Sehun first met him at the age of six. He reminisced the moment he first laid his eyes on him. He simply thought the other was a girl – huge circled pair of glittering eyes, puffy cheeks and long brown hair. It wasn’t until the other spoke that Sehun was taken aback and his cheeks began to heat up, both of his cheeks visibly showing a reddish tint. Sehun averted his gaze to look away and bit on his bottom lip.

He said his name was Luhan, his angelic voice still perfectly clinging in Sehun’s mind as if it was yesterday. He was the son of their household’s butler – Mr. Xi, who had worked for them for about ten years as Sehun could remember his father had told him. Apparently, the men of the Xi family had been employed as butlers for many centuries. The next in line was Luhan – hardly eleven years old.

Luhan was definitely taller, Luhan was definitely older, Luhan was definitely not a girl but Luhan was pretty. Sehun admitted that to himself. A huge smile plastered upon Sehun’s face when his father told him that Luhan was to become his personal butler. Sehun had to cover his face when he was certain he saw Luhan smile. Sehun’s parents weren’t surprised that only after a few days, Sehun and Luhan were close as if they had known each other for a long time. They communicated through actions rather than words, though Sehun would tease Luhan about his Chinese accent and mimic him once Luhan finally took the chance to speak Korean. Luhan would whine for a while, but thinking he was just a butler, he let the younger have it his way.

Precious little Oh Sehun loved the way Luhan called his name. It was so soft that Sehun imagined it to be as soft as the clouds in heaven, and so he cuddled with Luhan, as if he was a big fluffy cloud. He loved it when Luhan treated him like a baby, and was always stuck close to him in case someone was to bully him.

“Don’t come near me, or else Lulu will come and hit you!” Sehun had used to say while sticking his tongue out like a little brat, finishing it off with his infamous puckered lips.

Entering a private school in Gangnam meant rich kids going to school together. It wasn’t talk about being the brightest in class, but more like having the most money in the family’s bank account. Jongin, Kim Jongin, was one of those kids. Sehun thought he was the most evil person back then. He was a spoiled rotten brat who thought he was better than everyone else, because his appa apparently was the richest person in the world. His appa owned this and that, and his appa was jjang. Jongin ruled as a king at school, just by the age of six. Sehun thought it was pathetic, but he kept his mouth shut.

Thank God there was Luhan to protect him.

“I want to be a pilot,” Sehun had said as they were lying in his bed. Only after ten years of his existence, Sehun had decided that he wanted to be a pilot. Luhan understood why – mainly because his room was full of airplane models. He even had one of those airplane toys, which you stick on to the ceiling with a thin rope and then it would fly in circles. “And then we could go to wherever we want Lulu,” Sehun continued as he laid his head on Luhan’s stomach, grinning perfectly like a child while following the toy’s every movement.

“Will you fly me home whenever I ask you then?” Luhan teasingly asked, his delicate fingers caressing the soft locks of Sehun’s hair. Frankly speaking, Sehun would have his dreams crushed due to his parents’ demands and expectations. They were lawyers who took over a family business, which had existed for many generations – Sehun was inevitably bounded to be a lawyer.

Sehun nodded enthusiastically as he met the gentle eyes of Luhan. “To anywhere you want, Lulu. Just you and me.”

“Well then Oh Sehun-ssi, do you promise me that?” Luhan let out a soft chuckle.

“I promise.” Sehun dozed into his own mind and imagined both of them going to several of places as the airplane toy buzzed in circles above them.

           At the age of sixteen, Luhan’s father passed away. Sehun was only eleven back then, but he remembered Luhan’s loud and heartbreaking grief over his father’s death. It was a sad and silent day in the Oh household. Sehun’s father requested silence in the house as a token of respect for Mr. Xi. Only candles were lit that night. Sehun felt the pain as Luhan cried loudly; the amount of tears didn’t seem to stop flowing down his cheeks as he held onto his father as if it was the end of the world. The word bába repeatedly escaped Luhan’s mouth in the most painful way, which made Sehun end up crying silently to himself. Sehun’s heart ached for the first time.

That night, Luhan slept in Sehun’s bed and for the first time, Sehun felt as if it was his turn to protect Luhan. The older didn’t talk, but Sehun understood and stayed silent. Sehun felt awkwardly stiff, but Luhan was finally sleeping as he was cuddled onto Sehun’s body. Slowly, Sehun wrapped his arms around Luhan and closed his eyes.

“Good night, Lulu.” He whispered.

There was no reply, but Sehun understood.

