“Honjaga anin dul dul dul… Gaseumi tteollyeowa wa wa…” Youngmin was singing to Boyfriend’s latest single with his headphone on. It was break time at school. He flicked the black pen on his hand as he bit his lip, seemed to be lost in deep thought. Once in a while, he would draw random things on the now filled paper in front of him.

“What about a T-shirt?” Youngmin muttered under his breath. The blonde then shook his head and sighed. “No, that is too plain. I want to give him something special. But what could it be?” Youngmin messed up his shining blonde hair as he groaned in another frustrated tone for the umpteenth time that afternoon.

“What’s the matter, Hyung?”

Youngmin was startled when he heard the familiar voice of his twin and quickly turned around. “N-nothing,” Youngmin stuttered as he crumpled the paper in his hand, trying to hide it from Kwangmin’s sight.

The younger twin narrowed his eyes. He knew that his twin wasn’t telling the truth. Kwangmin then leaned closer to the blonde, striving to sneak a peek at whatever Youngmin could be hiding behind his back. “Come on, Hyung, let me see it!” he whined like a child, completely curious.

Youngmin shifted from side to side. “No, it’s really nothing!” he tried to sound as convincing as possible, but failed miserably. He just didn’t want the brunette to find out about his plan.

Kwangmin wasn’t stupid enough to buy it. He pouted in annoyance. The brunette hoped that by doing so, his twin would give up eventually and reveal the secret. But Youngmin was being relentless today, so he reached out his hand to steal the wrinkled paper from his twin’s hand.

“S-stop it, Kwangmin!” Youngmin’s face heated up as he felt Kwangmin’s weight on his body. Their faces were dangerously close now; he could even feel the brunette’s breathe on his cheek.

“No, Hyung…! I won’t stop until you let me see it!” Kwangmin said playfully. He didn’t care if their classmates were staring at them now.

Minwoo could only shake his head when he saw the twins fought over a piece of paper and chuckled. The twins didn’t notice his presence because they were too busy with their commotion. The dancer then cleared his throat in attempt to get their attention.

“I’m sorry, but can I talk to Kwangmin? It won’t take long, I promise,” Minwoo said while flashing his usual cheerful smile.

Youngmin and Kwangmin immediately stopped their activity. Kwangmin got up from his previous position and straightened his creased uniform, while Youngmin turned to the other direction to hide his blushing face.

“Sure!” Kwangmin said before following Minwoo to the outside, leaving the blonde alone.

Youngmin sighed in relief when they left. He stared at the wrinkled paper he had been holding tightly for the last five minutes in desperation. Youngmin couldn’t possibly let Kwangmin see what’s written there. Those are the things he listed down for his twin’s Christmas present.

Yup, Christmas was around the corner, but Youngmin still hadn’t come up with an idea yet. He couldn’t decide what would be the best present for Kwangmin. Usually, he would just simply buy him Pokémon stuffs and it would make Kwangmin’s day. But he had been giving him that kind of things for the last four years. Even though he was sure as hell that the brunette wouldn’t get bored of them, Youngmin still wanted to give him something different.

Yes, he wanted this year’s Christmas to be special.

The blonde smiled when he thought about his whole plan again. Every year on December 24, there would be a huge Christmas tree on display in front of a department store in Myeongdong District. Many couples would go there before midnight to do countdown to Christmas. It was said that couple who made wishes under that Christmas tree would have a long-lasting relationship.

Youngmin knew that the tradition was for couple. So, what did it have to with Kwangmin and him?

Well, the brunette might be clueless about this, but Youngmin had actually fallen in love with his twin. He had been hiding his feeling for quite a while now and it really stressed him out. Day and night, he always wondered how Kwangmin actually felt about him. However, the blonde didn't have any courage to tell Kwangmin about his feeling and cross the boundary of brotherhood. All that he could do is savoring each moment they had together.

Getting more hopeless, Youngmin finally decided to give Seyoung a call. Seyoung was the twins’ cousin who’s three years older by age. Youngmin thought that maybe he could ask for her advice.

“Hello, Seyoung Noona?” Youngmin spoke to the phone.

“Hey, Youngmin! What’s the matter? It’s so rare for you to call me,” said the older girl. “How are you doing?”

“I’m doing fine, thanks!” Youngmin rubbed the back of his head uneasily. “Mm, actually, I need your help, Noona…”

“Oh, okay. Let’s see what I can do for you!”

“Well, you have a boyfriend, right? What will you give him as Christmas present?” asked Youngmin.

“Oh, my boyfriend? Well, since he likes soccer so much, I bought him a pair of soccer shoes he’s been dreaming to have! It’s a limited edition signed by the athlete himself.”

Youngmin nodded in understanding. Seyoung was an actress, so spending money on branded soccer shoes wouldn’t make her go bankrupt. “I see… Actually, I have a problem deciding what would be a good and memorable Christmas present for someone.”

“I think the best way to figure it out is by finding out his/her hobby. My boyfriend likes sport, so I’m sure that he’ll love the gift I bought. You should think about what that person likes!”

Youngmin went silent and thought for a while. Too bad, all he could think about was Pikachu! He didn’t know what Kwangmin liked beside that yellow monster. “…But I’ve been giving that person the same present for years, Noona!” he pouted in disappointment.

Seyoung sighed over the line. “Try harder, Youngmin! How about that person’s recent activity? Is she your schoolmate? What club does she join? That may help.”

