Ever since Taemin had broken the news to him, Minho hadn't spoken of his husband's pregnancy and had avoided any talk that came even close to it.

All in all, he mostly acted like nothing had changed at all between them. As if there wasn't a child growing within his husband and like he didn't see the way his behavior was affecting the younger.

 

It wasn't that he wanted things to be awkward or that he wanted to hurt Taemin. If only he could chose to feel elated at the idea of being a father and stop thinking about all the cons of having a kid, he knew things would be less strained with his husband.

 

But the truth was that the idea of being a father was repelling to him.

 

Let's be real, the man he persistently called his father was nothing but a figure in a picture and someone with whom he shared his surname.

After his parents got divorced when he was five, his father became just a stranger with whom, throughout his childhood and teenage years, he'd only got to interact with during holidays, that is... when the man dared even show up to spend some time with him.

The only real moments he'd spent with his father happened after he'd been of age to work with the man in his company and even then, almost everything revolved mainly around work.

 

Even though his mother's second husband, Yongwoon, had tried fitting in the role for him; adjusting to that had been hard for the thirteen year-old Minho, coupled with the fact he also had to get used to the idea that said “new father” came into his and his mother's lives, bearing a thirteen year-old son of his own.

 

Although through the years, he'd grown extremely attached to both, and even came to call Yongwoon “dad”, his almost nonexistent relationship with his real father and his perennial research for the man's recognition and approval, made so he had always resisted and never really given a second thought, to accepting Yongwoon as an actual father figure.

 

So, yeah... Minho didn't want kids. Not because he didn't like them – well, maybe a little bit of that too, the little monsters could be a handful, he loved his nephews and niece but only stood them for a very limited amount of time –, but because he simply didn't feel like he'd ever be able to raise a kid, let alone, be a good father.

 

Still, a part of him insisted these were just excuses he was making up to justify his fear of paternity. But he insisted on ignoring such thoughts, telling himself such a fear wasn't real and that refusing to have kids was very much justified considering his background.

 

"What's wrong, son?" Yongwoon asked him, cutting the flow of his thoughts.

 

He looked at the older man sitting across from him with an embarrassed expression, conscious he had been spacing out. That was happening way too often those last few days and it would be a lie if he said that people noticing his lack of focus was a surprise.

 

He was sitting at a table in a restaurant with his step-father and brother, waiting for their food to be served. The two older males had appeared at his office a while ago and invited him to have lunch with them, which the younger had gladly accepted, longing to do something to get his mind off the current situation with his husband.

 

The problem was that the previous week's happenings were still bugging him, even when he was doing his best to stop thinking about them.

 

“You know, I was with Taeminnie the other day... he seemed completely out of it too.” Kibum said, his feline eyes training on his step-brother's features. “Did something happen between you two? Did you have a fight?”

 

“Stop prying, Kibum.” Yongwoon chastised his son, but the younger was having nothing of it.

 

“So?” he insisted at his brother's silence.

 

They had yet to deliver the news to their family and honestly, Minho couldn't be less ecstatic at the perspective.

 

“No–”

 

“Don't you dare give me same the 'nothing' bull your husband served me.”

 

Minho glared at his brother, but when the elder held his gaze, he let out an exasperated sigh before averting his stare.

 

“Son, what's wrong?”

 

Minho pressed his lips in a tight line, resignation settling in.

 

“It's... Taemin he's... he's pregnant.”

 

He couldn't help but think that these words sounded wrong as they rolled off his tongue and he bite at the inside of his cheek, suddenly feeling guilty for such a thought.

 

“He's what?!” Kibum exclaimed, eyes wide.

 

Yongwoon let out a huffed chuckled.

 

“Really? Congratulations!” the man's smile had the younger male frowning a little, put-off by his step-father's enthusiasm.

 

“Wait a minute.” Kibum spoke up, a frown on his features as his expert eyes observed his brother's body language and he didn't like what he saw. “You just answered to a “what's wrong” question that you're husband's expecting. What the hell Minho?”

 

The younger opened his mouth but no sound came out. Was his brother really going to start analyzing him?