It became frequent for Luhan to sleep in Sehun’s bed after that incident. There were no questions asked, but simply both knew that they would be sharing the same bed. Sehun would never tell his parents though, because then Luhan would have to move to his room. Secretly at night, Luhan would sneak his way to Sehun’s room and be welcomed by a childish boy’s humongous grin, which made his eyes disappear.

In bed they would tell each other stories, though it was mostly Luhan telling all the stories as Sehun listened and played with Luhan’s soft hair. Luhan told stories about everything his imaginations could bring and Sehun loved it. Sehun loved it, not because of the stories, but he loved listening to Lulu’s pleasant and smooth voice. It was so smooth that Sehun compared it to an ice rink he perfectly glided on. And then he would feel so cold by thinking about it; he would cuddle onto Luhan’s warm body.

On one of those nights, Sehun innocently kissed Luhan on the lips. Nothing else was said, but smiles were visible on both of their faces.

It was a smile Luhan would never forget, because sadly, it gradually vanished.

            High school came and Luhan began seeing changes in Sehun. The airplanes no longer interested the young master, as they were stacked in boxes and moved to the loft. The promise of taking Luhan around the world never came out of Sehun’s mouth anymore. But he still thought Lulu was pretty. He loved Lulu’s long brown hair; which had grown so long that it reached down to his shoulders. Naturally, it became a habit for Sehun to tie Luhan’s hair into a ponytail. Only because Sehun liked it that way, Luhan kept it that way. Luhan looked stunningly beautiful, so innocent within those eyes that seemed to only be glittering on one person, but that person never appeared to look back at him the same way.

Sehun was gradually becoming taller and his voice had evolved into a darker tone. He didn’t embrace Luhan as much nor did they sneakily share Sehun’s bed anymore. Sehun became a quiet person; he preferred watching by the sideline instead of talking. The bubbly Sehun he was used to be around no longer existed.

There was a time in Sehun’s third year, when Sehun went into rage, as Kim Jongin made his worst move and had laid his eyes on Sehun’s most precious possession. Luhan. Jongin, still feeling rich and craving for everyone’s attention, was intrigued by Sehun’s butler. Jongin thought he was bewitchingly beautiful; so beautiful that he wanted to lay his hands on him.

The rich boy began to send Luhan suggestive glares, even to the point where Sehun would notice it. But that didn’t stop Jongin as he eventually approached the butler, in a way that Jongin would have – rough and directly. When Jongin finally had the chance and Sehun was out of sight, he grasped Luhan’s delicate hand and pulled him to the male’s toilet; shouting for the others to leave. Luhan wasn’t weak, or a damsel in distress for the sake of it, but Jongin seemed too strong for a high school boy. He pinned the butler against the wall and forced a wet kiss. Jongin’s hands acted desperate as they crawled against Luhan’s body, until he fiddled to open the butler’s white shirt. But it only stopped there, due to an enraged student named Oh Sehun, who pulled Kim Jongin away from his butler and punched the out of him.

Luhan viewed Sehun with new eyes as a young man that day.

Of course, there was no doubt that Luhan was Sehun’s best friend… but then Tao came along. Tao was silent, just like Sehun. That was probably the most reasonable explanation to why they became good friends. Tao, just like Luhan, was Chinese. He was a transfer student who didn’t say much and just stared with his glaring eyes. Tao was often misunderstood. Students among the prestigious high school of Gangnam sent out the rumors of him being the son of a Chinese Mafia don. Though Sehun, who always saw things dissimilarly, viewed Tao in a way unlike the others. He was one of the few who actually had the guts to converse with Tao, asking the Chinese student if he was indeed a son of a Chinese Mafia don. Tao shook his head lightly and a soft laugh escaped his lips. To Sehun’s surprise, his voice was lighter than he had expected.

“My father is a Fashion designer, and my mother owns one of the most successful bakeries in China,” Tao had said, obviously eager to finally speak with someone. To think of it – Sehun thought that Tao was cute, but nothing compared to Luhan. Beyond any reasonable doubt, Lulu was the cutest.

But time passed and Tao stole a part of Sehun and Luhan’s relationship. Sehun no longer needed Luhan as much as he did before. There was always Tao beside him. The secrets they used to tell each other became infrequent. Sehun stopped looking for Luhan as he usually did. There were no longer nagging coming from the young master. Tao became the one Sehun shared his laughs with and Luhan was pushed aside.

Sehun was growing up, while Luhan held on to the past.