Youngmin didn’t even bother to tell his cousin that the person was a ‘he’. Instead, he once again lost in deep thought. Club? Kwangmin and Youngmin didn’t join any club at school because of their tight schedule as Boyfriend’s members. Suddenly the blonde’s eyes lit up in excitement. Boyfriend! That’s it!

“Mm, he loves dancing,” Youngmin said nervously, afraid that he might be giving too much clues to the girl.

Seyoung didn’t seem to get it, luckily. “Dancing? Hmm, how about a wristband? I don’t know why, but I think that a wristband suits a dancer’s image. It’s like a must-have accessory, you know!”

A wide grin formed on the blonde’s excited face. He recalled that once, Kwangmin said that he loved the wristband Youngmin wore along with his baseball jacket during their ‘Boyfriend’ MV shooting. “Wow, it sounds cool! I think I’ll stick with the wristband. Thanks so much, Noona!”

“You’re welcome, Youngmin. By the way, who are you planning to give it to?”

Youngmin blushed in embarrassment, even though he knew that the girl wasn’t able to see his face right now. “…T-that’s a secret!” he refused to answer.

Seyoung only chuckled at her cousin’s response. “Aigoo… My dongsaeng is so cute! I wonder who the lucky girl is. By the way, I should hang up now! Talk to you next time, okay? Annyeong!”

The smile hadn’t disappeared from Youngmin’s face when his cousin ended the call. Calling Seyoung turned to be a right decision. Youngmin knew where to buy his twin’s Christmas gift. He couldn’t wait until school end to hurriedly go to the store.

 

~~~

 

Kwangmin was confused when Youngmin told him to go home without him. “But, why, Hyung…? We always go home together!” The younger twin complained. His eyebrows were creased in annoyance.

“I told you that I need to ask Donghyun Hyung’s help for my school project,” Youngmin said, not looking at the brunette’s eyes. He knew that sounded absolutely lame, but he couldn’t come up with another excuse.

“Then I’ll come with you! We can do the project together,” Kwangmin still hadn’t given up.

The blonde sighed loudly. “Come on, Kwangmin! Just this once, okay? Go home without me! I promise that I’ll be back soon.”

Kwangmin bit his lip and gave up eventually. “…Fine! But make sure to get home before dinner, okay?”

The corner of Youngmin’s lips curved into a smile. “Okay.” And with that, he left the puzzled brunette alone.

Kwangmin shifted the weight of the sling bag on his right shoulder. The brunette kept staring at his twin’s back until the blonde disappeared from his sight. Kwangmin heard Minwoo called his name just before he took another step from the school gate.

Minwoo smiled and began walking toward Kwangmin. “Why are you alone?” asked the slightly younger boy when he noticed that Youngmin wasn’t around.

“He went to Donghyun Hyung’s place,” Kwangmin replied idly, letting out a sigh at the end.

Minwoo tilted his head to get a better view of Kwangmin’s gloomy face. “Don’t be sad, Kwangmin! You still have me, you know. I don’t mind walking you home,” Minwoo kindly offered.

A smile immediately lit up Kwangmin’s face. “Thanks!”

 

~~~

 

It had been three hours since Kwangmin arrived at home, but Youngmin wasn’t home yet. Snow was falling slowly from the sky. He remembered that Youngmin didn’t bring any umbrella with him and that made the brunette get even more worried than he already was. Kwangmin kept waiting until he ran out of patient. He took his phone and began dialing the blonde’s number, but disappointed when he heard the operator’s voice instead of Youngmin’s sweet one.

“Where the heck is he now?!” Kwangmin grunted furiously as he flopped on the nearest couch.

Suddenly the door flung open, revealing the figure of a certain blonde, only to be shut closed again by Youngmin. Kwangmin sighed in relief when he saw his twin hurriedly entered the room.

“…It’s freezing cold outside!” Youngmin’s voice was slightly trembling due to the chilliness that was running through his body.

Kwangmin jumped off from the couch to greet his twin. “Hyung! I was so worried about you! Where have you been?”

“Donghyun Hyung’s place,” Youngmin answered innocently. “My phone is dead because I forgot to charge it this morning. I’m sorry for making you worried about me, Kwangmin!”

Kwangmin shook his head. “…I’m glad that you’re home. Now, let’s have dinner together! My stomach is growling, you know.”

Youngmin chuckled at his twin’s words. “Fine,” he said as he messed up Kwangmin’s copper brown hair. “It’s only been a few hours since I’m gone and you miss me already? Aigoo…”

A faint blush spread across the brunette’s cheek. “Stop teasing me, Hyung!”

Youngmin chuckled again. The twins then sat face to face at the dining table to enjoy their meal. Youngmin let out a sigh of contentment as the warmth of the chicken soup gushed through his cold body. Both twins were at the state of almost fainting due to starvation, so it didn’t take long for them to gobble up all the food.

The twins’ parents are busy entrepreneurs. They often went to work from early morning and only came home at late night. Youngmin and Kwangmin had gotten used to being alone. Well, at least they weren’t totally ‘alone’ because they still had each other and that’s a relief.

“Ah, I’m so full!” Youngmin wiped his mouth with a napkin.

Kwangmin chuckled. “There’s some sauce left at the corner of your lips, Hyung,” he told his twin.

