly longed for all these years.

"Sehunnie," Joonmyun whispers into the crook of the younger boy's neck after a while.

"Hm?" Sehun hums in response, already half asleep.

"I love you," the leader states simply, sealing it with a kiss just under his chin.

"And I, you," Sehun replies sleepily, tightening his hold on the other. Silently, he thanks the heavens for allowing him to have this moment, this night to spend with the one he loves, who by some miracle loves him back. Silently, he thanks the heavens that he never has to spend another birthday alone.