August 2015

Namjoon sat down in the studio with his pen and paper as he wrote furiously the lyrics that flowed into his head like water. The past few months have been hard on the leader and rapper of BTS but with the love of his boys, family and fans he managed it somehow.

 

April 2015

“I’m really proud of you. You made your dreams come true…but I don’t think I can be a part of your dreams. Life is taking off full speed ahead and you need to be focused. Though I love you and want you to be happy in every way, I can’t do this anymore…”

“Please stop talking,” he stood up to stop her from leaving the door

“We can’t stop the evitable and don’t make me cry,” she held her head down

Namjoon wrapped her in his arms one last time and then released her.

 

I'm jealous of the rain

That falls upon your skin

It's closer than my hands have been

I'm jealous of the rain

 

August 2015

Namjoon didn’t want appear to be one of those overly emotional guys who couldn’t let go but he missed her. He missed her a lot. As the rain fell outside the hotel window he thought of her and how she loved it when it rained.

“Dammit,” he cursed to himself

“Thinking of her again Hyung?” asked Jimin but Namjoon didn’t answer him as he looked sadly at his Hyung

 

June 2013

“It’s raining. I love summer rains,” she was giddy which wasn’t too far from her character

That’s what Namjoon liked most about her. She was so positive even when others thought she was being taken advantage of. Namjoon was very protective of her. They weren’t your ideal couple. He was hardcore on the outside but a huge softie on the inside. She was a bubbly ray of sunshine; most of the time. People always wondered why and how they became a couple in the first place. But opposites attract right? He filled in the spots she lacked and she filled in the spot he lacked. They just flowed together so well; you wouldn’t see one without the other. It was a wonderful deal. A wonderful relationship.

“They are nice,”

“Let’s go outside,”

“What? Are you crazy? You’ll get sick,”

She squinted her eyes challenging him to come after her as she took one step towards the door.

“No you’ll get sick. We have to study,”

“You can take a break,” she grabbed his arm and pulled him outside

They laughed and chased each other in the rain. It was a perfect day.

 

I'm jealous of the wind

That ripples through your clothes

It's closer than your shadow

Oh, I'm jealous of the wind

 

September 2015

Namjoon was walking with Taehyung and Hoseok to the studio when he suddenly saw her. He stopped in his tracks as he watched her walking in the opposite direction. She looked beautiful as he thought of the good times. She was walking with two bags in her hands. He almost ran out to her to help her but then stopped himself. They weren’t together anymore and he had to accept that. He couldn’t help her anymore. As he stood there looking at her walk away from him the wind blew her clothes and hair lightly against the wind. He was actually jealous of the wind. Jealous the wind could kiss her skin; touch her when he couldn’t.

“Never thought I’d be jealous of the wind,” he said to himself

 

'Cause I wished you the best of

All this world could give

And I told you when you left me

There's nothing to forgive

 

May 2015

“I’m sorry Namjoon,” she said on the phone

“There’s nothing to forgive,” he was sad but it was the truth. It’s what was supposed to happen. No one was at fault.

 

But I always thought you'd come back,tell me all you found was

Heartbreak and misery

It's hard for me to say,

I'm jealous of the way

You're happy without me

 

I'm jealous of the nights

That I don't spend with you

I'm wondering who you lay next to

Oh, I'm jealous of the nights

 

September 2013

“Are you alone?” she walked into the flat he shared with the boys with her bag on her shoulder as she looked around

“Yes for once,” he smiled as he took the bag off she shoulder and hugged her She smiled into his chest as she wrapped her arms around his middle. She giggled as he rocked her slowly

“I love you,”

“I love you too,” he took her face in his hands and gently kissed her lips

She became nervous ever so slightly but trusted Namjoon. She had never been alone with him before but if it lead to anything serious, she was ready. She held onto his neck as the kiss deepened. Somehow she felt her feet moving backwards. She broke the kiss to see where he was taking her and she laughed.

“What are you planning Oppa? Are you trying to get me in your bed?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Only if you want to,” she looked up at him semi scared but all he did was smile and kiss her forehead

“I won’t do anything unless you want to,” he pulled her closer

“I don’t know what I want. I’ve never done anything with anyone,”

“I know so we can just kiss,”

He his lips as he slowly kissed her neck which caused her to feel light headed and sensual. She bit her lip as he kissed the other side of her neck.

“I like that,” she whispered

“You do. Do you like this?” he kissed her collarbone as he lightly pulled her shirt down.