 

“I mean... come on, aren't you guys supposed to be happy about this? Taemin looked pretty down the other day... and you look just... ecstatic.”

 

The sarcasm was clear in the last part of the sentence and Minho pressed his lips shut, averting his gaze to the table in front of him, already expecting where this was going.

 

"Did something happen? Is something wrong with the pregnancy?"

 

He wanted to reply that the pregnancy in itself was wrong, that it was the odd factor messing everything up. But he was too conscious of both how unreasonable and insensitive his thoughts were.

It was his own kid he was thinking about in such a way and, although the whole concept of a child he'd be calling his own was hard to wrap his mind around, he couldn't ignore the guilt that came with such thoughts.

 

"Nothing's wrong..." he said instead, playing with his glass of water.

 

"Stop with the bull Minho." Kibum reiterated.

 

"What your brother means, is that we're worried about you. You don't look very happy." Yongwoon intervened, throwing a reprimanding look at Kibum who just let out a displeased humph.

 

Minho sighed.

 

"We are dad..." he paused. "He is at least."

 

The last part was said in a lower tone, as he kept his gaze on his glass, seemingly fascinated by it.

 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kibum asked, with a raised eye-brow.

 

Minho gulped slightly.

 

"I... I don't know..." he admitted at last. "It took us by surprise and... having a kid is just..."

 

He sighed once more.

 

"Let's be honest... I never wanted any so–"

 

"Please, tell me you didn't tell Taeminnie that, when he told you about the baby..."

 

Minho looked weirdly at his brother.

 

"What? No... we had that talk a while ago... the point is, he knew it before. I'm guessing that's why he kept it from me until that day, when he fell on the stairs."

 

The memory was recalled with bitterness and his words came out tinted as such and Kibum scoffed in disbelief at that.

 

"I can't believe you'd even tell him something like that." The older male said with a tone of accusation. "What kind of husband are you? You should be supportive of him, not making him feel like he has to hide these kinds of things from you!"

 

Minho glared at his brother but didn't find any retort. He knew the elder was right and it made him feel even worse with himself.

 

He also knew Kibum was biased. He was always siding with Taemin in everything, not to mention the fact he was himself father of a three year-old cute little girl – Minho admitted he was completely smitten over his adorable niece, but that didn't change the fact being a father himself .

The point was, he knew no matter what he said about that situation that went against Kibum's view of things, would be met with disapproval from the elder.

 

"You know what mom would say if she heard you say something like that?” Kibum asked.

 

Minho huffed with a small wry smile.

 

“I guess it's a good thing that she's not here to hear that, then.”

 

Yongwoon chuckled at that. “Indeed.”

 

The younger of the three trained his gaze back to his step-father and his dry lips before looking down at his glass again. He knew the man was silently waiting for him to explain his reasons for being so against the idea of having a kid. Even though the man didn't say anything, Minho could see the questioning in his eyes.

 

"It's all just so complicated..." he finally said.

 

"Isn't everything about becoming a parent complicated? It's a big step in one's life," Yongwoon said, a gentle smile stretching his lips. "I would know... you two have been a handful."

 

"You're not helping, dad." Kibum interjected, leaning back against his chair and crossing his arms over his chest.

 

"What I'm trying to say is..." Yongwoon spoke again, ignoring his son's words. "It's normal to be scared–”

 

“I'm not scared.” Minho protested although they could all see through his lie.

 

“but” Yongwoon went on, undisturbed by the younger's interruption. “you still have a few months to get used to the idea... you have the right to be reticent, but don't forget Taemin's probably as surprised and scared as you are.”

 

“And he's the one whose body is going through all the changes." Kibum added, throwing his brother a pointed glare. “He's the one who has to deal with the pain, nausea and all the crap you alpha males can't understand. Not to mention, he's probably also feeling like hell 'cause you're being a .”

 

“I get it okay?!” Minho snapped at his brother, a glare of his own directed at the elder as gripped tightly at the glass of water in front of him. “I'm wrong! I should be all sunshine and rainbows about this whole thing, but the fact is, I'm not... I can't...”

 

“You can't or don't want to?”

