October 2^nd, 2014

 

“Sir, would you like to order now?”

 

Do Kyungsoo looked up to the person talking to him, eyes darting from left to right nervously. He had never been good at talking to strangers, always a tad too shy and the blush on his cheeks too prominent.

 

“I’m… I’m sorry, my boyfriend still isn’t here yet. Can you give us a little bit more time?”

 

“I’m sorry, but it’s almost 11. Our restaurant closes in 10 minutes. I can make your order to-go though?”

 

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened in shock, and he looked around again, this time noticing how he was now the only customer left and the rest of the staff was already putting tables and chairs away.

 

“Oh no, I’m so sorry I didn’t…”

 

“It’s all cool,” grinned the waiter, the corners of his lips stretched from ear to ear, his mouth taking up a disproportionate area on his face. And his ears were way too large, thought Kyungsoo, overall scary in quite an endearing way.

 

“So would you like to order something? You’ve been sitting here for three hours, you must be famished,” another grin appeared on the waiter’s face, but this time his eyebrows are furrowed together in concern.

 

“No I’m okay, thank you though,” Kyungsoo attempted a polite smile, which came out more like a grimace because really, who could smile after being stood up on a date.

 

“I’m done in 10 minutes. I just need to change, I can walk you home, or the subway station, or wherever you’re going?”

 

Kyungsoo thought he saw a flash of pity in the waiter’s eyes, but he dismissed the thought with a hesitant nod. Do Kyungsoo had never been one for pity, but under the circumstances he would take what he could get, even if its company from a way-too-friendly Yoda-doppelganger stranger.

 

Only after the large-eared waiter sauntered away did the boy realize that his nametag read ‘Park Jongin’.

 

What a coincidence, Kyungsoo chuckled in amusement, because how many Jongins can there be? What Kyungsoo didn’t know was that when he finally came to find the answer to this question, he would be looking at a whole different world where things would be turned upside down and the name tattooed on his wrist might lose meaning forever.

 

But for now, for now he could afford to wallow in his heartbreak. Because really, he didn’t even know a quarter of it yet.

 

:::::♥ ♥:::::

 

January 13^th, 2014

 

Do Kyungsoo was beyond excited; it was finally the day. His day. ‘The Reaping’ was what the call it. For every registered citizen, it was the day after their 21^st birthday, the day when they would get up early, dress in their best formal clothes before making their way to the city hall where the name of their soulmate would be tattooed to their wrist.

 

Kyungsoo had gotten up at 3am today, or more like he hadn’t actually slept at all. He was too excited, too nervous and too jittery. He imagined what his soulmate’s name would look like etched onto his wrist; the cursive would wound along his veins and the ink would seep through his skin, imbuing his whole being with a magical bond that linked him to another person.

 

He wondered what his soulmate would look like, hopefully a little taller than him. Maybe with kind eyes, and broad shoulders that would engulf him in a warm hug. And an easy smile that showed all his teeth, because Do Kyungsoo could really fall for a smile.

 

He would too easily fall for a smile because Do Kyungsoo never had someone who would smile for him. Kyungsoo hoped, and prayed, that after 21 years things would change and he would have someone who he could call his own.

 

And so Kyungsoo made his way to the city hall with a smile, and two hours later he walked out with a smile, but now with a name drawn on his wrist: Jongin.

 

:::::♥ ♥:::::

 

October 2^nd, 2014

 

“Jongin? Where are you?”

 

“Hi, sorry hyung. I’m still at the company. I think I’ll be late tonight.”

 

“Do… Do you even know w-where I am right now?” Kyungsoo half-yelled into his phone, his voice breaking at every other syllable. How could Jongin forget? It was their 6-month anniversary. He had specifically booked a table at Jongin’s favorite Italian restaurant, only to be left waiting there for three whole hours. For the first two hours Kyungsoo had thought that Jongin was simply late, because he seemed to be late for a lot of things these days. And the last hour passed by in a flash before the large-eared waiter came up to him because he was too busy drowning in self-pity and despair.

 

“Sorry hyung, we’re really swamped with work right now, what with the design competition coming up and all.”

 

“But you could have called me! I’ve been waiting for…”

 

“Hyung, let’s just talk about this later okay. I’m really busy right now.”

 

“Jongin…”

 

“I’ll call you. Oh and I think my Reaping application came through the mail today. Could you fill it out for me? I’m really busy, thank you hyung.”

 

And just like that, the line went dead. Kyungsoo stared at the phone in his hands, he was angry enough now that he didn’t feel like crying anymore, which was actually a good thing because he wouldn’t want to start bawling in front of an expensive Italian restaurant anyway.

 

Only after the door opened and closed, and a person stepped into his line of vision did Kyungsoo look up to see grey eyes, a set of Yoda-like ears and a wide grin.