“Really? Where is it?” Youngmin dragged his finger along his lips, trying to clean them up.

Kwangmin shook his head. “No, it’s not there! Hmm, let me do it for you…” He then grabbed another piece of napkin and leaned closer to his twin.

Youngmin was startled by Kwangmin’s sudden action. The blonde couldn’t help but blushing as he noticed the proximity between their faces. Kwangmin gently wiped away the sauce from Youngmin’s lips, completely unaware of his twin’s fixed gaze on him.

“Done!” Kwangmin smiled and pulled away to get back to his seat.

Youngmin blinked his eyes a few times, trying to snap his mind out of the dirty thoughts about his twin. “T-thanks,” he stuttered while blushing lightly.

The younger twin suddenly remembered that he had something important to tell the blonde. He was hesitant at first, not sure where to begin. “Mm, Hyung, remember when Minwoo requested to talk with me this afternoon?”

Youngmin nodded. “Yeah… Why?”

The brunette turned his face to the other direction as he shifted uneasily on his seat. For a brief moment, Youngmin thought that he saw his twin’s face blushing.

“W-what did you guys talk about?” Youngmin asked nervously, suddenly tensed up for no apparent reason. He got a bad feeling about where this conversation might lead to.

“A-actually, he asked me out on a date,” Kwangmin shyly admitted, still not looking in his twin’s direction.

Youngmin’s jaw dropped on the spot. His round huge eyes widened in shock. He couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Minwoo asked his twin out on a date?! Youngmin opened his mouth to say something, closed it the next second, opened it, and then closed it again like a fish gaping for air. The blonde was at loss for words.

Kwangmin face grew redder as he saw Youngmin’s shocked expression. “I-I know that this is too sudden… I mean, I have no idea about his feeling this whole time we’re together.”

Youngmin gulped loudly before he managed to speak again. “T-then, how did you answer him?”

The younger twin shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t answered him yet. But we agreed to go on a date on Christmas Eve.” Kwangmin looked up cautiously as he observed his twin’s expression, looking for any hint of anger or whatsoever. “…You didn’t mind it, do you? I feel bad to you because we always celebrated Christmas together every year, but I couldn’t reject Minwoo as well. The pleading look in his eyes made me feel guilty.”

Youngmin only stared at the floor under his feet, hiding his face behind the long blonde fringe. He didn’t want Kwangmin to see his face right now. “S-sure, Kwangmin! Don’t worry about me. Just go with him.”

Kwangmin raised one of his eyebrows. Somehow he could detect that there was something wrong in Youngmin’s voice. “Are you sure, Hyung?”

Youngmin quickly nodded before grinning widely at his now confused twin. “Yeah! Minwoo must have prepared everything for you. You shouldn’t disappoint him, right?”

Kwangmin tilted his head to the side, pondering his twin’s words. “You’re right, but—”

“Sorry, Kwangmin! I feel so tired now… I think I’ll go to bed early today. Good night!” Youngmin quickly cut him off before Kwangmin had the chance to finish his sentence. He got up from his seat in one swift motion and headed to his room without looking at Kwangmin.

 

~~~

 

Once he was inside, Youngmin slammed the door behind him and threw himself to the king-sized bed. He took out something from the pocket of his coat. The blonde stared at the wrapped present in his hand. He had to search the whole town to find the best wristband for Kwangmin and asked the shopkeeper to wrap it as nice as possible. He even walked under the falling snow to reach home as soon as possible, knowing that Kwangmin wouldn’t touch his food until he arrived.

Now, what’s the point of making all those sacrifices if Kwangmin would end up spending the Christmas Eve with some other guy, who is none other than their group mate?

 

~~~

 

Youngmin looked at the calendar and sighed deeply. December 24. The day had finally come.

He had been feeling light-headed since this morning. His voice was hoarse when he woke up and his whole body felt sore and weak. Youngmin had to drag his feet to the bathroom. The blonde felt so unmotivated; he just wanted to stay home all day long.

“Hyung, why is your face so pale?” Kwangmin furrowed his eyebrows when he saw his twin entering the dining room.

Youngmin shook his head weakly, refusing to mutter a single word since he felt so weak. He slowly sat down at the empty chair and laid his head on the table. “I-I feel so cold, Kwangmin,” he said feebly through his half-closed eyelids. Youngmin rubbed his arm, wishing to warm up his body a little.

“Are you okay, Hyung?” Kwangmin went behind him and reached out his hand to touch his twin’s forehead. He jerked in surprise as his hand made contact with the hot skin. “Hyung, you’re having a high fever! You must go back to your room and sleep!”

Kwangmin helped Youngmin to get up from his seat since he had no energy to move. Kwangmin put his twin’s arm around his shoulder, supporting half of Youngmin’s weight, as they made their way to Youngmin’s room on the second floor. The younger twin then slowly laid the blonde back on his bed.

“Wait a minute,” he said before leaving the subconscious blonde.

Kwangmin came back again with a thermometer and a basin filled with cold water. Some ice cubes were floating on the surface. He placed the basin on the end table next to Youngmin’s bed and took out the thermometer.

