It's Monday.

Oh, Mondays. They are hated by many, loved by a minority of people and tolerated by the rest. I hate Mondays too. I once liked them as absurd as it may sound but that used to be a long time ago...

Such a long time ago...

I remember, faintly, hating them and then something occurred that made me like them. Must have been something big, huh. But I just can't seem to remember what that thing was that made me like the start of a new week that just introduced new struggles and horrible things to me during the remainder of the week. The reason... It just keeps getting out of my head... It's just s-

Oh.

Now I remember what made me like Mondays all of those years ago.

 

 

His death was the reason.

 

His death made me like them.

 

How funny.

 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

 

I was never really good at anything I did. My grades at school were always mediocre. I never had any talents like painting stunning pieces of art, composing beautiful songs and I was never really athletic either. I simply wasn't special and event hough I wanted to make an impact on somebody or something, I could never achieve such a thing. Life passed by me like a soft summer breeze and it decided to shortly dance together with a whirlwind that was full of mixed feelings of regret, sadness and indifference that represented myself. The breeze touched me, brushed me softly like a feather would but never really enveloped me wholly and gave me the feeling of being wrapped up in a warm blanket full of safety and goodwill. In the end the soft breeze abandoned the whirlwind and frolicked forth while the different, mixed feelings overwhelmed each other and slowly destroyed themselves.

 

That was basically how my life went. I kept on destroying myself from the inside out. I wondered when it would be all over and I often asked myself the question what would ensue first. Me dying or me finally being noticed and in the end, being happy. Something that I never calculated nor thought would be possible happened. The force that hit me was no joke and it impacted me more than I liked at that point in my life. I never thought a person could change my life as drastically as it has been changed. That one person managed to alter me. I still believe it to be a dream because it's just too good to be true.

 

I happened to meet him in a coffee shop. Doesn't it sound clichéd? Why yes, it does. But I met him at the library, supermarket, train station and the bus stop as well. Coincidence?

I thought so at first. It is quite possible for two individuals to have the same daily routines and interests. It's not that of a far-fetched idea...right?

 

Anyways, I started seeing him everywhere I went and at first I didn't really care but soon I caught him staring at me more often than not and it made me feel uncomfortable. I mean who wouldn't feel uneasy if a complete stranger kept looking at you. As if I didn't feel stalked enough with him being at the same locations I was at. Trying to brush it off I went about my day and ignored him and most of my surroundings like I always did. Why should I change something just for a mere someone I didn't even know?

 

When I entered my favourite coffee shop one day, ordered and turned around to find someone sitting at the table I always sat on, my eye started twitching in annoyance. It was that man or rather boy, now that I looked at him directly and not just out of the corner of my eye, that kept following me. Well that was at least what I thought he did. I composed myself and went to sit on another table with my hot chocolate and delicious piece of cake to relax and stare out of the windows of the cozy shop. It was my place, yes, and most of the frequent customers knew that the table in the back of the shop sort of belonged to me at that specific time but why should I meddle with unimportant people? But now that I think about it, he too should know that I'm always sitting there because he's always at the coffee shop when I am. That's kind of weird, but whatever. I wasn't really interested or at least I told myself that while munching on a forkful of cake and letting my slitted eyes hover over the unsuspecting boy in a glare. I glared really hard and my eyes were almost shut close. A new customer that entered and saw my stare flinched and left the coffee shop in a hurry. Well. At least there's one unnerving and overly chatty person less in the shop, I thought blissfully. I huffed when the person that was meant to see my stare didn't even lift his head from the book he was reading.

 

As if he heard my thoughts he lifted his head curiously and raised a brow. A normal person's reaction would've been to quickly look away and act like you didn't just wish for a tray full of hot coffee to pour over that someone when he or she would indeed see you staring. I was not normal in any way. I kept on scowling while I put another forkful of the sweet and creamy substance in my mouth and chewed on it violently, grinding the cake between my teeth, imagining it was his head. Seems a bit over the top, doesn't it? Possibly. But I didn't care. I was too proud to back down.

Half of his face was covered up by his book but I saw his amused glance nonetheless. My eyes widened and I was quite shocked. He knew that it was my favourite table in the coffee shop and he still blatantly sat on that chair. He knew. He. Knew.

 

Now, that piqued my interest. But I still wasn't interested enough to go up to him and strike a conversation. I never really initiated a conversation with someone out of my own free will....not even when I knew the person from school or family gatherings nonetheless with a complete stranger. I know, I'm weird like that. It just went against my personality, my whole being even. I didn't like the 'situation' between me and the stranger even if it isn't really a situation. I quickly drank my hot chocolate and left the shop earlier than I normally would.

 

 

Something similar happened the following days and weeks. The stranger would always be there before I would finally enter the coffee shop. How was that even possible? It was really annoying at first but I got accustomed to it and I accepted the fact that my daily routine got changed by a boy I didn't know.

 

My resolution not to be bothered by him slowly went out the window and I caught myself glancing at him more than once. Not only in the coffee shop but also in the supermarket I would casually glance at him and his cart or I'd sneak a peek at the books he got from the library while he was at the librarians office. Now that I think about it, it's really creepy to do these things but I had no ill intentions whatsoever. I was just curious as to which books he liked to read or what ramen he would pick at the supermarket for a change to his usually healthy ingredients in his cart. What still bugged me was that I never got to see his whole face up close or from far away. Never. I wanted to know what he looked like and this time I couldn't deny that I didn't care because I gradually, ever so slightly started to care. It never happened to me before and I couldn't believe that a person I never talked to managed to change me slowly but surely. I didn't notice at first until the slight glances in the coffee shop turned to full out staring at him. Or rather the book he was holding up in front of his face. To summarize the situation I was in I can just say that I was absolutely mesmerized by his mysterious image.

 

It came unexpectedly just like him sitting at my table did. After receiving my hot chocolate and piece of cake I turned around and wanted to proceed to the table by the window but I collided with something or rather someone and my tray came crashing down to the floor. Porcelain shards were everywhere and the brown liquid was dotted along my face, shirt and jeans and the poor cake was soggy from the hot chocolate and smudged against the floor. I felt like crying because it was the last piece and the shirt was my favourite as well as the jeans. I spluttered apologies once I remembered that I ran into someone and probably messed their clothes up too. I started picking up the shards and the cashier quickly went away to get a mop to clean up the mess I produced so elegantly. As I quickly gathered the porcelain shards of the mug into one of my hands the other one worked on picking up the remaining ones as another more calloused hand grabbed onto the shard my hand was aiming at. I quickly pulled my hand away like I burned myself and stopped my movements for a few seconds. The person I ran into, a man, started talking and was kneeling on the floor with me.

 

„Let me help you since it was my fault as well“ his deep voice uttered and scooped the remaining pieces of the mug into his hands. My mind was tripping. Other girls would be very charmed by him helping one out but my mind kept repeating his sentence over and over again.

'….since it was my fault as well.' So he's implying that it was my fault. Well, it was actually my fault but my mind kept on telling me that he was accusing me of colliding with him. I already stated once that I never really was a normal girl and my way of thinking was... well.. 'special' you could say.

 

I just grumbled in an irritated way and tried to clean up the mess further. As I lifted my frowning face my eyes met the beautiful, dark ones of the man that was kneeling in front of me. His eyes were so familiar and yet so different. Then, it hit me. The mysterious boy I kept on staring at for the past weeks was the same boy that I crashed into 5 minutes ago. I in a deep breath and blinked my eyes repeatedly and tried to look away once I realized that I was staring at him openly for everyone to see. It was then that the cashier came and started to mop up the leftovers of cake and hot chocolate mixed with tiny shards while he huffed annoyed. I apologized and stood up after throwing the shards in my hand into the trash bin next to me while the stranger stood up as well and brushed the dust off of his jeans. He then turned to me and smiled softly.

 

„I'm sorry for ruining your afternoon. I was standing too close to you in the queue because I tried to read the menu“ he apologized while rubbing his neck and rambled on.

„I'll get you a new order“ he turned to leave but I stopped him.