“Sehun, you know you can tell me anything, right?” Luhan softly spoke up while he dragged the curtains away from the window. He peaked to see Sehun’s upper body, which had escaped the warm embrace of the blanket, as it was just covering his lower part; his toes sticking out at the bottom. The sun highlighted the features of Sehun’s existence and Luhan lost control of his own pair of eyes, as he glanced at the young master’s milky skin. He could hear his own heart thump.

“I know, hyung.” Sehun grunted a reply, clearly not wanting to wake up just yet.

Luhan bit on his lip. It tasted blood. His heart broke into a dozen pieces, because that was the first time Sehun called him hyung.

           College was a huge turn in Sehun’s life. Reality slapped his face as his parents began demanding and ordering him around. Expectations grew bigger and bigger, and there were no way Sehun could escape. Unruly fights and arguments became a daily routine for Sehun, as his parents kept pressuring him. The words law, business and family engraved deeply in his head – obviously because his parents wanted him to focus on those exact three things. But what else could he do? Leave home and cut off all the contact? Reality wise, Sehun was pampered with money from the day he was born.

All Sehun could do was cry in his room. Luhan would come in hug the young master, but no words were said. Anyhow, there was no need for words. Though deep inside, Luhan wished there were more moments like this. He was longing for Sehun.

In time, Sehun stopped tying Luhan’s long hair. He became taller than Luhan, and it was a bizarre feeling for the butler to suddenly raise his head to look at Sehun. The young master looked so different than what Luhan was used to. He had broad shoulders now and under the white flannel shirt, which stuck on to Sehun’s body in perfection, hid a milky skinned body that Luhan yearned to have a peak of. Sehun’s hair transformed into a pompadour style; the sides were shaved and the rest of his golden brown hair was slid back. Sehun had never looked manlier, with his eyes transcending nothing but mysteriousness and charm. Luhan was in a silent awe.

To rub salt on Luhan’s wound would be an understatement, because he felt his heart break into a million pieces when Sehun brought home a girl. Her name was Krystal and Luhan had to admit that she was worth a keeping. Krystal was beautiful, no she was flawless and that was why Luhan hated her. She was tall, elegant and had a one million dollar smile. She lived up to her name as if she was the biggest crystal on a pricey chandelier, which shone so brightly.

It was as if everything went against him, because Sehun’s parents came to adore her; partly because she was studying law just like Sehun, but also because she had money in her dainty hands. She was a jackpot for the Oh household and Luhan knew the family too well. He knew them too well to assume, that they were going to do everything they could to have the newborn couple exchange rings. Krystal simply held all the aces, while Luhan didn’t even have one single ace up his sleeve.

Luhan had troubles controlling his feelings when Sehun finally introduced her to him. It felt like a slap on his face. Sehun smiled so proudly, as if he was showing his most precious possession to his older brother. He hadn’t seen Sehun smile that way in such a long time. A memory of Sehun as a kid smiling flashed in is head. The way he looked at her made Luhan bite his teeth together and clench a fist. He looked so in love, not that type of innocent love teenagers would go through. No, this kind of love was something more. It was different in a way that in Sehun’s mind, only Krystal seemed to exist.

As Krystal approached Luhan with a gentle hug, Luhan managed to fake a smile. Her scent was like a fresh breath of lavender and it made Luhan hate her even more. He wanted to slap Krystal across her beauteous face and tell her to get lost. Who did she think that she was? Sadly, she was Sehun’s girlfriend. Seeing Sehun smile gave Luhan mixed feelings between happiness and bitterness. He was happy that Sehun was smiling, but bitter about the fact that he wasn’t the reason for the smile on Sehun’s face. It tasted quite awful in Luhan’s mouth, because bitterness was taking over.

“Sehun has told me plenty of things about you,” Krystal’s voice was silvery; so light and pleasant that Luhan wanted to strangle her.

“Only good things! I swear, hyung!” Sehun chuckled, his arm hooking itself on Krystal’s waist as if it had always belonged there.

It was like killing two birds with one horribly big stone. Luhan’s heart ached so sorely that he wanted to cry, to let his frustration out and just scream, but Luhan put on a façade and smiled. As long as Sehun was happy, he was too.

The worst thing of it all was that Sehun never mentioned Krystal, the girl with the one million dollar smile, to him before.

Luhan finally comprehended where he stood. He was just a butler.  

           Sehun’s coming of age didn’t go perfectly as he wished for. He entered adulthood with the loss of his mother’s life. They said it was a car accident – that it was a collision with a truck in the middle of Gangnam. He cursed at the heavens in a crying pain, pleading for the heavens to give his mother back. On his coming of age, Sehun wasn’t able to receive any gifts. No flowers, perfume or a kiss from Krystal. Nothing but the loss of his mother.