“Open your mouth, Hyung,” Kwangmin instructed as he slowly stuck the device into his twin’s mouth. He sighed when he saw the numbers shown on the device. “39°C! You must have caught a cold when you walked under the snow yesterday…”

Kwangmin grabbed a small towel and dipped it into the ice water. He squeezed the towel before placing it gently on Youngmin’s forehead. Youngmin quickly fell asleep due to the pleasant icy feeling on his warm forehead. Kwangmin could hear his twin’s breath hitched unsteadily. His face was all flushed because of the fever.

“How can you fell sick like this, Hyung?” Kwangmin sadly mumbled, even though he knew that Youngmin wasn’t able to hear him at the moment. He took the towel from his twin’s forehead to dip it again in the cold water, wishing to lower his high temperature.

 

~~~

 

Kwangmin kept stealing a glance at the clock every five minutes. It was about the time Minwoo came to pick him up. He turned his gaze to his twin who was still sleeping on the bed. Kwangmin thought about cancelling the date with Minwoo. He couldn’t just leave and have fun while Youngmin was sick like this.

Suddenly he heard the door bell rang. Kwangmin opened the door and was taken aback by Minwoo’s sudden greeting. “Good evening, Kwangmin!” The dancer said cheerfully. A wide grin was plastered on his flawless face and he was all dressed up.

“G-good evening, Minwoo,” Kwangmin replied.

“Ready for the date?” Minwoo asked sweetly, still not tearing his gaze from Kwangmin’s face. His heart was beating faster than usual, but the maknae tried hard to hide his nervousness.

Kwangmin rubbed the back of his head. “…Err, Minwoo, I’m sorry to say this, but I don’t think that I can leave the house now! You know, Youngmin Hyung is having a fever now and there’s no one to take care of him.”

Kwangmin could see the sudden change of Minwoo’s expression. The smile quickly faded as those words escaped his lips and turned into a frown. “…I  see,” the dancer mumbled sadly without looking at Kwangmin. Disappointment was apparent on his face.

The other rapper felt bad for cancelling the date at the very last minute. There was a chaos inside his head now, contemplating between going with Minwoo and staying with Youngmin. Both choices seemed hard for him because he had to sacrifice one of them. Kwangmin took a deep sigh and told the boy in front of him, “Wait here, I’ll be back soon.”

Kwangmin hurriedly ran back to Youngmin’s room to check on him. His twin was still asleep. The younger twin grabbed a pen and wrote a note for Youngmin, just in case he woke up before Kwangmin reached home. Kwangmin touched Youngmin’s cheek one more time, just to make sure that his fever had gotten better. It didn’t felt as hot as before. Kwangmin sighed before whispering to his twin’s ear, “I’m sorry, Hyung. I promise that I’ll be back soon. Rest well and get well soon, okay?”

Minwoo’s eyes widened in surprise as he saw Kwangmin walking across the living room with his coat on. “Let’s go,” said the slightly older boy before locking the door.

“Are you sure to leave Youngmin alone?” Minwoo asked hesitantly.

Kwangmin nodded. “I think it’s okay,” he said reassuringly, even though his voice didn’t sound too convincing for himself.

Minwoo couldn’t hide the happiness that was bursting in his chest. He was glad that Kwangmin still chose to go with him, despite the fact that his twin needed him right now. It made him become more positive to confess to the rapper later.

 

~~~

 

Youngmin slowly opened his eyes. He stared at the familiar ceiling of his bedroom through the heavy eyelids. His sight was kind of blurry and it took him a while to adjust to the light. Youngmin touched his forehead and realized that there was a towel placed there. He removed the towel and tried to remember how he ended up here.

He remembered waking up with a dizzy head and walked down to the dining room. He met Kwangmin there, but they didn’t talk much. The blonde didn’t feel well as the cold seemed to gush through his whole body and lingered there. He was trying to drift himself back to sleep, but Kwangmin insisted on taking him back to his room. He could hear Kwangmin’s distant voice, mumbling something he couldn’t comprehend, as he slowly lost consciousness again.

The blonde turned to his side, only to find a piece of paper Kwangmin had left on purpose. Narrowing his eyes, Youngmin took the note and read it.

I leave with Minwoo.

You must be hungry after waking up,

so I’ve prepared a bowl of porridge on your table.

Don’t forget to take the medicine afterwards!

Will be back soon.

-Kwangmin

Youngmin found the porridge, but he didn’t have any appetite at the moment. Anger was consuming him as he thought about the note. How could Kwangmin just leave him in his current state? It’s true that Youngmin was the one who acted as if he didn’t care and agreed to let Kwangmin go with the maknae... But still, deep inside his heart, Youngmin wished that his twin would stay with him. And he felt completely betrayed now.

Youngmin’s face was scrunched terribly as he felt the intruding pang of pain inside his chest. He clenched on his damp shirt—probably because of his sweat—wishing to cast away the sting, but it wouldn’t go, no matter how much he wished for it. The repulsive feeling kept pounding in his chest, causing another twinge of pain each time and made the blonde felt nauseous.

Never had in his life Youngmin felt so horrible. It seemed like his world was slowly falling apart into countless broken, sharp pieces. The fact that Kwangmin chose Minwoo over him hurt him deeper than he thought it would. Even breathing had become something hard to do now. It felt extremely tight and suffocating there, inside his chest. It hurt to breathe because every breath he took proved that he couldn’t live without Kwangmin.

“Is this what people call ‘heartbreak’? Why do they call it a broken heart, while in fact, it feels like every other part of my body is broken too…?” Youngmin wondered silently.

