As I left school that evening, feeling slightly happy that the day hadn’t been totally awful, I noticed a small flyer on a bulletin board. A broad grin came to my face before I could stop myself. Try-outs for the Judo team were that Friday – it was Monday now.

I practically soared home, barging in through the apartment door and running into the living room, shoes tapping loudly on the floor. Jong Kook was laying on the couch when I strut in but he quickly sat up, his brow furrowing as he glanced at my shoes. I blushed and scrambled to take them off.

“Sorry,” I mumbled as I got them off and ran them back to the door before reentering.

“What’s got you in such a good mood?” He asked, looking at me intently.

“There are Judo tryouts on Friday!” I said excitedly, bouncing slightly on my heels, “And I need to practice,” I said mostly to myself, before dashing to my room.

“Yah! Jessi!” He scolded from the couch and I only slowed my pace slightly. Quickly finding my Judo uniform, I hurriedly put it on and took only a moment to admire myself before heading out.

“Do you know any good gyms nearby?” I yelled from the doorway, pulling on my shoes. Jong Kook was coming down the hall way now and I could tell from his expression that his response was only going to depress me, or – worse – try to parent me. So, before he could get a word out, I was opening the door and yelling, “I’ll be home by twelve!” as my back disappeared down the hallway. He didn’t even get a chance to chase after me.

The cool summer air was refreshing as I bounced down this and that street, scanning brightly lit signs for this gym and that gym before my eyes finally settled on a hole-in-the-wall sort of place with only a piece of paper hanging on the door saying, “Judo” in big, black, bold letters. I knew from experience that this kind of place would be where true athletes gathered and not just sensationalized hobbyists eager to try something new. I walked in with very little fear, however, as I entered the lighting was rather dim and there was a bunch of grown men who simultaneously turned their heads towards me. I smiled forcedly, wanting to slowly back out as though I’d made some sort of mistake but my god awful and useless pride wouldn’t let me.

“Hello…” I trailed off as I bowed, smiling again. A large man stood from where he was sitting leaning against one of the peeling walls.

“Yes, hello, what can I do for you kid?” He glanced me up and down – but not in a creepy way, it was essentially a uniform inspection.

“There’s tryouts for my schools Judo team on Friday and I haven’t gotten to practice in a while…So…essentially, I’m looking for somewhere to practice.” The large man scratched his slightly balding head and looked back at the other men in the room – who had all resumed what I presume they were doing before I entered – some sparring, some stretching, some just sitting and watching the activity around them.  

“I see…” He said accompanied by a long hiss of air ejecting from his lungs, he turned sharp eyes to assess me again, “Well…might as well practice here since you’re here.” He paused, “You have any money?” I winced and shook my head, he shrugged, “Well, we’ll see how you do and you can start paying if you come back next week.” I nodded, smiling brightly.

            “Thank you, sir!”

            “Yeah…yeah…You got a name?”

            “Jessi.” He barked out a laugh.

            “Gotta be careful with a name like that,” I wrinkled my brow.

            “Why?”

            “If you don’t know…you don’t need to know,” The man said with mirth in his eyes. I didn’t much like that answer and rolled my eyes unintentionally but, thankfully, the man seemed to be amused at my antics. There was a pause in conversation as the man seemed to assess the situation, I took the moment to just take everything in and get my head into the right space – sort of like meditation but quicker and fueled by my pretty much never ending competitive streak.

            “My son will be here in fifteen minutes and he’s probably the only one close enough to your weight class…Do you mind waiting for him?” He asked, bending slightly to make eye contact with me.

            “That’s fine!” I replied, “I’ll just start stretching.”

            “You do that,” he commented, mind already somewhere else. A part of me wanted to be angry at the blatant dismissal but the majority of me was just happy to do my favorite thing after a break of several months. “Ask for me if you need anything,” The large man through as an afterthought, walking off to two other larger men. I shrugged, knowing that even if I did need something I didn’t really know his name so I couldn’t ask for him, but it was by no means a big place so finding him would really be the better option.

            I stretched eagerly, my muscles quickly molding into the correct forms, seeming to remember everything from before I had to quit my old team. I took four laps around the outside of the mats before I began to trace through various moves in my head as a refresher. I always had found it helpful to visualize things before I did them and it was a good way for me to study, as well. If I move that hand slightly down the sleeve or if I take that step this much further, I analyze in this fashion so that I can perform just as well I’m able to see in my head. A tap on the shoulder quickly brought me to my feet and I turned around, meeting face to face with a slim teenage boy with flippy skateboarder hair – which seemed to be the hairstyle of most boys. I bowed slightly to the obviously older boy, he was dressed similar to me but was a belt or two higher than me. I was making bets he was the owner’s son.

