The basement of the homes that were part of the compound weren't like any basements he'd seen on television or even on the movie screens. Young Jae had to admit he was happy for that much. The open and spaciousness of the spaces under the house had made moving the mirror down away from the living spaces more bearable for him months ago. Knowing that his beloved boyfriend wasn't just staring at some dark, damp junk filled room. Instead it was a nice, large expanse of white and cream colors with a few candles and books for some rituals that hadn't been practiced in years. So it was probably a lot nicer of a place than he'd expected to be staring at for the last few months.

He scoffed at the thought that his boyfriend had found any bit of this situation "nice." The sound was hollow and brittle as it seemed to echo into the dimly lit stairwell he was descending. It mocked him, really. The fact he could find even a sarcastic amusement in any of this was disgusting on a level he'd never felt before.

Maybe he really was some monster after all.

When his feet finally met the tiles at the base of the stairwell he paused for a brief second. There was a violent wave filled with the apprehension he hadn't been able to soothe out of his every cell that came crashing over him with a fury that could have toppled a grown man over if there had actually been an ocean involved. Luckily it was just a rise and fall of the bile in his throat that threatened to seal his airflow from his lungs and choke him out right there before he could continue forward. If only he could be so lucky. In the end he just took a shaking breath through his nose and exhaled just as haggardly from his mouth. It took another few deep breaths before he finally looked towards the white-washed wooden door that still separated him from facing his mistakes head on. Like the man he was supposed to be, right?

The sliver of the handle mocked him by shining so brightly that it reflected his own slightly blurred form back to him.

But then, everything mocked him lately.

With a few slow, deliberate steps that had his dress shoes clicking against the polished tiles he was there before the door with a stern expression. His brows furrowed and he absentmindedly reached up to check for if he'd gotten all of the bits of stubble off of his chin and jaw. It was reflexive. He was going to see his boyfriend after so long and for some reason a part of him had ached for the normalcy that was dressing up for the man. He'd changed into something more like what he would have worn when they'd gone out to the movies or to the mall. Or even to the park so Young Jae could get some new photographs for one of his courses. He was always the dressier of the two but it never seemed to bother his easy-going boyfriend. If people looked at them funny then it had just made him smile in that goofy way that showed off his crooked bottom teeth.

"You can do this...," his voice was firm as he glanced down at his dress jeans, button-down black shirt, and dress shoes. He'd even styled his hair for this though it still looked mostly the same as before, just with a little more purpose put into it. At least it was washed now. That could be a consolation.

With a bit of unnecessary caution, like he was expecting the other to be waiting on the other side with a bat to beat him for waiting too long, he pushed the handle down before pushing the door inward. It swung with not even a creak like from in the movies and he stepped over the threshold with one large stride before pausing.

Everything was different from what he'd last seen when he helped move the large floor to ceiling mirror down into the once blank white space. It almost looked like someone actually lived in the basement. There was now a chair that had been placed in the middle of the floor that gave off an ominous feel to it since it was the only furniture. But there were now paint cans and some sheets of plastic strewn about on the floor. Which just lead his eyes upward to see what had been painted.

On the once pristine cream walls Young Jae could see splashes of brightly colored paint. Reds and yellows melded into orange with a few flecks of blue freckling the expanse right next to the door. While it seemed wholly tossed up in some haphazard attempt to bright the place up, some of the paint seemed to have been pushed with fingers to try to form flowers, a sun, and something that could have been an attempt at a palm tree though he wasn't sure. The distinct marks of fingers and hands all in the now dried display had him chuckling. It must have been his mother who did this since she'd never been one to use brushes in the past when she attempted painting. It had been a fruitless endeavor on her part but apparently this whole situation had given her a new reason to try. Young Jae found himself moving along the wall slowly to trace every part of the makeshift mural with curiously wide eyes. His feet tapped on the floor in slow, sporadic steps as he circled the room with a smile trying to play at the edges of his lips at the childish art murals.

And with one step to his right he was brought face to face with a less colorful but much more wanted scene.