 

~~~

 

Both rappers were walking side by side at the town. The whole town was now wrapped in the nuance of Christmas. Red, green, and white were the most dominant colors that decorated almost every shop. Mistletoes were hung at the doors; some were flaunted on the display window along with big panels with ‘END YEAR SALE!’ written on them in the mean to attract customers. White snow flakes were falling from the sky, slowly pilling up on the ground, covering the whole town in such a beautiful and pure color.      

Kwangmin looked around and realized that it was pretty crowded at the downtown. No wonder because it was Christmas Eve. Many couples were seen walking down the street, hand in hand. He couldn’t help but smiling as the sight brought back his childhood memory with Youngmin.

There was a time during the winter when both twins were seven. They were on their way to school and the weather was unbelievably cold that morning, even the snow wasn’t falling. Kwangmin, being as clumsy as usual, forgot to wear his mittens. He could only blow hot breath to his freezing palms as they walked down the almost empty street.

“Where’s your mittens?” Youngmin asked.

“I-I left them at home,” Kwangmin said in a slightly shaking voice. How could the cold become so unbearable at the moment?

Youngmin sighed and shook his head at his twin’s clumsiness. The older twin then took off his grey wool mittens and gave them to Kwangmin who was staring quizzically at him.

“But, Hyung, you’ll get cold…!” Kwangmin said.

“I’ll be fine, Kwangmin. Just wear it!” Youngmin said reassuringly.

Kwangmin shook his head, not even touching the mittens. “No, Hyung. You wear it! I’m okay. Beside, this is my own fault for leaving my mittens behind.”

His twin’s stubbornness could really drive Youngmin mad sometimes. “Fine,” Youngmin let out another sigh as he shoved his right hand into the mitten. “I have an idea. You can wear the other one, so it’s fair for both of us!”

The younger twin raised one of his eyebrows, but complied anyway. He took the other mitten and wore it on his left hand. Youngmin smiled at how obedient his twin was. He then reached out his left hand to grab Kwangmin’s uncovered one and then shoved them both into his pocket. “It’s better now, right?”

Now, both of the twins’ hands were warm. Kwangmin’s left hand was covered in the wool mitten while the other one was inside his twin’s pocket. He smiled shyly as he felt how warm Youngmin’s fingers were. They were squeezing Kwangmin’s fingers tightly inside the thick fabric of his coat.

“Thank you, Hyung,” said the younger twin.

They then walked to school with their hands linked to each other. The warmth of Youngmin’s hands had not only reached Kwangmin’s hand, but also his heart. It was such a sweet childhood memory that Kwangmin would never forget.

“Why are you smiling by yourself?” Minwoo’s voice snapped Kwangmin back to reality.

“Oh, nothing,” he quickly replied. “I just… remember something funny.”

Minwoo shrugged. “Oh, I see. By the way, are you hungry? Let’s have a dinner at that café!” The younger boy pointed at a cozy-looking café only a few meters away.

“Okay,” Kwangmin agreed.

The smell of warm coffee, boiling tea, sweet scent of pastries and alluring aroma of various other foods filled the air once they entered the building. Kwangmin gulped down as he realized how hungry he was. The tasty smell of the foods didn’t help his protesting stomach at all. The duo rappers found a seat next to the window and sat there. A waitress came to them and took note of their orders before leaving them again.

About 20 minutes later, the waitress came back and brought a tray of foods with her. She gently placed the plates and glasses on the table before wishing them, “Enjoy your meal!” Kwangmin and Minwoo drooled when they saw how appetizing the foods were. They grabbed the spoon and fork before digging in.

“Wow, the meal was tasty!” Minwoo complimented the food once they were done.

“Yeah, agreed,” Kwangmin said with a satisfied smile plastered on his face. He silently thought about taking Youngmin here next time.

Minwoo was mesmerized by the boy’s charming smile. Even though Youngmin and Kwangmin were twins, the latter had this y smirk and masculine charm that captivated the maknae’s heart since day one. He had been admiring Kwangmin for a long time now and decided that it was the right chance to confess to the main rapper.

“…Oh yeah, I forget to wish you a merry Christmas!” Minwoo blurted out cutely.

“Merry Christmas, Minwoo!” Kwangmin chuckled then replied cheerfully.

Minwoo gave him a shy smile before pulling out a wrapped present from his pocket. He placed it on the table in front of Kwangmin and said, “Here, your Christmas gift! I hope you’ll like it.”

Kwangmin gasped and silently cursed himself. “Oh my God, thanks so much, Minwoo! But sorry, I forget to buy you one. You know, I’m busy taking care of Youngmin the whole day… I promise that I’ll make it up to you!”

The maknae chuckled nervously. “It’s okay, Kwangmin.”

Kwangmin noticed a shade of red on both of Minwoo’s cheeks. “What’s wrong, Minwoo? Your face is red…”

Minwoo bit his lip and didn’t have the courage to look at Kwangmin in the eyes. “…Mm, actually, I have something to tell you. Will you listen to what I’m going to say?”

Kwangmin raised one of his eyebrows in confusion. “Sure, just spit it out! I’m listening.”

Minwoo lifted his head to stare at Kwangmin’s round chocolate eyes. He suddenly felt so nervous that he could pass out anytime just by looking at the older boy. He opened his lips to speak, but his words came out in nothing but a train of incoherent whispers.

“What did you say?” Kwangmin asked as he couldn’t grab the maknae’s words.

Minwoo blushed even more. “…I-I said that I love you, Kwangmin! I want you to be my boyfriend. You haven’t given me an answer, remember? And I want it now.”

Kwangmin was somewhat taken aback by the sudden confession. He should have at least kind of expected it before, since Minwoo had made it very clear the other day. But he couldn’t help but feeling surprised. Kwangmin lowered his head to stare at his lap. He sighed deeply before replying, “…I’m sorry, Minwoo, but I can’t. I’m happy that you love me, but I think that I’m in love with someone else.”

Minwoo was a really nice and kind-hearted guy. They had been friends for quiet a while now. Thus, the dancer came to understand him so well. He was always there to cheer Kwangmin up when he needed someone to cast away his sorrow. Minwoo’s cuteness and his bubbly personality made it hard for anyone to resist him. Kwangmin always felt comfortable around the slightly younger boy, but somehow he couldn’t imagine himself being in a relationship with Minwoo. It just… didn’t feel right.

Kwangmin gaze landed on the watch on his left wrist. He noticed that it had been almost three hours since he left Youngmin alone at home. Suddenly he felt worried about his twin’s condition and got the urge to come back soon to see how the blonde’s doing. Kwangmin hastily got up from his seat. “I’m sorry, Minwoo, but I have to leave now! Youngmin might need me at home,” he excused himself from the dancer.

Kwangmin headed to the cashier and paid for the meal before leaving the café. He could hear Minwoo calling his name from afar, but the brunette didn’t even bother to turn around. He got a bad feeling about Youngmin and felt really uneasy. There was only one thing on his mind now: reaching home as soon as possible before something bad happened to his twin.

 