“Oppa what are you doing to me?” she looked at him hazy with lust

He smiled as he led her to his bedroom.

 

I'm jealous of the love

Love that was in here

Gone for someone else to share

Oh, I'm jealous of the love

 

September 2013

After they had for the first time she felt complete as she looked at Namjoon sleeping.

“I can feel you looking at me,” he said as she looked surprised

“I thought you were sleep,” she giggled as she laid on his warm body

“I love this. Let’s stay like this forever,” he held her tighter

 

'Cause I wished you the best of

All this world could give

And I told you when you left me

There's nothing to forgive

But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was

Heartbreak and misery

It's hard for me to say,

I'm jealous of the way You're happy without me

 

Present Day

“Did you hear it?” her roommate rushed to her side outside while she was eating her lunch in between breaks

“Hear what?” the sun was in her eyes causing her to squint

“The song?”

“You are going to have be more specific. Do you know how many songs there are? There are tons…”

“Namjoon wrote a song about you,”

It made her stop in her tracks. Her heart got heavy at the mention of Namjoon’s name and then at the mention of the fact that there is a song floating on the internet about her. Usually break up songs are never positive. Just ask Taylor Swift.

“I’m not sure I want to hear it then,"

“It’s not negative. He’s not that kind of guy but it’s sad. It’s really sad. You should listen to it and then do what your heart is telling you to do because even though you guys are over I don’t think you’re over him,” she got up and left her roommate to think

 

As I sink in the sand

Watch you slip through my hands

Oh, as I die here another day, yeah

'Cause all I do is cry behind this smile

I wished you the best of

All this world could give

And I told you when you left me

There's nothing to forgive

But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was

Heartbreak and misery

It's hard for me to say,

I'm jealous of the way

You're happy without me

It's hard for me to say,

I'm jealous of the way

You're happy without me

 

The boys just got off the stage. They felt so loved at the moment. Their fans had come out by the thousands to support them and they would never get used to that feeling.

“I feel so good,” said Jimin as he wiped his sweat with his towel

“You cried so much Hyung,” said Jungkook

“We all cried,” said Taehyung

Rebekah saw all of the boys enter the room one by one till Namjoon, their leader was the last to enter the room. They had not noticed her because she was in the far corner witnessing this lovely moment of the boys coming off their high from being on stage. This is all she ever wanted for Namjoon. This was his life. The life he fought so hard for. It kind of made her selfish coming here after all this time. She was the one who ended the relationship. She felt she had no right to be here. She was about to leave out the other door when he spotted her. His heart stopped.

“Rebekah?” her back was to him but he knew it was her

He walked to her as he turned her around but she kept her head down. He slightly smiled. She smelled the same and she felt the same.

“Will you not look at me?” she slowly raised her head

“I have no right to be here,” she whispered

“Yeah you do,” he smiled

“No I don’t,” and then the tears came

“Well why are you here then,” he dropped his hands from her shoulders. She already felt defeated

“I wanted to see if you were ok. You finally made it; the group I mean. I’m really proud of you,”

“Thanks,”

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah I’m better. Better than I’ve been in a long time,” she smiled

“Well I’m glad,” she looked at him and then back at the floor, “I heard you wrote a song about me,”

“Oh,”

“At least I think it’s about me,” she looked into his eyes and knew it was about her, “It’s good,”

“Thanks," he looked at the floor then at her, "Are you happy?"

“Yeah I’m happy,” she lied

She was happy he had moved on. She was happy he was finally living his dream.

“I’m glad. It’s good to see you,” he turned to leave her and join his group

She looked at him as the tears formed in her eyes. She missed him so much and instead of being this happy girl being happy for a finally happy Namjoon she couldn’t waste another minute without him. She wouldn’t.

“I lied,” he turned sharply, “It’s been nothing but heartbreak and misery,” his lyrics, “I’m jealous of the way your happy without me. I’m happy but I want you. I wanted you to have all of this and I thought it would be hard to have me and the group so I left to make it easy for you. But I miss you like crazy. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long…”

she couldn’t finish what she was saying because Namjoon grabbed her and kissed her passionately. Everything he had ever wanted with her, he poured into the kiss. He couldn’t live another day without her. He can have his career and Rebekah as long as they stayed true and honest with each other. They would make it work somehow.

“Jeez Hyung get a room,” said Hoseok as the boys laughed at the now affectionate couple that paid them no mind