 

“Ready to go? Do you live in this direction? Also, I’m Park Jongin…”

 

:::::♥ ♥:::::

 

December 31st, 2014

 

Heaving two grocery bags, Do Kyungsoo carefully stepped into his apartment. Jongin was probably still sleeping, he came back pretty late last night from work.

 

It was New Year’s Eve today, so Kyungsoo decided to go out early to get ingredients. He had the whole night’s menu planned, Jongin had invited a couple of his friends over for the New Year’s feast, with promises of Kyungsoo’s scrumptious turkey dish and some homemade mandu’s for their Chinese guest Luhan.

 

After putting the turkey into the oven and making a hundred dumplings or so, Kyungsoo decided to give his arm muscles a rest and headed to the bedroom to wake Jongin up. It was past noon already, Jongin should really be awake by now. How late did he even come back last night?

 

But when the stepped into the bedroom, the sight that greeted him wasn’t Jongin’s lanky figure sprawled across the bed.

 

It was a vacant bed, clean sheets and a half empty wardrobe with a yellow post-it flattened on the night stand that read:

 

“I’m sorry hyung. I’m in love with Luhan. I hope someday you’ll find a Jongin that can treasure your heart.” – Oh Jongin

 

:::::♥ ♥:::::

 

March 27^th, 2015

 

It was an accident that Kyungsoo met his third Jongin. He was making his way to work, briefcase in his right hand and coffee in his left when pale guy with eyes glued on his smartphone bumped into him, spilling his piping hot coffee all over his chest.

 

Classic, muttered Kyungsoo, it would be so much romantic if his vanilla latte weren’t burning holes through his skin right now. The pale guy pulled out his hanky (who even carried a handkerchief anymore these days) and dabbed it on Kyungsoo’s dress shirt, apologies spewing out from his lips but the glint in his eyes seemed more amused than not.

 

“I’m so sorry, I was too engrossed in reading these documents I wasn’t looking at where I was going. Are you hurt?”

 

Of course I am, Kyungsoo wanted to say, but he was running late. And he would rather tolerate a coffee-stained shirt than to be late for his meeting, so he waved the guy off.

 

“Don’t worry, it’s all good. Just pay attention to where you’re walking next time!”

 

Kyungsoo was about to sidestep the stranger, but a firm hand landed on his wrist and held him back.

 

“Please at least let me pay for your dry-cleaning, and take you out for coffee, considering how it was my fault that you spilled yours.”

 

Smooth, Kyungsoo chuckled, now himself quite amused at the turn of events. He glanced back at the stranger, taking in his pale skin, high nose and tinted lips. He wasn’t much taller than Kyungsoo himself, but he wasn’t bad looking. In fact, the stranger was, for the lack of more suitable word, very pretty.

 

“Oh, and here’s my namecard. Please call me.”

 

And only after the stranger had left did Kyungsoo look at the namecard, eyes widening and lips forming a round ‘O’ in surprise:

 

Kim Jongin

Suho Corporation

Chief Executive Officer

 

:::::♥ ♥:::::

 

May 6^th, 2015

 

“Why am I here?”, said an exasperated Kyungsoo, glaring holes at the crowd in front of the nightclub.

 

“Because you’re my best friend, Kyungsoo. And it’s my birthday so you’re obligated to come celebrate with me.”

 

“You do realize that we’ve only known each other for two months, right Baek?”

 

“Two months and yet you’re calling me by my pet name already, I’d say we’re pretty close,” said Baekhyun who attempted a smooch on Kyungsoo’s cheek only to be pushed away.

 

“Yah, don’t be violent. And no touching my face, you’ll ruin my eyeliner!”

 

“Sure sure, birthday boy. Can we please go in now so I can pay for your Vodka-Coke then get out of here?”

 

“What, no, promise me you’ll stay at least until midnight? I need my wingman with me if I were to get lucky tonight! Please? Pretty please? It’s-my-birthday please?”

 

Kyungsoo heaved a sigh before using his whole palm to push Baekhyun’s face away from him (I hope his eyeliner got smudged, evil spawn with the creepy pout), but really he knew that he would stay, not just past midnight but past other things too.

 

Anything for the one person who hadn’t left him yet.

 

:::::♥ ♥:::::

 

October 2^nd, 2014

 

“I never realized Jongin was a common name,” said Kyungsoo casually, eyes darting to the large-eared waiter walking in step with him.

 

“I don’t think I’ve met another person named Jongin either,” said the guy quizzically, “Kyungsoo isn’t that common a name also.”

 

“My boyfriend’s name is Oh Jongin.”

 

“The one who stood you up,” said the waiter, the hint of pity was back in his eyes, and this time Kyungsoo grew annoyed at himself. He said too much already.

 

Sensing a change in the mood, the waiter started to steer the topic to something else, but not without an awkward ‘uhhh’ in between.

 

“So, what do you do, Kyungsoo?”

 

“I’m working as an illustrator at a nearby publishing company. It’s a small company though, so I wouldn’t say it’s the most lucrative line of work. But I get to work on children’s books, which is really fun so I’m not complaining.”