~~~

 

It took Youngmin all of his strength to get up from the bed. The blonde hissed as he felt the cold floor underneath. He tried to stand up slowly, but apparently his feet were too weak to support his whole weight. Youngmin fell to the ground, hitting the glass on the end table beside him in the progress. The glass also fell with a loud thumping sound, spilling water all over the floor and broke into tiny sparkling pieces. Youngmin yelped when his hand landed on the biggest slice of glass. He quickly pulled away in one swift motion, only to see fresh blood running from his palm.

Youngmin turned to look at the door, hoping someone would barge in and help him. That was when he realized that he was totally alone. Their parents were on a business trip at the moment; they were rarely home. Kwangmin, who used to be by his side, was also gone now. No one was there for him in the end.

The blonde sat still on the floor, just staring blankly at his wound. He didn’t know that being alone would hurt this much. He felt like trapped in a complete solitude that no one could ever break. Anyone’s presence would mean so much to him now. But there was none. It felt so empty. Cold. And dark. The pain was almost unbearable.

Youngmin didn’t know which hurt more: his bleeding hand or the invisible wound inside his heart. The feeling kept lingering there; an ache about the heart, a long strain on nerves, not intolerable but exhausting by its steady drain on the strength. At this rate, he couldn’t even shed a tear anymore.

Suddenly the door flung open with a loud bang. Youngmin looked up to see a very surprised Kwangmin standing at the door frame. Kwangmin’s eyes widened in horror as he saw his twin sitting on the floor with pieces of broken glass everywhere, blood dripping from his palm.

“Hyung…!” he screamed hysterically before running toward the blonde. “What happened to your hand?” Kwangmin took Youngmin’s hand to examine how deep the wound was, but the blonde quickly pulled away.

“Don’t touch me,” Youngmin said coldly. His hand and his heart were aching so badly.

Kwangmin frowned, surprised by his twin’s rejection. “W-why…?” he asked in disbelief.

“I just don’t want to see your face anymore. Leave me alone,” Youngmin turned his back to Kwangmin before climbing back to his bed. He was holding on the bleeding hand while trying to suppress a hiss of pain.

“But your hand is bleeding, Hyung! I need to see it,” Kwangmin insisted. Concern was written all over his voice and apparent in his tone.

Youngmin let out a bitter laugh. “…So, you care about me now, huh? Sorry, Kwangmin, but it’s too late.”

Kwangmin didn’t get his twin’s words. “What do you mean, Hyung? I always care about you! You know that I do!”

Youngmin shook his head, still facing the opposite direction. “No, you don’t! If you do really care about me, you wouldn’t leave me like that… Now, just go and have fun with whoever you want! Don’t bother me anymore.” Youngmin bit his lip hesitantly before those words escaped his lips. “I don’t need you.”

Kwangmin stared blankly at his twin’s back. He gaped in awe, perfectly dumbstruck by Youngmin’s hurtful words. Youngmin had never said harsh things to him in his entire life, no matter how angry he was. This is Kwangmin’s first time hearing such a wounding words coming from his twin. He couldn’t deny the twinge that suddenly formed inside his chest.

Kwangmin suddenly felt so guilty for leaving the blonde alone. He didn’t expect that this incident would happen. He wanted to treat Youngmin’s injury before it got worse, but his twin wouldn’t even face him, let alone show his bleeding hand to Kwangmin. The brunette didn’t know what to do right now. He suddenly felt so feeble after being attacked by those words.

“Please forgive me, Hyung! I’m sorry for leaving you alone… I didn’t mean to, really. It’s because Minwoo looked so sad when I told him that I’m not going. I didn’t want to hurt his feeling, so I decided to go with him for a while.”

