I'm banging on the door again
Still banging on the door that's locked forever
Losing on a lover's game
Winning on the one track and hurting forever

...

His fist was hitting the door rapidly and something else... my heart.

It was getting louder and desperate with each contact.

"Suzy... Please. Why are you being cold to me?"

Me? Cold? Maybe, I was cold.

But don't you become one once you've 

had enough? 

I thought.

No.

I prayed that we could last longer... 

that I could last a little longer. 

There was a time when I thought that the spot next to him would 

be the warmest place on this Earth.

But now, being next to him was 

like getting caught outside during a blizzard. Loving him was cold, for he 

never did give me warmth in return. It was suicide really.

"Suzy... can't you see I'm desperate?"

Him? Desperate?

Then what was I?

I was on my knees... begging for him to stay. 

But he didn't.

He never did.

The only thing that 

stayed was the lingering scent of his shampoo on the pillow I was clutching. 

"Suzy... let me in." Was his voice trembling?

No. It's me who's trembling.

My hands, my body, and the tears 

threatening to spill... it was all trembling. 

I was the only one trembling.

He never did.

Never once did his voice 

tremble when he was whispering sweet lies to my ears.   

But how many times have I heard those exact words, 'let me in'.

I've lost tract.  

Is this time going to be just like those times? 

Am I going to keep on counting?

Call me cold for not opening the door.

Call me desperate for wanting to be loved. 

But also, call me tired.

I'm sick and tired 

praying for a tiny miracle to happen.

I'm sick and tired waiting 

for him to come back... to love me back.

I'm tired of opening the 

door. 

"Myungsoo. I can't."

"But, you're all I got. You're my home."

You were my home.

"I'm sorry. Please I'm here now. Let me in."

I'm not sorry. If I ever want to be happy... 

"I won't open the door. Never again. This is goodbye Myungsoo."

Even his name has become foreign to my lips and ears.  

I'm not going to let you in everytime you come banging on the 

door. I'm not going to let you in every time you get lost.  

Because now I've finally realized something I should have ages 

ago.

 I can't give you a home anymore...

 When I, myself don't have a home to begin with.

6:39 PM 3/25/2016

Sup guys. I was really hungry when I was writing this. SO? You may ask. We'll food is like my LIFE source. So, I was really drained and well hungry. It affects what I write and what I do XD resulting to this drabble. I'm going to update everyday since these are not that long at all. Thank you soo much for reading this. Love you guys.