 

“Boys.” Yongwoon spoke up, in a stern voice, knowing that from there the two were most probably going to start bickering.

 

The two younger males stopped talking at their father's reprehension and before either could come up with anything else to say, a waiter came with the food and served them.

 

Once the man was gone, Minho just stared at his plate, not really feeling like eating anymore, neither did he want to keep on that conversation. And the two older males seemed to get that point as they didn't press on the matter, although Kibum tried, being promptly stopped by Yongwoon as the man diverted the conversion to something else.

 

Minho was thankful for his step-father's efforts. The man never ceased to try and make things less difficult for others – which made Minho question who between the two older males was the real psychologist, seeing as Kibum was way too blunt and lacked delicacy with his words.

 

As they were parting after lunch, Yongwoon smiled at him slightly, reaching up to mess his hair – much like he did when Minho was a child and not at least three inches taller than him.

 

“You'll be fine, son. I'm sure whatever is preventing you from enjoying that moment with Taemin, can be sorted out. Just don't wait the last second to start working on it. You know I'm here if you need to talk.”

 

Minho nodded slightly, a small smile stretching his lips.

 

“Thanks dad.”

 

Kibum punched him lightly on the side.

 

“This talk is not over.” he warned.

 

Minho just rolled his eyes at the short male's words before bidding the two older males goodbye.

 

 

*

 

 

Over a month had gone by since his talk with his step-father and Kibum and despite Yongwoon's advice, Minho hadn't found it in himself to really work at chasing the ghosts he'd managed to lock away from his consciousness.

Somehow, a part of him was convinced it would be useless and most of all, it had also convinced him having a kid was just a way to go messing with these ghosts. But as his brother had claimed, he hadn't let the matter drop as easily.

 

After his breaking of the news to his step-father and brother, soon enough their whole family knew about Taemin's pregnancy and to say everyone seemed to be overly enthusiastic about the whole thing was an understatement.

 

He had lost count of the “it was about time” comments they'd received and that kind of reaction had done nothing to help his view of the whole situation.

He truly didn't understand what there was to be happy about a little parasite that was his husband's energy and would, for the rest of their lives, depend on how much care and love it was showered with. Honestly, aside from Taemin, he didn't feel capable to love another being to such extent.

 

Even more so, when said being's existence was completely unplanned and undesired by both him and his husband.

And although the younger male seemed to have quickly grown attached to the idea, he was convinced that had solely to do with the fact Taemin was the pregnant one. But that didn't change the fact that child had not been wanted.

 

It was like the story was repeating itself – okay, so maybe his logic was messed up by his even more screwed up emotions – but wasn't that exactly what had happened with his own father? Why the man had always avoided spending time with him and never acted like a father to him? Because he had been unplanned?

 

His parents had only gotten married in the first place, because his mother had gotten pregnant and his grand parents had forced them to be get married. That led to a divorced five years later, after which his father had gone MIA for months.

As a child, Minho didn't understand why the man had left home and growing up, he'd even come to question whether the man even loved him – albeit, he hadn't gotten a defined answer to that even to that day –.

When Donghyuk had remarried when Minho was eleven and had another son three years later, things seemed to fall in place for him.

 

It would be a lie to say he wasn't jealous of his half-brother, but it would also be untrue if he said he didn't get what motivated his father to be to Sehun what he had never been to him.

His baby brother was loved and cared for by their father because he had been planned, he had been wanted. While Minho was just the child Donghyuk had never really wanted, but had had to take responsibility for anyway.

 

Now, let's no misunderstand, Minho was convinced he was different from his father in many aspects, but a part of him just knew that in fatherhood, he would be the same as Donghyuk had been to him. He didn't want kids, because he didn't feel like he could love them, and in consequence he didn't want his children to go through the same pain and questioning Donghyuk had put him through.

 

The problem was, he had no idea how to put that into words and explain himself to Taemin to try to at least make the younger understand his stance on the matter. Instead, he resorted to pretending nothing changed. He'd treat Taemin the same, the kisses, hugs, smiles, talks. Yet, as soon as the younger would try to bring up the topic of his pregnancy, Minho would close himself up or simply change the subject, all the while pretending like he didn't notice how much he was paining the younger and trying to ignore the heartache he was inflicting to himself.