 

„That won't be necessary“ I didn't smile like he did just seconds ago. „And I don't need pittance, just to be clear. But I will apologize for ruining your shirt“ I gestured to his beige shirt and dark blue cardigan that had dark brown splotches all over it.

He was surprised at my response but tried to mask it. „Ah, that's alright. It's nothing that can't be fixed“ he smiled yet again but I just nodded firmly and turned around to pick up my jacket and bag to leave the coffee shop. I reached out for my jacket once I got to my table but was once again stopped by a hand on my shoulder.

 

„Are you sure that you don't want a mug of hot chocolate? I just, uh, feel like I sh-“ I couldn't stand listening to his ramblings so I interrupted him.

„I'll just repeat myself. You don't need to replace anything and you shouldn't feel obligated to. You don't have to feel sorry either because it was, like you said, my fault as well“ His eyes widened a bit and he was confused for a second.

I couldn't really tell what I felt like while watching his round but defined face scrunch up in concentration and perfect eyebrows furrowing. Such perfect eyebrows made me want to cover up my now seemingly disgusting ones in comparison to his. Maybe I wanted to punch his perfect face because he put mine to shame. That was most likely how I felt at that moment.

„So rude“ a girl next to us, that probably heard me interrupt him, scoffed and went to stand back in line.

I just rolled my eyes and put my jacket on to finally leave this place. It started to make me feel suffocated and claustrophobic with the many people in here squishing their way through the shop and almost pushing me into the boy in front of me while doing so. No, thank you. I've had enough embarrassing encounters for the day. Before the boy could open his mouth and say whatever he thought so hard about I swiftly went to the door and pushed it open. I stepped into the chilly weather and sighed. Much better.

 

I started walking away from the coffee shop until it was just another unimportant dot in the sea of shops and restaurants on the far away horizon that I slowly left behind me. Many thoughts were swirling inside my head until it started throbbing.

Those eyes. That voice. His entire face. It was etched into my mind just from looking at it once. It didn't matter if I opened or closed my eyes, it was always there. I huffed and shook my head. Unbelievable! What the hell is this? I was really annoyed that I showed interest in that boy. It annoyed me that I could remember his face so vividly. It angered me that he managed to wreck me by looking at me and talking to me for 5 minutes. It made me furious to know that all of my indifference was gone by now. What is wrong with me? I have never ever been a girl like that. Never did I care and I swore myself to never care. But now? What happened there just minutes ago? No, it started all those weeks ago when I noticed him. That was the cause of all this. I should've never lifted my head when the chime at the door jingled, never lifted my head at the bus stop to see someone running and gulping down huge amounts of air in exhaustion, I never should have followed that someone with my eyes at the library after that someone let a book drop to the ground. I should have never lifted my head after dropping that goddamn tray and I should have never ever looked into his eyes. It was all my fault. I brought all of this upon myself. Why, oh why? I don't need that in my life right now. I don't want all of this in my life. I stopped walking for a moment, closed my eyes and took a huge breath to calm myself down. When was the last time I was this worked up about something? The gears in my head started working, rattling and clanking until something made 'click' in my mind. It all made sense now! All of this just happened because I was interested in that mysterious person that was at the same places I was at. That's all. The mysterious air that surrounded that boy was what made me show interest in him, nothing more and nothing less. Just that. Everybody else was just so easy to read and boring that his odd behaviour peaked my interest. Nothing else. And now that I saw his face that has been covered ever since I first noticed him, I was pretty sure that my interest would fade away quickly. There was nothing else there for me wanting to know about him. The unknown was now something that I knew about and the mystifying air that surrounded him would surely lift up and he would be as boring as everybody else to me from now on.

 

I felt a bit better about myself and continued my daily routine as if nothing ever happened to alter my everyday life. I didn't visit the shop for some time after the incident. I just didn't want to ruin my routine again that I so arduously managed to recover. I came to the conclusion that changing my routine a bit from the previous one wouldn't be all that bad. I tried new coffee shops and settled with a newly opened one a few blocks from the one I used to visit. It wasn't a hassle for me to walk another thirty minutes more to go to another supermarket and since walking is really healthy I stopped using the bus altogether. Reading didn't really interest me at the moment so I didn't go to the big library in the heart of the city anymore. It was quite nice, the change. But soon I realized what I was doing and wanted to laugh about my ridiculous self. But I didn't want to accept the fact that I was running away from the consequences that could occur due to me meeting that someone again. Did I really think so lowly of myself? Couldn't I withstand the urge to watch that someone go about their life? Or did I just know myself too well? Did I just know that running away was the only option left for me to not get any more involved into this 'matter', whatever it was.

 

Soon, however, I realized that I wasn't satisfied with the dry, tasteless cake and overwhelmingly sweet hot chocolate, the long walking distance to the supermarket and walking in general tired me the hell out and not reading a good book every now and then bored the crap out of me. It was clear to me then that there was a reason as to why I chose the places I chose and why I stuck to them for years now. Why would I let a stranger dictate my well-planned life and take my favourite places away from me? If anything he should be the one to leave and not me. So after a few weeks passed and I didn't see him during that time I felt ready to go back to my favourite coffee shop to order the usual and to just relax at the table I always sat on. I was determined and took long strides across the sidewalk with my head up high and my hands stuffed in my pockets because the weather did get colder the past few days. As I approached the glass walls of the coffee house and looked inside, my steps halted and I staggered for a short second.

 

There he was. Sitting at the table by the window looking distressed and tapping his fingers on the cold surface of the tabletop. I quickly glanced at my watch to see that it was the time I usually come here. I looked at him again and noticed that he didn't read nor did he carry a book with him today. He looked outside of the window with a far-away look that made him look unapproachable. He was there yet he was so distant, so far away. Unreachable.

I somehow wanted to pull him back by the shoulder and bring him back from where ever his head seemed to be. Wait, what? No, I don't want that. Did I breathe in too much chlorine today while scrubbing the bathroom?

 

But it was true. His eyes looked worried and somehow...sad. I didn't know why and I didn't want to. But as I walked up to the door my heart started thumping fast and in the same rhythm as his restless legs were tapping onto the floor. My resolution faltered and my hand hovered above the door knob. I could still leave and nobody would notice. But wait a minute, I'm not a coward! I can do this, I told myself! I pushed myself inside and walked up to the counter. The cashier was surprised to see me and asked me some questions that I answered with short and rational sentences. „The same as always?“ He asked and I just nodded.

I took the tray and walked to the table on the other side of the room where he has always been sitting on because he yet again occupied the table by the window I chose after the took up my previous favourite booth. I sat down and relaxed immediately when the delicious smell wafted up into my nose. I felt at peace again and took my jacket off slowly with my eyes fixated onto the deliciousness on my plate. I shortly lifted my head and caught someone staring at me. The person however didn't flinch back and looked away with a flush on the cheeks, no. The gaze was still on me. Huge, surprised and somehow relieved eyes watched me from across the room with slightly parted lips. I tilted my head confusedly at the relief washing over the person and let my eyes roam his face some more. I just gave him a hint of a smile with a friendly gaze because I didn't have it in myself anymore to glare or curse him out. That was the impact that my favourite coffee shop could have on me after long and stressful weeks. He looked shocked at my behaviour, I guessed, but didn't heed him anymore. Everything that mattered was that I got back onto my routine and that everything was balanced out again.

After a few bites I heard a phone ringing from the other side of the shop and saw him gently picking it up and answering the call in a hushed tone. He nodded his head a few times and after the call ended he stood up and wore his coat. I was still chewing on my cake when our eyes met again before he finally left throughout the door and I nearly choked on the cream because of the intensity of his gaze. I washed it down with hot chocolate and sighed. Seems like I've been so used to him being here that the fact that he wasn't there anymore felt weird. I furrowed my brows at my thoughts. What is going through my head? Are those the thoughts of a lunatic? I tried to shake those thoughts away and I would've banged my head against the wall if it wasn't for the many customers roaming around. Well, I cleared my throat, wasn't that an interesting revelation? No more scrubbing the tiles with that cleaning agent. It messed with my head for sure. Why else would I be thinking about him again when I was clearly not interested in his mysterious aura anymore? Ugh. Maybe I shouldn't visit the coffee house for another few weeks after all. I was really confused as to what was going on. I couldn't think straight anymore. I was annoyed and angry at myself again. Would this ever end?