 

“That sounds cool,” said the waiter with a lilt in his voice, obviously more excited about the fact that he managed to steer the conversation away from awkward relationship topic to a more or less harmless one. “I’m part-timing at the restaurant. The rest of the time I’m a drummer in this indie called Exoskeleton, have you heard of it?”

 

“Sorry I haven’t, but I don’t listen to a lot of indie music…”

 

“Oh that’s okay, I’m their lead drummer. You should come to one of our performances someday? I’ll get you a backstage pass,” deep laughter rumbled from the waiter’s throat that gave Kyungsoo the suspicion that the indie band didn’t even have a backstage.

 

But he laughed along, more amused at Park Jongin’s loud guffaws than the topic of conversation.

 

:::::♥ ♥:::::

 

May 6^th, 2015

 

“One Vodka-Coke, please,” yelled Kyungsoo, hoping that the bartender would hear him through the loud Uptown Funk! playing in the background.

 

After finally managing to secure Baekhyun’s drink in both hands, Kyungsoo squeezed through the crowd to trudge back to the tall table in the corner where his best friend was standing.

 

“Here’s your drink, what are you doing?”

 

“Just people watching, scouting. I have a few targets in mind already.”

 

“Oh good for you,” chuckled Kyungsoo, not even trying to mask the sarcasm in his voice.

 

“Wait, Soo… That table on the left,” said Baekhyun, finger pointing to the corner where a couple of guys were sitting around casually, “the guy with purple hair kept staring at you… Is he interested? I don’t think he’s your type though, Kyung… Wait! Where are you going??”

 

Baekhyun tried to grab onto Kyungsoo’s shoulder but it was too late, Kyungsoo was already marching his way up to the table in the corner, with a look in his eyes that he had never seen before.

 

“Long time no see, Luhan.”

 

:::::♥ ♥:::::

 

May 6^th, 2015

 

If Kyungsoo were to choose an arena to confront and catfight with his old friend (read: ex-friend-of-ex-boyfriend), it would not have been in an alley at the back of the club. A flickering streetlight illuminated the surrounding, casting a sickly glow onto Luhan’s pale skin.

 

“It’s been a long time, Kyungsoo-yah,” whispered Luhan, eyes casting down to his feet, earning a scoff from Kyungsoo.

 

“I know you probably hate me, Kyungsoo, and you probably won’t ever forgive me for what I did, but will you please let me explain myself? I, you, you’re still very important to me Kyungsoo-yah.”

 

“Do you do it to people who are important to you, Luhan? Do you…”

 

“I’ve never wanted to see you hurt. I cared about you, Kyungsoo. I still do, please let me…”

 

“How long?” Kyungsoo cut him off, his voice so low that Luhan thought he had imagined it. But the way Kyungsoo seemed to coil into himself with fists clenched at his sides and eyes staring resolutely at his sneakers told him otherwise. This was Kyungsoo’s defensive position; this was Kyungsoo waiting for his answer, Kyungsoo waiting for the blow that would surely come because he had already known the answer.

 

“Three months,” a gasp escaped Kyungsoo, and he backed away, but Luhan’s hand clasped onto his arm. “I didn’t want to at first, Kyungsoo. I knew he was your soulmate, I’ve seen his name on your wrist, but I couldn’t…”

 

“You couldn’t hold yourself back, Luhan? You couldn’t keep yourself away? Were you that lonely that you would go for someone else’s soulmate? Answer me, Luhan!!”

 

Kyungsoo was no longer backing away. He was stepping forward, fingers grabbing the collar of Luhan’s shirt. He was angry, so angry; he had been angry for a long time, at Oh Jongin for leaving him, at Luhan for cheating with Jongin, at the Reaping for giving him Jongin’s name in the first place.

 

And most of all, he was angry with himself for losing his heart so easily, not just for anything but for a name. Just for Jongin.

 

Everything afterward happened so fast. One minute Kyungsoo was pressing Luhan against the brick wall, yelling at him at the top of his lungs and eyes gleaming with tears. The next, he was on the ground, clutching the left side of his face and tasting metallic in his mouth.

 

“Oh no, Kai, what are you doing…”

 

Kyungsoo glared up at his attacker, meeting a tall stance, dark skin and furious eyes.

 

“Do not touch Luhan, do you hear me?”

 

“Kai, it’s not what it looks like,” begged Luhan, desperation in his voice because this Kai person looked like he was about to assault Kyungsoo again.

 

“Please, Kai, listen to me. It’s not Kyungsoo’s fault. Please, come back inside with me,” said Luhan, dragging Kai through into the club again, but not before shooting Kyungsoo an apologetic look.

 

Kyungsoo would have scoffed, and laughed and yelled at Luhan, because one apologetic look did not change anything. But here he was sprawled on the ground in the dark alley behind a nightclub, and all he could think about was the look on that Kai’s face.