 

With a sigh, he pushed the front door of their apartment open, not bothering to turn on the lights as he closed the door behind him and took off his shoes, before making his way inside. He set his brief-case on the small chest in the entrance hall and walked further into the loft, his steps almost inaudible against the wooden flooring.

 

As he passed by the door to the living-room he suddenly came to a stop, surprised to hear the soft sound of the TV. As he peeked inside, he saw Taemin asleep on the couch.

However what really caught his attention in the scene, was the way the younger's shirt was rolled up, as he slept with a hand resting on the slight swell of his seventeen weeks belly.

 

Even if he was in the midst of his self-questioning, self-loathing – or whatever one wished to call it – Minho would be lying if he pretended he hadn't paid attention to the physical changes his husband had been going through since the start of this whole situation. Still, the sight he was being confronted to at that moment, stirred something inside of him. He wasn't sure what or why it had, but it did and he had yet to decide whether he liked the sensation.

 

With light steps, he walked inside the room, turning the TV off on his way to his husband, only stopping when he was in front of the couch, where he proceeded to kneel and reach out a hand to brush a few stray raven hairs off his husband's face.

 

Watching the younger's features had always been a fascinating thing to him. Sometimes, when he would come back from work late – like that day – and would find his husband fast asleep, he'd just lay by his side and watch him in his slumber, admiring every little feature that made the raven-head so much more perfect in his eyes.

 

Yet right then, fatigue was craved into the younger male's face, if the small dark circles under his eyes and creases between his brows were of anything to go by.

 

A little voice in the back of his head wondered whether his stance on the younger's pregnancy was the cause of that. If he was the one causing that.

 

Biting at the inside of his lower-lip, he brushed the thoughts off and let his eyes trail down to the younger's abdomen, his fascination seeming to increase at the close up view of the roundness of the raven-head's belly.

He stared at it for a moment and without thinking it through, slowly brought a hand towards it, fingers slightly brushing the extended flesh.

As if the gesture had given him a little more confidence, he let his fingers settle on Taemin's stomach, applying just a little more pressure, a weird bubbling sensation slowly filling his chest. Yet, he was quickly startled off his fascination when he felt Taemin stir in his sleep.

 

He promptly retrieved his hand then, looking at his husband's sleeping face in surprise and after making sure the younger hadn't woken up, he up a small breath.

Doing his best to ignore the strange things he felt, he got to his feet before bending down and slipping an arm under the younger's knees and the other, under the smaller one's back, careful not to disturb his sleep.

 

As he heaved the other up, he felt the younger snuggling a little closer to his chest and a small smile played on his lips, yet guilt sipped into him as he watched his husband's face relax, cheek against his torso. He loved Taemin so much and despite that, couldn't find it in himself to work on his problems and accept the current situation, that he knew would make his husband happy.

 

When his mother had visited them upon hearing the news, she had referred to the baby they were expecting as a blessing and Minho remembered how he'd thought the words to be an exaggeration then, even though the voice in the back of his head had disagreed with his thoughts. Told him that that child was a good thing and not a burden as he'd convinced himself it was, way before his husband even got pregnant.

 

The thoughts had him letting out an umpteenth sight before he slowly walked to their bedroom and carefully set the sleeping raven-head on their bed.

 

Just as he was straightening up, Taemin stirred awake, eyes fluttering open.

 

"...nho?" He spoke in a slumbering voice, as he brought a hand to brush the sleep off his eyes. "You're home..."

 

The elder smoothed Taemin's hair back, leaning in to peck his forehead.

 

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up." He said against the younger's skin.

 

"'s alright..." Taemin pulled his shirt down and adjusted his position on the bed, so he was now laying on his side. "If you're hungry, dinner's in the micro-wave."

 

Minho pulled back and smile down at the younger. “Okay.”

 

And with that, he was pulling the covers over the raven-head's body and walking out of the room.

 

In the kitchen, as he waited for his meal to warm up in the micro-wave, he leaned back against the island counter, replaying in his head a conversation he'd had with Kibum a few days ago. His step-brother had made it his mission to make him question his stance on that situation and Minho couldn't say the elder wasn't doing a good job at it, although a part of him was still putting some resistance to resigning to the older male's wise words.