 

The next day I was sitting on a bench at the bus stop and waited for my bus. I didn't get the previous one and now I'd have to wait for a really long time. It when the queue at the drugstore is so long, you only picked up a box of tissues and nobody wants to let you move up in the row to pay.

While I was sitting there, without listening to any music at all because my headphones broke a few days ago, the day slowly faded away and the air got a tad bit colder. I was the only one waiting for the bus so the benches were all unoccupied but someone still had the nerve to sit down next to me. Oh how I hated that.

The person turned out to be a man after I heard him clearing his throat awkwardly and I then saw how he boredly started to play with his fingers when I looked at him out of the corner of my eyes. The coat got my attention and I pulled my eyebrow up in wonder. No, it couldn't be, could it? I made the mistake to turn my head around and look at the stranger that surprisingly or not surprisingly turned out to be the boy I crashed into a month ago. I'm such a stupid girl, aren't I? Why'd I have to sneak a peek at the stranger and notice the intricate design on his coat that was like no other. Why did I connect the dots and realize that it was him. I'm so stupid.

He too, looked at me. He started smiling and gave a shy wave. „Hey.“

 

I once again lifted an eyebrow and gave him an incredulous look. Like, wtf. 'Hey'? Uhh, okay...weird.

„You know who I am, right?“ He asked but I didn't change the way I was looking at him. „The guy from the coffee shop? The one you spilled your hot chocolate on?“ He continued but I didn't do anything else. Maybe he'll think that I'm not functioning right and would go away but what a pity it is that I'm not a machine. How genius I am.

„You're playing with me right?“ He laughed and his eyes crinkled cutely. Blehrg, disgusting.

 

A fond smile played around his lips and he shook his head amusedly.

„You won't talk to me, right? Ahh, I guess that's alright. Who in their right mind would talk to a complete stranger or even consider it.“ He leaned back into the bench and looked up into the sky. I blinked continuously because I was momentarily blinded by his bright persona. The mysterious guy, almost wearing black everyday with a stare so intense was actually quite...ugh, no. I don't want to voice it out. I can't or I might puke. ...He was quite adorable. There, I did it. Phew, thankfully there's no puking for me today.

 

When he spoke again I jumped back because it came unexpectedly. „Do you remember the day where you crashed into me? There you said something along the lines that I said that it was your fault? I don't remember that happening so I was wondering if you could elaborate that.“

„You implied it.“ I answered and he almost fell off of the bench in shock.

„Excuse me?“ He said.

„You implied that it was my fault.“ I repeated myself sternly.

„Well, but it indeed was partly your and partly my fault“ He amusedly chuckled. „You're quite different.“

„Should I be offended by that?“ I know that I am weird but I don't want to hear that coming from him! Who does he think he is?

„No. Different is good.“ That had me spluttering. The heck. The air around us got awkward and he cleared his throat. „We never introduced ourselves, right?“ He asked and stretched out his hand in my direction.

I looked at his hand and then at him again. „Why should I introduce myself to a stranger?“

He slowly let his hand fall onto his lap but his smile never faltered. Why was he smiling all the goddamn time? It creeped me out to be honest.

„You're right. So why not get more than just strangers? What do you say?“ I guess luck was on my side for once and a bus came halting in front of the benches we were situated at. I stood up once I saw it was my bus and ran up to the stairs. I turned around and shrugged my shoulders indifferently as an answer to his question. As the bus drove away I glanced out of the window and I saw him standing there waving slightly at me. I huffed and turned my back to the window not knowing that he saw me. What else I didn't know was that my life was about to change even further than that.

 

 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

 

It was a usual day at the coffee shop, or so I thought. For the past days I have been doing something that I never did before. I started bringing a book with me. I covered my face with the book while reading it and only looked up every once in a while. He was, again, sitting at the opposite side of the room and watched me. He was quite amused at the scene that unfolded itself when I brought that book with me and never once looked in his direction. Well...I did sneak a peek every once in a while, I have to admit that. He shook his head at my behaviour but didn't do anything else. I thought that after the awkward 'trying to be more than just strangers' at the bus stop he would do something like coming up to me at the coffee shop or carrying my bags at the grocery or something like that. So, as a precaution I carried a book with me everywhere I went and tried to hide my face just like he did before. One could call me childish, yes, but hey, who cares. It's my life so I can hide myself behind books if I want to.

 

So I didn't really expect anyone to break my new found wall and hoped that this day would proceed just as any other day. How wrong I was.

I was nearly done with the book and the suspense started to build itself up and I couldn't wait until the ending was revealed so I could continue reading the sequel that was published just a few months ago. I was so immersed into the story that I didn't hear the chair in front of me creak nor did I hear a little cough from that same direction. But I did notice that someone was there when a finger pushed the book downwards a little bit and peeked over it.

 

„Ahhh, you've almost finished it~ A really good book, a really good one I must say~“ He mused and I huffed. He leaned back and spoke again. „The brother was the culprit all along.“

I couldn't even finish turning the page after he said that. My eye started twitching and my anger-o-meter went off the scale. „You're kidding, right?“ I seethed and closed the book in slow motion. I ground my teeth together and stared at his indifferent face while he was picking his nails.

„What in the holy grail of motherfudging marshmallow filled cupcakes are you doing here and why the fudge did you just do that?“ I restrained myself, barely might I add, from cursing because there were kids running around the place.

„Now that I got your attention we can talk“ He uttered with a smirk etched onto his face. „What makes you think that I'd want to talk to you after what you did? You're just evil, pure evil.“

„Thanks, I hear that a lot.“

„Oh really, I just wonder why“ I faked a thinking face and tapped my cheek.

„Hey, the positive thing is that you don't need to read that book anymore! Remember always: The journey should be your goal and not the result itself“ He lectured and I spluttered.

„Are you a teacher or something? And nobody likes a person that spoils other peoples reading experience“ I rolled my eyes and shifted in my chair. „And by the way, why are you talking to me like we are friends?“ I squinted my eyes at him and he shrugged.

„Why are you even talking and responding to me?“ He smirked.

I scowled at him and blew a raspberry. „We're not friends and we're never ever going to be friends, trust me when I say this.“ He just hummed at this and took a sip from his mug. I didn't even see his tray being there. How did it get there? Was he a witch or something? I suspiciously eyed him and folded my arms across my chest.

„If it's about that weird 'getting more than strangers' thing you can leave right away. I'm not interested in meddling with anyone at the moment.“

„Oh, haha, yeahh about that embarrassing thing that happened at the bus stop... I'm sorry. I couldn't really form coherent sentences back then. What I meant was that I'd like to befriend you or something. You seem cool and quite enjoyable to be with.“

I choked on my hot cocoa and started laughing like a maniac.

„Wow, that was a great joke, wheew. Didn't have many good laughs recently, so thanks for that.“ I wiped a stray tear away from my cheek. I saw how his cheeks tinted a nice reddish hue and that made him look even more attractive than he already was. „I did understand what you meant at the bus stop and my answer stays the same. I'm not interested.“

 

He coughed and ran his hand through his hair that fluffed back into shape immediately after his hand left his hair.

„I wasn't joking. I mean, I know that I don't even know you and that today is the only time we ever talked to each other, excluding the embarrassing meeting at the bus stop. But I just feel like there's something about you that is different. And different can be a nice change sometimes“ He smiled softly and sighed.

My resolution faltered and I was at a loss for words. What was I supposed to answer anyways? I coughed and shifted my eyes away from him onto the table.