            “Hello,” I said first, he answered in kind.

            “Lee Jong Hwa,” he said, extending a hand to shake mine, I shook firmly and replied, “Jessica Baily – but people here call me Jessi,” He nodded.

            “My Dad said you came in earlier and wanted to practice for a tryout?” I nodded, “What school do you go to?” I winced as I tried to recall the name.

            “I honestly don’t remember,” He raised an eyebrow, “Today was my first day,” I quickly explained, cheeks probably red with embarrassment.

            “You in middle school?” He asked. I nodded again, holding my finger up for the grade level. He nodded and sighed before rolling his eyes slightly, clearly not all that happy with the arrangement.

            “Well, we might as well start,” He said after a moment, looking as though even the thought was draining the energy out of him. I was eager to prove that I was actually good and not just some snot-nosed kid who was handed a belt to stop them from crying.

            We started by trying to grab each other, he was good at avoiding but I eventually got ahold of his collar and he returned the favor, bringing us close – mostly because my arms were ridiculously short. It was clear from the beginning that he had strength on his side – he probably outweighed me by 10 or 15 kilograms and was nearly a full grown adult – probably was an adult in some countries. He was also a good bit taller than me – like many people in this world – and that gave him an advantage, as well. So, basically everything was pointed to Jong Hwa winning but I really wasn’t about that life and was able to catch him off guard three times before I landed on my side, earning him a point. What he didn’t expect was for me to go right into grappling with him on the ground and putting him into a hold. By this point some of the men were showing interest in our fight and were sharing thoughts and bets. One began counting for my hold and I got a point before he was able to break free after fifteen seconds. We circled around each other, his jacket open and exposing a well-toned body that I would save for a later date but mattered very little to me in the moment.

            I made to grab at his sleeve but he avoided and I lost my footing which he took advantage of by grabbing my collar and sending me straight to the ground by tossing me over his hip.

            I lost and that was all there was to be said. Standing up, I rubbed a sorer spot on my hip from where I landed the first time and accepted Jong Hwa’s bow as I bowed in return. I was gratified, however, by the fact that the boy was smiling at me. So, at the very least, I’d earned his respect.

            “Good job!” A voice resonated from behind me, I turned around, startled – it was the owner. “Not many last that long with him – he has a couple national titles under his belt.” I nodded, fully appreciating the loss I experienced now knowing how much of a victory it actually was. “Oh, and, your Dad’s here.”

            ‘My Dad?’ I mouthed, crinkling my brow before it clicked. Right…that Dad. My mind went blank as I recalled completely ignoring him as I dashed out of the apartment in my excitement. I placed a bet on he was probably mad at me.

            A rough hand captured my neck and I was guided out of the gym with very little resistance on my part – I knew I was in trouble and that was all there was to it. He let go as soon as we were out in the open. I turned to face him but his mouth just thinned into a line and he pointed in the direction of the apartment.

            “Just walk,” He said, breathing into the heavy night air. I walked without hesitation though a part of me did want to rebel against the suggestion of having parental control over me. That part of me grew larger the longer we walked, him slightly behind me – just out of my periphreal which only further annoyed me.

            “If you want to yell at me, just yell at me,” I finally muttered, rolling my eyes.

            “I’m trying not to yell at you,” He replied through gritted teeth, taking the lead.

            “Well why the not?”

            “Don’t cuss,” He reprimanded quietly, jaw twitching.

            “Why are you trying not to yell at me,” I corrected rather snootily as I overtook him, “I did something wrong, so you should yell at me, right?”

            “Well at least you know you did something wrong,” Jong Kook growled, jaw twitching again but his volume still perfectly conversational. He also, quite obviously, avoided my question. I rolled my eyes and gritted my teeth, realizing it probably wouldn’t be good to get into a full on but necessary fight in the middle of the street where any random netizen could hear. I didn’t want to ruin the guys career over a few words no matter how irritated I was at his emotional constipation.

            When we reached the apartment he pointed for me to sit on the sofa, which I declined, opting instead to stand by the glass door that lead to our balcony. This seemed to tick him off further but I wasn’t going to let him look down at me and yell more than he already is able to.  From the kitchen, I could feel Jong Kook’s eyes on me as he guzzled a glass of water. When he finished, he set the glass down on the counter rather harshly and walked over to me, taking a seat on the sofa and lacing his fingers together as his elbows came to rest on his knees.