For a moment the air felt tense and heavy as it hung around his shoulders. He felt like he could fall to the floor at any moment but the only thing keeping him up was the fact the smaller, sharp eyes were on his and he could barely see the flash of off-white teeth as the other smiled that same goofy smile he'd been thinking about earlier.

Immediately Young Jae cried.

It had been three months, two weeks, five days, sixteen hours, three minutes, and twenty-one seconds too long. Too far from him but also just right there waiting for this moment. Of course he cried. He let every tear he'd refused to shed fall over his cheeks in silent trickles down to his chin. Even his throat and neck were suddenly damp with any droplets that hadn't already soaked into his skin on their path down towards his collarbones. His forehead pressed to the cool reflective glass as he cried, a few of the drops falling to the floor as they continued from his quiet downpour.

For a moment he swore he felt something warm where his forehead was resting but knew it must have just been where his own body heat was soaking into the cool surface. But he didn't question it for too long because there was suddenly a soft voice from in front of him, sounding closer than he'd expected, and it snapped him from his own pitiful thoughts.

"Jae, you can't cry.... Don't cry. I should be...the one crying, right?"

"Don't tell me what to do...Moon Jong Up. You idiot," it took a bit of effort but he pushed out the retort through his tears and felt a laugh bubble up from within some deep part of his chest that felt like it hadn't been used in years.

And as the tears fell he laughed.

After a second another laugh joined his and Young Jae let his head pull back from the mirror's surface to look at his boyfriend and lover as his face scrunched up with the force of his laughter. What caught his attention more than the open mouth, crooked off-white teeth, the distinct mole on the left side of the nose bridge, and small eyes squeezing thinner until they were almost closed were the tears.

Jong Up was crying before him and Young Jae could do nothing but watch.

Another boulder of guilt landed on his shoulders making him hunch from the force. Hands to the mirror he tried to press on it as if he could pass through and touch the other to clear away the droplets.

"No.... No, no you can't cry. That's not allowed. It's not. You're not supposed to cry," with a crack in his voice he swallowed down the want to throw up as he kept his gaze locked on the man on the other side of the mirror. "I'm here now.... So you can't cry. Don't cry."

There were just a few noises similar to a hiccup that escaped from Jong Up’s lips as he let his hands rest against the glass from the opposite sides. It was a wonder that his aim was enough to line them up with how the younger of the two was still blinking out tears. Their hands were so similar but at the same time distinctly different in how they were built. And for a moment Young Jae remembered how the rough callouses on the other’s palms and fingertips had felt against his unmarked ones. He missed getting to thread his fingers between Jong Up’s tanner ones and hold on tight. He missed even that simple bit of touch that he’d now denied them both of ever feeling again.

Before Young Jae could allow himself to trail down that guilty path there was a deep inhale from the other side of the mirror followed by a quiet: “Don’t…Don’t tell me what to do, Yoo Young Jae.”

Again there was a bit of laughter to crackle through the static sounds of crying from both sides.

This time the laughing normalcy lasted a shorter span and the quietude of two men crying filled the space once again. Their hands stayed pressed to the glass as if just sheer will alone would help them pass back through and into each other’s arms. But there was no such luck so they merely watched each other cry in the silence that settled over them like a fog. It was stifling and heavy. Everything felt damp to Young Jae and he briefly wondered if Jong Up felt the same.

“I missed you. I know that sounds…so corny but I did. I did so much.”

Young Jae could feel his heart clenching with a tightness he’d only felt once before. On that day when his boyfriend lay dying on the ground next to him and he’d thought the world was coming down around him everything had felt this same way. He felt desperate. Out of control. If someone came forward in this exact moment and told him that he could save Jong Up with his own life then Young Jae was sure he’d eagerly take the deal. But there was nothing he could do to correct his mistakes just yet.

"I missed you too, Jong Uppie. Oh god, I'm so sorry. I was just...I didn't want...."

"Jae...don't. I know. I know you so...I know. And what I didn't already know...I know now. So there's nothing to apologize for, okay?"