„I have to leave now but it was very nice talking to you. I'm looking forward to speaking to you tomorrow again“ He cutely waved and I just scoffed and played with the hem of my shirt. My heart involuntarily skipped a beat at his words and expression and I couldn't fight myself from looking away anymore. I watched him leave through the door and somehow felt...empty. But empty was not the right word to describe my feelings very well. It was weird. Very weird and confusing and just so frustrating. Why have I been acting like this recently? What is going on here? I hated feeling helpless and dependent but right now I felt all of that. Can't everything just go back to how it was? I guess I won't be able to ignore him anymore and I'm not sure if I even want that. My mind reeled back and forth and the thoughts that were clouding my head didn't really help me making a decision at all.

The only thing that I could do at this point was to just go with the flow.

 

Just like that did the following weeks pass by in a blur and I came to the conclusion that I didn't want everything to go back to how it once was. It was quite enjoyable talking to him or at least him talking to me. I was mostly passive but that didn't mean that I didn't listen to him. His voice had something so calming about it that I could just so fall asleep peacefully. And I actually did fall asleep once. We were at the bus stop that time and he was talking about his friends and I don't know why, but sleep took over me gradually. I woke up with him gently poking my cheek and brushing my hair out of my face when the bus arrived. I kind of rested my head on his shoulder while I napped and he was chill about it.

I loved the conversationless afternoons we sometimes had at the coffee shop. It wasn't necessary for us to talk up a storm to be comfortable with each other. There was this mutual understanding between us and words weren't needed. Though I did like to hear his smooth, velvety voice a lot. It had something very special about it.

 

I learned a lot about him, his friends and family. All of his friends sounded very funny and cool according to his stories and his family seemed really lovable and understanding. He somehow had everything that I was lacking. He was like the better male version of me and we still clicked somehow. We were different in some kind of things but also the same. We liked reading books, relaxing afternoons with a good, satisfying cup of a hot beverage, obviously, and what we both seemed to like a lot was staring at the other. Sounds creepy but it was true. Once I set my eyes on his face, and especially his eyes, I couldn't stop staring. I lost myself in his deep and mysterious eyes and wanted to unravel every little secret that his eyes held. I felt like I lost my one and only soul and forgot how to breathe every time our eyes met. In that particular moment, it was clear to me that this was it. That was what I was waiting for all my life. Him. Of course I couldn't tell him. How was I supposed to tell him that I, the cold and dead person inside liked him? Who would believe me that I was actually capable of feeling these things and who wouldn't think that all of this was a lie when I actually thought so too. I never wanted to like someone let alone like someone as much as I liked him. I was a cynical girl that was closed in on herself. But now? As disgusting as it may sound, but I bloomed, shifted into something I never was. Many would say that changing yourself for someone to be accepted by that person is wrong but I actually didn't change. I was still myself, just a bit less hateful but all in all I was the same person and he accepted me for who I was. At first I thought he must have a few loose screws up in his head to like someone like me but I came to see that he wasn't the normal average boy as well as I wasn't the typical girl. He was actually shy, believe it or not. He liked being alone sometimes or rather most of the time, he was calm but playful at the same time and many thought that he was a total loner. The exterior could really fool one into thinking to know the person and their character but looks were indeed deceiving. He was adorable and admirable for all of his achievings at such a young age. He could be a little devil sometimes but I didn't dislike that at all since I liked to be evil from time to time too.

I actually got my revenge for him spoiling the book for me. He had just a couple of pages left of the sequel and I took the chance.

 

„That's the sequel right?“ I asked him and he just hummed while reading. „I actually read it just a couple of days ago. It was a really good continuation I must say. Funny how we all thought that the brother was the culprit when it was the protagonist herself that killed all of her friends and family. That was quite a good twist“ I nonchalantly took a sip from my mug. He put the book down and his face screamed 'I want to murder you right now'.

„You did not just do that.“ I smirked and cackled evilly. „My revenge was well-planned and I succeeded!“ I rubbed my hands together and he sighed. „Touché. But I still want to kill you.“

It was funny how fast our relationship developed and got stronger over a few weeks time. We were merely strangers and a few days later we could've been considered friends. However there was one thing that was really unusual. It was three days after that day in the coffee shop that he realized something weird. „Wait. We don't even know each others' names!“ He incredulously said and his eyes widened. „Well, we never introduced ourselves so that's to be expected“ I said and shrugged my shoulders.

„So, what's your name?“ He smiled and leaned forward expectantly. „What's your name?“ I asked back and propped my chin onto my hands. „I'm not going to tell you unless you tell me your name.“

„I won't either.“ He huffed and gave me the stink eye.

„Is it really that important for you to know my name?“ I asked truthfully.

„I guess not“ He amusedly smirked and sighed while leaning back into his chair. „You're really different.“

„And so are you“ I smiled and he followed my actions.

 

~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~

 

 

I don't even know how it happened, really. It just did. It was a gradual flow that we followed and we didn't fight against it. We accepted it and we didn't get disappointed. After about two months we ended up together in the most natural way. It wasn't forced at all. It was like we knew each other for all of our lives when we actually knew each other for two to three months. We did spend every day together and I truly enjoyed every second of it.

When he send me off one night at the bus stop he hugged me and told me that he loved me and that he hoped that I wouldn't run away from him now.

 

I didn't.

 

It wasn't the most romantic confession the world has ever seen but for me it was everything. I never felt so secure in someone's arms as I did when he hugged me again after I admitted to actually being in love with him as well. I was embarrassed and I felt my face growing redder and redder but I never regretted telling him. I never regretted accepting him and he never regretted accepting me. I never felt whole but after I met him, I finally did and I finally accepted myself and the fact that I wasn't like the others. If I would've been like everybody else I would have never met him and I would have never loved someone like I loved him.

From then on nothing really changed. We spent our time together like we always did. Of course he met up with his friends and family members, went to college and worked but he never forgot about me. I did meet his friends and they were all lovely and teased us, but they more. They did find it weird that we didn't tell each other our names but they took that into consideration and never let his name slip. I together with them and they thought that we fit together really well.

 

My life took a great upturn and everything appeared better. The black cloud above my head started disappearing slowly. Some would call me foolish and maybe weak because I affirmed everything and didn't question everything and anything anymore. But I got to a point where I didn't want all of that anymore. I wanted to feel the same joy everyone else felt and I just wanted to be with him. It was as simple as that.

 

We spend Christmas together because he didn't want me to be all alone and his family approved of his idea though they never even met me. It was rare finding such accepting and easy going families nowadays.

Our first New Year's Eve was also something very special. We didn't go to a fancy party, restaurant or any official parties there were scattered around the town. We went to a secluded area in a park where nobody would be during the festives and we just lay there in the grass with blankets and pillows and just stared up into the night sky littered with stars. Many would find this very absurd and abnormal but we just liked our surroundings to be calm, peaceful and without too many people around. We talked but we mostly kept quiet and enjoyed the others' presence. Some time after we were lying there and talking he took my surprisingly warm hand into his like it was no big deal and I didn't comment on it. Once the countdown to the new year started he sighed and closed his eyes for a few seconds.

 

„I'm really glad that I met you. I really am.“ His words lay heavy on me but at the same time I felt like I was floating through the air.

„I'm glad too“ I responded and the clock struck midnight with many bright colours adorning the dark sky. He squeezed my hand and I squeezed back. It was us telling each other 'Happy New Year' in our own way of communicating. I can't even remember for how many more hours we just lay there and watched the rockets exploding until they gradually became less and less until the sky was just a gray and smoggy image of its' former self. Our New Year's Eve couldn't have been any better than that. What was the point in drinking excessive amounts of alcohol on a party with hundreds of sweaty people dancing all around you in a cramped space when you could spend your time with somebody you like and know instead of complete strangers. That was at least how we saw these things. Spending your time with someone that really means a lot to you is easy, enjoyable and time seems to fly away and in a snap the holidays passed and Valentine's day came around.

 

I have never been an overly romantic person and I didn't really care much for these things but I have to admit that I was expecting something from him on Valentine's day, no matter how small it was. It could've been anything, really. I didn't need much but maybe a single flower or a new book would've been nice. So when he came to my flat on the fourteenth of February I couldn't help but raise a brow at him when he stood there empty handed with his book bag slung over his coat clad shoulder.