 

The beeping of the micro-wave snapped him out of his memories and he jolted slightly, before straightening up and going to take his meal from the device.

 

As he sat down on a stool by the island counter and started eating, he couldn't help but to think back to what Kibum had told him. The older male hadn't ceased stressing on the fact most people experienced doubt and fear in the face of having a kid.

And although that wasn't much of a discovery for him, he wondered whether he was making this a bigger deal than it should be. After all, he wasn't the only one going through this and Kibum had made sure he didn't neglect the struggles Taemin was probably going through, which made him feel as even more of a jerk.

Not to mention his brother always made sure to press on the right buttons – blame that on the shrink he was – to make Minho reflect even deeper into his real reasons to be against that whole situation.

 

He felt like a coward and an idiot. Despite having long rebelled against his father and made sure Donghyuk understood he was not a tool for the man's every desire, in that situation, he was still letting him rule his life and decisions. Even if it was indirectly.

 

Up until then, contrary to what he'd told his husband, he hadn't really tried getting used to the idea of having a kid, instead he'd been incessantly – and stubbornly – enhancing his negative opinion of the matter.

But the happenings since their relatives discovery of the impending addition to their family, Taemin's increasing forlornness and Kibum being his sassy, ever-nagging and shrink-self, had him thinking more and more, doubts about the validity of his position slowly cracking the shell he'd built around himself.

More often than not, he'd found himself thinking he should actually try doing something about it, not only for his marriage's sake, but for the innocent life that would soon be in the midst of it all.

 

These thoughts never ceased to surprise him as he took notice of how seriously he was considering the baby in that equation. He had no idea when it had started sounding right.

It was a weird feeling, to think that in a few months, he'd be responsible for a tiny life that he had created with Taemin and even if the apprehension at the idea was still very much present, he found himself wondering what it would all be like if only he stopped resisting.

 

“You're ruminating about this way too much, Ming.” Kibum had told him during one of their talks. “Why don't you just try and take this for what it is? A good thing. When you do that, you'll see it's not that bad and scary.”

 

He wanted to say it was easier said than done, but a part of him wanted to believe his brother's words weren't so wrong.

 

He looked down at his hand, recalling how he'd felt when he'd touched Taemin's belly. It was disturbing really, how such ambivalent emotions could cohabit in him. The fear and reticence about the kid and at the same time, anticipation and want.

 

Want. That was something new...

 

Balling his hand into a fist, he took in a deep breath before letting it out in a huffed, disbelieving chuckle. Maybe if only he stopped rejecting the idea... if he followed Kibum's advice...

 

Later, when he went to bed, he lay on his side and spooned Taemin's body, pressing his chest against the raven head's warm back under the covers.

He buried his nose into his husband's hair, breathing in his scent as the hand he had on the younger's waist, hesitated just a little before sliding towards the shorter male's front, going to rest on the swell of his stomach.

The weird feeling came back into his chest then, when his palm rested on the round surface, cupping it perfectly.

 

It felt better than he'd expected it to be and he found himself thinking he could get used to the warm sensation.

 

“H-hyung?” Taemin's hoarse voice called as he was once again woken up. “What are you–”

 

“Shhh... just sleep, love...”

 

Minho didn't want to talk about it, it was hard enough putting his thoughts in order, he wasn't sure he was able to put them into words just yet, let alone explain his sudden urge to make that kind of contact with his husband.

 

“You should rest.” he added, knowing Taemin was still awake and conscious the raven-head was probably wondering about his uncommon behavior.

 

The younger didn't say however. Instead, just pressed himself closer to the elder's body, his own hand going to rest upon Minho's bigger one over his belly, as a small smile stretched his lips, before he slowly let sleep overtake his consciousness again.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

Taemin didn't really know what had changed Minho's mind, but he wasn't about to complain. Although the changes of the last weeks had been subtle, he couldn't suppress the joy it brought him.

Minho seemed less distant than he had been since he'd learned of his pregnancy and was also more attentive to small details.