 

It was anger, hatred and animosity. It wasn’t a kind and smiling look that Kyungsoo would easily fall for, but somehow he found his heart beating loudly against his ribcage and a bright blush blooming on his cheeks.

 

(Of course it could have been the bruise from Kai’s fist colliding with his face, but really he just wasn’t thinking straight at all.)

 

:::::♥ ♥:::::

 

March 29^th, 2015

 

“Have you ever heard the story of how the soulmate system was invented?” ask Kim Jongin, who by now had told Kyungsoo to call him by his alias ‘Suho’. He was the CEO of his own entertainment company, appropriately named Suho Corporation.

 

“Not really,” answered Kyungsoo, more interested in the name hidden underneath his long sleeves than a history lesson, but he nodded nonetheless.

 

“It was a couple decades ago. You’ve heard the Republic’s 12^th President was the one who implemented the system right?”, Suho paused a little, waiting for a nod of understanding from Kyungsoo before he continued.

 

“President Lee’s daughter, at the tender age of 16, was in love with a young man. They went out, dated for a while, and she was happy. But then on her 21^st birthday, the day when she had been waiting for so long, when she was planning to seal their love and give him all of her heart and soul, she came back home to find him in someone else’s arms.”

 

Suho paused again, this time frowning slightly because Kyungsoo’s breath hitched and there was a cloudy look in his eyes. He wanted to ask if he was okay, but Kyungsoo simply waved him off, wishing nothing more for Suho to continue his story and letting him drown in his own thoughts.

 

“She was so angry, demanded how he could have done this to her. She had thought he was her soulmate, and yet he betrayed her like that. Her lover said that he couldn’t make a choice; he was in love with both people, and it was tearing his heart in two.”

 

Suho reached over the table, fingers interlaced with Kyungsoo’s, thumb gently rubbing the back of Kyungsoo’s hand.

 

“And in the end he really did tear his heart in two, with a knife to his chest and his two lovers grieving at his side.”

 

Suho turned Kyungsoo’s hand over, fingers dancing in his palm before making their way up and tracing the black ink on his wrist.

 

“And that’s why President Lee made the Reaping system, to match two people together so that this tragedy never happens again,” said Suho, his index finger now tracing the ‘J’ on Kyungsoo’s vein.

 

“But how could you know, how could you trust that the algorithm, or the magic, or whatever that they used to find your soulmate, would be true?”, his index finger now leapt across the ‘o’ onto the ‘ng’, a smile already forming on his red lips.

 

“Because Kyungsoo, I would rather choose for myself than let someone else do it for me.”

 

And Kyungsoo’s eyes widened when Suho withdrew his right hand, holding it up a little and pulling the long sleeve up with his left to reveal a charred wrist. The area where his soulmate’s name was supposed to be was singed black.

 

“I never looked at it. I cauterized it right after the Reaping. I don’t want to know who the person was before I met them, I guess I don’t even know if there was actually a name there at all.”

 

Suho smiled, and Kyungsoo chuckled. This Suho, this Kim Jongin was interesting, this Kim Jongin was exactly who Kyungsoo would imagine himself loving. And yet, when their eyes met and Suho’s crinkled in amusement, he knew that this wasn’t his Jongin.

 

Or maybe, he looked at Suho’s burned wrist again, there was a possibility that his soulmate wasn’t the Jongin he had been looking for at all.

 

:::::♥ ♥:::::

 

May 15^th, 2015

 

Kyungsoo had been waiting for a while now. It wasn’t that Kyungsoo particularly detested waiting more than the average person; the weather was nice, the park was nice, everything was nice, except for the fact that he was waiting for the man who cheated with his boyfriend and left him heart broken over half a year ago.

 

Luhan was really late, and Kyungsoo was growing more impatient by the second. He had received a text a couple days back from an unknown that turned out to be Luhan wishing to set up a meeting. Kyungsoo had contemplated ignoring the text completely, but he found himself texting back confirmation several hours later, unable to turn a blind eye on his ex-friend’s pleading message.

 

And that was how Kyungsoo ended up at the park, waiting for the purple-haired boy who was already an hour late. Just when he was about to stand up from the bench to go home, he heard frantic footsteps approaching him from behind.

 

Turning around and fully expecting Luhan, he almost let out an informal “why the hell are you so late Luhan” when two things held him back. First of all, he should not be speaking so intimately with someone who had hurt him so badly and who wasn’t his friend anymore.

 

Second of all, the person standing in front of him, bent forward with one hand leaning on his knee and the other clutching his chest as if he ran a mile in five minutes, wasn’t Luhan at all.

 

It was that dark-skinned full-lipped and tousle-haired stranger, the one by the name of Kai. It was the stranger who left him the nasty bruise on his left cheek that was now turning a yellow color of vomit, the same stranger who left him with a lingering blush at the of the nightclub and the same person who wouldn’t leave his thoughts for the past days.

 

“I’m sorr… sorry,” Kai managed to utter in between panting, “something came up so Luhan would be late. He sent me to make sure that you wouldn’t go anywhere because he wanted to talk to you.”