„Are you ready?“ He asked and I nodded, picked up my winter jacket and locked the door after I stepped into the hallway. We went to the coffee shop as always, that was called 'Silent Serenade' as I just recently discovered. I wasn't mad, I really wasn't. Seeing all those cheesy couples all around made me somehow sick to my stomach and I was glad that we weren't one of those couples that would coo and scream 'Awww' at everything their partner did. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if those words and sounds would come out of my mouth every two minutes.

 

As we sat down he glanced at all the other couples that filled the vast space of the café, hummed in understanding and sometimes cringed in embarrassment. He looked at me when I stared at one couple in particular that exchanged small packages and my gaze halted for a few moments longer than it should have on the chocolates she apparently got from him. I did have a sweet tooth after all. I then looked at him and tilted my head in confusion at his unreadable expression.

 

„Don't tell me that you wanted something like that as well, or did you?“ He asked me and pointed at the couple sitting behind him that was cuddling and giggling and being overly cheesy. I pulled a face but he saw through my half-act and smiled while shaking his head.

 

„I could've organized something like that too, you know? I can be cuddly as well“ He pouted and my heartbeat accelerated at the sight of his cute expression. „But I know that you're not into lovey-dovey things so I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. It was clear to me after my confession. The day after you acted the same like nothing happened the day before. You just sat here and ignored my greatings like you always would but you still glanced at me and I swore that I could see a faint smile playing around your lips“ He smiled fondly at the memory and laughed at my surprised expression.

 

Before I could say anything he interrupted me and raised a finger in front of his face. „But: I'm not a bad boyfriend that doesn't think about his girlfriend. I completely accept you for who you are, although I am guilty for buying you something. It's not much but I thought I at least should get you something you really liked instead of some huge plushie that would catch dust in a corner of your flat.“ He opened his book bag and rummaged through it. I still couldn't utter a single word. I was just flabbergasted.

 

„So, here you are. Happy Valentine's Day“ He smiled and my heart melted away just like that. He got me my favourite chocolates and a post-it was placed onto the packaging.

„I-I don't know what to say. You- I- ugh. Thank you“ I stuttered and he knew what I wanted to tell him. He didn't need me to verbalize it for him. He just knew.

 

'I'm sorry that I didn't get anything for you. I'm sorry that I'm weird and a bad girlfriend. I'm sorry that I'm not like the others and I'm really sorry for not showing you enough that I really do love you.'

 

He nodded and squeezed my hand and I was thankful for the fact that he understood me so well, that he knew me and that he never tried to change who I was. I sighed relieved and we went on about our day like we did on any other day of the week. Valentine's day was in fact, just like any other day in the week and if a couple only showed the other how much they liked each other one day in a year then there's something wrong in their relationship. I'm nowhere near justifiable to judge another relationship, and I don't judge, but people often forget that the little things in life matter more than expensive presents on the fourteenth day of a month that was actually just like any other day and not really that important. The little things are what matter the most.

His smile every time I opened the door when he visited me.

His concerned gazes. The way he stood by the oven to cook something up for us. The way he hung and wore his jacket. Those are the things you should appreciate and enjoy every single time you are with a loved one.

 

There was that one day that I asked myself if I cherished the moments that I had with someone special enough. I was lounging on my couch when I got a text message. It was unusual and weird. I'm not someone that got messages a lot because I didn't have too many friends so it certainly surprised me. I unlocked my smartphone and opened the SMS. I didn't know why but I felt like something bad happened. I felt like I'd regret reading the text and that I'd wish to never have opened and read it.

 

I heaved a sigh while my phone loaded, it was kinda old, when I sensed something on my shoulder. I turned my head slightly and scowled. „Have you got no shame? Spying on other peoples' private messages?“

„Nope. I just wanted to take a peek.“ He grinned and I felt his jaw move while he talked. His furrowed eyebrows made me hum questioningly. „What is it?“

„The text is strange. Who send it to you anyway?“ I looked at my phone and frowned.

„It's my moms number...I haven't heard from her in years. And the message says: „Answer your phone when it's ringing, dear. It's common knowledge. I left you a voice message.“ ...I never heard the phone ringing? Have you?“ I asked him but he was too preoccupied with grimacing at the text itself.

„Your mom's really nice.“ He sarcastically replied and added that he too, didn't hear the phone ring.

 

„Well then, I'm gonna play the voice mail. I wonder what she wants though. She never calls nor texts me so why now?“ I never had a good relationship to my parents. That was the reason they send me to another town and why I've been living alone for a few years now. I think that I loved them. I mean, they're my parents. Who wouldn't love their parents. But they weren't really fond of me. We never worked out. They couldn't live with the fact that I wasn't the average, normal girl. Even though I was more normal and less cynical than I am now I still wasn't perfect enough for them and I would never be. I accepted that and lived on.

 

I walked to the small table that was pushed up to the wall next to the door to press down onto the button that would play the message. I anticipated the content of the call and waited for the little beep.

„Umm, hello, dear.“ That was so awkward. She would never call me dear.

„I wouldn't have called but it's something that the others have deemed important for you to know too.“

„Of course you wouldn't have called“ I grumbled and I heard him snort in the background.

„I don't know if you even care but your father passed away yesterday. That's all I wanted to say. Goodbye.“

The air in my lungs got caught up and I suddenly felt like puking. Was this really happening? I couldn't form any coherent sentences and my head was void of any and every thought I had before I heard the news from my stoic mother.

„Are you okay?“ I didn't even sense him standing beside me and rubbing my shoulder. I just didn't know what to feel right now. I looked at him and gave a broken smile.

„Stupid question, you fool.“ He looked apologetic and told me that he was sorry.

„I just don't know how to comfort you. You didn't really like your parents so one could think that you wouldn't care but I know you. You do care, a lot. So, you know, I thought that me not making a big deal about it would make you feel more at ease. That it would make you feel slightly better if you knew that I thought you'd be totally fine.“ I gazed at him and went back to the couch to sit down, my sight was getting slightly blurry.

„Again, I'm sorry. I don't even know if what I said made any sense. I don't even understand was what I just said seconds ago“ He laughed weakly and sat beside me.

„No...to me you made perfectly sense. It's just that I can't believe how well you really know me. I thought I hid all of those feelings really well so that nobody would see how I truly felt. But I guess I didn't do a good job after all“ I rubbed my eyes and gave a sarcastic laugh.

„You did hide it well but I am better at reading people and unraveling their secrets than you are at hiding who you really are“ He smiled and combed my hair with his fingers. I sighed and fell face forward into his chest.

„I don't know how to feel. I think it would be appropriate to call my mom and give her my condolences, fly back home, sit in the depressing living room with all the people that never really liked me and didn't even want me there. But I can't and won't do that. I did love my Dad but I can't go through all of that“ I whispered and my tears slowly started falling even if I willed myself not to cry. I failed bitterly.

 

„Did you hear her though? 'The others have deemed it important for you to know' Wow, thank you Mom. If you wouldn't have told me I would have never known. I liked my Dad better than her anyways“ I sniffed and he patted my head.

„You don't have to do anything if that's what you want. You shouldn't do something that you don't want to just to please others. Do what is best for you“ He murmured and his voice soothed me immensely. My tears stopped falling but my heart was still in pain. I knew it would pass away sooner or later and that I would be okay. Everything would be better with him by my side. Everything is going to be okay. Everything will be alright.

 

„Should we go outside and breathe in some fresh air?“ He asked and I nodded. I was quiet while we got up and walked up to the door after putting on our jackets. We walked side by side and once we got outside of the stuffy building he sighed in relaxation. He led me to a less-populated area so that we could have some time alone, some space to talk to each other without everyone wanting to listen in on our conversation. There were people around us but it was better than it was in the heart of the city. We sat down on a park bench and just stared straight ahead and up into the sky. „I am sad, you know.“

„I know.“

„But I think the fact that he passed away so quickly scares me“ I played with the hem of my jacket. He turned to me and nodded.