“…But you hurt my feeling in return,” the blonde snapped back quickly. He still couldn’t believe that Minwoo mattered more to Kwangmin than he did.

“…I know,” Kwangmin said weakly. “I’m so sorry.”

Youngmin closed his eyes as he noticed the pain in his twin’s voice. It made him feel hurt, too. But there was nothing Youngmin could do at the moment. He was too disappointed to even look at Kwangmin’s face again. He was afraid that he would lose control and spill out the secret he had been holding on for the last few months if he looked into the brunette’s eyes. Keeping a safe distant from Kwangmin was the best thing for now, he decided.

“Leave me alone, Kwangmin. Please,” Youngmin tried to sound demanding, but his voice made him sounded almost begging.

“No, Hyung… I don’t want to!” Kwangmin replied, as stubborn as ever.

“Just leave!” Youngmin yelled angrily at him in a tone he had never used before, causing the brunette to jerk in surprise. From his tone, Kwangmin knew that Youngmin must be really mad at him.

Tears filled the rim of the younger twin’s eyes and slowly fell down on his cheeks. The train of refusals Youngmin kept giving him made Kwangmin feel like the worst person on earth. He regretted everything that he had done, even though he still didn’t understand why Youngmin seemed to be so angry. He knew that his twin was in a deep, indescribable pain, even though the elder refused to share the problem with him. He could feel it, too.

“…Please tell me, Hyung. What have I done to hurt you? Whatever it is, you should know that I didn’t do it on purpose. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do,” Kwangmin pleaded between his uncontrolled sobs.

Youngmin was also crying now. He didn’t understand why Kwangmin chose Minwoo over him. They only had been friends for years, while Youngmin had known Kwangmin since the day they were born into this world. They grew up together for the past 16 years. They shared tears and laughter; joy and sorrow had been faced together. No one understood Kwangmin better than Youngmin did. No one cared about the brunette more than him. No one could love him like he did. And even if Kwangmin asked him to give his life for the brunette, he would gladly comply. It was that kind of love that Youngmin had for his one and only twin. So, why? Why didn’t Kwangmin understand it?

The blonde was so tempted to tell his twin the truth. But when he realized what kind of big risk he was taking, he held back the almost slipping words. He didn’t want to scare Kwangmin away by telling him about the sinful love he felt toward the brunette and ended up losing him forever. No, Youngmin would rather bear with his current pain—even though it was also unendurable—rather than losing Kwangmin forever.

Youngmin was about to speak again when he felt Kwangmin’s arms wrapped around his waist. His eyes widened in shock as he noticed the warmth of Kwangmin’s body behind him. The blonde tried to break free from his twin’s grip, but Kwangmin held him in position. “…No, Hyung, I won’t let you go again! I love you…”

Now, Youngmin was beyond surprised. He couldn’t believe what he had just heard. He must be dreaming, right? Kwangmin couldn’t possibly say that he loved him, right?

“I-I know that you find it hard to believe… You must feel disgusted with me now… I know that it’s so wrong for me to feel that way about you, but it’s true. I love you, Hyung, more than anyone in this world! I love you more than I love Mom and Dad… I even love you more than I love myself… So please, don’t hate me, Hyung! I just can’t live without you… Please…” Kwangmin said as tears spilled all over his beautiful face; voice slightly trembling at the end. He tightened his grip on Youngmin’s waist, afraid that the blonde would disappear from his embrace one day.

Youngmin turned around to examine the look in Kwangmin’s face. He stared deeply into his twins watery eyes, looking for any hint of lies and deception, but there wasn’t any. Kwangmin was telling him the truth. “D-don’t cry, Kwangmin… The tears don’t suit your beautiful face,” Youngmin tried to soothe his brother.

“Let me see your hand, Hyung… We need to treat it now,” Kwangmin begged. He didn’t want his twin to suffer from the pain any longer. He knew that the cut must hurt so much.

Youngmin nodded.

Both of them went to the living room downstair. Youngmin sat himself on the couch while Kwangmin began looking for the first aid kit everywhere. He finally found it inside one of the drawers in the kitchen. Kwangmin came back to the living room and immediately sat next to his twin. He used the plastic tweezers to grab a small wad of cotton before dipping it into the alcohol. Youngmin hissed as he felt a burning sensation running through his wound when the alcohol made contact with his skinned palm.

“Does it hurt that much?” Kwangmin asked worriedly. Youngmin nodded impatiently, urging the younger twin to remove it as soon as possible. “Please bear with it for a while, Hyung. I need to clean your cut to prevent infection.”

After cleaning the wound, Kwangmin applied some antiseptic. Again, Youngmin yelped as the liquid caused another painful sensation on his wound. Kwangmin giggled because his twin was acting like a 5-year-old kid. They were all grown up, for God’s sake, but the blonde still as childish as ever.

“What are you laughing at?” Youngmin asked in annoyance.

“Nothing,” Kwangmin lied as he covered the wound with a cotton stuffing before wrapping it with gauze pad. “It’s done now!”

Youngmin stared at his now treated wound and blushed. “Thank you, Kwangmin.”

Kwangmin smiled and replied, “You’re welcome, Hyung. If you’re hurt, I also feel the pain.”

Youngmin lifted his head to look at his twin’s face. His expression became serious, but also somewhat anxious. “Tell me, Kwangmin… The things you said to me earlier… Are they true?”

