title: hurt

summary: luda didn't know what was so wrong with her that the world gave up on her. the world didn't know what luda was. 

pairing(s): none

rating: pg-13

word count: 972 words

it was luda’s dream to be something. anything.

you can’t be successful in this world without a power.

she knew that. she knew she was different. she knew she was a freak. the world didn’t have to remind her. she already knew.

all the love and all the praise had always been handed down to her younger brothers. they were two wonderful boys; she loved them dearly. youngmin could flash bursts of light from his eyes while kwangmin could hide in the shadows; he merges with them. they would go far in life. she knew that for a fact and she was proud that they were blessed with such useful powers.

(she was jealous that they were blessed with such useful powers.

she was jealous that they had powers.

but she couldn’t think like that.

she wouldn’t think like that.

even if it hurt.

it hurt.

hurt.)

“there are plenty of things you can do without powers,” her mother once told her. she was ten at the time; that was the time she realized she’d never obtain powers. that was the time she realized she was a freak. her mother sat her in her lap that day. she her hair and whispered softly in her ear. there was nothing she could do but hold her daughter and cradle her. there was no other way to take away the pain. “you’re a smart girl. you’ll be successful no matter what you do.” her mother told her things like that often after the first few months of the revelation. as the years went on she said it less and less. luda figured it was because she got tired of lying. luda had grown tired of her lies too.

(her mother didn’t only stop lying to her; she stopped talking to her.

she didn’t even bother looking at her anymore.

luda understood  why, even if it hurt.

who’d want her?

nobody.)

the older she got the less people liked her. she’d been bullied since she was a child. everything escalated. from name calling to hair pulling to rumor spreading to vandalizing to spitting and kicking and punching and chocking and burning and – it was hard. she couldn’t remember the last time she had anyone she could call a friend. she couldn’t remember the last time she felt safe in a public place. nobody stood up for her. not even her brothers.

(there was at least one thing she was good at: driving people away.

anyone associated with her ended up bullied to.

or they ended up hating her.

or both.)

she tried to smile. she tried to be happy. she tried to fake it if she couldn’t be genuine.

(and she could never be genuine no matter how hard she tried.

because it all hurt too damn much.

it hurt.

it hurt.

it hurt.

it hurt.

it hurt.)

“does it hurt,” a voice in the dark said. she jumped out of bed with a start. there was nothing she could do to protect herself. she had no powers. she had no one. she had nothing.

(but she had pain.

the pain.

hurt.)

“it hurts doesn’t it?” the voice was flat. luda couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. it was the darkness itself.

“i can make it stop hurting,” it said.

her floor boards creaked. luda fisted her sheets and shook violently. cold sweat ran down her back.

something touched her arm. she tried to scream but nothing came out.

“i can make the pain go away.”

(she wanted the pain to go away so bad.

she wanted to feel safe.

she hated herself.

she hurt.

it hurts.)

who are you?

luda didn’t say it. she couldn’t say it. but she thought it. her mind blank and full of static.

(had it always been that way.

it must have been.

all that static.

so dark.)

she felt a prick on her chest. where her heart should be. and the pricks continued. her whole body burned with them.

“i am you.”

that couldn’t be possible. that wasn’t right.

who are you?

the pricks traveled to the inside of . the back of her eyelids. the inside of her nose. the skin under her nails.

“i am all the hatred you have. i am you.”

a thin arm revealed itself separate from the darkness surrounding it. it gently her face.

what do you want?

“i want what you want.”

the hand went inside of her. it pressed into her chest and went inside of her. cold fingers slinked around her heart, barely touching it. sharp nails barely scratched its surface as it pumped. one two, one two, one two.

are you going to kill me?

“i am you.”

red and bloodied; sharp and vicious; transparent and ghostly; her face appeared before her.

“i can make the pain go away.”

luda breathed shakily. she closed her eyes and opened them. she inhaled and exhaled. and inhaled and exhaled. and inhaled. one two, one two, one two. and she exhaled.

take my pain away.

the tension in her body slackened. the pricks stopped. she was her own again.

her door cracked open. the light pitter patter of feet stayed still in the doorway.

“luda, is that you?” kwangmin whispered softly.

herself – her other self, talked to her in a language only she could understand.

“let’s start taking your pain away,” it said.

luda smiled. she didn’t feel like herself but maybe that was the trick. maybe her true self was this ghost. this hideous creature. a power surged inside of her and everything felt light.

kwangmin’s body made a soft thump when it hit the floor.

luda was so tired of the pain.

so she'd give her pain to everyone else.

(it'll hurt.

it'll hurt.

it'll hurt.

and she couldn't be any happier)

a/n the joke is that i tried to write something deep. who knows what this is? i sure don't lol