Even though he still seemed reticent about the whole thing, the elder didn't try to avoid talks about the baby when they did come up, instead he'd show a timid interest or simply pay attention to what Taemin had to say.

 

The younger had also caught the elder staring at his growing bump in more than one occasion, which he found endearing because as soon as the older male would notice what he was doing, he would avert his gaze with an embarrassed expression adorning his features, as he tried going back to whatever he had been doing before.

Taemin would have felt self-conscious about it if it weren't for the utter fascination in his husband's eyes when he looked at him or his bump.

At night, as they slept, he would often feel Minho brush a hand over his stomach, or simply rest a palm over it.

 

Taemin didn't understand what had made his husband open up more to the idea but he was just content with how it was going. Even though a part of him still feared Minho was forcing himself; the subtle touches – some of which Minho didn't even seem to be conscious of – and timid caring assured him that the elder was really getting used to the idea. Or so he hoped.

 

A chuckle cut his flow of thoughts and he looked over at Minho who was standing by the entrance of the living-room with two mugs of tea in hands.

 

“What are you daydreaming about?”

 

Taemin smiled and shook his head slightly for an answer, as the elder walked in and passed him a mug before sitting by his side on the couch. The elder then seized the TV's remote control and started zapping a few channels, in search of something interesting enough to watch.

 

The raven head seized the mug with two hands and brought it towards his mouth, blowing on the hot liquid, watching his husband purse his lips in discontent as he found nothing on TV. He bit at his lower-lip, trying to come to terms with the question in his mind.

 

“Minho?”

 

The elder looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

 

“I was wondering...” the younger lowered his mug, forearms resting on his lap. “I have an appointment at the hospital on Thursday... The doctor said that we'll probably be able to know the gender of the baby... would you like to come with me?”

 

Minho's expression seemed to freeze for a moment, as did his finger on the remote control and Taemin instantly deflated. Maybe he was rushing things for the elder?

 

"Uh... okay..." the reply was nearly inaudible and Taemin almost missed it.

 

"... really? I mean... if you don't want to, I'll understand. I don't want you to feel pressured into doing this and–"

 

Minho shook his head, smiling at him as he set the remote control aside and reached out, taking the raven head's mug from him and setting both cups on the coffee table before scouting closer, sliding an arm behind the younger and pulling him closer.

 

"It's okay, I want to." As he said that, he leaned in and put a chaste kiss on the raven head's lips.

 

Taemin smiled back as Minho pulled away and snuggled closer, bringing his legs to rest on the couch, so he was now half-laying on his husband, head on the elder's chest and both arms around the bigger male.

 

Minho let his hand trail over the younger' back, holding him closer as they fell into a comfortable silence.

Yet their position soon grew uncomfortable for Taemin's back and the younger squirmed, trying to find a better position, a small grunt leaving his lips.

 

"Are you alright?" Minho asked as the younger sat straight with a little frown.

 

Taemin smiled embarrassed.

 

"Yeah... I guess there's so much my back can take now..."

 

As he said that, he let a hand trail to his twenty weeks-old bump, Minho's eyes following the gesture as if instantly mesmerized.

 

"Can you feel it move yet?"

 

The question caught both of them by surprise and Minho mentally scolded himself for losing control over his own mouth.

 

Taemin on the other hand just served him a closed mouthed smile, leaning back against the couch and sitting leg-crossed on it.

 

"The doctor said I should feel it soon, but for now it's just fluttering." He replied.

 

"Fluttering?"

 

Taemin pursed his lips and shrugged slightly.

 

"That's how the doctor called it... it's a weird sensation... like there are butterflies in my stomach."

 

Minho titled his head to the side, trying to imagine it and letting a frown break onto his features upon failure.

 

"Hyung?"

 

"Hm?"

 

"Are you really okay with this?" The question was uttered in a small, unsure tone.

 

He wasn't looking at the elder when he spoke, choosing instead to stare at the hand resting on his belly.

 

In all honesty, he was afraid of the answer. He didn't want Minho to tell him he wasn't fine with the pregnancy, but he didn't want the elder to pretend he was, either.