            “What time is it?” He asked, I rolled my eyes.

            “11:30,” I replied testily, my plan was to come home at twelve.

            “Do you have school tomorrow?”

            “Yeah.”

            “And you’re trying to tell me you’d be home at midnight on a school night because you wanted to go to some place where you’d be surrounded by men much bigger than you without knowing their intentions when you are just barely thirteen years old?” He said all of this in a strangely calm voice and all I could do was shrug, knowing myself that it probably hadn’t been the best decision in the world. But still, I knew how to take care of myself and I’d stayed out past midnight plenty of nights before. “Say something,” He said after a moment of simply staring at me.

            “I’m sorry,” I said after another moment, shrugging my shoulders again.

            “Yeah I’m sure you are,” He said sarcastically. He took a breath.

            “I was just excited,” I mumbled in excuse.

            “And that makes it better, running off without a thought to your safety?”

            “It’s not a big deal…” I trailed off as he glared at me. “I used to stay out past midnight all the time,” I revealed in a grumble, both of his eyebrows rose.

            “Well maybe you used to be allowed to run off whenever you wanted but not here, not with me as your guardian,” I rolled my eyes.

            “Why not? As long as I don’t get in trouble what’s the big deal? As long as I stay out of your hair why should it matter if I come home at nine or ten or eleven or twelve or whenever?” I could feel the volume of my voice raise slightly. “You don’t even know me and you’re trying to tell me what I can and can’t do! I’m not some helpless little kid that needs to be watched over every second. I can take care of myself. I have been taking care of myself,” Water was prickling at my eyes as I struggled not to just reveal everything and the sky about how I was raised and how I survived. “You really don’t have to worry about me,” I said finally, trying to get emotions under control.

            “Don’t have to worry? You’re my daughter! I’m going to worry about you whether you want me to or not – there’s no avoiding that.”

            “Yeah I’m your kid but that’s the only connection between us – you made a mistake and ed my mom thirteen years ago and I’m the result.” He was on his feet in front of me in seconds, grabbing one of my arms and clearly trying to restrain himself. Somewhere I regretted the harsh words.

            “Don’t talk about things you don’t know about. I loved your mom…” A pained expression spread onto his face, “But we were both young and my career was just starting and she decided to leave without saying a word to me. I’ll never know why she did it but she must have had her reasons.” I stared at him, stunned. I’d figured that my mom was just a fling. I felt the first tear worm its way down my cheek as he released my arm and both of us took a breath.

            “I’m sorry things turned out this way,” he began, “and I know it’s going to take adjustments on both of our parts. I know that we’re still practically strangers but I want to get to know you.” Another tear made its way down my face and I wiped it away with the sleeve of my uniform. “So please don’t close me out before giving me the chance.” As he leaned down slightly with both hand resting firmly on my shoulders to look me directly in the eyes, I felt my resolve to be bitter and irritated with him break. There was an intensity to his gaze that made me want to believe he cared and with that realization tears poured down my face and I could feel myself shaking. I felt myself, as if through a third point of view, step towards him and bury my face into his chest and bring my arms to wrap around his back, fingers barely able to touch. He held me as I cried. I couldn’t remember a time when an adult had done that for me and that only made me cry harder.

            “I’m sorry I’m a brat,” I stuttered out through the tremors and gasping of the ugly sobs escaping my body. He rubbed my back in small circular motions, soothing me and saying that it was okay over and over again. When we finally broke away, I felt embarrassed and my cheeks were hot. Jong Kook looked equally embarrassed but he seemed to recover faster.

            “All right, you’d better get to bed.” He said finally, I nodded and walked towards my room while fiddling with the belt around my waste. I turned to look at him before going inside. Took a moment to smile slightly at the man who was my father…my Dad. It surprised me to find that within an hour I no longer found that title so uncomfortable a word to place on him.

            “Night,” I said, looking him in the eyes.

            “Night,” He replied, and then seemed to pause, “Oh and by the way,” He started.

            “Yeah?”

            “I saw your match…you’re a good fighter.” I beamed and nodded before closing the door, cheeks aching from the smile on my face.

            “Thanks…Dad,” I whispered to myself, feeling silly after saying it out loud but happy nonetheless. Tonight had definitely been a break through.