„That's understandable. At moments like these we truly understand how short life really is and that we should cherish every little thing that life gives us because it can take it away from us too.“

I stared into his eyes and laughed. „I guess the fact that you seem to be able to read my thoughts and know everything about me that even I didn't know about myself scares me more.“ He smiled and tilted his head confusedly.

„What do you mean?“ I just waved him off and shook my head. I stared straight ahead and closed my eyes. The sigh that slipped from my lips had a nostalgic tint to it and all the sorrow was slightly slipping away from me in tiny waves of unruly air.

„I don't want to sound poetic or philosophic, but there are some things that everyone thinks about from time to time“ He perked up after I spoke and watched me talk with an intense gaze.

„You were right about the things that I try or better, tried to hide. I've been hiding so many things that I ask myself from time to time what the real me is. Has it always been a mask i've been putting on? Was I ever truly happy? I don't really know the answers to these questions“ I chuckled bitterly and turned my head to him.

„But I know, that I have been happy while being with you“ I smiled and his eyes quivered slightly.

 

„Is today finally the day where I'll be happy? For the rest of my life? That were the things that I was wondering about every morning a new day started. The answer has always been no. I just wanted a moment of happiness no matter how fast it would pass by me, in an hour, a minute, a second... I really didn't care. Just that one moment of pure and genuine happiness is something that my heart has been craving for all of the years of my existence.“

„I swore that if I ever experienced it... I wouldn't ask for anything else. Because that's all I want. That's all I ever wanted. Always just that one thing. Happiness.“ He looked so drawn to my words, like he absorbed every syllable that left my mouth.

 

„I've been asking myself what happiness is and what that one moment of happiness would be like. But you....you gave me more than just one moment of happiness. I was truly happy while being with you. Even the ups and downs in our relationship made me happy because that showed me that someone truly cared for me. It showed me that someone was there who loved me and whom I could love equally as much. Everything just comes naturally to me when I'm with you“ I shivered and felt the need to cry.

Those emotions that have been bottled up in my heart could finally swim up to the surface and be free. No restrictions that would bind them were there anymore. Everything was left in the open now. I risked getting hurt in that moment, I risked getting scars on my weak and trustful heart but I knew that I could trust him and that he wouldn't trample on my feelings.

 

„I-I don't know what to say“ He stuttered. „I just feel like crying now“ He chuckled and wiped away a stray tear and so did I.

„Then we're already two people who want to cry now“ I laughed and he just hugged me really tight. „Do you even know what you're doing to my heart?“ He sighed and hugged me even closer to his chest. I couldn't breathe properly anymore but I didn't care. I couldn't breathe while being in his presence anyways so it didn't make much of a difference. I heard his heart beat loud and fast inside of his chest from my position and I hugged him back.

 

Everything went back to normal again after that and we went about our day like we normally would. The air around us was maybe still a little sad and dark but as the day passed by it lifted itself slowly and we smiled and talked and remained silent like every other day. I think a lot of people would judge me quite hard for brushing off the death of a family member that fast and I would totally understand that. It was unusual to go on like nothing happened when someone you knew and loved, died. But the fact that I haven't seen him for many years now and the fact that he treated me like I was worth nothing together with my other family members made it easier for me to go on. It made it a lot easier for me to go about my life like before and with his help the sorrow went by even faster.

 

I was exhausted by the end of the day and just wanted to collapse onto my bed and fall into a comatose-like sleep. My body was tired, yes, but my mental state was crushed more than ever. He send me off that night to be sure that I got home safe, like he does every time he couldn't stay and had work the other day. It doesn't happen that often, just from time to time.

His eyes bored into mine when I turned around to say goodbye. The words where stuck in my throat and I could do nothing else but just stare back into his deep eyes, the door to his soul. He patted my head and smiled softly. It wasn't pitiful or concerned, it was loving and strong.

 

„I'll love you, I'll always do“ He whispered and hugged me and I snuggled deeper into his chest. It was like a dejá-vu.

Normally I'd be disgusted by his cheesiness and yell yuck or cheesy but not today. Today that was something I needed to hear. Something I needed to hear from the person I loved the most. I hugged him close to me and whispered.

„Will you really love me forever and be with me together until the end?“

„Of course I will.“

 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

 

If my surroundings and especially me didn't notice the difference between me at that point in my life and almost 10 months earlier then we'd surely need to get our eyes checked. The change was pretty obvious and it couldn't be overlooked just like that. I was still me, no doubt, but I was different at the same time. I got dependent on him. Nothing new, really. If I was honest with myself I got dependent on him at a very early stage of our relationship. Sometimes I thought that I would rely on him too much, that if we didn't work out and broke up, I wouldn't know how to live my life anymore. I was sure that I would walk against walls and trip over nothing but air if he decided to leave me. But isn't that a scary thought? That someone would break down totally if a relationship would end? If your loved one decided to leave, that you'd leave somehow too? You wouldn't be the same person anymore and everything that you would do would remind you of that person. Those thoughts weren't new to me and they would crawl into my head sometimes and haunt for hours until he'd show up and shoo them all away. It wasn't worth my time, I concluded then. The fear was nothing against his smile and sincere eyes. His presence alone washed the fear away and made me feel confident again. He was all I would ever need.

 

I started liking my life with him by my side because it was simply so much better than it was without him. I liked our conversations that could turn from serious to ridiculous very fast, I even liked our little quarrels and fights that were more barking than biting. He made my life so much better so I sometimes asked myself what good I did to his life, so I asked him once.

 

„You know, I've been wondering if there are any benefits for you in our relationship, cause, you know, I'm a stoic potato most of the time“ I mused and ate my cake. He scoffed and rolled his eyes.

„You can be so stupid sometimes, I can't“ He mocked me and laughed not believing it.

„Excuse me?“

„Why are you even asking me something like this? It's not necessary for you to 'give me anything'. It's enough that you're my stoic potato“ He smirked and I scrunched up my face in disgust.

„Okay, I regret even asking you“ I acted like I had to puke any moment and he just laughed and continued to read his book.

He didn't like my insecurities and I hated them too but I was just a human being. Everyone felt insecure from time to time...but it being my first relationship ever I couldn't help it from bubbling up more often than not. As our relationship grew and passed the one year mark the self-doubt went away and it finally didn't bother me all that much anymore. He wouldn't leave me just like that and I finally believed his words.

 

„I won't leave you for anything there is on earth because nothing is worth more than you are to me.“

 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

 

Our first vacation was something else as well. Everybody knew that we weren't the most romantic couple out there but going on a vacation with your boyfriend's male best friends? Weird, right? But now they were my friends as well and I enjoyed the time we all would spend together so a relaxing trip with all of them would be fun right? Right? I thought so, but when somebody knocked onto my apartment door at seven in the morning I was irritated. A lot.

„Why, oh why are you here so early?“ I groaned and opened the door to see the smiling face of my boyfriend. I just frowned and glared at him.

„Aw come on, don't be like that~ We're going on a nice trip with our friends so don't make that long face, you're not a horse“ He let himself in and I stoically shut the door and turned around as lithe as a robot. I faced him and neighed. He laughed loudly and I couldn't stop the small smile that creeped itself onto my face. However my face turned sour once I remembered how early it was.

„Man, you're not a morning person.“

„I thought you'd realize that after more than a year that you've been stuck with me“ I grumbled and walked past him to jump back into my covers. I twisted and turned around until I looked like a wrapped up burrito with my pillows as a side dish.

„I did, I'm not that stupid“ He rolled his eyes. „But you seem to be more grumpy on some days than on other days“ He mused and I stuck my head out and blinked at the brightness of the room.

„You know I hate Monday's with a burning passion.“

„I know.“

„So why do we have to start our vacation on a Monday? Was that really necessary?“ I huffed and he shrugged.