It wasn't so much for himself he was worried about, but his baby. He didn't want his child growing up knowing one of its fathers didn't want it to exist.

 

Minho looked at him and let a small forlorn smile stretch the right corner of his lips as he brought a big hand to rest over his husband's on his belly.

Taemin looked at Minho in surprise, noting the far off look on the taller male's eyes. He slowly slipped his hand from under the other's and placed it over the elder's, letting Minho's warm palm touch his stomach.

 

"I wasn't..." the older male said at last, looking down at his hand, caressing the belly. "But... Kibum said many things that got me thinking... and notably that I was ruminating..."

 

Taemin let out a small huffed chuckle. His brother-in-law often used a jargon that sometimes made it hard to understand what he meant to say.

 

"Anyways... it got me thinking of what I was ruminating about and... I came to the conclusion I was thinking too much about my father."

 

The raven-head let out a small breath, squeezing his husband's hand slightly.

 

He knew that, even though Minho didn't talk much about his relationship with Donghyuk, it didn't mean said relationship didn't hurt the elder anymore.

 

Mr. Choi had always been a distant man. As far as Taemin could remember, he had never been a part of his son's life and when he did appear, he was always demanding of Minho's academic results but didn't take interest in anything else.

 

As if all of that wasn't enough, Donghyuk had remarried when Minho turned eleven, with a woman over ten years younger than him and had four years later, had a son with her.

And although Minho had grown attached to his younger brother, Taemin knew that being conscious his father was doing to his little brother, everything he had never done to him, had never sat well with his husband.

 

Despite that, the elder had long lived for nothing else but to reach Mr. Choi's expectations, hoping the man would see him as more than just an heir. But when his efforts had only resulted in the man trying to marry him off to the heiress of one of his business partners, Minho had finally rebelled against him for the first time, making it clear to the man he wasn't about to let him dictate his life despite wanting recognition.

 

When later on, Donghyuk had expressed his will for his son to succeed him as head of his company despite the younger's refusal to abide to the arranged marriage, Minho had thought things between him and his father could actually get better, only to be disappointed when the man had kept their relationship strictly professional.

 

Taemin wasn't sure exactly how the man came to be in Minho's reticence about his pregnancy, but he was starting to have an idea of it.

 

"I thought that not having kids would be optimal to avoid repeating the pattern, you know? I don't really have the best father figure as a reference and... I'll be honest, the responsibility is too much.”

 

The raven-head bite at his lower-lip, not sure how to feel about these words.

 

“But I got you pregnant anyway... and... I was caught completely off guard.” Minho retrieved his hand and put it on his lap, staring at it intently. “It took me a while to even digest the idea.”

 

He then adjusted his position to sit sideways, prodding his elbow on the back of the couch, and leaning his head against his fist, looking at his husband with a small smile.

 

“But despite everything... not being ready or not wanting it initially, I don't want our kid to go through what I did, Tae... and I'm not sure I can do a better job than my father did with me... but, I'm willing to try."

 

The raven-head smiled fondly at that, reaching forward and wrapping his arms around the taller male's neck, burying his nose at the base of it, Minho promptly returning the hug.

 

"Mr. Choi was not a father to you, hyung." Taemin said against the elder's skin, feeling Minho tense slightly. "But, you did have a good father figure in your life... or are you forgetting about your dad? If anything, you'll be to our baby as good of a father as uncle Yongwoon is to you.”

 

Minho furrowed his brows slightly at that. Through all his self-loathing about a father that never truly paid attention to him, he'd neglected the man who had actually raised him.

 

The ironical situation had him huffing slightly in disbelief.

 

“What is it?” Taemin questioned, trying to pull away, only for his husband to hold him tighter.

 

“Nothing, just..” Minho mumbled, letting out a small sigh. “I'm really an idiot.”

 

Taemin frowned, pulling back just slightly so he could look at the elder' face.

 

“What...?”

 

Minho loosened his grip on the younger before leaning his forehead on his husband's and closing his eyes.