 

“Oh, okay,” whispered Kyungsoo softly, a little too surprised at the turn of event and Kai’s appearance to say anything else.

 

After regaining his breath and bearing, Kai stood up straight and extended his hand toward Kyungsoo, a serious look in eyes.

 

“I don’t think we were properly introduced last time. My name is Kim Kai. I’m a friend of Luhan’s.” There wasn’t a smile on his face, only a dark look that he gave Kyungsoo, as if telling him that he would rather be anywhere but here and talking to anyone else but him right now.

 

“Do Kyungsoo,” Kyungsoo shook Kai’s hand, awfully aware of how Kai’s handshake was firm and how soft Kai’s skin felt against his fingertips. He didn’t vocalize any of this, although he knew himself well enough to know that the tip of his ears would probably have been dark red in embarrassment by now.

 

And they were, not only his ears but Kyungsoo’s cheeks were red, too. If it was anyone else they would have teased and poked and made fun of Kyungsoo’s bright blushes by now. But this person, this Kai, on the other hand, simply brushed it off, lips pressing more tightly together in a grimace rather than a smile before wordlessly flopping himself onto the bench.

 

“I guess we can wait for him together,” said Kyungsoo awkwardly before sitting down next to him, eyes trained on the ground, not entirely sure what to do or say in this kind of situation.

 

A few moments of awkward silence passed before Kyungsoo gained enough courage to turn to his right, catching sharp jawline and the corner of thick lips in his field of vision. He gulped before turning back to stare at the ground again because somehow just looking at this Kai was making his heart do jumping jacks in his chest.

 

“I’m sorry about last time,” whispered Kyungsoo, “I shouldn’t have been rough with Luhan that night. I didn’t mean to hurt him…”

 

“No, it wasn’t your fault,” Kai turned to him, his lips were once again pressed together tightly, as if he was biting back his words.

 

“Luhan told me what happened between you two. It wasn’t pretty, but it also wasn’t my place to interfere,” Kai let out a sigh, his eyes narrowed a little before his index finger came up to gently touch the bruise on Kyungsoo’s cheek.

 

“And I’m sorry about that, too. I shouldn’t have punched you. It’s just that Luhan is a very important person to me, so I’m very protective toward him. I hope you understand.”

 

“Don’t worry, K-Kai,” Kyungsoo inwardly scolded himself a little for stuttering. It was the first time he said the other’s name out loud even though he had thought about him more than the appropriate amount over the past few days. And somehow the name felt sweet and smooth on his tongue, which made his heart clench a little.

 

“I hope someday Luhan will realize how you feel about him,” said Kyungsoo softly, the bitter taste gradually spreading in his mouth with each word.

 

“I think he knows though,” chuckled Kai, which earned an incredulous-turned-indignant look on Kyungsoo’s face. A frown made its way onto Kyungsoo’s complexion, and Kai tilted his head in confusion. If Kyungsoo weren’t so angry right now he would have noticed the beginning of a smile that was forming on Kai’s lips.

 

“He knows that you like him, but he’s still stringing you along? He’s dating Oh Jongin, Kai. How can he still make you stay with him like this when he’s dating someone else…” Kyungsoo cut himself off right there even though there were a lot of angry words left in his throat. He was slightly embarrassed of his sudden outburst in front of Kai, but he was more upset than mortified at the moment.

 

“I, I don’t like him that way though?”

 

It was now Kyungsoo’s turn to tilt his head in confusion.

 

“Luhan’s not your soulmate?”

 

“Oh no,” chuckled Kai, and this time the half smile that Kai sported sent Kyungsoo’s nerves into overdrive. His whole body started heating up, and soon he was burying his face in two hands, completely mortified and ashamed of his behavior.

 

“Luhan’s my childhood friend. We’ve been friends for a long time, so I think he knows that it’s completely platonic between us.”

 

“Oh I see,” muttered Kyungsoo, still keeping his face in his hands because he didn’t think he could handle looking at Kai right now.

 

“I’ve always been very protective of Luhan because of a lot of things that happened before, but I guess I got even more protective after that Oh Jongin’s stint.”

 

“What stint?” asked Kyungsoo, now looking at Kai again because the topic of conversation suddenly steered to strange territory. And although Kyungsoo wasn’t sure if he wanted to discuss his ex-boyfriend with the person who he was quite certainly having a crush on, he was too curious to say otherwise.

 

“You, you really didn’t know?” After getting a nod of confirmation from Kyungsoo, Kai continued, “Oh Jongin broke up with Luhan after his Reaping. Luhan was so happy last month, thinking that his name would end up on Jongin’s wrist…”

 

“But it didn’t,” let out Kyungsoo. It didn’t, and that was why Luhan looked so pale and broken the last time Kyungsoo saw him at the club. And that was why, the sadistic part of him reasoned, Kyungsoo was so willing to meet up and forgive Luhan, because he knew that they were in the same boat now.