„The boys wanted to depart today and I wasn't able to talk them out of it. But if I'm completely honest, I didn't even try that hard“ He smirked like the devil and I gasped. „I feel betrayed.“

„Meh“ He shrugged and approached my self-made burrito. „Now stand up and get ready, they're already waiting for us outside of the building“ He said and pushed me off the bed. I rolled off the bed and yelped as I crashed onto the floor. I dramatically lay there sprawled out onto the floor and grumbled. „What a cute and loving boyfriend I have.“

I heaved myself up and saw him standing there with his arms crossed. „Nobody ever said I'd be a nice boyfriend“ He sassed.

„I want a refund like, right now.“

„Sorry, but the opportunity for an exchange expired a year ago.“ I stuck my tongue out at him and stalked to the bathroom to get ready.

 

I almost got a heart attack when I saw how I looked like. It was not the first time he would wake me up really early and I'd look like a scarecrow but this, whatever that thing was that stared back at me from the mirror was just hideous. He saw me like that and his eyes didn't fall out of its' sockets? Wow, he deserved a prize for his bravery. I was impressed but I wanted to test him further. I took the little makeup that I had and smeared it all over my face. My already messed up hair was now in an even worse state and I wondered if I could untie it with all the knots it was littered with.

I opened the bathroom door with a loud bang and his head shot up. I stood there with a model pose and made a duck face. „How do I look? Can I go outside with this lipstick on? Does the colour suit me?“ I asked and blinked repeatedly.

„Of course you can, you're always pretty no matter what you wear“ He replied with a blank face and I squinted my eyes.

„Oh really? Is that so?“ I suspiciously asked.

„Yep“ He said in a deadly serious manner.

We stared at each other and I jiggled my hair back and forth. I was just waiting for that moment where he would break and there it was. His lips were quivering but his gaze was still serious. I still had a trump card up my sleeve and I smirked unnoticed. His eyes grew wide once I got into position and he knew that he couldn't resist it.

I threw my head back, my hands waved about wildly in front of me and I neighed like a crazy horse. It was an insider between the two of us... and embarrassing thing that happened to me once. But I don't know why I did that right now and most people wouldn't find it funny but our sense of humor was just as weird as we were. I apologized to all the horses out there that I insulted with my hideous looking face and very bad impersonation but I at least achieved in making him laugh out loud.

„Mission Impossible: Accomplished“ I whooped and went to get ready. I was pretty sure the boys were annoyed with waiting for the two of us and I didn't want them to leave without us. Once I was ready he helped me with my suitcase and when we were standing side by side in the elevator he prodded my arm with his elbow.

 

„I like it when you're joking around with me. It's an unusual site considering that it's you we're talking about but it's..it's just nice seeing this part of you from time to time.“ I didn't answer him verbally, I just sighed in relief and jabbed him back. The doors to the elevator opened and we strode to the exit of the complex. We met up with the boys there and they kept on asking and asking why we took so long to come down.

„I just hate Mondays. And mornings. Especially Monday mornings“ I grumbled and they laughed.

„I hate Mondays too. They had to literally throw me over the shoulder and carry me into the van“ A friend of him admitted and the others told me how they surprised him and were contemplating if dragging him to the car would look like they were trying to hide a corpse from a murder scene.

It was fun spending my time with them but after a while I just had to lean my head back and rest for a bit. They were quite loud and my head could just take so much. The van was big and we all fit in there surprisingly. On our way to the airport they chatted animatedly with each other and I stared out of the window to my left. He was sitting beside me and nudged me slightly. I hummed and tilted my head to the side.

„I've always been wondering why you hated Mondays that much.“

„I don't really know. Why do you like them so much?“ I asked back.

„Well it's not like I love that day in particular. I guess I just tolerate it? Or like it? I don't even know. But hey, it's not about me here“ He blew air into my face and I shook my head away from the ticklish feeling.

„My Dad loved Mondays a lot. He has always been a morning person, so I guess you two are alike“ I laughed a little.

„Maybe I started hating Mondays because I realized that they hated me. I think it could be that I assumed it to be some kind of revenge you know, like, 'If you hate me then I'm going to hate what you like'. In that case I started hating that day because he loved it so much“ I shrugged.

„Not much of a vengeful act but a little kid can't think of much more now, can it?“ He patted my shoulder trying to comfort me. And it worked.

„Well, you can start liking them now“ He smiled and I side-eyed him judgingly.

„We'll see about that. I still hate mornings'“ I huffed and shrugged him off.

„Aw come on, you can at least try, right?“ I just hummed and turned my body towards the window. „Wake me up when we're at the airport“ I said and started drifting into a deep slumber. I heard him chuckle quietly and felt him drape a warm jacket over my body.

„Sleep well.“

 

When I woke up the others were already carrying our suitcases to the entrance of the airport. He was still in the car with me and it looked like he was about to wake me up when I turned my sleepy eyes to him.

„Oh, you're awake“ He smiled and I groggily rubbed my eyes. „We have to get out in a few minutes to catch the flight on time. Are you well rested now?“

„So-so. Could be better“ I stretched myself and groaned once my neck and back cracked a few times. Sleeping while sitting in a car seat surely wasn't the most comfortable thing there was.

I followed him outside of the van and greeted some of his friends that were still working on unpacking the trunk.

 

„While you were asleep I was thinking about the time we spend together and backtracked to the day we first met.“

„Okaay...why?“ I suspiciously asked and took the handle of my suitcase into my right hand. Had our time together already expired?

„Well, I was just curious. I wanted to know what day it was. That's all.“

„Sooo, what was the day?“ I inquired and the lot of us walked into airport and searched for our designated gate. He smirked in response and I took a step away from him. „Uhh...“

„It was a Monday~ Now you have to like Mondays because that was the day when we met and if I'm not mistaken the day we got together as well.“ I grumbled and side-eyed him.

„I am, till this point, not even sure if I'm happy about the fact that we met each other and that I got to know you“ I said and those who heard bits and pieces of our conversation whooped and laughed.

He growled and had a scary look on his face. „What's that supposed to mean?“ He narrowed his eyes and moved his head closer to mine while I tried to evade it.

„I'm pretty sure our meeting rang the bell for my demise“ I sassed and the others turned nuts. He just hmpfed and shoved me playfully. I high fived with his friends and they started teasing him. I let them be and just walked to the gate with them.

Maybe I should really consider liking Mondays after all of those things happening recently. He has been a constant in my life, always there when I needed him, so I could at least tolerate the day during which I met him.

I could give it a try because now everything is how it should be. Because now I'm happy.

 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

 

I was still amazed at how fast time flew by, how fast months went by. I was surprised when I looked at the calendar and saw that yet another week passed by in a blur. It felt like we met decades ago but we never grew tired of each other. My insecurities went away and I could enjoy my life more than ever before. He was like a blessing to me and I loved him so much.

We were still young even if time has passed. Everything was still left in the open and there were no boundaries restricting us from succeeding our dreams. He was so near to achieving all of his goals and he was so happy the he could share it with me. He would ask me what my dreams were and I would just brush him off. Because he was what I've always dreamed of. He was my dream, my goal. My everything. Sounds cheesy and so unlike myself but it was the truth. He would always be what I need and want. I wouldn't need anything else but him and I was happy about that. What else would I even desire? Fame? Money? No. Just the happiness I felt while being around him was enough.

He would get angry sometimes if I claimed to have no more dreams that could be fulfilled.

 

„How can you not see the potential you have? Why don't you want to at least try out something new? It doesn't have to be something spectacular, just, anything would do!“ He slightly raised his voice and sounded irritated. I wasn't mad at him because of that, I could get mad too and be more of a fury than one could imagine. I bottled everything up until I would finally explode. He would let some of the stress come out once in a while that surely was healthier than keeping it all inside. So I never bothered much because it has always been harmless.

 

„Look, I love the fact that you're concerned about me and want me to find myself and all that poetic crap. But listen here, I'm very very content with what I have now. I don't need more and I don't want more“ I stepped up to him and held his face between my hands.

„I'm pretty easy to handle, right?“ He finally smiled and I mirrored him. He leaned his head onto my shoulder and sighed.