 

“I've been so caught up on my self-pitying, giving myself reasons not to be excited about the baby... Donghyuk kept coming to my mind every time I thought about it... how him being so absent had affected me, how I've always yearned for his recognition... how loving the baby would be impossible because I didn't know what a loving father was... but I did know all of that, didn't I? Dad, he...”

 

The elder exhaled and Taemin smiled slightly, bringing up at hand to cup Minho's cheek.

 

“He's always been there for you, that's why you neglected him.” the raven-head said. “Hard to pay attention to what makes us happy when we're so caught up on what hurts.”

 

“I guess... I never really gave dad the credit he deserves...” Minho admitted, before letting out a small chuckle. “I'm such an idiot.”

 

“You are.” Taemin agreed with a small smile that flattered slightly. “You should've told me this had been bugging you... instead of beating yourself up about it. I could've helped you.”

 

“I know.” the elder said, leaning into the palm against his cheek. “I'm so sorry... for everything...”

 

The raven-head smiled once more, although it was still a little forced as he put a small kiss on the tip of the elder's nose.

 

“You better.” he said as he moved again to bury his nose on the crook of Minho's neck. “That's what you get for not talking to me.”

 

This time, his voice came out with a trembling as tears welled in his eyes. For the last three months, he had been eaten by worry and fear that his husband would leave him because he was pregnant, and to finally hear the elder give him his reasons for being so distant and being reassured Minho was not so against the idea, filled him with a relief he could barely contain.

 

Minho frowned as he heard his husband's voice and felt humidity against his skin.

 

“Hey... don't cry, I'm so sorry...” he squeezed the younger into his arms, fingers caressing the younger's sides soothingly. “I promise I'll be more outspoken.”

 

Taemin sniffled, feeling silly for crying so easily, but still unable to stop the tears.

 

“Love, please...”

 

Taemin whined softly against his neck.

 

“I was trying to be the strong one here.”

 

Minho let out a small chuckle, before holding the younger a little tighter in his arms.

 

“I'm supposed to be the one comforting you... not the other way around.”

 

“I didn't marry you expecting you'd always be the one to give reassurance.” a tearful voice answered him. “I'm pretty sure I signed up for a two-way relationship.”

 

Taemin pulled away and tried smiling at his husband. The elder returned the gesture as he cupped his face, thumbs wiping the tear strained cheeks of his lover before he put a chaste kiss on the younger's lips.

 

“I love you.” Minho said.

 

Taemin blinked a little to get rid of the remaining tears.

 

“That makes two of us.” he replied, mustering up a smirk.

 

Minho huffed playfully. “Don't ruin the moment.”

 

Taemin only chuckled, leaning in to rest his head on the elder's shoulder, arms sliding down to wrap around the elder's waist.

 

“I love you too.” he said after a moment. “And it's because of that, that I'm sure we'll work this out. Besides, I don't think that fatherly reference it completely necessary here, we'll both be learning how to take care of our kid and we'll both make mistakes, but we'll also make rights. What really matters is to show our baby we're here for them, that we love them.”

 

Minho just hummed his agreement and silence followed as they stayed in that position, until Taemin's back started aching again and the younger pulled away with a small grimace, leaning back against the couch. Minho chuckled, but said nothing, instead he took their mugs of cooling tea from the coffee table and passed Taemin his own. The younger seized it with a small “thanks”, and after taking a small sip, looked back at his husband with his trade-mark puppy eyes that were only enhanced by his humid eyelashes.

 

"Min..."

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Can we order a pizza?"

 

The elder rose an eyebrow at that. Taemin hadn't eaten pizza since he was fourteen, after his younger sister, Yeri, had gotten sick upon eating some and had thrown up all over him. Since then, Taemin had refused to eat anything even remotely close to a pizza.

 

"Are... you sure?"

 

"I've been craving it since this morning..."

 

The elder chuckled at that.

 

"Okay."

 

Minho never thought he'd see such a delighted gleam in his husband's eyes at the perspective of eating pizza.

 

---

A/N: So, here's the second chapie. Kind of a long one, and uh... I think also kind of repetitve, but I tried toning it down a little. Tried. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed! Thank you so much for all the subs, upvotes and lovely comments. I was so happy for such a great response! I love you all! <3

xoxo