There was something in Jong Up's wording that told the other boy to not be so worried about everything that had transpired over the course of three months. Something that clearly meant his mother had been running more than she should have been. But he couldn't really blame her since she finally had a captive audience. In a very literal sense.

"There's a lot to apologize for.... A pretty long list actually."

"Then come to visit more often. Don't just leave me down here again without you for so long. And every time you come back you can say sorry for one of the things on that list," Jong Up's tone was firm but there was a playfulness to it as well that seemed to smooth the residual negativity out of Young Jae's whole being.

There were no more fresh tears spilled between the two of them, merely remnants of where the first downpour had trailed down their cheeks in slightly discolored, shiny streaks. Instead soft smiles and dancing gazes spread over their faces as if trying to remember every little detail about each other.

Jong Up still looked exactly as he had before being trapped on the other side of the mirror. Cheekbones prominent, coupled with a jawline that seemed to be chiseled from marble, and a broad forehead that almost begged for little pecks to be placed atop it. His nose was small but the bridge wasn't very pronounced at all. Instead it was all soft curves that led up to sharp, narrowed eyes and down to plump lips. And the cute mole on the left side of the gentle slope was still there where it should be. Crooked lower teeth revealed once again as he smiled.

"You're staring."

"So are you."

Quiet laughs puffed out against the opposing sides of the mirror creating two circles of condensation on the surfaces. With their one set of hands occupied still touching through the glass it left one hand free each. And Jong Up took the chance to raise a finger to trace a heart shape on the bit of moisture on his side.

"Dork."

"Heheh. You love it though."

There was a beat of silence before Young Jae brought his other hand up to the glass as well. As expected Jong Up followed suit until they were both just staring at each other with their hands warming the glass from both sides.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

They stayed like that for a while as they talked about everything that had been happening in their time apart before they both decided that standing was getting tiresome. They'd switched to sitting cross legged in front of each other with one palm still on the glass the whole time as if they were both afraid of what would happen if either dropped the flimsy connection.

"I liked talking to your mom all the time."

"I guess someone has to entertain her," Young Jae tried to hide his annoyance as Jong Up explained the mural and everything his mother had rambled about to the younger man. Old memories of when he and Young Won had been younger, her hobbies, how much she worried about he and his brother, and even asking about Jong Up's past had ended up on the long list from three months of conversation.

Another hour or so passed with Young Jae just listening, sometimes adding his own side to certain stories that his mother had somehow skewed, and laughing with his trapped boyfriend over some of their own memories.

Everything felt so good until Jong Up stopped for a few seconds to lean closer, obviously examining the man on the other side of the glass, before finally muttering out a soft: "You do really look like your dad, though."

Young Jae stiffened, eyes widening for a brief second before narrowing into harsh slits.

"Did she tell you that?"

Jong Up looked taken aback by the sudden change in mood. He'd never really seen Young Jae this annoyed before. No, annoyed was too soft of a word to apply even to this. The usually paler cheeks of the older man were flushed bright pink and his eyes were glaring so hard through the mirror that Jong Up thought maybe he would have scared himself had the surface actually reflected it back to him.

"Ah...no...no. I just thought of it...just now. When you laughed and...."

"Don't lie to me, Jong Up!" Young Jae's voice was loud and stern as if he was a parent scolding a child. He must have startled himself at that point because he finally looked away from the clearly worried man on the other side before huffing out, "My mother doesn't even have pictures of him like that so how can you know anything about what he looks like."

"Jae...I'm not lying. You know I hate lying the most...." Jong Up's own voice was firm and unwavering as he tried to sound assertive despite wanting to just change the subject to something more light again. But something was chewing at the back of his brain and he had to get it out now before he lost the courage.

"I don't need pictures to know what he looks like because...I've seen him face to face."

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A/N: It takes me forever to complete chapters and I'm so sorry for that. I've been struggling with the whole inspiration thing lately (plus work and life stuff leaves little time) but I wanted to at least get this one finished since it's taken me a almost two months. ;; Very sorry for the long waits between updates. I'm gonna try to do better. It may seem a little rushed at the end but I really just had to get it out before I lost all steam for the idea.