 

„I'm sorry. Again. I don't mean any harm but I keep thinking that it's not enough. That I can't provide you all that you truly deserve.“ I combed his hair and chuckled.

„No need to be sorry. And you're stupid for even thinking about that again. How many times have we been talking about it? I'm as happy as I can get right now, with just the two of us standing here in the middle of the living room.“ I enveloped him in my arms and he snuggled deeper into my neck. I knew that he was exhausted and that he was just so tired. The most I could do was just be there for him. Just like how he has been there for me in the past when I needed him the most. He has been my pillar and he will forever be the only person I could lean on.

 

„I love you“ He sighed contendedly and put his arms around my back. I patted his head in return and hummed a tune of one of his favourite songs to calm him down and get him to rest a bit before his upcoming finals on Friday.

 

I wasn't surprised in the least bit when he told me that he passed his exams after he got the results on Monday. He has always been a smarty-pants but he would never belittle someone or point out their flaws to embarrass them. However he would help others if they ever needed him and he sometimes forgot his own health because of that. It was frustrating but that's just him being himself. The ever helpful and understanding person.

 

He called me and told me that he passed his exams and that he would come to the 'Silent Serenade' to celebrate it together with me. After that we would meet up with his friends and just have fun for the rest of the day.

I hummed his favourite tune and stood outside of the coffee shop. My gaze wandered around and I took in the gray sky with its' dark clouds and birds flying around. The people around me were scurrying around and about to get home as fast as possible. I overheard someone mention a storm coming up but I didn't care much. I grew quite impatient but I would wait for him outside of the coffee shop no matter what.

I glanced at my watch and saw that it was half past four in the afternoon already and that he wanted to be here half an hour ago. However, he did say that he would be late because of the traffic and his professor that just couldn't come to a conclusion. So I just stood there and started daydreaming about the big mug of hot chocolate with a big fat blob of whipped cream on top of it, the delicious piece of cake or maybe even two, his voice lulling me into an even more relaxed state than I was in already. I would listen intently on how he would fantasize about our future and his career now that his studies were over. Then we would go to his friends and I was able to smell the liquor they prepared and hear their loud voices booming through the big house. It would be a wild night for sure but it was necessary from time to time. To just let loose and don't mind the work that still has to be done.

 

I was rudely interrupted by my phone ringing loudly in my pocket. I was curious to know if it was him who was calling to tell me that he wouldn't be here for another half an hour or if it was one of the boys wanting to know when we'll be coming. I looked at the number and didn't recognize it at all. I furrowed my brows and answered the call. It was a woman that was speaking to me. I was listening closely to her words but after a few sentences I didn't want to hear her annoying voice anymore. I didn't want to hear it because I didn't want to believe it.

 

I don't know for how long I've been standing there waiting for him. Were it minutes, hours? I lost all of my sense of time. I felt numb and cold and my limbs were hurting from standing on the same spot for such a long time. There was suddenly someone shaking me and I didn't realize it at first but now that someone shook me violently it was like time starting ticking again.

 

It was cold, so cold. The rain that was falling from the skies felt like tiny razor sharp blades piercing my skin. My clothes were drenched, my hair stuck to my forehead and my body was hurting.

„Can you hear me? Please, say something!“ I could barely make out the voice that was calling out to me. I turned my head slightly but even that hurt like hell. My eyes could see a figure or rather figures moving around in a frenzy and it took me a few seconds to adjust my eyes to my surroundings and to blink away the river of rain drops that got caught up in my lashes.

„Let's get her somewhere warm.“ I didn't want to and I wanted to voice out my thoughts but my throat felt sore. I tried shaking my head ans whimpers escaped my mouth.

„..N....N-no...“ I croaked and they asked me to repeat what I said. „I'm still w-waiting. He'll b-be he-ere any moment“ I sobbed pitifully.

„We have to get you somewhere warm and safe okay? It's not safe out here in the cold and with a storm like this roaming around in this area... Come now, come“ The voice sounded tired and hurt but I didn't know why.

They carried me into the next best coffee shop which happened to be the 'Silent Serenade'. The wind was howling behind me and I wanted to turn around and take back my position in front of the coffee shop but I was just so weak. I flt someone drape a blanket over me and I was pushed into a sitting position.

„Look at me, please“ Someone cried and I could barely withstand the sadness in those eyes that were staring at me. I knew those eyes well. Normally they were happy, bright and full of life but now they just looked empty and dead. His eyes looked like how I felt.

„Where is he?“ I sobbed. He looked at me and shook his head.

„We know you got that call. The woman called us after she got no response from you and informed us about...everything“ He took a deep breath and resumed speaking. „He won't be coming. He'll never be able to return.“

„No that's not true...He said he'll be here late but he said that he would come to celebrate his graduation. You know that“ I shivered and prodded at his shoulder with a weak attempt to make him understand that he would be here any moment.

„Stop it, please. Stop hurting yourself. We're hurt as well, you know. But seeing you like this...it makes everything even worse. Please, just accept the fact that he..died.“

Hearing him utter those words made it real. The situation wasn't fake anymore. It wasn't just a joke anymore. It was real. I didn't know it, but I felt the tears stream down my face like they have been for the past hours after I got the call from that forsaken woman.

 

I thought that I have been imagining everything. That I never even met him. That I have never even gotten into a relationship with him. That it was just a dream.

Was it all a lie? Was it fake? Did my crazy mind come up with all of that on its' own? As i saw the pitying glances around me, I knew, that everything that happened was true.

 

It was true that he loved me. It was true that I loved him. And it was unfortunately true that he died the day we were supposed to take a further step into our future together.

 

But that wasn't possible anymore. And it would never be. Never.

 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

 

Life had to go on somehow. It did start to go on for them. Somehow. They still weren't quite over it but they managed somehow. For me, anyhow, time stopped ticking for me once I got that call. It never started running again and I wasn't sure if it ever would

 

I would smile when they would come by in the morning to check up on me. Especially if it was a Monday. I tried, I really did. I tried to like the things that he liked. I tried to realize his dreams. I tried to do everything that he suggested me to do. It was specifically hard for me to accept Mondays. I managed to like them for a while, I really did but my smile turned more sour every passing week until I loathed them. How was I supposed to like that day?

I'll forever hate Mondays, since one took him away from me. He died on a Monday. And I would forever blame that day for the loss that I experienced. I would forever blame it for my broken heart.

 

It hurt even more when I remembered bits and pieces of our conversations that seemed to play day in and day out like a broken CD in my head.

 

„So, What is your name?“

„Is it really that important for you to know my name?“

 

I would smile every time I remembered this particular conversation we had.

We never used our real names but I would forever carry his name in my heart. Of course I knew his name and I was pretty sure he knew mine but we liked to keep that a mistery between us. It was something that existed only between us.

His name was tattooed onto the crevices of my broken heart.

His name belonged there now like the mug of hot chocolate belonged to the piece of cake on my tray. Like his books belonged to his bag.

 

I would forever remember him just like my whole being would remember his every fibre. My lips slowly moved to taste his name for the first and last time ever.

 

It felt foreign yet so so familiar. It was as if his name was my prayer. Like his name was meant to be spoken by me and only me. Like it was meant for me.

 

I opened my eyes in a snail-like manner and stared ahead of me into the sky, wondering if he'd ever hear the words I was about to utter. Could he see me from above there, I wondered.

The breeze came crashing into me from behind and made my hair and clothes ruffle up and feel the need to accompany it on its' journey.

For the first time in my life I felt like I was accepted by life itself. I felt it envelope and cuddle me. I felt it consoling me. I felt safe yet sad. 'Was this what i've always ever wanted?

 

I closed my eyes and stared right ahead of me with a stone like gaze right after.

 

„Kyungsoo...“

 

I smiled bitterly.

 

Everything started with a Monday and ended with one too.

 

 

 

Once upon a Monday there was a sad little girl that seemed to be the target of everything bad around her. She wouldn't know until it was too late, that there was someone about to step into her life that would change it forever. The little girl would be happy for once in her life and she would know when it all started.... Yes...she would know...

 

Once Upon A Monday....