"Taeminah!" 

That's how you always call my name.

It was simple, common, and normal

But everytime you call my name, the name that defines who I am, my heart, my body and my soul, my whole being shivers and my heart trembles in excitement. 

There is always that distinct cute smile on your face whenever you utter my name and it made me feel special.

For bestfriends, we touch more than necessary, call each other too often, pry into each others business as often as we can and we never ever get bored of each other's company.

I think we were happy.

We didnt need anyone else if we had each other.

I didnt need anyone else if I had you.

You'd listen to my stories no matter how boring they were

Youd laugh at my silly jokes, although I know it irritated you at times.

I have the weirdest dreams and you'd always try and analyze what they might actually mean. 

No matter how sad, tragic and depressing my dreams were, you'd always interpret them in a positive way to make me feel better.

I needed you and in a way, I think you needed me too.

But what I didnt expect...

What I wish never happened...

Was me, falling for you

... and thinking you might've fallen for me too.

------

It was not something unusual when we say the words "I love you" to each other in a joking manner.

But we did love each other as best friends

until my words started to mean something else.

My feelings scared me and I tried to avoid and hide them from you.

They were feelings I should never have and I wanted to think it was in my head or that maybe I was just the type who preferred men over women.

I wanted to test my second theory after some careful thought so I went to a gay bar and tried to flirt with a guy, to find out if I was actually gay and not actually in love with you.

That's when I met Jonghyun-hyung. He approached me and told me I had a pretty face. We flirted in the beginning but gradually our conversation became serious and our topic became you. In the end I couldnt seriously flirt with him and he felt the same way. Instead, I told him all my troubles and he listened carefully. Ironically he was the one who made me realize how in love I was... With you.

He always listened. He understood how I felt, as he was in the same situation. Everytime I felt frustrated about my feelings towards you, to the point where I just want to disappear, he tells me its okay to feel sad, and that I'll get used to it. He then asks me if it's okay not being able to see you anymore, if that would make me happier

And that is never okay for me.

I want to always see you, talk with you and hear you call my name, even as a friend

but now, after what happened...

Even our friendship has disappeared.

----

It was a weekend and we decided to see each other and grab a couple of drinks.

We were both accepted as dancers in each of our target company and we wanted to celebrate. 

"Taeminah!" 

The sound of my name coming out of your mouth, is enough to send butterflies to my stomach and at the same time break my heart in pieces.

"What?" 

I answer nonchalantly, trying to hide my pain.

"I love you!" You slurred as you smiled brightly.

There are times when I felt like there was something more, everytime you say those words.

Like you felt the same way I did, eveytime I say them.

"I know you do! Who wouldn't love me anyway." I joked, trying to avoid saying the words back 

You furrowed your brows and pouted slightly, it seriously made me want to put my lips on yours, but I restrained myself knowing what will happen if I ever crossed th