 

“No, it was someone named ‘Zitao’. I guess Oh Jongin does have a thing for Chinese guys, except for you I mean…”

 

“I see.”

 

“He’s not doing that well,” whispered Kai, with a soft look on his face.

 

“I know, I won’t hurt him, don’t worry Kai.”

 

“Thank you,” said Kai, and a smile bloomed on his lips, making Kyungsoo happy and sad at the same time: happy because he finally got to see Kai’s smile, and sad because he wished that this smile was for him instead of Luhan.

 

In the end, Luhan never did show up to the park. He texted Kai to say that he got caught up at work because a coworker named Kim Minseok accidently messed up a bulk order so they had to redo all the paperwork. Kai apologized several times, seemingly willing to take the brunt of Kyungsoo’s anger of being stood up and vouched that he would get Luhan to come early next time, if Kyungsoo would please be willing to meet again.

 

So that was how Kyungsoo found himself walking back to his apartment, with another appointment set up to meet Luhan and a strange feeling that jolted his heart and churned his stomach every time he thought back to Kai’s smile.

 

And somehow, the knowledge that Kai’s beautiful smile would undoubtedly make it to his dreams tonight unnerved Kyungsoo, and patch of skin on his wrist where the name Jongin was tattooed itched and burned, and for the first time since forever Kyungsoo imagined how it would feel like to have another name etched there instead.

 

:::::♥ ♥:::::

 

June 17^th, 2015

 

“I can’t believe you’re a fan of Exoskeleton, Baekhyun. I didn’t even know they existed until I met the drummer.”

 

“Stop flaunting that you’re friends with the band, Kyungsoo. I’m so jealous already. Chanyeol is such a talented drummer, I want to squish his ears and cuddle all day long!”

 

“I don’t see how being a talented drummer and being your cuddling plushie are related, but okay Baek. But isn’t the drummer’s name in Park Jongin though?”

 

“Oh yeah, that’s his real name. His stage name is Park Chanyeol. His fans call him ‘Yeollie’ though, because he’s such a bumbling goofball.”

 

“I didn’t realize he had fans,” teased Kyungsoo as he tried to get out of Baekhyun’s vice grip, “okay okay, you’re his fan. I get it. I’ll take you backstage tonight so you get to meet your idol, happy?”

 

“Very happy! I’ll love you forever Kyungsoo! I love you! I love Park Chanyeol! I love Exoskeleton!”

 

:::::♥ ♥:::::

 

May 21^st, 2015

 

The purple-haired boy peeked into the coffee, immediately spotting his friend Kyungsoo sitting at the corner sipping on his vanilla latte. He slowly made his way to the table and carefully sat down, as if one sudden motion would upset Kyungsoo’s fragile semblance of calmness right now.

 

“Hey Kyungsoo.”

 

“Hey Luhan, you’re early!”

 

“Yeah, sorry about last time. I just got caught up with work, you know, clumsy-intern-who’s-the-same-age-as-you-but-it’s-awkward-because-you’re-his-boss and stuff,” laughed Luhan awkwardly, mulling over his sentence in hope that none of words would trigger Kyungsoo.

 

“You don’t have to be so scared around me Luhan. Didn’t you say I’m the squishiest person you’ve ever met?”

 

Luhan looked up in surprise to find a smiling Kyungsoo, eyes crinkled and lips forming that pretty heart shape that he hadn’t seen in a long time. And it was when Kyungsoo reached over to grab onto his hand that Luhan knew he finally got his friend back and that everything between them was going to turn out okay.

 

:::::♥ ♥:::::

 

May 22^nd 2015

 

And as far as old friends went, their conversation was light and comfortable. It was just like two people meeting at a coffee shop and catching up after being apart for a very long time. Kyungsoo had missed this a lot, Luhan had been such an important part of his life even though he used to only be a friend of his boyfriend.

 

Now, sitting here together like this, Kyungsoo realized that Luhan was no longer Oh Jongin’s friend, he was Kyungsoo’s own friend and that knowledge was something Kyungsoo that settled and calmed his heart immensely…

 

Until the conversation topic steered toward Kai.

 

“You know, Kai told me about his talk with you at the park. I’ve never seen him talk so highly about someone else before,” said Luhan mischievously, and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but feel warmth spreading through his chest.

 

Luhan, finally turning back to his usual comfortable demeanor, noticed the more than obvious blush on Kyungsoo’s cheeks and wasted no time to : “Oh, I see how it is. Do you like him, my Soo? Do you? Aw, you’re so cute and squishy!!”

 

“Hey shut up,” Kyungsoo tried to swat Luhan away but still couldn’t calm his raging heart or return his face back to normal non-salmon color.

 

“Aw, you guys are so cute. You should come over to my place some time, Kai is my roommate, so you guys could, you know,” Luhan attempted the most ridiculous wink before continuing, “get it.”

