Dear Jinhwan hyung,

Hi hyung. Long time no see.

Yes, long time no see.

While writing this letter, I somehow just realised that it’s been a long time since the last time we talked to each other. I used to play in your room everyday, consult things with you every afternoon, and talk about many stuffs which some of them are super nonsense, but now let alone talking, even meeting each other in the dorm is a bit impossible for us. I cannot really complain, though. I fully understand that you’re out there busy advancing iKON’s popularity by being regular cast of variety show with Hanbin hyung, you work hard for our group, you came home late at night only to sleep and wake up in the morning to attend other schedule. I should be thankful for that but hyung.. I kinda miss you.

Yes, I kinda miss you.

Kinda?

No. I’m DEFINITELY missing you.

It came to my realisation when I recently play the games on my own all alone—because you know, amongst the members, you are the only one that always wants to fulfill my desire to play games. Other members are not into games, but you.. even though you do not like games, you always pretend to like it. You pretend to be curious (well, don’t ask how I found out because that’s completely a crystal clear for me to see. Improve your acting skill, Kim Jinhwan!), to be interested in what I said, and I like it. Even though you also are the person who scolds me the most when I play games too much, I never take it to the heart because that part of you that scolds me always reminds me to my own elder brother. He always scolds me when I play games too much, and when you do exactly what he does, one thing that crosses in my mind is just how bad I want to hug you that time.

Jinhwan hyung,

Every single time I reminisce all the past, since the time we met, until we debuted, and now, I always feel sorry. I am sorry that I didn’t get to know you better in the Mix and Match. I was too busy immersing with the teams that I was in (which I never got to be teamed up with you EVEN ONCE) and kinda forgot that you were the elder that I need to approach. Instead, you were the one that came to me, talked to me, and gave me advices, and I have to say sorry again because sometimes, I didn’t listen to those advices. Ah.. I was too focused on doing well, too worried of what sajangnim said, too afraid of Hanbin hyung, too selfish to keep myself survived in the survival show and.. many things that I worried ran on my mind during that time, so I just kinda let your advices passed by.

I am sorry that I was never there when you’re crying, sad, and down. You always want to hide your worries from your members because you feel like that is the thing that an eldest hyung should do. If you don’t find me trusted enough, I hope you still share your worries and concerns to other members so they can help you solving it. Don’t keep it in yout heart and hide it for yourself, that would only burden you more, and it will make you unhealthy. I always worry whenever you’re being all quiet in the corner of the room, folding your legs, and when the members come asking you ‘what happens?’, you will beam that casual smile while saying ‘..daydreaming!’.

I know you’re lying.

I know you’re not fine.

I am also sorry... for making fun of your height. I should’ve been more sensitive and known that it hurts you. Even though you, once again, pretend to be not hurt and all fine, I realised later that it was not fine at all. I was so sorry, and I am still very sorry. Probably you didn’t realise it, but I had promised myself not to repeat such childish actions again, and now.. through this letter, I just want you to witness my promise that I will never ever do that again.

Never. Ever.

I promise (except if Bobby hyung and Hanbin hyung told me, forced me, tortured me to do so. I am sorry hyung, I really have no choice then).

Hehe.

Wait, it doesn't mean that I don't mean my apology. I seriously mean it!

Jinhwan hyung.

Hmm hyung do you know

Wha

Hyung, help me I’m writing block. I want to stop writing but it will be so rude of me to write the eldest’s letter shortest than all of members’. I seriously have no idea what to write here because you have known all of me, all of my concerns, my complaints, and everything. I want to thank you but you also have known what I am very thankful from you. I want to say I love you but you also have known that I do, well everyone knows that.. but wait, do you really know?

Oh!

So this is the new thing that you do not know.

I LOVE YOU HYUNG.

You always doubt my love to you and you always say that I’m not sincerely loving you because al