Kwangmin couldn’t help but feeling sad because his twin didn’t believe him. Of all people in this world, why would he lie to Youngmin? “…It’s true, Hyung. You know that I won’t lie to you.”

“S-so, do you really love me?” Youngmin asked again, still not sure what to believe.

The brunette took a deep sigh. “More than you’ll ever know, Hyung.”

Youngmin blushed at his twin’s words. “I-I also love you, Kwangmin,” he shyly admitted.

Kwangmin’s eyes sparkled in delight. “A-are you serious, Hyung? You aren’t joking, right?”

The blonde shook his head. “No, Kwangmin, I’m really in love with you. Deeper than you’ll ever know.”

Kwangmin stared at his twin in both disbelief and excitement; one hand covering his mouth. Nothing pleases him than hearing those beautiful words from his twin. Tears of joy were threatening to spill anytime.

“Don’t cry, Kwangmin,” Youngmin quickly added. “I’ve told you that it doesn’t suit your beautiful face!”

“…I’m so happy, Hyung! Never had in my life I felt this happy before,” said the younger twin. He then remembered something and pulled out a tiny box from his pocket. “I bought this on my way home. Open it, Hyung!”

Youngmin took the box from Kwangmin’s hand and slowly opened the lid. He gasped as he saw what’s inside. Two identical silver rings sparkled under the light; both in same size and written in same letters, ‘YoungKwang’, which is a combination of their name and also meant ‘honor’.

Kwangmin smiled when he saw his twin mesmerized by the present. “Do you like it, Hyung?”

Youngmin was at loss for words. “…They’re beautiful,” he said, almost whispering.

The brunette took out one of the rings and reached for Youngmin’s uninjured hand. He slowly slide the tiny metal along his twin’s thin finger. “It fits perfectly, just like what I expected,” Kwangmin said in satisfaction. “Now, do you mind to put the other one on me?”

Youngmin blushed as he took the other ring and glided it along Kwangmin’s finger. Of course it also reached the base smoothly. “I-I feel like proposing someone,” Youngmin let out a suppressed giggle.

“I don’t mind getting married to you one day, Hyung,” Kwangmin said playfully, knowing that his words would deepen the red shade on the elder’s face.

His prediction was true because Youngmin blushed right away. Kwangmin couldn’t stand his twin’s cuteness anymore. He cupped the blonde’s face before placing his forehead on Youngmin’s; the tip of their noses almost touched. Youngmin could feel Kwangmin’s hot breath on his face and it triggered a peculiar yet thrilling sensation inside his body.

“I’m glad you like your Christmas gift, Hyung,” Kwangmin said while running his thumb across Youngmin’s cheek, feeling his twin’s smooth skin.

“I love it,” Youngmin corrected. The wristband was long forgotten. “I’m sorry I don’t give you anything, Kwangmin. Actually, I’ve bought the present, but I threw it to the trash bin last night… Guess I have to find it later.”

Kwangmin giggled at the blonde’s confession. “Alright, then. I want something as the replacement!”

Youngmin raised one of his eyebrows in confusion. “What is it?”

Kwangmin gave him a mischievous smirk. “You,” he said before capturing Youngmin’s lips in a kiss.

Youngmin’s eyes went wide at his twin’s sudden action. However, the blonde didn’t try to pull away and closed his eyes instead. Youngmin felt his heart race speed up at the contact. Kwangmin’s lips felt amazingly soft and nice. Their eyes were closed as their mouths continued moving against each other.

The younger twin became impatient, so he put his arms around Youngmin’s neck, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. Kwangmin traced his tongue along Youngmin’s pink lips, silently begging for entrance which Youngmin hesitantly granted. He parted his lips a bit, allowing his twin’s tongue to enter. Once inside Youngmin’s hot cavern, their tongues met in a heated battle. Both twins shared a soft moan as their tongues tasted each other.

Kwangmin pulled back a little bit, breaking the kiss to take a look at Youngmin’s now all flushed face. He let out a soft giggle before leaning back for another kiss. But before he had the chance to do so, the sudden ringing of phone startled them. Youngmin quickly pulled away to answer the call. His face was as red as a beet.

“H-hello?” Youngmin stuttered. His heart was still beating unsteadily from the intense kiss.

“Hello, Youngmin? How are you doing? Do you miss me?” Their mother spoke over the line.

“Oh, hi, Mom! Yeah, sure… I’m doing fine. How about you? Is everything fine there?”

The older woman let out a sigh. “Yeah, your father and I are fine. But we still have a lot of things to take care here, so I think we have to stay until the beginning of next year. I’m sorry that we can’t celebrate Christmas with you guys! I promise to buy a lot of gifts from Paris.”

Youngmin sighed in return. He had heard the same excuse numerous times before. “…You’re so mean, Mom! You also spent last year’s Christmas abroad. Why do you always leave me alone?”

Kwangmin, who was listening to their conversation, sneaked behind Youngmin and hugged him from behind. “…Not alone, but two,” he whispered to the elder’s ears, causing the blonde to blush furiously.

“…I-I mean, why do you always leave the two of us?” Youngmin corrected his sentence. Not that he mind anymore.

That’s right. Youngmin was never alone, because no matter what happen, Kwangmin would always be there for him. Since the day they were born, for the past 16 years, and in the upcoming years. The twins would always be together, forever.

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