 

“There’s nothing to get, Luhan!” Kyungsoo sighed, his fingers ghosting over his wrist uneasily, “he’s not my soulmate, and I’m not his, Luhan. It’s not going to go anywhere…”

 

“But Kyungsoo,” Luhan grabbed his hand, eyes suddenly turning serious and suspiciously misty, “when did this name Jongin ever do you any good?”

 

Never, Kyungsoo wanted to say. But in the end, he stayed silent because how could one turn back twenty-one years of expectations to face the harsh reality: there might never ever be a Jongin in his life at all, and Kyungsoo didn’t think he torn and beaten heart could take it.

 

:::::♥ ♥:::::

 

November 27^th, 2015

 

“Yo Kyungsoo, Chanyeol- I mean Park Jongin is coming over for his birthday dinner. I honestly don’t know what to cook at all. Could you help me?”

 

Letting out a dramatic sigh and a ‘I’ll be over in 20’, Kyungsoo grabbed his jar of homemade kimchi along with his jacket before walking over to Baekhyun’s apartment.

 

Standing outside of Baekhyun’s place, Kyungsoo could smell something burning from the other side of that door, and he silently prayed that Baekhyun did not accidently set himself on fire.

 

 

 

 

“What are you making?” Baekhyun asked, tiptoeing to look over Kyungsoo’s shoulder to stare at the soup concoction in the pot.

 

“Kimchi jiggae. It’s not that hard.”

 

“It seems hard to me, do you stir clockwise three times then counter-clockwise six times?” teased Baekhyun.

 

“Do you think it’s too early?”

 

“Early for what?” asked Baekhyun, confusion laced in his voice, “too early to start cooking?”

 

“No, I mean, too early for you guys. You’re planning on asking him to move in today, aren’t you Byun Baekhyun?”

 

Baekhyun’s eyes widened, and then he nodded sheepishly after a moment, “Sorry I should have told you. I was really nervous and I guess I wanted to tell you after he said yes.”

 

“You know I would support you through anything, Baek. I’m just worried for you,” Kyungsoo held onto Baekhyun’s arm, thumb tracing Baekhyun’s empty wrist. “I just don’t want you to rush into anything just because you’re lonely.”

 

“You’re right, I am lonely and desperate, and I miss Jongdae terribly,” said Baekhyun, tears gathering in his eyes and fingers now clenched around his own wrist.

 

“Sometimes I wonder why we meet our soulmates just to have them ripped away from us. And sometimes Jongdae’s mom would call me; she would tell me how she dreamt of him and how his life would be if that accident hadn’t happened.

 

And sometimes I wonder how the soulmate bond could fade as soon as one passes away. I would have wanted, I would have treasured Jongdae’s name on my wrist even if he’s no longer here… But I can’t stay like this forever, Kyung.”

 

“I know, Baek, I’m sorry. If you like Jong- Chanyeol, then it’s enough for me,” said Kyungsoo, pulling Baekhyun into a hug. Baekhyun was crying and sniffling on his jacket, but Kyungsoo couldn’t care less, because if it was Park Jongin that Baekhyun wanted then Kyungsoo would support him whole-heartedly.

 

“Kyung, do you think that there’s really only one person out there for all of us?”

 

“No, I don’t, Baekhyun. Even if Chanyeol’s name wasn’t on your wrist, if you love him then it would be enough.”

 

:::::♥ ♥:::::

 

June 20^th, 2015

 

“Hey Kai,” said Kyungsoo, putting on his best smile as he followed Luhan into his and Kai’s shared apartment. Kai, once again, pressed his lips together in a tight smile, seemingly less comfortable now in both Kyungsoo’s and Luhan’s company than with Kyungsoo alone a couple of weeks before.

 

“Kyungsoo is here to cook for us,” announced Luhan cheerily, then proceeded to give Kyungsoo a tour of his own and then Kai’s (in Kyungsoo’s honest opinion chaotically messy) room. Kai tagged behind the two of them wordlessly, although Kyungsoo was still hyperaware of his presence behind him.

 

After the tour, Luhan led Kyungsoo to the open-spaced kitchen then proceeded to lay all the raw ingredients out on the counter.

 

“Uhm, so I wasn’t sure what you wanted to make, so I just bought a little bit of everything,” said Luhan sheepily as he reached into the cabinets to pull out a couple pots and pans as well.

 

“I was thinking some spaghetti tonight, I hope it’s okay with you and Kai?” asked Kyungsoo, eyes drifting toward Kai because, really, the question was obviously more for Kai than Luhan.

 

“Yeah, I like spaghetti,” said Kai softly from behind Kyungsoo.

 

“Okayyy,” drawled Luhan a little, “I have to meet up with Minseokkie a little bit. He’s struggling on his Excel sheet, but I will be back on time for dinner. Kai,” he pointed at the boy, “help Kyungsoo with whatever he needs. Have fun kids!”