Sehun arrived home drunk that night after disappearing. They tried to call him, but his phone was turned off. Scared of facing the truth, Sehun didn’t even go to identify his mother’s body. He was struggling to stand straight as he rested against the entrance of his room. Luhan had never seen him so crestfallen before. With sympathy in mind, he helped Sehun move to his bed and spoke softly, saying it was going to be okay over and over again.

One thing led to another when Sehun locked his drunken lips on Luhan’s. It was a different kind of a kiss; it wasn’t innocent anymore, it was lust. Luhan knew perfectly that the kiss wasn’t meant for him. He knew Sehun was drunk and deeply lost, but he fell for the trap, just like a mouse falling for a mousetrap, because he had been longing for it – he wanted it. Luhan kissed Sehun back with passion; giving his everything to the young master.

Sehun’s touch felt like a touch of heaven in Luhan’s mind, it felt so indescribably good that he was letting out airy moans against the younger’s lips. Sehun undressed him and Luhan let it happen. He looked into Sehun’s eyes, but he saw nothing but a face full of lust. Luhan’s hands worked on their own as they slid inside Sehun’s shirt, only to feel the toned muscles on his palms. The young master took the butler’s trousers off and for the first time, Luhan was exposed with Sehun hovering on top of him. He felt so shy, embarrassed and shameful. Luhan knew utterly that he was taking advantage of the younger, but he just couldn’t make – didn’t want – it to stop. Sehun was a work of art and Luhan was in love. Skin to skin, drunken lips against desperate lips, moans to groans and against love. Luhan made love with Sehun that night, but Sehun was just having .  

Three important words escaped Luhan’s lips that night.

Luhan was unable to sleep. Sehun’s mother was haunting him in his dreams – calling him things Luhan would never imagine coming out of . Luhan came up with an excuse of having fallen sick, and refused to wake up the young master the next day. An enormous cloud of shame was hovering above him and whispers of disgusting and echoed in his ears. He didn’t dare to look Sehun in the eyes, because he was afraid. What happened yesterday shouldn’t have happened. It was all a mistake, a big fat mistake. The afternoon air played with his long locks, but he didn’t seem to pay attention as his mind were somewhere else. Hundreds of thoughts wandered in Luhan’s mind as he stood at the balcony.

“What are you being so philosophic about, zoning out like that?” It was a voice that Luhan remembered clearly, so light and silvery that he wanted to strangle the owner.

Luhan saw a very happy couple holding hands, and a certain red-haired Krystal shoving her hand on Luhan’s face. He saw a beautiful ring on her finger; a ring that poor people would only dream of, but a ring that cost nothing for a rich family like the Ohs. The butler felt like a huge wave took him down in a blow, because he was struggling to breathe. Sehun was smiling beside her, as if what happened yesterday was forgotten. He probably didn’t even remember anything of it. To drown Luhan even more, Sehun showed him the ring, which was wrapped around his finger.

“We’re getting married,” Sehun said. And the exact same sentence that came out from Sehun’s mouth repeated in Luhan’s ears, as if wanting to suffocate him.

When the sky was at its darkest, Luhan broke down in tears in his room. It was just an assumption, but according to a rumor spread by a housemaid in the Oh household, she heard someone cry the whole night.

On Mrs. Oh’s funeral, Krystal dared to hold a speech. She stood there with her ebony dress made of lace as if she was the center of the attention. Divine Krystal talked about how kind of a woman Mrs. Oh was, and how she felt like she had received another mother. Luhan, however, was about to lose his sanity. He didn’t feel like Krystal knew Mrs. Oh like he did – how she had become the closest person in his life, after Sehun eventually distanced himself more and more. She would comfort him even though she didn’t know what Luhan was being gloomy about. Mrs. Oh would embrace him as if he was her own son and smile; making Luhan’s heart thump, because her smile was just like Sehun’s.

Luhan sat there, his eyes fixed on a portrait of Mrs. Oh, bordered with a beautifully golden frame. Zoning into his own world, ignoring the words coming out of Krystal’s alluring red lips, and forgetting Sehun just for a little moment, good memories he had with Mrs. Oh ran through his mind. Luhan dared not to look at the sobbing boy sitting beside him. He didn’t react when Sehun reached for his hand, clenching it tightly as if there was no tomorrow. Luhan knew he would end up crying – he would end up breaking down. No, he had to be strong. For Sehun, he had to.

But when the church bell began ringing, Luhan’s tears spilled.