 

After Luhan spazzed around a little bit to look for his laptop (which was buried underneath his pile of dirty laundry, unsurprisingly), he finally left for his meeting with his clumsy intern, leaving Kai and Kyungsoo awkwardly standing around the kitchen space.

 

 

 

 

“So,” started Kai slowly, “do you need any help?”

 

“Erm, do you know how to cook?”

 

“Not really, Luhan and I usually just do takeouts. I’m pretty sure he only bought these ingredients because you were coming over.”

 

“Okay,” sighed Kyungsoo, this was expected to be honest, “why don’t you come over here and stir this pasta for me. I just want it nice and soft, but not too soft okay?” said Kyungsoo, grabbing Kai’s wrist and leading him over to the stove. His heart jolted a little when he fingers wound around Kai’s arms, and he couldn’t help but feel surprised when he spotted Kai’s empty right wrist.

 

“Don’t, don’t be surprised,” said Kai, and Kyungsoo was intrigued by the hint of nervousness in his tone.

 

“Are you over 21?”

 

“I am, I’m over age, but I don’t have a name on my wrist.”

 

“So you’re like Luhan,” whispered Kyungsoo softly, which earned him a nod and a gentle smile from Kai.

 

“Yeah, I am. The Reaping is only reserved for registered citizen. Luhan wasn’t because it immigrated here without permission from his government, and I wasn’t because, well, because I was an illegitimate child, so my parents couldn’t put me on their registry.”

 

As Kai said this, his eyes almost glaze over and his head hang low, eyes trained at his feet. He had stopped stirring the pasta all together, but Kyungsoo didn’t mind.

 

Because at that moment, he realized that Kai’s cold and dark demeanor was just the result of his childhood, when he was looked down on and treaded on because of his name. He had built a wall around himself, and somehow the sight of him standing there with clenched fists and nervous eyes tugged at Kyungsoo’s heart so deeply.

 

So instead of backing away, Kyungsoo stepped forward, both hands clasp onto Kai’s wrist and staring directly at him: “It’s okay, I don’t care.”

 

And that was how the most awkward, most teary but also most beautiful kiss that Do Kyungsoo ever experienced happened: with Kai bending a little lower, a smile blooming so brightly on his face and chastely brushing his lips with Kyungsoo’s.

 

Kyungsoo couldn’t remember how his hands ended up behind Kai’s neck, or how Kai’s came to wound around his waist.

 

He also kept stuttering through dinner with excuses about why the spaghetti was so soggy, face blushing bright red under Luhan’s and his infamous intern Kim Minseok’s judging eyes. But everything was okay as soon as Kai reached over and interlaced their fingers.

 

Because as long as it is Kai, Kyungsoo doesn’t need any other Jongin in this world.

 

:::::♥ ♥:::::

 

:::::♥ ♥:::::

 

January 12^th, 2016

 

“I haven’t been completely honest with you.”

 

Kyungsoo eyes opened, squinting a little to adjust to the darkness and making out the figure of his boyfriend lying next to him. Kai sounded guilty, and Kyungsoo was worried, but he managed to calm his raging heart. Kai wasn’t Oh Jongin (cough, Oh Sehun), and Kyungsoo trusted him with all his heart.

 

“You know, the name Kai, it was a name that I gave myself after I ran away from home,” whispered his boyfriend softly, fingers tracing the veins on Kyungsoo’s wrist.

 

“I didn’t want to use my old name because I never wanted to associate myself with that family ever again, so I never told anyone, not even Luhan, what my real name was…”

 

Now this, this truly got Kyungsoo more curious than ever. He scooted a little closer, fingers laced with Kai’s, eyes wide open and expectant of Kai’s next words.

 

“But I’m going to tell you, because I… I love you Do Kyungsoo, and I want you to know who I really am,” said Kai as he looked down at their intertwined hands, a little self-conscious after his confession.

 

“Well that’s good,” said Kyungsoo, reaching his other hand out to gently touch Kai’s cheek, a warm smile spreading on his face, “because I’m in love with you, too. I love you, Kai.”

 

And as Kyungsoo tried to lean forward to kiss his boyfriend, Kai held out his arm to hold him back, eyebrows furrowing a little bit in what looked like guilt.

 

“You might not love me after I tell you this…” he hesitated a little because continuing, “my real name is Kim Jongin.”

 

“What?”

 

“Kim Jongin. The name on your wrist, it’s me. I’m sorry Soo, I’m sorry that I haven’t told you even though we’ve been together for so long. I’m sorry I knew that you’ve been searching for your Jongin forever, but then you had to settle with me. I should have told you before, but I was nervous, what if…”

 

Kai’s, or Jongin’s actually, rant was cut off when Kyungsoo’s lips crashed onto his.

 

“Don’t be sorry,” Kyungsoo murmured in between shared smiles and kisses, “because I love you no matter what your name was. I wasn’t settling with you, Kai, I’m so happy to be in love with you! Even if your name didn’t appear on my wrist, I would still have loved you, my soulmate.”